Bad Month (Bad Day, Daniel Powter)

"You're havin' a bad month." - John to Walt, Pilot, Part 2

"Vincent - I tethered him to a tree just over there. I know that Walt lost his mom. I thought that you should be the one to bring his dog back to him."- John to Michael, Tabula Rasa

For some reason, Michael and Walt are two characters I've neglected somewhat, but I love John's interaction with Walt in the pilot and his facilitation of his reunion with Vincent in Tabula Rasa.  I would imagine that, given how poorly he was parented, he is especially hopeful that Michael will give Walt the kind of love and guidance he himself so sorely needed.

Bad Month

Michael, I know what he’s missing the most,

And would you believe that I found what he lost?

I tethered his Lab up to that tree,

But credit for that won’t go to me.

It should be you who brings his dog.

You feel like your boy’s just a kid you don’t know;

As long as you try, you will learn as you go.

He needs a good dad, and you’ll do fine.

You’ll manage to make up for lost time.

It should be you who brings his dog

‘Cause he’s had a bad month.  He’s gotta feel down,

But he can stay strong since he has you around.

As long as he knows his dad’s on his side,

Your wandering child’s gonna take it in stride.

He’s had a bad month.  He watched his mom die.

Los Angeles bound, he was thrown from the sky.

He’s had a bad month.  He’s had a bad month.

Before he wakes up, just slip away.

Get Vincent and brighten up his day.

It should be you who brings his dog.

He’s had a bad month.  He’s gotta feel down,

But he can stay strong since he has you around.

As long as he knows his dad’s on his side,

Your wandering child’s gonna take it in stride.

He’s had a bad month.  He watched his mom die.

Los Angeles bound, he was thrown from the sky.

He’s had a bad month.  Oh, what a lousy month!

Sadly, a son can struggle and sink

If a parent he trusts is gone.

Before you make it back to L.A.,

He ought to know that you’re the one

He can count on.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So hurry and go, and I swear I won’t boast.

Just you and I

Will know how you found what was hopelessly lost.

‘Cause he’s had a bad month.  He’s gotta feel down,

But he can stay strong since he has you around.

As long as he knows his dad’s on his side,

Your wandering child’s gonna take it in stride.

He’s had a bad month.  He watched his mom die.

He met you and thought, “Who’s this guy?”

He’s had a bad month.  He had a bad month.

Had a bad month.  Had a bad month.  Had a bad month…

Vince (Vincent, Don McLean)

A recent Entertainment Weekly poll revealed that the most tear-jerking moment in this year's series of finales was Jack's death, and the poll editor parenthetically added that it was Vincent who put Jack over the top. I make it a rule never to filk the same song twice, but once in a blue moon I break it if the song has a strong enough pull on me and I'm not especially attached to my first attempt. I had a feeling I'd have to break my rule for Vincent, and I finally found the perfect scene to work with - a very fitting end to the series, and one that also reminds me of The Forest Again, one of my favorite chapters in the Harry Potter saga. Here's Jack to the tune of Don McLean's Vincent.

Vince

Fatal, fatal knife
Plunged into my side today.
What a price I had to pay
To see to it the Island would stay whole!
Now I’m feeling chilled.
Funny notion, this getting killed.
Won’t be long till my heartbeat’s stilled,
And slowly I will mingle with the sand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see.
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Fatal, fatal knife,
Handed down from ancient days.
Just before he braved the blaze
That brought his ashes, Jacob felt it too.
What a cruel adieu!
Mine was just a tiny reign,
But you came to ease my pain.
I’m strengthened by your warmth beneath my hand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Jacob didn’t have you,
But I’m so glad I do.
Yes, as I slip away from life,
Not that fatal, fatal knife
But somebody who soothes me is in view.
I’m so grateful to you, Vincent.
This isn’t quite so scary when I’m facing it with you.

Fatal, fatal knife.
That’s the reason for my fall.
Barely feel the wound at all,
And certainly I’m feeling no regret.
First survivor who I met,
Now settled with Bernard and Rose,
You have a home but kindly chose
To find me here and help me to let go.

Yes, I’m sure you know
Just how much this means to me.
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
The plane is leaving, and it’s such a thrill,
But Vince, you never will.

Outside of Time (The Shadow of O'Casey, Tommy Sands)

"Your father and mother and all of you are - as you used to call it in the Shadowlands - dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."
- Aslan, The Last Battle

Christian: Everyone dies sometime, kiddo. Some of them before you, some... long after you.
Jack: But why are they all here now?
Christian: Well, there is no "now" here.
- The End

Here's Christian talking to Jack in the church at the end of The End, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Shadow of O'Casey. (It looks like iTunes is the only place online to hear this song, so you have to pay a dollar if you want to listen to this one. Or buy the album; it's fantastic!)

