This Daniel's Plan (Mr. Bojangles, Jerry Jeff Walker)

Daniel: Hey there. Are you Jack?
Jack: Yeah, I'm Jack. Who are you?
Daniel: I'm Daniel Faraday. I'm here to rescue you.
- Confirmed Dead

Daniel Faraday is just about as confusing to Jack as he is to Frank.  Here's Jack trying to figure Daniel out to the tune of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Mr. Bojangles.

This Daniel’s Plan

I met a man named Daniel in the pouring rain,
Perplexed and wet
With shaggy hair, a skinny tie and shaky hands.
A friend or threat?
I wondered why, I wondered why
His eyes were darting around.

He landed in the jungle, and he knew my name:
“Are you Jack?”
I heard the words but barely dared to dream
We were heading back.
Back to our lives, back to our lives.
But we couldn’t go just yet.

I soon began to think that Daniel had us tricked.
He said so, too.
I got depressed when he confessed that he’d told a lie:
“I’m here to rescue you.”
But still he was kind, soft-spoken and kind,
And he seemed glad we were found.

Who is this Daniel?  Who is this Daniel?
What is this Daniel’s plan?

Now, I suppose what Daniel knows is far beyond
The normal scope.
I gotta thank that pilot Frank, ‘cause he tipped me off.
I’m not a dope,
So it hurts my pride, it hurts my pride
Thinkin’ that he’s too smart for me.

But Faraday’s gonna find a way to let us leave
Although he lied.
I don’t know what he’s here for, but I do believe
That he is on our side.
What’s in his head?  Don’t know what’s in his head,
But I trust his expertise.  He’s...

Different, this Daniel.  Dizzy ol’ Daniel.
What is this Daniel’s plan?

Mr. Bojangles

Here We Are In the Past (Years May Come, Years May Go, Jack Fishman / Andre Popp / Jean Massoulier)

"The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we wanna be on."

- Daniel, LaFleur

Here's a little ditty in which Sawyer, Juliet, Daniel and Horace do some reflecting on the 1974 events of LaFleur, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Years May Come, Years May Go.

Here We Are in the Past

Sawyer: We might be in a bind,

But I don’t really mind.

I think a haughty hippie beats flashin’ through time.

Don’t have to deal with Ben -

Or if we do, he’s ten.

It’s kinda cool to see history.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Juliet: I don’t know what to do,

‘Cause James, I’m sweet on you

But can’t erase the pain this place put me through.

The course of time’s grown smooth,

So could our luck improve,

Or will we stay and then grieve again?

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Horace: Jim, you helped us out.

I’m sorry for my doubt,

And you just bought yourself a spot.  Yeah, you’ve got clout.

I guess it isn’t true

That DHARMA’s not for you;

I never thought you’d be saving me.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track...)

Penny Milton (Pretty Woman, Roy Orbison)

Desmond: I don't know...I don't know what I felt.
Daniel: Yes, you do. You felt love.
Desmond: That's impossible, because I don’t know anything about this woman, I don't know...I don't know where she is. I don't even know if she exists. She's...she's an idea.
- Happily Ever After

Desmond and Penny are fated to find each other, but there always seem to be complications. Here, Sideways Desmond battles Eloise before getting some help from Daniel about Penny's whereabouts, to the tune of Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman.

Penny Milton

Desmond: Penny Milton. That’s the name they said.
Penny Milton. But is it in my head?
Penny Milton.
I have to struggle to understand
The words I saw on Charlie’s hand.
Penny...

Penny Milton. Could it really be?
Penny Milton. Is she the one for me?
Penny Milton.
I need some answers, Eloise.
Let me see that guest list, please.
Now!

Eloise: Penny Milton? Just forget.
Desmond, you’re not ready yet.
Your arrival is a threat to me.

Desmond: Penny Milton. So surreal,
And I can’t conceal my zeal.
Penny Milton, now revealed to me.
But this Penny, does she exist?
Would it be crazy if I persist?

