Choice in an Underwater Cell (Poem on an Underground Wall, Paul Simon)

The Candidate is one of the most devastating episodes LOST has ever offered, yet amidst the shock and horror of the deaths that swiftly followed each other late in the episode, I felt uplifted by Sayid's decision to go out in a literal blaze of sacrificial glory.  Here's a reflection on that to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's A Poem on an Underground Wall.  (The song itself starts at about 2:30, but if you've never heard Art's colorful introductory anecdote, it's well worth a listen.)

Choice in an Underwater Cell

The timer is running out,
A consequence of Sawyer’s doubt.
There‘s no time now for hesitation.
Sayid knows his friends‘ salvation
Depends upon his actions.

His tragic eyes, lit at last,
Return to Jack before the blast.
He divulges Smokey’s secret:
What it is, and how to seek it
When they return to dry land.

He grabs the bulky bomb and bolts
While others brace for jarring jolts.
So strong, courageous, clever, swift,
He’s experienced such a shift
Since he spoke to Desmond!

And he runs on defiantly,
Declaring his liberty
From his would-be master’s tyranny
In the hope his selfless bravery
Spares his cornered friends.

As far away from them he dashes,
The hall’s engulfed in flame and ashes.
This time he will not be rising,
But deep within the sub there lies
A true hero.

All around him, crashing, screaming, crying.
The captain‘s dead, the Kwons are dying.
Frank has flown his final flight,
But still Sayid has chosen right
By casting off the darkness
To embrace redeeming light.

Communication (The Blues Run the Game, Jackson Frank)

"In Empire, Luke found out Vader was his father, but instead of putting away his light saber and talking about it, he overreacted and got his hand cut off. I mean, they worked it out eventually, but at what cost? Another Death Star was destroyed, Boba Fett got eaten by the Sarlacc, and we got the Ewoks. It all could've been avoided if they'd just, you know, communicated."
- Hurley, Some Like It Hoth

In Some Like It Hoth, when he learns that Miles isn't taking advantage of his opportunity to bond with his estranged father, Hurley has something to say about it. Here are his words of advice to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's The Blues Run the Game.

Communication

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

We patched things up together
The best we could.
Now we’re the best of buddies.
Now we’re the best of friends.
Wish it had happened sooner.
Forgiving him felt so good.

It’s like with Luke and Vader.
Sure, the guy was shocked.
But what a world of trouble -
And those annoying Ewoks -
He’d have avoided
If the two had only talked.

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

Take the gift that you’ve been offered.
Maybe it’s your fate.
You never knew your dad.
You figured he wasn’t nice.
But trust me, you’ll be glad
If you communicate.

Don’t delay like Luke and I did.
Take your second chance.
You might discover
That you love your father.
You’ll uncover
More than you did at first glance.

Though I get the way you’re feeling,
Miles, please don’t wait,
Because you never know
When any of us could go.
No time to take it slow.
Just go communicate.

Hippocratic Lament (American Tune, Paul Simon / Johann Sebastian Bach / Hans Hassler)

Jack's relationship with Christian has been one of the most complex on the show. Here, to the tune of Paul Simon's American Tune, I imagine him struggling to come to grips with his father's death, juggling bitterness, respect and affection, and discounting the validity of his Island experience in White Rabbit. (The actual song kicks in at about two-minute mark on the video.)

Hippocratic Lament

Many’s the time my father told me,
“You don’t have what it takes.”
And when I wanted him to hold me,
He wouldn't soothe my aches.
Oh, but I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up,
And I thought that I’d moved on.
Still, I’ve felt the hollowness gnawing at my heart
Since I’ve known he was gone, since I’ve known he was gone.

And he said that I had to keep my distance.
He said I could not afford to care.
He said that I needed his assistance
For dural sac repair.
But I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up,
And I hope I proved him wrong.
Still, I accept that his pushing made me strong
And wish we’d got along.
Oh, why couldn’t we learn to get along?

And I dreamed that I saw him.
I dreamed that the man who I so longed to see
Was standing in front of me,
Beckoning silently.
And I dreamed of his coffin,
Which, to my surprise, was empty as could be.
Exhaustion was tricking me.
That’s not reality.
But I dreamed that I saw him.