Outside of Time

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Please accept that you’ve reached the morning, and the nightmares won’t return.
You have walked in painful darkness, but the light will always burn.
You should know there is no “now” here. Those people all have died.
But life in here is bigger that it was on the outside.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Jack, I know this is surprising. We’re scientific men.
But we’re also wiser than we used to be back then,
And the answers to your questions all lie beyond the door.
Let’s go in together. What are we waiting for?

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

There were days you were lost and lonely, but kiddo, those are done.
The knife that monster wielded, it cut right through you, son.
But with Vincent there for comfort, you departed with a smile
And arrived to a glorious new sunrise. It was all worthwhile.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.
Outside of time.

The Shadow of O'Casey

Man's Best Friend (Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Jule Styne, Leo Robin)

Throughout much of the first season, there seemed to be a spark of possible romance between Sun and Michael, and Jin seemed like such a jerk at the time that many wanted this sweet relationship with a down-on-his-luck guy to develop in that direction. But by the time the mobisode Buried Secrets came out, we'd been through three seasons with these characters, and while I felt sorry for Michael, I laughed with relief when Vincent came bounding in to stop him and Sun from kissing and bringing further complications to one of the most intense couples on the show. Here, I address Mobisode Sun to the tune of Marilyn Monroe's Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend.

Man’s Best Friend

You say your husband’s lost your love,
So you might do something stupid.
Though Michael may be kind indeed,
Don’t heed the call of Cupid.

A kiss on the lips would be quite devastating.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend!
A kiss would eclipse all Jin’s reasons for hating
Rugged Island life. Oh, it would cut him like a knife.
Sun, you know that he can throw
Such a tantrum when at his wits’ end.
Just think of the bother
If you smooched Walt’s father!
You’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.

Loneliness. Bitterness.
Those are your feelings.
Michael’s so sympathetic
That he’s got you reeling.

The pooch came in time
To prevent a disaster.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.
The pooch came in time
To deliver his master
From your husband’s ire
And from the fire of your desire.

You and Jin
Could start again.
Yes, your marriage could be on the mend.
This one indiscretion
Could fuel a regression.
You’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.

You had an affair,
And you don’t need another.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.
You’ll rue the affair
When you learn you’re a mother
And be so glad
That Jin’s the dad your baby had.

Vincent’s bark
Has doused the spark.
An inferno was just ‘round the bend.
You feel some regret now,
But you’re in his debt now.

Vincent. Vincent.
He’s kept you inn’cent.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best, Best Friend.

Finding Vincent

One of the nice things about LOST is that just because a character dies, that's no guarantee we won't see them again. In fact, it's often a pretty good bet that we will. Shannon's been gone for almost two seasons now, but we've seen her since, and I wouldn't be too surprised if she pops up again before too long. Anyway, here's a little protest she launches against Sayid when he tries to stop her from going after Vincent early in the second season.

Finding Vincent

Nobody understands me
Except for that kid, Walt.
His dog is in my hands, see?
He's gone, and it's my fault.

I haven't been too useful
Since we first landed here.
I'm whiny and excuseful;
My purpose isn't clear.

Sayid, Boone died a hero.
I can't just sit around.
I'll feel like such a zero
If Vincent isn't found.

So please spare me your pity
And condescending speech.
I'm more than just a pretty
Girl tanning on a beach.

Come with me; I won't protest.
But you can't make me stay.
I'll certainly get no rest
While Vincent is away.

My mind's a mess of worry.
Why did he have to roam?
For Walt, I have to hurry.
It's time to bring him home.

Vincent

Here's a tribute to Vincent, my favorite canine character on LOST. (Now that's a pretty safe assertion! Though I suppose he has some slight competition in Sun's pup...)

Vincent

You fascinate me, Vincent, mysterious and mute.
The flashbacks are reserved for those who speak,
And so your past is shrouded. You're furry and you're cute,
But you refuse the insight that I seek.

You've wandered through the jungle. What have you seen and heard?
If you could share its secrets, would you tell?
Could you decode the whispers made not by beast or bird
But Others who we don't know very well?

First lost and then abandoned, did you let out a moan
To indicate you hate to be ignored?
Or did you like the freedom of being left alone,
Returning to the shore when you got bored?

Just like the plucky Samwise, you tailed the raft-bound Walt,
Who couldn't seem to shake his loyal friend,
But tides conspired against you. His fate was not your fault,
And you'll be reunited in the end.

Meanwhile, you, just as busy as any castaway,
Helped Charlie ditch his hapless druggie role,
Led Hurley to the bus that he used to save the day,
Tried sparing foolish Nikki from that hole.

There may be more heroics, but even if your paws
Are idle on the island from now on,
You'll make me happy, Vincent. Accept my firm applause.
A light would leave the show if you were gone.