Penny Milton. I’m losing steam.
Penny Milton. Is she a dream?
Penny Milton. I know what I feel. It’s real.
But am I chasing a mere ideal?

Daniel: Now there’s no reason for such gloom.
She’s my half-sister, Mr. Hume.
Take it from me.
I can tell you where she’ll be.
Yes, I know just where she’ll be.
You’ll find Penny Milton.

Blow Up the Island (Blow Up Your TV, John Prine)

Daniel: I think I can negate that energy under the Swan. I think I can destroy it. If I can, then that hatch will never be built, and your plane... your plane will land, just like it's supposed to, in Los Angeles. Kate: And just how exactly do you plan on destroying this energy?
Daniel: I'm gonna detonate a hydrogen bomb.
- The Variable

Daniel had a crazy plan for fixing the castaways' predicament. Here's a song about that, to the tune of John Denver's version of John Prine's Blow Up Your TV.

Blow Up the Island

Daniel: I caught a sub here from Ann Arbor, and you know why I came back?
That photo in the paper of your DHARMA welcome, Jack.
Well, it seems my mother fed you her old talk of destiny.
You gave her a say and you tried things her way,
But now lend your ears to me.

Blow up the Island!
(Jack: Blow up the Island?)
Daniel: It’s the variation
(Jack: Crazy variation!)
Daniel: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Jack: Can we change what happened?)
Daniel: We can strike your stranding. Yes, Jack.
(Jack: Can we strike our stranding?)
Daniel: Make it a landing. We’ll be free.

My mother is an Other. She’s the one who brought you here.
But I bet she didn’t say you’d wind up in another year.
She left that little detail out, and she clearly led you wrong.
She can show how to go back where we all belong.

Blow up the Island!
(Jack: Blow up the Island?)
Daniel: It’s the variation
(Jack: Crazy variation!)
Daniel: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Jack: Can we change what happened?)
Daniel: We can strike your stranding. Yes, Jack.
(Jack: Can we strike our stranding?)
Daniel: Make it a landing. We’ll be free.

In just a few more hours, at the site you call the Hatch,
The DHARMA folks will blunder into a hidden patch.
Since that energy is fatal, they will seal it and keep it at bay.
If the Swan and the button are gone, you’ll never crash that day.

Jack: Let’s blow up the Island!
(Kate: Blow up the Island?)
Jack: It’s the variation
(Kate: Crazy variation!)
Jack: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Kate: It won’t change what happened.)
Jack: We’ll strike our stranding. Yes, Kate,
(Kate: It won’t strike our stranding.)
Jack: We will make it a landing. We’ll be free.

Blow Up Your TV

Jughead (Whispering Jesse, John Denver)

Richard: How do I know you weren't sent here on some suicide mission? That I'll take you out to the bomb, and you'll just detonate it?
Daniel: Because... I'm in love with the woman sitting next to me. And I would never... I would never do anything to hurt her.
- Jughead

After Ab Aeterno, that scene in Jughead in which Daniel's love for Charlotte wins Richard over seems even more meaningful. At the time, I took it as a mark in Richard's favor, that he's noble enough to recognize the value of true love, but it goes deeper than that. Like Daniel, he has loved deeply, so he empathizes, and I think he senses Daniel's sincerity. Daniel, who I have come to think of as "the little prince" referred to in the episode that followed and who never has seemed more authoritative than in this brief stay in 1954. Here's a recreation of their conversation to the tune of John Denver's Whispering Jesse.

Jughead

Richard: So you are the leader, and I hear from Ellie
You don’t want to tell me where your comrades have gone.
Daniel: And why would I do that? You just want to kill them.
Richard: We didn’t start this, friend. The battle lines have been drawn.
Your people came calling with evil intentions.
Did Ellie here mention that they fired first?
Daniel: We weren’t with those soldiers. We’re on a mission.
Let me disarm that bomb before it can burst.

