Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

Donald (Wichita Lineman, Jimmy Webb)

Libby: What was the man's name who broke his leg? The day of the crash on the other side of the Island, Eko brought a man with a broken leg to me for help. What was his name?
Hurley: I don't know.
Libby: You don't know. You know why? Because it happened to me. His name was Donald, and I buried him. I buried a lot of people, Hurley. So don't tell me that that wasn't real. And don't tell me you made me up. It's insulting.
- Dave

Hurley's always been a champion of the redshirts, and it seems his soulmate Libby is as well.  Here she uses the death of Donald in the Tailies' camp to help convince Hurley that she is more than a figment of his imagination, to the tune of Jimmy Webb's Wichita Lineman. (Mine's modeled after the Keith Harkin version, which isn't readily available online; James Taylor's is slightly different but pretty close. And I might actually like his better...)

Donald

Do you recall a man named Donald?
He died two months ago.
Tried to save his life,
But his healing was too slow.

After fixing up his fracture,
I had hope that he’d be fine.
But that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

It was a nasty situation,
And he fainted from pain.
He didn’t last a week, and so
My efforts were in vain.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

Temporary (Bonnie Kellswater, Traditional)

"Alright, I'll take it. But it's only temporary, as soon as you get that light back in, I'm pulling you up, and I'm giving it right back to you, deal?"
- Hurley, The End

Here's Hurley reluctantly telling Jack that he will take the job of Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers'Bonnie Kellswater.  (The version I used has a fourth verse, so again, it doesn't quite synch up.)

Temporary

Fine, I’ll help you.  I will drink the spring water,
And I swear that I will safeguard the light.
But I’m only doin’ this till you come back, dude.
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?

When I came here, I felt so unlucky.
Thought I never would have peace of mind.
But you gave me a job.  I stopped running.
I thought, Hey, don’t be scared.  Just be kind.

So I tried my best at making people happy
From the minute you stuck me with Claire.
But disasters kept on hitting those around me.
Was I cursed or was life just unfair?

Jacob told me I was blessed, and I believed him,
Though it sure was surprising to me.
But I know that if you hadn’t seen it first, Jack...
Well, I shudder to think where I’d be.

Now, I see that this water is muddy,
While the water that you drank was clear.
It’s a sign that you’re comin’ back, buddy,
‘Cause you always were meant to rule here.

So I’ll help you.  I will drink the spring water,
And I swear that I will safeguard the light.
But I’m only doin’ this till you come back, dude.
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?

Like Me (Isle of Innisfree, Richard Farrelly)

"It was only supposed to be me so I can do this. But if someone has to take care of the Island, if someone has to protect it then... then it should be you. Hurley... I believe in you."
- Jack, The End

Here's a little reflection from Jack and Ben immediately preceding the brief ceremony that makes Hurley the new Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Isle of Innisfree.

Like Me

Jack: I have been told I’m meant to be a leader,
That it’s a role that I was born to play.
But still, I feel I never was a leader
Until I took that sacred oath today.
And now I must descend to save the Island.
My eyes are clear, and that’s the fate I see.
But when it’s done, I will not leave the Island
Because the Island is my destiny.

And so before you take me down like Desmond,
Please feel no pity, hard as that may be.
But Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

Ben: I’ve spent a lifetime wanting to be special;
I’m slowly learning how to let that go.
I will admit that I was disappointed
When Jack named you. I won’t dispute it, though.

Instead, I’ll offer up this water bottle,
A tiny token of my loyalty.
So Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge; you won’t go wrong like me.

Jack: Yes, Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

The Isle of Innisfree

With a Little Help From You, Ben (With a Little Help From My Friends, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I could really use someone with like, experience. For a little while. Will you help me, Ben?"
- Hurley, The End

I've had a week and a half to mull over the finale, and I think it's time I got back to posting some parodies. Here's one involving probably my favorite scene in The End, when Hurley realizes he's in charge and Ben offers his encouragement. Here's Hurley and Ben to the tune of the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends.