Now he never will know how much he taught me.
He never will know how much he meant.
He never will realize that he brought me
To this Hippocratic lament.
Oh, I have grown up. Yeah, I’ve grown up, I’ve grown up.
I’m a doctor, not a child.
Still, I will remember, in the midst of many frowns,
Those rare instances when he smiled.
I will remember the times he smiled.

Way Over (Overs, Paul Simon)

"Half the stuff he says goes way over my head; the other half goes way, way over." - Frank, The Economist

Frank Lapidus is appropriately named, because he's always a straight shooter, and in season four's The Economist, he's certainly not too proud to admit to Jack that he and Daniel aren't exactly operating on the same wavelength. Here's a little reflection to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Overs.

Way Over

Frank: Don’t ask me, “What’s Faraday’s deal?”
He goes way over, over, over
My head, Jack.
I’ve said, Jack,
That regular guys simply can’t keep track
Of the crazy things he has in his noggin.

It’s clear to me that he’s smart.
He makes me nervous, he’s so jittery.
Although you just met him yesterday,
You can see his mind’s always far away.
And I’ve got no clue what he has in his pack.

Daniel: Pack the bearings that I gave you.
Frank, I know they’ll save you.
Better be prepared for
Nasty weather…

Frank: I don’t get Faraday.
But I am glad that we’re stuck with him.
Without his expertise, I don’t know what we’d do.
And yet, at the same time, I don’t mind tellin’ you
The stuff
He tells me goes way over.

Overs

Langdon Street (Bleecker Street, Paul Simon)

Season six of LOST has already given us a lot to chew on. Here's my first season six parody, and the first to deal with the sideways storyline. This one's from the perspective of Claire, to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Bleecker Street.

Langdon Street

Hopped in a cab when I left LAX,
And I said, “Take me to Langdon Street.”
Then this lady packin’ heat
Plopped herself down in my seat.

First she hollered and then she shoved,
And I tumbled, shrieking, from the car.
She took my bag and left me stranded far
From Langdon Street.

She went to lead her life of crime.
Never, never thought we’d meet again.
But she tracked me down and then
Found Langdon Street.

I guess she felt a bit ashamed.
I could tell I had her pity.
I’m so glad she was with me
On Langdon Street.

Langdon Street.

I'm His Mother (Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall, Paul Simon)

Time for a little LOST again! Here's an Oceanic Six-era reflection by Kate to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall.

I'm His Mother

There's a secret that I keep
That's robbed me of my sleep
Since James kissed me and leaped from the chopper.
I won't need an appeal,
But I can't help but feel
I've been sentenced to conceal this mighty whopper.

So, I'll continue to continue to declare
We left nobody there
And Aaron isn't Claire's.
I'm his mother.

He seems so still and small,
Like a perfect china doll,
But soon he'll start to scrawl his name on paper.
As he learns to read and write,
Will questions come to light?
I may find myself contrite about my caper.

Still, I'll continue to continue to declare
We left nobody there
And Aaron isn't Claire's.
I'm his mother.

I don't deserve Jack's scorn.
We thought that Claire was gone.
I was there when he was born and must protect him.
I can guarantee
That it would shatter me
Should someone crack the mystery and come collect him!

So, I'll continue to continue to declare
We left nobody there
And Aaron isn't Claire's.
I'm his mother.

Why Did You Shoot Me? (Why Don't You Write Me?, Paul Simon)

I'd say John has a pretty good reason to be ticked off with Ben. Here's a little rant to the tune of Why Don't You Write Me?

Why Did You Shoot Me?

Why did you shoot me
Way deep in the jungle
Because I could hear him?
Why did you think that your power would shrink
With me near him?
Ben Linus,
Why did you shoot?

Ben, what went wrong?
Once I thought I was your buddy.
You double-crossed me, and now I am lost
And all bloody.

Tell me why! (Why, why?)
Tell me why! (Why, why?)

Why did you shoot me?
You tried to recruit me,
And I would have joined you.
Now there's no way
Since you're spurning fair play.
I'm annoyed by you,
Ben Linus...

Do you feel remorse for what you've done?
Sending your guys to kidnap Kate and Sun.
Making Michael kill those girls.
Taking Cooper for a ride
So I'd be a party to patricide.
Ben, you ought to be
Investing in some major psychotherapy.
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?
Why did you shoot me?