I think the device is in need of new casing,
Which I am basing on these burns on this man.
If you send me over there, I know I can fix it.
Richard: I wish I could trust you; don’t know how I can.
I ought to fear you because you might be here to
Detonate Jughead and blow us away.
Daniel: I love this woman who’s sitting beside me.
I never would hurt her. Believe what I say.

Richard: Detonate Jughead?
You won’t, you’ve convinced me.
Your manner is princely.
You’re guided by love.

Whispering Jesse

The Crazy Man (Shilo, Neil Diamond)

Charlotte: When I was little, living here, there was this man... a crazy man, he really scared me. And he told me that I had to leave the island and never ever come back. He told me that if I came back I would die. Daniel: Charlotte, I don't understand.
Charlotte: Daniel – I think that man was you.
- This Place Is Death

Charlotte is one character on LOST who I've felt we didn't really get to know quite as well as I would've liked. But through Daniel, I've developed a pretty deep affection for her. Here's a reflection mostly by her in This Place Is Death, to the tune of Neil Diamond's Shilo.

The Crazy Man

Charlotte: Can’t Daddy come?
How can we leave him behind?
Sawyer: Hey, what’s with Red?
I think she’s out of her mind!

Juliet: Listen, Dan, our time’s running out now
And we’ve got to go.
Daniel: So you think I should leave her here since she’s slow?
No, no and no!

Charlotte: One long-ago July,
I met a crazy man.
He told me I would die
If I came back. Oh, Dan,
That was you.

Now I recall
That I have been here before.
Daniel, this was my home;
Lived here for three years or more.

Every time I tried to remember
This as a child,
Mum insisted my daydreams were running wild,
Just running wild.

One long-ago July,
I met a crazy man.
He told me I would die
If I came back. Oh, Dan,
Is it true?

Anthropology seemed like my ticket
To finding this place.
Now I’m seeing the warning etched in your face.
It’s in your face.

One long-ago July,
I met a crazy man.
He told me I would die
If I came back. Oh, Dan,
What to do?

Anthropology seemed like my ticket
To finding this place.
Now I’m seeing the warning etched in your face.
It’s in your face.

One long-ago July,
I met a crazy man.
He told me I would die
If I came back. Oh, Dan,
That was you.

Crazytown (The Orange and the Green, traditional)

"What about you? You wanna stay here in Crazytown or help me rescue the geek?" - Sawyer, Jughead

LOST's book-loving Sawyer is a natural-born storyteller. I had fun last year wriitng a parody in which he recounts his experience in LaFleur, and this is the same basic idea, but instead it's The Lie and Jughead, and it's addressed specifically to Juliet, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' version of The Orange and the Green. (Hat-tip to Amanda at GritFX, who partly inspired this one with one of her awesome designs.)

Crazytown

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

While we sat there on the shoreline,
Just regrouping with the rest,
We saw a flaming arrow
Hittin’ Frogurt in the chest.
Well, of course, we ran for cover;
I yelled, “Meet at the creek!”
And we got separated from
The redhead and the geek.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

I guess it wasn’t quite so smart
To give away our mark.
Yeah, it would’ve worked out better
If we’d kept ‘em in the dark.
Well, thank goodness for the Colonel.
Yes, I bless his big bald head,
For if not for him and his huge knife,
We’d probably be dead.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

We asked the hothead Others
About where they came from.
You busted out the Latin,
And I felt a little dumb.
But not as dumb as Rambo,
Who went to talk to Rick
While Dan was bein’ death marched.
Oh, it kinda made me sick.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

You saw her with a rifle
Aimed right at Faraday
And offered, “Hey, why don’t we all
Just put our guns away?”
Your voice was calm and quiet,
But you still were firm enough
To rattle Miss Attila
And to prove to me you’re tough.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

Well, just then we flashed through time again,
And she whizzed out of sight.
But Blondie, you’ve got chutzpah
And I guess that you’re all right.
I thought that back with Freckles,
My love life hit a peak,
But now I see you with new eyes
Since we rescued the geek.

