Hey There, Richardus (Hey There, Delilah, Tom Higgenson)

We still have a lot to learn about Ilana, the only major character to emerge from season five of LOST who wasn't at least hinted at in earlier seasons. But my initial impression of her is that she's very brash and condescending. One of "the good guys"? Probably. But if I were Richard, I might be a little annoyed with the way she just barges in and tries to takes charge. She, on the other hand, must be feeling frustrated that Richard allowed the unthinkable to happen. Here's a spiel from her to him, to the tune of the Plain White Ts' Hey There, Delilah.

Hey There, Richardus

Hey there, Richardus,
With your tongue as smooth as satin,
Won’t you prove that you‘re my ally?
Just five little words in Latin
Are my due.
If you are truly Number Two,
Then he told you.

Hey there, Richardus -
Or should I just call you Ricky?
Can you see through that eyeliner
That our situation’s sticky?
Here’s a box.
Hope you will forgive me if this shocks:
We have two Lockes.

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Jacob’s Enemy.

Hey there, Richardus,
I suppose he had his charms,
But still I thought someone who knows
As much as you would hear alarms
When “John” appeared.
You must admit, the guy is weird.
It’s as I feared.

Hey there, Richardus,
Jacob wanted me to come.
He must have known that you would drop the ball,
But hey, don’t feel too dumb. You’re getting old,
Tarnished after years of gleaming gold.
Does that sound cold?

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.

The Island’s in the balance now.
From castaways to cats and cows,
Each living thing is under this new threat.
I won’t pretend the outlook’s good,
But I don’t think that Jacob would
Have sent me here if hope had vanished yet.

Richardus, bow out gracefully
And leave the leading up to me.
I know you think you’re Jacob’s right-hand man,
But heed my plan.

Hey there, Richardus.
See, the statue marks the spot.
We’ll barge inside; you just stay here
And build your slave ship in a bottle
For a while.

Excuse my commandeering style.
We‘re the good guys too, so it‘s not guile.
Hey there, Richardus, crack a smile.
We’ll save this isle.

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Jacob’s Enemy.