With a Little Help From You, Ben

Hurley: What do I do? ‘Cause I don’t have a clue,
And I wish that Jack hadn’t picked me.
Ben: No need to fear that you’ll get it all wrong.
Simply do what comes naturally.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

What did I do when I said I would stay?
Didn’t think I’d have to take the throne.
Ben: I was the leader, but I went astray.
If you’ll let me, though, then I’ll atone.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: I may be scared, but I’ll do this job right.
It’ll work out; we just need a little time.
Ben: You have the strength to stay out of a fight.
Hugo, be yourself, and we’ll be fine.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
I’m not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.
Oh, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
With a little help from you, Ben...

The Island Where I Was Reborn (The Village That They Call the Moy, Ryan Kelly)

"Don't try to stop me, Peter. I am sure Aslan would not. I am sure it is not wrong for me to mourn for Narnia. Think of all that lies dead and frozen beyond that door."
- Lucy Pevensie, The Last Battle

"Is everything sad going to come untrue?" 
- Sam Gamgee, The Return of the King

"I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you."
- Jacob, What They Died For 

We've known for a long time that The End was coming, and I've been preparing myself by setting aside songs that I might use to work through my feelings about the finale. I have a list of them jotted down, but one grabbed me and refused to release me, forcing me to do something about it before I even watched the last episode, anticipating that I would spend the wee hours of this morning ripping it to shreds in light of everything in the finale that contradicted it. Instead I changed it just before I watched the episode, and I kept it pretty much the same after that.  Initially I imagined it being set immediately after the Island events in the finale, as I strongly suspected the Island would sink; now, it's set in the Sideways world, at which point it does seem that the Island is indeed under the sea, or certainly inaccessible to our castaways.  And despite all evidence to the contrary, I believe that Jacob and Hurley will reunite on the other side of that door.

The Village That They Call the Moy is a song written and performed by Celtic Thunder's Ryan Kelly, a musician for whom I have enormous respect and affection. I came across his demo online last year and it instantly resonated deeply. I evaded it all year, mostly because I felt a little funny filking a song that isn't actually on an album yet. But the album's coming soon, and I hope everyone reading this buys a copy, because it's sure to be brilliant. And when this song tapped me on the shoulder, it would not be stopped. So I hope Ryan will forgive me for piggybacking off of his tender hometown ode, and I thank him for giving me the perfect vehicle for expressing my sense of grateful melancholy as my favorite show comes to a close.

(Update: Ryan Kelly's first solo album, In Time - which features a more up-tempo version of The Village That They Call the Moy - is available now.  Buy it here!)

The Island Where I Was Reborn

Sawyer: Leavin’ it should have been easy.
It put me through such an ordeal.
But still, I shuddered to think, As the memories shrink,
I someday could doubt it was real.
I went there so jaded and lost and afraid
Of the darkness that’s inside of me;
I passed through the flames, and I left as just James.
I’m found, and I’m finally free.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Kate: How dreary were days I did nothing but run
From my conscience and from the police!
My own complicity in my friend’s death
Haunted me and kept me from peace.
My love life always was messy.
At last I’m sure of which romance to pursue,
But I think of the track that I traveled with Jack
Before all of our grief came untrue.

That’s when I realize I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Hugo: It’s well I remember that life-changing day
When he asked me to go catch that plane.
Then he tried to prepare me for leaving him there,
For the close to his long-standing reign.
He brought me so far from that chat in the car
But also learned something from me;
Since love never ends, we will always be friends,
And it all started under the sea.

Everyone knows that I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

All: I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.


The Village That They Call The Moy
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When It Ends (A Face That Shone, Michael Card)

"My ashes are right there in that fire... When it burns out, you’ll never see me again."- Jacob, What They Died For

LOST is so filled with wonderful characters, and I love nearly all of them, but there will always be an extra special place in my heart for Jacob and Hurley. In the great epics, this always tends to be my favorite pair: the wise mentor and the loving, humble apostle. Gandalf and Sam. Dumbledore and Hagrid. Aslan and Lucy. Granted, Aslan is something More than those others, Jacob included. But Jacob reflects the light in a powerful way, and Hurley feels a deep sense of connection to him. I was very saddened by Jacob's words to Hurley in What They Died For. I thought of Lucy leaving Narnia in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and I anticipate this parting being equally difficult for Hurley. But even as he dreads the loss, his chief concern is harmony, and something tells me this Star Wars geek holds the key to a satisfying resolution. Here's Hurley to the tune of Michael Card's A Face That Shone.