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

I said, “I’ll give you two options.
Which challenge will you seek?
You wanna stay in Crazytown
Or help me save the geek?”

Faraday (Fly Away, John Denver)

Yesterday, I incorporated a bit of a dialogue between Daniel and Jacob into my LOST song dealing with Charlotte's landing on the Island. I wanted to explore that further, and I had a revelation. The title of the season five episode The Little Prince always bothered me a bit, since the book is never seen or mentioned, nor quoted from, and aside from the appearance of the French team, I couldn't see much of a correlation. I think I've finally figured it out. The Little Prince is Daniel Faraday.

In Because You Left, we learned that Daniel Faraday's mother had something important to say to Desmond. In The Lie, we learned that Ben was meeting with Ms Hawking, previously seen only in connection with Desmond, in Los Angeles and that she was key to getting everyone back to the Island. In Jughead, we learned that Daniel's mother was now living in Los Angeles and that Charles Widmore knew her. We also met Ellie on the Island for the first time - and given that his rat's name was Eloise, it wasn't much of a stretch to imagine that could be her, especially since Daniel recognized her. And, of course, we discovered that young Charles was living on the Island too. All of the clues had been carefully laid out. I believe that The Little Prince was an indication of Daniel's true identity - the son of former Island Queen Eloise Hawking and Island King Charles Widmore.

What's more, in Jughead, the episode in which Daniel finally overtly declared his love for her, Charlotte first suffered serious side effects from time travel. In his part of the story, The Little Prince is primarily concerned with him figuring out why this is happening to Charlotte and how to stop it. To quote the book referenced in the title, "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." Daniel has "tamed" Charlotte, and now his mandate is to protect her.

All this is to say that Daniel Faraday has a pretty special place in LOST lore. And this week - though I had to consult Lostpedia for confirmation - he was revealed as a Candidate, bearing the number 101. I suspect that Jacob cares a great deal about this prince who was, presumably, taken off the Island when he was little indeed - before he was born. And just as the Little Prince longed to return to his tiny planet and the rose he loved, Daniel, without consciously realizing it, longed to return to his Island and the girl to whom he would issue a protective warning, in her past and his future.

Here's a dialogue between Jacob and Daniel to the tune of John Denver's Fly Away.

Faraday

Jacob: All of your dreams have been disregarded.
Sometimes it’s too much to bear.
Your life has never been yours to pilot.
Daniel, it doesn’t seem fair.

Faraday.
Come, blessed Island son.
Faraday.
Come, Number One-Oh-One.
Faraday.

Life in a lab coat has made you lonely
For more down-to-earth company.
(Daniel: More company…)
Jacob: Life in the shadow of Eloise
Has limited who you can be.

Faraday.
Come, blessed Island son.
Faraday.
Come, Number One-Oh-One.
Faraday.

Daniel, one day you’ll be able to do as you please.
(Daniel: One day I will do as I please.)
Jacob: No longer controlled by your father and by Eloise.
(Daniel: No Eloise…)

Jacob: You’re waiting for someone to share your life with.
You’re waiting for laughter and song.
(Daniel: Where is my song?)
Jacob: You’re waiting for someone who cares for you.
Oh, Dan, you won’t have to wait long.

Faraday.
Come, blessed Island son.
Faraday.
Come, Number One-Oh-One.
Faraday.
Come, blessed Island son.
Faraday.

Daniel: Where is my beauty?
Why only strife?
Let me have music
And love in my life.
Love in my life…

Fly Away

Way Over (Overs, Paul Simon)

"Half the stuff he says goes way over my head; the other half goes way, way over." - Frank, The Economist

Frank Lapidus is appropriately named, because he's always a straight shooter, and in season four's The Economist, he's certainly not too proud to admit to Jack that he and Daniel aren't exactly operating on the same wavelength. Here's a little reflection to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Overs.

Way Over

Frank: Don’t ask me, “What’s Faraday’s deal?”
He goes way over, over, over
My head, Jack.
I’ve said, Jack,
That regular guys simply can’t keep track
Of the crazy things he has in his noggin.