I Never (El Condor Pasa, Traditional / Paul Simon)

Here's a silly little ditty about Sawyer and Kate's season-two game of "I Never" to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's El Condor Pasa.

I Never

Sawyer: I've never gotten near a bridal veil.
No, not me.
You, maybe,
But never me.

Kate: I never was obsessed with ancient mail.
No, not me.
Sawyer, you may be,
But never me.

I'd play "I Never" here all day
And debunk this cocky hunk.

Sawyer: I'm in no hurry to be found
As long as Freckles is around.
Glad she's around.

Kate: I never blamed my problems on a boar.
No, not me.
You, maybe,
But never me.

Sawyer: I never ever fell in love before.
No, not me.
Until now, you see;
You've smitten me.

In That Hatch (Bridge Over Troubled Water, Paul Simon)

I have very little idea of what the fourth season of LOST will offer, but I have an expectation that early in the season, we'll see Desmond return to the beach, where he will be forced to tell whoever is there what happened to Charlie. Whether she hears it from him first-hand or gets the bad news from someone else - probably Hurley - I suspect Claire's reaction will echo her season one hysterics when Danielle snatched Aaron and that it's going to take a while to get Desmond on her good side again.

While Desmond really did do everything possible to preserve Charlie's life once they had reached their destination and, later, down in the hatch, if it weren't for him, Charlie wouldn't have gone there at all; since Claire not only knows Desmond was with him but knows about his clairvoyance, I think he can expect an accusatory welcome from her. Maybe not. Claire does have a pretty charitable personality, but after suffering such a profound loss, she'll probably want to rail against somebody... Desmond, meanwhile, will probably be so miserable that nothing Claire might say can make him feel worse. But before the season's over, I think she'll find it in herself to forgive him.

Anyway, I appropriated my favorite ode to friendship - Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water - for Claire's charge that Desmond failed his friend in the critical moment. Charlie knows differently; maybe she will eventually too.

In That Hatch

Don't come near me,
Standing tall.
I hear right through your lies.
You deserve to crawl.
You may have tried,
But not enough.
You'll never calm me down!
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You let Charlie drown.
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You let Charlie drown!

We both dared to doubt
The flashes you'd seen,
Believing your regard
Would pull Charlie through.
Was it so hard
To guard your chum?
Some flimsy friend he found!
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You let Charlie drown.
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You let Charlie drown!

I am still his girl;
He's the guy
Who I'll have on my mind
Till we meet again someday.
Dreams can be kind,
But when slumber ends
My sorrow's all I'll find.
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You left him behind.
In that hatch hidden underwater,
You left him behind!

For Her Sake / Sacrificial (Scarborough Fair / Canticle, Traditional / Paul Simon)

There is only one episode of LOST remaining in the third season. One episode to last the rest of 2007. In anticipation, I've been reflecting a lot on Greatest Hits, this week's long-awaited Charlie flashback episode. I was literally queasy going into it, feeling almost certain that Charlie would accept his fate at last or Desmond would step in at the last minute and take his place. In the beautifully executed last ten minutes, both of these things happened, but neither course led to death, at least not immediately. It would seem that perhaps Desmond and Charlie's willingness to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, and more immediately for each other, may have lifted the curse at last.

To the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Scarborough Fair / Canticle, here is an (admittedly unfunny) exploration of their thoughts leading up to their heroic actions, with Charlie driving the action and having the final word while Desmond's inner debate serves as an undercurrent that nearly overturns Charlie's courageous journey. His despair is of a very different sort than in Live Together, Die Alone. It's not utter desolation; in fact, hope is clearly on the horizon. But despite his calm demeanor, Desmond is agonizing under the surface, since the prospect of his long-awaited reunion with Penny is dependent upon his failure to save Charlie, who he's tried so hard to protect. In the end, though, Charlie's determination wins out over Desmond's guilt, and we're left with two heroes out in the water, far removed from but deeply involved in the massive struggle taking place on the island.

For Her Sake / Sacrificial

Charlie: If I'm going to run out of air,
If my fate undoes me this time,
Deliver these five moments to Claire.
For her sake, I'm willing to die.