When It Ends

Though Richard raved and ranted to Jack on the Black Rock,
I was sure that we should follow, for we’re Jacob’s chosen flock.
I knew it from the moment he blessed me with his touch.
When he gave me that guitar case, his assurance meant so much.

He met me at the Temple, and he helped me find the stone
That hid a secret passage to a lighthouse long unknown.
Jacob never acted like he thought that I would fail.
I began to think that maybe the light of kindness could prevail.

So when it ends, I will feel I’ve lost a father,
A faithful friend who believed that I had worth.
But when it ends, I will know that I would rather
Have been blessed to briefly know him.
I’ve been searching for him since my birth.

He brought us to the Island. We became his flustered flock,
And he’s charged us now with stopping his old friend who looks like Locke.
Oh, I know that he’s a monster and he really isn’t John,
But he used to be his brother. That part of him’s not gone.

Jacob said he’d try to kill us and we would need to guard the light,
But reconciliation’s the best end to this fight.
We’ll somehow find the balance so the conflict can be done.
Like Anakin and Luke, the fractured family will be one.

And when it ends, I will feel I’ve lost a father,
A faithful friend who believed that I had worth.
But when it ends, I still will know that I would rather
Have been blessed to briefly know him.
I’ve been seeking him since birth.

He said to me, “You’ll never see me once it’s ended.
I’ll have to go, but you will know you have my love.
You’ll bear the light, and everyone who you’ve befriended
Will snatch a spark, and they’ll be mended both from within and from above.”

And when it ends, I will feel I’ve lost a father,
A faithful friend who believed that I had worth.
But when it ends, I still will know that I would rather
Have been blessed to briefly know him.
I’ve been seeking him since birth.

A Face That Shone

I'll Walk Away (The Voice of the Child, Michael Card)

Seeing Jacob's grief-stricken act of vengeance upon his brother in Across the Sea reminded me of one of my favorite elements of the season two finale: Hurley's refusal to seek revenge for the death of Libby. He first rejects the gun Jack tries to give him at the beginning of their trek, and then when Michael is outed as the killer, he makes no attempt on his life. I thought, "If only Jacob had been that level-headed." If everyone on the show followed Hurley's example, there would be a lot less turmoil on the Island. Here's Hurley to the tune of Michael Card's The Voice of the Child.

I’ll Walk Away

We’d planned on a picnic.
It was going to be such a perfect day.
But then Libby was shot ‘cause of what I forgot,
And it’s not okay.
She didn’t deserve this.
I need you to know that she rescued me.
She was sweet and compassionate, gentle and wise,
And I found true love when I looked in her eyes,
Now lifeless and gray.
She was pure. You aimed anyway.

I hate what you’ve done, but if I had a gun,
I would stop, and I’d let the thing drop.
I am deep in dismay, but revenge doesn’t pay,
So instead, I’ll just walk away.

You murdered her, Michael.
I know you want Walt, and that‘s why she died.
But you don’t have the right to extinguish the light.
He’d be horrified.
The guilt must be setting in.
I don’t know how you can sleep at night.
I could retaliate now for your killing spree,
The moment you acted so mercilessly.
But Michael, what good would it do?
Vengeance isn’t for me.

I hate what you’ve done, but if I had a gun,
I would stop, and I’d let the thing drop.
I am deep in dismay, but revenge doesn’t pay,
So instead, I’ll just walk away.

We’d planned on a picnic.
It was going to be such a perfect day.
But then Libby was shot ‘cause of what I forgot,
And it’s not okay.
But though my heart’s breaking,
I’m stopping the cycle.
I’ll walk away.

The Voice of the Child

Leonard's Numbers (Coat of Many Colors, Dolly Parton)

"Is that why you're here, Lenny? Is it because of the numbers? Did they do something to you? Because I think they did something to me. I think they turned me into a jinx - bad news to everyone around me. And when I tell people I think I'm the cause they, they, they look at me like I'm nuts. They don't believe me. But I know, ever since I won the lottery with those numbers." - Hurley, Numbers

No matter where Hurley goes, he can't seem to get away from the curse of his numbers. He doesn't seem aware yet of the connection between those numbers and the Candidates; if he figures it out, I wonder if that will shake his allegiance to Jacob... Here's a reflection from Hurley around the time of the season one finale, to the tune of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors.