It’s clear to me that he’s smart.
He makes me nervous, he’s so jittery.
Although you just met him yesterday,
You can see his mind’s always far away.
And I’ve got no clue what he has in his pack.

Daniel: Pack the bearings that I gave you.
Frank, I know they’ll save you.
Better be prepared for
Nasty weather…

Frank: I don’t get Faraday.
But I am glad that we’re stuck with him.
Without his expertise, I don’t know what we’d do.
And yet, at the same time, I don’t mind tellin’ you
The stuff
He tells me goes way over.

Overs

Tell My Sister That I Love Her (Knock Three Times, Tony Orlando)

"Yeah, you remember when she said, "Tell my sister I love her"? Well, she doesn't have a sister. That's what we're supposed to say if we get captured, have a gun to our heads. Like right now, Jack here would say, "Tell my sister I love her," you get it?"
- Miles, Confirmed Dead

Last night, while looking up Tony Orlando and Dawn's Candida online, I happened upon Knock Three Times, so that was in my mind when I rewatched Confirmed Dead, the season four LOST episode introducing the Freighter Four. I was especially struck by Miles' exaggerated aggression and Daniel's complete confusion; guess he missed the meeting when they handed out the secret codes. Here's a little recreation of that scene to the latter tune.

Tell My Sister That I Love Her

Miles: Hey there, Jack. I think that you’re nuts
If you believe our security’s really so shoddy.
I know all about her dying.
There’s a likely chance you’re lying.
Soon I will know
Because you’re gonna show me
Her body.

Here’s the story.
If I say,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Jack, that is the sign -

Daniel: What sign?

Miles: There’s a gun to my head.
Get this straight, Dan.
Since she said,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Oh, I have a hunch -

Daniel: What hunch?

Miles: Why Naomi is dead.

Okay, I guess you guys are all right.
Don’t ask me how, but I now know
That you didn’t knife her.
You seem like a decent fella,
So here’s what I am gonna tell ya:
Be sure to keep your nose out, sniffing for codes to decipher.

Here’s the story.
If I say,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Jack, that is the sign -

Daniel: What sign?

Miles: There’s a gun to my head.
Get this straight, Dan.
Since she said,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Oh, I have a hunch -

Daniel: What hunch?

Miles: Why Naomi is dead.

Oh. I know all about her dying.
There’s a likely chance you’re lying.
Soon I will know
Because you’re gonna show me
Her body.

Here’s the story.
If I say,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Jack, that is the sign -

Daniel: What sign?

Miles: There’s a gun to my head.
(Daniel: I get it, I get it, I get it...)

Miles: Way to go, Dan!
Since she said,
“Tell my sister that I love her,”
Oh, I had a hunch -

Daniel: Wrong hunch!

Miles: Why Naomi is dead.

Please Kill the Girl (We Kill the World, Frank Farian / Giorgio & Giusela Sgarbi)

One of my favorite songs growing up was Boney M.'s We Kill the World (Don't Kill the World), an epic Save the Earth song that is both ominous and inspiring. I've been rewatching the early episodes of LOST's fourth season, and when I revisited this song tonight, I thought it might make a good vehicle for Charlotte's ordeal in Confirmed Dead and The Economist.

Mostly, I stick pretty close to the script, I think; the main change is that I imagine Daniel, who I've always thought of as a Man of Faith as well as a Man of Science, praying for her safety from a distance, and I imagine Jacob watching over Daniel and wanting to offer him some reassurance.

Please Kill the Girl (Don’t Kill the Girl)

Ben: (spoken) I see chaos, despair and chaos.
I see mercenaries on the rise.
This girl, this girl…

Coming to destroy.
She may be acting coy,
But she is in the know.
Many years ago,
I kicked her leader out
And now it’s turnabout.

John: We’ll take her hostage
And we’ll get some answers.
This girl, this girl.

