I'm Lost Without...

This past Christmas, I received a shirt that reads "I'M LOST WITHOUT CHARLIE". Turns out it was prophetic, since Charlie's run on the show actually ended with the conclusion of the third season. He's one of my four absolutely favorite characters. Luckily, the other three remain, but meanwhile other folks have been getting whacked left and right. It troubles me. Hence, this little rant...

I'm Lost Without...

I'm lost without Charlie, musician and hero.
I'm lost without Shannon and Boone.
I'm lost without Eko, whose death by Old Smokey
Seemed random and happened too soon.

I'm lost without gun-toting Ana Lucia.
I'm lost without Nikki the ditz.
I'm lost without Paolo, Joanna and Leslie,
Who got himself blown into bits.

I'm lost without Libby, collateral damage
And Hurley's best shot at romance.
I'm lost without dangerous Bonnie and Greta,
Who never had much of a chance.

I'm lost without Ryan, Colleen and Naomi.
I'm lost without Donald and Scott.
I'm lost without Roger and Kelvin, the putzes
Whose passing propelled the whole plot.

I'm lost without Danny, irascible hothead.
I'm lost without friendly foe Tom.
I'm lost without Goodwin, that overgrown boy scout.
I'm lost without vile Ethan Rom.

I'm lost without Edward, the dude with the shrapnel.
I'm lost without Cooper and Klugh.
I'm lost without Pilot-Whose-Name-Wasn't-Mentioned
And maybe without Mikhail too.

O Damon and Carlton, desist with the slaughter!
Have mercy! Consider the cost
Of killing each character I've come to love, lest
At last I am lost without LOST!

Mikhail (Der Fuehrer's Face, Oliver George Wallace)

Re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, it suddenly occurred to me who Mikhail, one of my favorite Others, reminds me of: Mad-Eye Moody. They both are gruff, have a distinct accent, are seriously unhinged and have only one normally functioning eye. We know that Moody did a lot of noble work once; we're not so sure about Mikhail, but if he was a medic, at the least he probably patched up quite a few people. I probably shouldn't like Mikhail, but I do. I was very much looking forward to meeting him after he showed up on that television screen, and he was every bit as interesting as I'd hoped. I was most displeased with John for shoving him across that barrier. Did Patchy really deserve that? I don't think so... Anyway, here's my little ode to Mikhail, to the tune of Der Fuehrer's Face.

Mikhail

Who's the surly medic in a secret base?
He's Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.
Ben is insecure when he goes to his place.
He's Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.

Who makes tea and offers castaways a taste?
Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.
John thinks keeping him alive would be a waste.
Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.

Does he have a satellite? Big, impressive satellite?
Yes, he has a satellite. Handy-dandy satellite!
Does he like to shoot a gun? Does he think it's very fun?
Yes, he likes to shoot a gun. Yes, he thinks it's very fun.

He wades through cats and clutter.
I am inclined to mutter,
"Though it may be a disgrace,
I love your one-eyed face,
Misanthropic, hermetic nutter!"

Who's the surly medic in a secret base?
He's Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.
Ben is insecure when he goes to his place.
He's Mikhail, Mikhail, with an eye patch on his face.