Leonard’s Numbers

Since I’ve been here, I’ve been wonderin’ once again,
What would my life be like today
If I hadn’t spent that time at Santa Rosa
And heard the numbers I’d go on to play?
Or what if I’d used those numbers some other day or week?
Or when I stepped on that deck, what if I’d had a trim physique?
I can’t seem to stop “what if”-ing, for, despite my piles of dough,
Because I echoed Leonard’s numbers, I’m wallowing in woe.

First I lost my grandpa Tito from a massive heart attack
Because I echoed Leonard’s numbers, and I wish I had him back.
My girlfriend and my buddy hooked up, and I was down,
And I just stared in helpless horror as Ma’s new house burned to the ground.

I echoed Leonard’s numbers, ’cause he drilled them into me.
I was better off when I lived in poverty.
No matter where I go now, I invite catastrophe
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers to win the lottery.

I would trade in all my riches to have some peace of mind.
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers, that’s been so hard to find!
Oh, I just can’t seem to shake them, and it’s pretty plain to see
The effects of Leonard’s numbers will always follow me.
I’ve long since memorized the sequence, and I was crushed to catch
Just a glimpse of it again on Sayid’s map and on the hatch.
Though I think Danielle believed me when I told her of the curse
That is attached to Leonard’s numbers, John’s reaction was far worse.

Yeah, I screamed for him to stop, but he ignored my panicked plea,
And soon I bet he’ll wish he’d have lent an ear to me
‘Cause no matter where I go now, I bring along catastrophe
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers to win the lottery.
Oh, woe is me!

Communication (The Blues Run the Game, Jackson Frank)

"In Empire, Luke found out Vader was his father, but instead of putting away his light saber and talking about it, he overreacted and got his hand cut off. I mean, they worked it out eventually, but at what cost? Another Death Star was destroyed, Boba Fett got eaten by the Sarlacc, and we got the Ewoks. It all could've been avoided if they'd just, you know, communicated."
- Hurley, Some Like It Hoth

In Some Like It Hoth, when he learns that Miles isn't taking advantage of his opportunity to bond with his estranged father, Hurley has something to say about it. Here are his words of advice to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's The Blues Run the Game.

Communication

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

We patched things up together
The best we could.
Now we’re the best of buddies.
Now we’re the best of friends.
Wish it had happened sooner.
Forgiving him felt so good.

It’s like with Luke and Vader.
Sure, the guy was shocked.
But what a world of trouble -
And those annoying Ewoks -
He’d have avoided
If the two had only talked.

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

Take the gift that you’ve been offered.
Maybe it’s your fate.
You never knew your dad.
You figured he wasn’t nice.
But trust me, you’ll be glad
If you communicate.

Don’t delay like Luke and I did.
Take your second chance.
You might discover
That you love your father.
You’ll uncover
More than you did at first glance.

Though I get the way you’re feeling,
Miles, please don’t wait,
Because you never know
When any of us could go.
No time to take it slow.
Just go communicate.

A New Color (True Colors, Tom Kelly / Billy Steinberg)

As any faithful fan of the original Star Trek series knows, unless you're Scotty or Uhura, you don't really want to be wearing a red shirt if you're serving on the U. S. S. Enterprise. The tradition of killing off redshirts has persisted throughout many subsequent science fiction series, and LOST is no exception. Usually, these minor characters don't literally wear such identifying garb. But because of the association, whenever someone does wear red, it makes people nervous. It hasn't escaped fans' attention that both Hurley and Desmond are in red shirts this season. They're much too integral to the show to actually be "redshirts". But could their fashion choices be a warning of dreadful things to come? Here's some rumination from the fan perspective to the tune of Cyndi Lauper's True Colors.

A New Color

Huggable Hurley, voice of the viewer,
It’s too early to see you get skewered.
You’re a man of the people, picked to be a Candidate.
You deserve to avoid a lowly redshirt’s fate.