Tell her I never would let her get hurt.
Desmond: I have tried, but I still haven't changed what I've seen.
If my fate undoes me this time,
Saved from the arrow, you're destined to drown.
It's for a duty I don't dare shirk.
Four times I've spared your life now, but who's counting?
For her sake, I'm willing to die.
Deep in despair, I prepare for your fall.

Tell her the high that I got from my band.
I have tried to distill it with drink, but I grieve.
If my fate undoes me this time,
We are both slaves; fulfillment is near.
Please ask her to wear my ring on her hand.
Why must you be the sacrificial one?
For her sake, I'm willing to die.

Tell her I love her when you give her this letter.
Brother, your bravery sharpens my valiance.
If my fate undoes me this time,
I must implore to exert my free will
Tell her she saved my life on the day I met her.
And to fight off the curse you wrongly have been caught in.
For her sake, I'm willing to die.

If I'm going to run out of air,
If my fate undoes me this time,
Deliver these five moments to Claire.
For her sake, I'm willing to die.

Henry With the Arrow (Sparrow, Paul Simon)

Here's a little ditty to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Sparrow revolving around season two's One of Them.

Henry With the Arrow

Who shot Henry with the arrow
While wand'ring through the wilderness?
"'Twas I," muttered Danielle.
"I won't take my chances. He could cause distress.
Sayid, don't let him leave; just make him confess."

Who healed Henry with the arrow
Piercing his shoulder like a sword?
"'Twas I," whispered Jack.
"He's a liar, perhaps, but we really can't afford
To be savage and start spreading death and discord."

And who, softly sitting set apart,
Has tortured Henry with the arrow?
"'Twas I," volunteered Sayid.
"I could have delivered a quite fatal blow,
But if he is slain, then what will we know?"

Who is Henry with the arrow,
A man enmeshed in mystery?
"I am," chuckled Ben.
"I'm strangely elated by disharmony.
They've just tossed away their trust, thanks to me."

The Box Man (The Boxer, Paul Simon)

As I eagerly await this week's Desmond flashback, I can't help composing yet another soliloquy by my favorite Scrooge-ish Scot. I say Scrooge not because he's a self-involved, greedy, bitter old man, but because, like Ebenezer Scrooge, he seemingly forfeited the joys of an epic romance because he felt he wasn't good enough for the woman he adored; it appears the harder he tries to prove himself worthy, the further he gets from what he really wants. He even got an otherworldly visitation showing him how happy he could have been, and he might as well have been only a regretful observer for as much as he changed in his past. His future is another story, however, and I really do hope that he and Penny are reunited eventually. Perhaps all his island heroics will have inflated his cripplingly low self-esteem by then, and he'll realize Penny doesn't need her father's blessing or his money to be happy. In any case, it seems appropriate to me that Desmond is so obsessed with Charles Dickens...

This little ramble, to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer, is rooted in the season two finale, with the first two verses set on the evening when he and Locke first unknowingly interact with one another and the third during their dramatic lockdown.

The Box Man

I was such a poor boy,
But my heart would not be sold.
I have pondered my resistance
Since the day that I first tumbled
On the premises.

My trying quest
Made me land here and kill Kelvin here.
Has this all been a test?

I'm so far from home.
For a man to be
Left alone, denied his joy
Till his circumstances change,
Is cause for crying.
Drowned in ale,
I fume, "It isn't fair!"

Now I know, as I cower in the corner,
That this island's a snow globe.
All the other places vanished long ago.

Time to die. Time to just give up and die.
Time to die. Here with Dickens by my side, I'll give up and die.

I go leafing through the pages
Of my novel, and I'm sobbing as I discover
Penny's secret, tender words,
For what am I to do?

But my despair
Is cut short when I hear someone's voice
Resounding through the air.

I will try. I'll survive this if I try.
I will try. Don't know why, but from the sky came the will to try.

How I landed back here, no one knows.
I had the chance to roam, so I roamed,
But reality is bitter. Fate was leading me.
Needing me now is John.

Standing near me is the box man,
And he's acting quite deranged.
The poor man could not be blinder
If every light in this cursed room was shut off.
So I cry out
That it's real and I'm to blame:
"Please believe me, please believe me,
I'm the one who crashed your plane!

