Mystery Writer (Paperback Writer, Paul McCartney)

Here's a little ditty from Gary Troup, author of Bad Twin, moments before 815 crashes into the ocean, to the tune of the Beatles' Paperback Writer.

Mystery Writer

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Well, Hanso confiscated my last book.
He didn’t want the public to take a look
‘Cause evil equations tend to foster fear.
What a mess that was!  So I’d rather be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

It’s the thrilling story of a clever man
And the time he spends with the Widmore clan.
A son is missing, so it’s up to Paul
To recover him.  Oh, it’s great to be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).

Sell a million copies.  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll impress the critics and Cindy too.
Flying out of Sydney, I can see her smile.
Wrote this book for her, ‘cause I’m such a sappy mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Well, I hope we make it to L.A. all right.
I was not expecting such a bumpy flight.
But at least I guess that if we crash right here,
Then my book will sell.  I will be a famous mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).

Bye, Australia! (Sing Australia, John Denver)

My very first LOST parody was a group song, but I've only had a few let's-get-as-many-characters-involved-as-we-can-style parodies. I figured it was time for another one. Here's one that crams in 30 815 passengers, I think; most have a line, some are mentioned by others. To the tune of John Denver's Sing Australia, this imagines their thoughts en route to L. A. (in the original timeline).

Bye, Australia!

Hurley: I came to Australia to break the Numbers curse.
Jack: I came to find my father; didn’t think I would need a hearse.
Boone: Came to help my step-sister.
Arzt: Came here for a date.
John: I came for a walkabout; I was four years too late.

Rose: We were here on our honeymoon.
Bernard: I came to help her heal.
Nikki: I arrived as an actress but I found some gems to steal.
Charlie: Liam is on my black list since he won’t revive the band.
Kate: Maybe I’ll find some way to lose the Marshal when we land.

Hurley: I’m unlucky.
Kate: I am plucky.
Jack: I’m a surgeon of great renown.
Charlie: I’m a druggie.
John: I had a purpose, but Australia let me down.

Michael: Walt is my son, but I bet I’m a lousy dad.
Sawyer: Killed a guy I didn’t know; now I’m feelin’ bad.
Sun: Do I still love my husband?
Jin: Could Sun still be in love with me?
Neil: Excuse me while I dream of a frogurt factory.

Sayid: Will Nadia embrace me when we meet again at last?
Shannon: I made my brother chase me.
Eko: I have a sordid past.
Gary: I hope Bad Twin’s a winner.
Steve: I’ll go by Scott someday.
Claire: I’m scared to see this couple waiting in L. A.

Sawyer: I’m a killer.
Gary: Wrote a thriller.
Sayid: I am headed for my true love.
Claire: Funny how it all seems so tiny when we’re watching from above.

Cindy: Bye, Australia!
Paolo: Bye, Australia!
Ana Lucia: Bye, Australia!
Libby: Bye, Australia!

Seth: Folks, I hope your belts are buckled,
‘Cause this plane is goin’ down!

Sing Australia