So you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

You’re on this Island. Desmond, you’re rattled
That you’re back again though you’ve bravely battled.
To keep from going crazy, keep your Constant inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, a new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

Why was Widmore bent on bringing you back?
To keep from going crazy, keep Penny inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color, new color will calm us down.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

Hugo, Lead On (Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond)

"Hurley, you asked me to trust you. This is me trusting you." 
- Jack, Everybody Loves Hugo

Jack's used to taking the lead, but it's nice to see him step back once in a while, and Hurley seems like a good guy for him to trust. Here's Jack to the tune of Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline.

Hugo, Lead On

It was a bluff.
That was apparent to me,
Though he instructed you before.
Look, I don’t care
Why Jacob cut the chatter;
Your intuition matters more.

Hey, you did say,
“Trust me, Jack.”
This is me trusting you.

Hugo, lead on. I’m with you,
‘Cause it’s time that I let go.
Richard is gone; I’m with you.
Let’s find Locke and say, “Hello.”

On my watch,
Juliet died.
Nothing I do can fix that.
Oh, how I’ve longed to nix that fall!
You’ve made mistakes,
But they have been far fewer.
Clearly you heed a truer call.

Hey, you did say,
“Trust me, Jack.”
This is me trusting you.

Hugo, lead on. I’m with you,
‘Cause it’s time that I let go.
Richard is gone; I’m with you.
Let’s find Locke and say, “Hello.”
Yes, let’s go.

Hugo, lead on. I’m with you,
‘Cause it’s time that I let go.
Hugo, lead on. I’m with you.
Let’s find Locke and say, “Hello.”
Hugo, lead on...

Soulmates (Eternal Flame, Susanna Hoffs / Tom Kelly / Billy Steinberg)

"Hugo, do you believe that two people can be connected? Like soulmates?"
- Libby, Everybody Loves Hugo

Everybody Loves Hugo marked the long-awaited return of Libby, allowing for yet another romantic storyline to find a continuation in Sideways World. Here's a reflection on their first meeting, to the tune of the Bangles' Eternal Flame.

Soulmates

Libby: Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

Recognized you on TV, Hugo,
And something stirred when I saw you, jogged my memory.
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
I hope our kinship isn’t in my brain.

Hugo: It’s a shame. When I hear your name
And I see you smiling,
I wish that I could back your claim.
If we’d met, I would remember you...

It’s a shame. When I hear your name
And I see you smiling,
I wish that I could back your claim.
If we’d met, I would remember you...

Libby: Do you think soulmates are real?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
I hope our kinship isn’t in my brain.

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Or... only in my brain?

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

That Dynamite (Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting, Elton John / Bernie Taupin)

"Um... I don't know if that's a good idea. I mean, for one thing, that stuff's really unstable..." - Hurley, Everybody Loves Hugo

Hurley has seen first-hand the danger of unstable dynamite. Here he issues a warning to Ilana, to the tune of Elton John's Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting.

That Dynamite

So Richard said that we’d all be dead
Unless he could destroy the plane.
I think he’s in shock, and I wanna talk,
‘Cause it’s hard to see what we would gain.
Those sticks you’re loading have a good chance of exploding
Long before we intend them to.
Our luck will decrease if you’re not in one piece -
And cease altogether for you.

Well, don’t wanna be like a broken record.
I gotta give a warning, though.
That dynamite is mighty flighty.
Any second it could blow.
Maybe if you’d got a little Arzt on you,
Then you would admit I’m right,
‘Cause that dynamite’s a fright’ning sight.
Bump it and it’s goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.
Trust me, it’s true.

I can see that you’re back, and in your pack
You’ve gathered what we need for this attack.
But you do it and our mode of transportation’s gone,
And we’re stuck here on this Island still with phony John.
Ilana, think it over before we leave.
Don’t you have something less destructive up your sleeve?
Are you looking for trouble? Well, you found it. Yes,
You use that stuff, it’ll only make a mess.

Well, don’t wanna be like a broken record.
I gotta give a warning, though.
That dynamite is mighty flighty.
Any second it could blow.
Maybe if you’d got a little Arzt on you,
Then you would admit I’m right,
‘Cause that dynamite’s a fright’ning sight.
Bump it and it’s goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.
Trust me, it’s true.