I Can't Take a Shower (You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Alan & Marilyn Bergman)

This parody of You Don't Bring Me Flowers is set in LOST's first season, but it bounces around a bit, so it's a montage of moments in which various characters are disgruntled with some aspect of island life. (Didn't I catch a glimpse of Sullivan in this week's episode? Why don't we see more of him? He's annoying but endearing...)

I Can't Take a Shower

Nikki: I can't take a shower.
Charlie: I can't play my rock songs.
Shannon: It's hard for me to breathe anymore.
Sawyer: Heck, I don't have a door
To keep bandits away.

Scott: I remember when
I had a roof above me.
Steve: I sure miss my TV.
Claire: No peanut butter jars are in sight.
Hurley: It's a bummer, dude.
Folks are starting to fight.
We don't have a stove or
A fridge, and some night,
My Walkman won't have power anymore.

Jack: They tell me I'm a natural
Leader, but I never
Intended to lead people before.
Boone: Shannon lays on the shore,
Doing nothing all day.

Sun: I'd gladly be a member
Of the group; why won't he
Let us interact?
Jin: I'm protecting my wife.
We must never give up
Living our private life.
Walt: I wish I had a turn
Using Mr. Locke's knife.
Michael: Don't call me a coward anymore!

Sullivan: Man, this rash really burns,
And it's causing me strife.
Vincent: Won't somebody feed me?
I hope I'm not lost long.
Paolo: I can't take a shower anymore.

The Castaways' Rhapsody (Bohemian Rhapsody, Freddie Mercury)

This morning, I mentioned to my brother Nathan that I wanted to write a song about LOST but hadn't yet settled on an appropriate song, having rejected Gilligan's Island as too obvious and subsequently used it for another parody. "Bohemian Rhapsody!" he exclaimed. And I must applaud him, because it was an inspired suggestion, and one I might not have thought of by myself. What follows is a mass of festering schizophrenia, but I hope you will find it as fun to read as I found it to write. The names in bold are to indicate the speakers; just imagine a massive music video containing every member of the principal cast and then some...

The Castaways' Rhapsody

Castaways: Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Who knew that plane ride
Would conclude in calamity?
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see...
Boone: I'd be a hero, but Jack will not let me
Because he's sure that he's in the know.
Hurley: I'm getting vertigo.
Why'd I have to win the -
Boone: Nothing I do matters...
Hurley: - dumb lottery?

Kate: Sawyer, I killed a man.
Now the one I love is dead.
I wish it was me instead.
Sun and Jin: We are both Korean and
We cannot understand a thing you say.
Michael: Walter, ooooh, didn't mean to make you cry.
You bum me out because you didn't miss me.
Walt: Vincent's gone, Vincent's gone,
And my dad keeps getting madder.

Charlie: I hate that my drugs are gone.
Jack: I know that I'm a hunk
And I think that Boone is bunk.
Claire: I am really pregnant. This baby is
Gonna finally pop out of me any day.
Sawyer: Freckles, oooooh, (Sun: I wonder if Jin knows?) caught you in a lie,
But I will keep your secret if you just kiss me.

Hurley: I know the numbers on that map are evil, man.
Danielle: I'm uncouth! I'm uncouth!
And I killed my whole gang.
Sayid: Oh, look, electric lighting!
This woman is frightening me...
Sawyer: We can't stay.
Kate: No, we should stay.
Jin: No, we can't stay.
Locke: No, we should stay.
Michael: No, we can't stay.
Walt: No, we should stay - wait, better go...

Locke: I'm just an old guy. Nobody trusts me.
Everyone Else: He's just a man whose dad stole his kidney.
Sawyer: I shot a bear but they still yell at me.
Sayid: Crazy French lady, oh, will you let me go?
Pilot: The monster! No!
Felled Boar: I ran a bit too slow.
Jin: Let me go!
Kate: The monster!
Vincent: Where did that Walt kid go?
Charlie: Let her go!
Shannon: The monster!
Polar Bear: I ought to find some snow...
Claire: Let him go!
The Others: That kid's ours, you know.
Walt: Let me go!
Perplexed (But Enthusiastic) Viewers: What a crazy show!
The Island: They should go...
Enthusiastic (But Perplexed) Viewers: No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
Michael: Oh, there must be a -
Jin: There must be a -
Michael and Jin: - way to get off if we row.
Charlie: I'm in Drive Shaft, and You All Everybody was such a hit for me!

Marshal: So you think you're a hero and have a good eye?
So nice of you to shoot me and leave me to die!
Shannon: I'm lazy
And my step-brother's crazy.
Michael, Jin and Sawyer: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Michael, Jin and Sawyer: This raft's kind of tattered.
Hope it's sea-worthy.
Castaways: Our lives have been shattered.
Fulfilled Viewers: But you make us gladder
Each week...

Everyone: Hear the ocean wind blow...