Charlotte: What is wrong with you?
What did I ever do
To make you all so mean?
If I hadn’t seen
This with my own two eyes,
I’d not believe it, guys.

John: We’ll take her hostage.
We’ll get some answers.

Ben: If you don’t watch your back,
This girl’s team will attack.

Please kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we should condemn her.

Sawyer: If this is the fault
Of taller ghostly Walt,
I wonder if we are
Traveling so far
And cooking up a scheme
Because of Baldie's dream.

John: We’ll take her hostage
And we’ll get some answers.

Ben: If you don’t watch your back,
This girl’s team will attack.

Please kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we should condemn her.

Ben: Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please kill the girl!

Hurley: Don’t kill the girl.
Do her no harm.
Though we have cause for alarm,
Don’t kill the girl.
Let her take flight.
Hey, we’re the good guys, right?

Claire: Don’t kill the girl.
Though Charlie died
To warn us who was inside
That boat out there,
He’d shake his head
And say to spare her instead.

Daniel: Don’t kill the girl.
I love her so,
Though I’ve not yet let her know.
I’d trade my life
To keep her whole.
I’d trade my very soul.

Sayid: I’ll save the girl.
Miles, please come with me.
Frank: There’s a chopper spot for you if
You set her free.
Jack: Help save the girl,
‘Cause I don’t trust John.
Remember, Kate, whose team you’re on.

Jacob: Daniel, I know that this is hard.
But keep the faith and be brave.
When she returns, you’ll be her guard.
Her life is yours to save.

Hurley: Don’t kill the girl.
Do her no harm.
Though we have cause for alarm,
Don’t kill the girl.
Let her take flight.
Don’t kill the girl,
This girl.

Daniel's Warning (Coulter's Candy, Traditional)

In LOST, Daniel Faraday's life is just one tragedy after another. I imagine that his mother hoped that he would be able to go back and negate his death by her own hand. Meanwhile, Daniel's chief preoccupation was Charlotte, future love of his life, now just a little girl sneaking in a little chocolate before dinner. Here's a song from their tender scene together in The Variable, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Coulter's Candy. (In the recording, the actual song starts just after the one-and-a-half-minute mark.)

Daniel’s Warning

Daniel: Little Charlotte,
Sweet red-headed tot,
I gave this a lot of thought.
Heed my warning; leave this spot,
But first, enjoy your candy.

Pledged my love in ‘54.
I couldn’t hide it anymore.
I have to alter the fate that’s in store
While you enjoy your candy.

Little Charlotte,
Sweet red-headed tot,
I gave this a lot of thought.
Heed my warning; leave this spot,
But first, enjoy your candy.

Charlotte: Listen, sir, your sorrow scares me so.
You look like a friendly fellow, though.
Don’t be so sad. Don’t let Daddy know
That I have been eating candy.

Daniel: Little Charlotte,
Sweet red-headed tot,
I gave this a lot of thought.
Heed my warning; leave this spot,
But first, enjoy your candy.

Darling girl, I’m overcome with fear.
Go with your mom and get out of here.
Escape this Island. Don’t come back, my dear,
But by all means, enjoy your candy.

Little Charlotte,
Sweet red-headed tot,
I gave this a lot of thought.
Heed my warning; leave this spot,
But first, enjoy your candy.

Before He Had Been Born (The Wind That Shakes the Corn, Traditional)

One of the saddest stories on LOST is that of Daniel Faraday, the gentle, addled quantum physicist killed by his own mother. In an earlier parody, I imagined that he died believing that she had led him as a lamb to the slaughter. Here, I take her perspective, and I imagine something a little different - that she insisted so intensely on his studies in hopes that he would find a way to undo her fatal moment (without ripping a gaping hole in the space-time continuum).

For this, I picked another tragic tale of love lost in wartime: the traditional Irish ballad The Wind That Shakes the Corn, as sung by the Irish Rovers. (I'm also assuming that Daniel was born after the Incident - that he was the baby with whom Eloise was pregnant at the time. If that's not true, this parody has a fundamental flaw...)

