Crazytown (The Orange and the Green, traditional)

"What about you? You wanna stay here in Crazytown or help me rescue the geek?" - Sawyer, Jughead

LOST's book-loving Sawyer is a natural-born storyteller. I had fun last year wriitng a parody in which he recounts his experience in LaFleur, and this is the same basic idea, but instead it's The Lie and Jughead, and it's addressed specifically to Juliet, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' version of The Orange and the Green. (Hat-tip to Amanda at GritFX, who partly inspired this one with one of her awesome designs.)

Crazytown

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

While we sat there on the shoreline,
Just regrouping with the rest,
We saw a flaming arrow
Hittin’ Frogurt in the chest.
Well, of course, we ran for cover;
I yelled, “Meet at the creek!”
And we got separated from
The redhead and the geek.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

I guess it wasn’t quite so smart
To give away our mark.
Yeah, it would’ve worked out better
If we’d kept ‘em in the dark.
Well, thank goodness for the Colonel.
Yes, I bless his big bald head,
For if not for him and his huge knife,
We’d probably be dead.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

We asked the hothead Others
About where they came from.
You busted out the Latin,
And I felt a little dumb.
But not as dumb as Rambo,
Who went to talk to Rick
While Dan was bein’ death marched.
Oh, it kinda made me sick.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

You saw her with a rifle
Aimed right at Faraday
And offered, “Hey, why don’t we all
Just put our guns away?”
Your voice was calm and quiet,
But you still were firm enough
To rattle Miss Attila
And to prove to me you’re tough.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

Well, just then we flashed through time again,
And she whizzed out of sight.
But Blondie, you’ve got chutzpah
And I guess that you’re all right.
I thought that back with Freckles,
My love life hit a peak,
But now I see you with new eyes
Since we rescued the geek.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”