Not a lie! John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie.
John, the button's not a lie.
Not a lie! We will die if you deny that it's not a lie."

He Was An Other (He Was My Brother, Paul Simon)

So I'm watching LOST in real-time now, and boy is it exciting. I came away from tonight's episode full of the love of Desmond and desperately desirous of writing an ode to him. So what do I end up with instead? Danny Pickett. Sheesh. Quite possibly the most unlovable character on the whole show. The only good we're able to see in him is a sincere love for Colleen; even his loyalty to Ben hardly strikes me as virtuous when there's such bloodthirstiness behind it. And yet... I will not fall into the show's trap of fostering hatred for a certain group of people, or even just for certain unsavory individuals. Every person has worth and dignity. Every life is precious. So I will grieve for Danny, even if I didn't like him very much, even if his death was a necessary component to Kate and Sawyer's escape. Here, to the tune of He Was My Brother, is my slightly sardonic little ode to a man conventional wisdom says we shouldn't care about. Danny, you were a jerk. But I wish you'd stuck around long enough to prove that you could be more.

He Was An Other

He was an Other
And a bold sort of guy.
He was an Other.
Tried to torture Kate the day he died.

Sneering fighter,
Perhaps he envied Ben his place.
Too bad the writers
Must have said, "Hey, Danny, don't like your face."

Pickett's Charge was underway,
But Juliet trailed along.
She shot that Other dead,
Cuz shooting Sawyer would be wrong.

He was an Other.
Wouldn't let the Jack's buddies leave.
He, he was an Other,
So he died, but we're not supposed to grieve.
He died, but we're not supposed to grieve.

The Star of My Supreme Deception (The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon)

Here's another Other-centered LOST parody in which Ben is the speaker. It assumes that Ben actually did know about his tumor before the plane crashed, which may well not be the case, but until I know otherwise I guess I'll take him at his word. Here's a little exchange between him and Tom (aka Mr. Friendly), who I take to be his right-hand man, to the tune of The Only Living Boy in New York.

The Star of My Supreme Deception

Ben: Tom, there's a plane in the sky.
I know you're happy to lie.
Try not to let them know
Those grimy clothes and that beard are for show.
Just be the man,
The star of my supreme deception.

I'll send you out to meet
Them so I won't get hurt.
Oh, I'm in charge so I can make you meet
Them so I won't get hurt.
Hey, and I'm hoping that you will pray to find
One who might get this bump off my spine
While you're the man,
The star of my supreme deception.

Half of my time is gone,
But I know he's there, yes, I know he's there.

Tom and Ben: Faaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar away from here,
Ben: Find that man.

Half of my time is gone,
But I know he's there, yes, I know he's there.

Tom, on that plane is a guy.
I know with him I won't have to die now.
Hey, if you care for this life of mine now,
Hurry and go there but don't let them know
You've been primed to be
The star of my supreme deception,
The star of my supreme deception.

Ben and Tom: Faaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar away from here,
Ben: Find that man.
Ben and Tom:Faaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar,
Fa-a-aaaaaaaa-a-a-ar away from here,
Ben: Find that man.

I Am John Locke (I Am a Rock, Paul Simon)

I'm getting caught up on the second season of LOST now so I can finally eventually watch current episodes... Though I'm getting so spoiled by shows on DVD it's going to be annoying wading through those commercials again! But here is a parody about John Locke, who's been one of my favorite characters on the show from the beginning, to the tune of I Am a Rock.


I Am John Locke

We're castaways,
But in truth, I can't remember
When I have known
Such a sense of purpose. I'm on hallowed ground.
I'll fight to keep the freedom I have found.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

I was called
A poor old fool - not rightly.
My own dad showed me hate.
But now I'm bravely seeking monsters in the rain.
I have become impervious to pain.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

My life's been tough.
While I had no worth before,
I'm meeting with my destiny.
When that plane hit the water, I thought that I was dead;
I have finally begun to live instead.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

I hike and cook,
And my box of knives will protect me.
I'm a hunter, not a farmer.
I just killed a boar. Soon I'll kill some more.
There's no one more equipped for this than me.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

Yes, John Locke is my name,
And this island's just my size.