No, don’t wanna be like a broken record.
I gotta give a warning, though,
‘Cause that dynamite is mighty flighty.
Any second it could blow.
Maybe if you’d got a little Arzt on you,
Then you would admit I’m right,
‘Cause that dynamite’s a fright’ning sight.
Bump it and it’s goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.
Trust me, it’s true.

Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Say goodnight!

Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Say goodnight!

Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Dynamite, dynamite, dynamite.
Say goodnight!

Sawyer's Threat (Good Luck Charm, Aaron Schroeder / Wally Gold)

"You harm so much as one hair on his curly head... I'll kill you."
- Sawyer, The Shape of Things to Come


The Shape of Things to Come is one of my all-time least favorite episodes of LOST, but I love the scene in which Sawyer demonstrates such concern for Hurley's well-being. Here he addresses John to the tune of Elvis Presley's Good Luck Charm.

Sawyer’s Threat

Beware, and John, prepare to die!

Don’t want him on your mission.
Why did he say he’d go?
I can’t force him to change his course,
But I think you ought to know

You’d better not intend to do him harm
Because I won’t be shy.
Yeah, if you harm one hair
Upon his head, beware,
And John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die!

I never heard of Jacob.
How can he help us now?
But what the heck? Go and take your trek.
Just don’t forget my vow.

You’d better not intend to do him harm
Because I won’t be shy.
Yeah, if you harm one hair
Upon his head, beware,
And John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die!
Beware (beware), and John (and John), prepare to die!
And John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die!

See, Hugo’s a better buddy
Than either of us has earned.
They broke the mold with his heart of gold,
So don’t let him get burned.

You’d better not intend to do him harm
Because I won’t be shy.
Yeah, if you harm one hair
Upon his head, beware,
And John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die!
Beware (beware), and John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die.
And John (and John), prepare (prepare) to die!

For Those in the Background (A Song for All Lovers, John Denver)

Hurley: No. I bought those seats, all 78 of 'em. I'm Hugo Reyes. They're not open. They're mine. Check and see.
Woman: Yes, I see that. Sir, these people just want to get to their destination. Why would you not want them to be able to travel?
Hurley: You know, it doesn't matter why. They can take the next plane.
- 316

One of my favorite Hurley moments came in 316 when it was revealed that he had bought all of the remaining tickets on the flight to the Island in order to ensure that there would be as few redshirts as possible this time around. I'd say that there are a lot of people out there who owe Hurley their lives. Here's a song to the tune of John Denver's A Song For All Lovers in which Hurley makes his decision.

For Those in the Background

I’ll stop those people from boarding Ajira,
From boarding 316, from boarding that bomb.
I've seen the danger for those in the background,
For those who don’t know it isn’t going to Guam.

Imagine the carnage upon our return.
An uneven landing is cause for concern.
I know I’ll survive it; I know that’s my fate.
For most of the others, rescue may come too late.

They’ll drown in the ocean. They’ll burn in the plane.
They’ll fall to the monster. They’ll crumble in pain.
They’ll wither in sorrow. They’ll tremble in fear.
Yes, that’s what awaits them unless they stay here.

What’s the point of my millions if I can’t do some good?
If I’m able to spare them, then I’m sure that I should.

They’ll wither in sorrow. They’ll tremble in fear.
Yes, that’s what awaits them unless they stay here.

So I’ll stop those people from boarding Ajira,
From boarding 316, from boarding that bomb.
I've seen the danger for those in the background,
For those who don’t know it isn’t going to Guam.
For those who don’t know it isn’t going to Guam.

Sawyer's Candidacy (From the Word Go, Michael Garvin / Chris Waters)

Sawyer: You tricked me into being decent. That's gotta be the lamest con in the history of cons.
Hurley: Wasn't a con, dude. If you're gonna be our temporary leader, you need to do some damage control.
- Left Behind

One of my all-time favorite B-stories in LOST is in Left Behind, when Hurley essentially cons Sawyer into being nice so he can accept the leadership position that seems to be waiting for him. This was a major step in the right direction for Sawyer; too bad it was so soon followed by John's bad influence. But Sawyer did eventually become the sort of leader Hurley knew he could be, and I think Hurley's guidance helped a lot. Here's a recreation of their conversation at the end of Left Behind, to the tune of Michael Martin Murphey's From the Word Go.