Before He Had Been Born

I stepped in on a shocking scene. 
I stepped in with my gun.
Back then, I was the Island queen, 
The boss, the number one.
I meant to rescue Richard, though 
He greeted me with scorn
When I took aim and shot my son 
Before he had been born.

I watched his fingers fleetly play 
The music he adored.
I made him cast his dreams away; 
It pierced me like a sword. 
But still, I set him on his path, 
Although my heart was torn,
In hopes I wouldn’t shoot my son 
Before he had been born.

He grew into a physicist 
With such a brilliant mind.
I thought, “If only I had missed!” 
He was so sweet and kind.
And still he seemed a shattered man, 
So frazzled and forlorn,
Yet unaware I’d shot him dead 
Before he had been born.

“Whatever happened, happened” was 
His often-heard refrain.
I hope that he was wrong because 
If not, I strove in vain.
I pray he’ll somehow change the past 
So I’ll no longer mourn
That in coldest blood, I shot my son 
Before he had been born.

I Can Make Time (Time in a Bottle, Jim Croce)

When I realized that the fifth season of LOST was going to be both very concerned with the notion of time and rooted in the seventies, I found myself really hoping that the show would incorporate Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle at some point, especially in a scene focusing on Daniel Faraday. With only one episode to go in the season, that seems unlikely now, so I figured I'd have to match Dan and Croce up myself. This reflection has him confiding in Charlotte at an unspecified point in time prior to the events of the fifth season.

I Can Make Time

"But I can make time," I told Mother,
"For passions I long to pursue.
There's no need for dismay. I'm convinced I can conjure a way
To indulge me and you."

I wished I could play my piano.
I yearned for romance sometimes too.
But it doesn't pay to be Dan Faraday.
My gray matter's coming unglued.

When you smile at me, I want to find time
For music and a woman who'll treat me kindly.
I've lived in isolation, though, forgetting dreams of long ago.
Remind me.

My mind has been addled by physics,
Experiments' damage accrued.
My spirit endures, and while I'm in the presence of yours,
All my hopes are renewed.

When you smile at me, I want to find time
For music and a woman who'll treat me kindly.
I've lived in isolation, though, forgetting dreams of long ago.
Remind me.

Your Vanishing Hut (Vanishing Breed, Michael Martin Murphey)

I've had Island scientist Daniel on the brain since last week's episode of LOST, which focused on him, and tonight's episode had me reminiscing about the beginning of the season again. In this song, to the tune of Michael Martin Murphey's Vanishing Breed, Daniel tries to explain to Sawyer why their lodgings have disappeared and what to expect from this point on.

Your Vanishing Hut

We have no time. There's a bit of a climb
That I need you to let me take.
Come if you want; no talking along the way.
Sorry you're shirtless, but I must avert this
Disaster for all our sakes.
We're dislodged in time, and that's not okay.

Don't make me say this again.
Where's not the question. It's when.

Listen, I'm a quantum physicist, and it's hard to define
Theories this complex for what I suspect's a middling mind.
Just like a record skipping, it seems we're stuck in a rut,
And that's how I explain your vanishing hut.

No way of knowing which way we'll be going
The next time we disappear.
Will it be the future or the past?
Whenever we leap to, the cost will be steep
If we do not shift gears,
'Cause we're dislodged in time, and that's not okay.

Though we can't change our history,
I might have found the key to break free.

Listen, I'm a quantum physicist, and it's hard to define
Theories this complex for what I suspect's a middling mind.
Just like a record skipping, it seems we're stuck in a rut.
That's how I explain your vanishing hut.
That's how I explain your vanishing hut.

Vanishing Breed

My Mother Was Armed (Brothers in Arms, Mark Knopfler)

With The Variable, LOST has now reached the 100-episode mark, and what a momentous episode it was. Eccentric physicist Daniel Faraday finally got the limelight to himself, but it wasn't such a pleasant experience for him. Here are some thoughts I have running through his head in the last moments of the episode, to the tune of Dire Straits' Brothers in Arms.

My Mother Was Armed

So here's the fulfillment of my grand destiny.
All my life, she pretended to care about me.
Upon my return here to send out the alarm,
She knew I would be burned here. My mother was armed.

The advance toward destruction began as a child.
My dreams were worth nothing; they were dashed and reviled.
"Because you are gifted," she said as she smeared on the smarm.
She guided and grifted. My mother was armed.

In the slowly seeping stain that started with her gun,
Will she see the pain of her disillusioned son?

Who am I to rebel and to want to know why?
If I've done my job well, then it's worth it to die.
But her message in my journal is no longer a balm.
How brutal to learn that my mother was armed!

Dan In My Dream (Dance Little Jean, Jimmy Ibbotson)

There's been entirely too little Desmond in season five of LOST. I'm hoping the next episode rectifies that a bit. In the meantime, here's a little something, to the tune of Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Dance Little Jean, reflecting on his appearance earlier in the season.

Dan in My Dream

I joined a boat race for my honor,
And I never thought that I would be marooned,
But then a storm sidetracked me,
And Kelvin kept me helplessly entombed.
So I was praying for some answers,
And I swore that if I ever could depart,
I would never think again about the Island
That I loathed with all my heart.

Then my depression turned to panic.
I heard somebody pounding on my door.
When I cocked my gun and greeted him,
It seemed to me that I'd seen him before.
But as he rushed to spill his secrets, Pen,
I couldn't comprehend what he could mean.
Then he told me that I had to meet
His mother, and I woke from the dream.

Well, it was Dan in my dream, but I don't know how.
What made me forget that moment until now?
Dan in my dream, a strange memory.
Oh, why can't that blasted Island just be done with me?

I don't want to go to Oxford.
We've been careful to avoid your father's net.
What if listening to Dan leads us right to him
And amplifies his threat?
But I owe my life to Faraday,
So even though this may be a mistake,
I will do just what he said to
For faith and fate and friends I can't forsake.

Yeah, I saw Dan in my dream, but I don't know how.
What made me forget that moment until now?
Dan in my dream, a strange memory.
Oh, why can't that blasted Island just be done with me?
Tell me, why can't that blasted Island just be done with me?

Dance Little Jean

The Thinker (The Tinker, John Reynolds)

I've really missed Daniel, my favorite season-four addition to the cast, in these last few episodes of LOST, so I'm very much looking forward to the next episode, in which he seems likely to play a central role. He's a reflection by him, addressing a just-departed Desmond, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Tinker, inspired by the episode The Constant.

The Thinker

'Tis a thinker I am, a pondering man
Accustomed to sounding bizarre,
Always dodging defeat while the Oxford elite
Sit and sully my name in the bar.

Though I shrug off the sneers I've received from my peers
When they should have been doling out praise,
I am stung by each slight, so I keep out of sight,
Seeking proof in a rat and a maze.

So thank you for showing that I'm not a liar,
That my theories are really true,
That I've not been misled by these thoughts in my head.
For your validation, thank you.

Though I'm hardly insane, I'll admit that the brain
Underneath all my scraggly hair
Has been jolted and jarred and repeatedly scarred
By the tests that I run in my lair.

So thank you for showing that I'm not a liar,
That my theories are really true,
That I've not been misled by these thoughts in my head.
For your validation, thank you.

You restored my resolve when you entered my life,
Bringing meaning to all that I've done.
Though you're already leaving, our fates are entwined,
And our kinship has only begun.

When you're settled in time, leave some room in your mind
To remember our meeting here, please.
I intend to depend on your being my friend
If I end up like Eloise.

So thank you for showing that I'm not a liar,
That my theories are really true,
That I've not been misled by these thoughts in my head.
For your validation, thank you.

So thank you for showing that I'm not a liar,
That my theories are really true,
That I've not been misled by these thoughts in my head.
For your validation, thank you.

The Tinker