Sawyer’s Candidacy

Sawyer: My mind’s been on bein’ kind
So folks will have pity on me.
But now I’m wonderin’ how
I could fall for your bid to con me.
Hurley: Dude, it’s damage control.
Plus, it’s good for your soul!

Sorry, Sawyer,
But since Jack’s gone and Sayid, Kate and John are too,
You’re our leader.
I guess it’s lousy being you.

Look at the faces out there.
Everyone’s eating boar and smilin’.
You trade vice for a chance to be nice,
And it’s a much happier Island.
Can’t you give it a try?
Sawyer: Hey, you’ve got the wrong guy!

Tell me, Hugo,
How can you think I’m in charge here? Are you insane?
Me, a leader?
This is a ludicrous campaign.

Hurley: Think this was easy for Jack?
Just until he gets back,

Sorry, Sawyer,
But since Jack’s gone and Sayid, Kate and John are too,
You’re our leader.
I guess it’s lousy being you. (3x)

From the Word Go

I Am With You (All My Loving, Paul McCartney)

"My love. We are already together."
- Isabella, Ab Aeterno


I loved the tender moment in Ab Aeterno between Isabella and Richard, facilitated by Hurley. Here's Isabella, to the tune of the Beatles' All My Loving.

I Am With You

Close your eyes now, Ricardo.
I know this is hard, so
It’s best if you hear and don’t see.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

Let this man be our buffer.
You don’t have to suffer.
I hope that you won’t disagree.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

I am with you. I was with you then.
I am with you. Take my cross again.

Close your eyes now, Ricardo.
I know this is hard, so
It’s best if you hear and don’t see.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

I am with you. I was with you then.
I am with you. Take my cross again.
I am with you. I am here with you.
I am with you. Take my cross again.

My Beacon on the Water (Candle on the Water, Al Kasha / Joel Hirschhorn)

"I'm here because I need you." - Jacob, Lighthouse

As soon as I heard that the name of this week's LOST episode was Lighthouse, I immediately thought of Pete's Dragon's Candle on the Water, one of my all-time favorite Disney songs. Once I saw it, I found the song every bit as applicable as I'd suspected. Here's a little reflection from the perspective of Jacob, talking to Hurley.

My Beacon on the Water

Come to my beacon on the water.
Tell Jack that he has what it takes.
I know that he will learn because of this small journey.
What a difference some perspective makes!

Come to my beacon on the water.
Travel together like old days.
Say you’re a Candidate. When you cross paths with Katie,
Leave her to the trail that she must blaze.

My ways are always enigmatic,
But you are wiser than you’ve ever guessed,
And once you’ve seen my secret attic
High above the sand,
You will understand.

Come to my beacon on the water.
Sometimes a taxi talk for two
Is all the drive that’s needed; my advice is heeded.
Sometimes it takes an ocean view
To work out what to do.
I’m counting on you, Hugo.
Glad I can count on you.
Glad I can count on you…

Keep This Guitar Case for Me (While My Guitar Gently Weeps, George Harrison)

Hurley: Wait! You forgot your guitar.
Jacob: It's not my guitar.
- The Incident

Yesterday was George Harrison's 67th birthday, so I've had the late great Quiet Beatle on the brain. Here's a song to the tune of While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I've written once explicitly about the strength of the bond between Jacob and Hurley, and implied it another time, but I thought their iconic meeting deserved a song all its own.

Keep This Guitar Case For Me

I look in your eyes, see the struggle there, Hugo.
Keep this guitar case for me.
You think you’ve been cursed; I see blessing in you, though.
Keep this guitar case for me.

You have been blessed beyond all measure.
You are a treasure trove.
When you were handed a life of leisure,
You thought of others’ pleasure.

You come here and offer a gift to a stranger.
Keep this guitar case for me.
I hope you will help keep your friends out of danger.
Keep this guitar case for me.

All of your life, you’ve felt deflated,
Thought you were hated.
All of your life, I know you’ve waited.
Our meeting’s fated.

My friend, put an end to despair and confusion.
Keep this guitar case for me.
I’m here; I’m not dead, and I’m not an illusion.
Keep this guitar case for me.