Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

We're the Good Guys, Jin! (Let the Good Guys Win, Murray McLauglan)

"You make bad choices, bad things happen to you. But you make good choices, and then good - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! You got one! Yeah. Here, pull it in. Wow, look at that! You see? Now, that's karma. We must be the good guys, huh?"
- Bernard, Ji Yeon

Here's a song from Bernard in the fishing scene in Ji Yeon, to the tune of the Irish Rovers song Let the Good Guys Win. (The video is actually from the group who did it first, and the two versions are almost identical, lyrically speaking.)

We’re the Good Guys, Jin!

Maybe this married life is a learning curve.
Though we love our wives, they get on our last nerve.
But my Rose had cancer, and she almost died,
So to stick with Jack seemed like suicide.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

Maybe faithful love means you place a bet,
Take a chance although it doesn’t make sense yet.
Maybe each decision takes us twice as long.
But I don’t believe that we have chosen wrong.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

When you make a choice, and the choice is bad,
The consequence surely will make you sad.
But with love as our guide, we’ll be choosing right.
Though the darkness calls, we will embrace the light.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!

This War You Had to Wage (Spirit of the Age, Michael Card)

"I wanna know why. I wanna know that Sun and Jin and Sayid didn't die for nothing."
- Kate, What They Died For


I've been trying to get into the heads of each of the major Island players as they move into the final chapter, and I've had a harder time getting a handle on Kate than most. But I think I have a pretty good understanding of where she's coming from, and I don't begrudge her the angry questions she hurls at Jacob. Here's Kate to the tune of Michael Card's Spirit of the Age.

This War You Had to Wage

My eyes are red from crying for Jin, Sayid and Sun,
And I can’t stop thinking of their little girl Ji Yeon.
So what Locke said to Sawyer... Swear to me he lied.
I cannot continue till you tell me why they died.

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

You seem so understanding, benevolent and kind.
But does it even bother you that we left them behind?
And what about my number? How come it has been crossed?
Is that your way of saying that all hope for me is lost?

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

The accidents and murders that piled up here in Hell
Ought to haunt you even if you only meant us well.
If you’re to be our mentor, our shining spectral sage,
Say sorry for the victims of this war you had to wage!

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

Because of me, my best friend died for nothing,
And ever since I’ve craved a blank page.
So how can you accept there are so many
Victims of this war you had to wage?
The victims of this war you had to wage...

Spirit of the Age

I'll Never Leave You (Yankee Bayonet, Colin Meloy)

Sun: Go!  Please... go!
Jin: I won't leave you. I will never leave you again...  I love you, Sun.
- The Candidate

I've been casting about for a fitting tribute to Sun and Jin ever since The Candidate, but it wasn't until my brother Nathan mentioned that I ought to dip into the Decemberists that I realized the perfect song for LOST's doomed couple was lurking just out of earshot. I tried to incorporate several elements of their journey - Sun's naive girlhood dreams, Jacob's blessing, the difficulties they worked through together and Ji Yeon, the "flower of wisdom". Here's Jin and Sun to the tune of the Decemberists' Yankee Bayonet.

I’ll Never Leave You

Jin: Captured glimpses of my unknown treasure -
Such a sweet surprise!
Sun: Far from this sub that I’ve no hope of escaping,
That’s where our daughter lies.

Go, Jin, go, please, go, Jin, go.
Please, go, Jin, go, please go.

Jin: Look at me. Can you see the love
That has sustained me through these years?
Sun: I carried it with me as our young flower blossomed
In the midst of my anguished tears.

Go, Jin, go, please, go, Jin, go.
Please, go, Jin, go, please go.

Jin: No, Sun, no, Sun, no, Sun.
No, Sun. No, Sun. No, Sun. No.

Our love is so blessed.
I’ll never take it for granted, Sun.
Together, we will rest,
For I’ll never leave you. I’ll never leave you.
I’ll never leave you. I’ll never leave you. No.

Sun: When I was a girl, I believed when I found my love,
My world would have no pain.
Jin: But oh, for a moment within your sunshine,
I would face a lifetime of rain.

Sun and Jin: Oh, you know I love you so.
You know I love you so.

Jin: We’ve come to the end, but we leave here together,
And we’ll only be apart for a while.
Sun: But Jin, you can live. You can save yourself
And you can go and be with our child.

Go, Jin, go, please, go, Jin, go.
Please, go, Jin, go, please go.

Jin: No, Sun, no, Sun, no, Sun.
No, Sun. No, Sun. No, Sun. No.

Our love is so blessed.
I’ll never take it for granted, Sun.
Together, we will rest,
For I’ll never leave you. I’ll never leave you.
I’ll never leave you. I’ll never leave you.

Jin: You have my heart, so take my hand.
Jin and Sun: I’ll always love you.
Sun: A love as vast as stars and sand.
Jin and Sun: I’ll always love you.

Jin: It’s time, my love, for our fingers to be parted.
Let our last embrace begin.
Sun: Let my lips speak the only language
That we need as we drift away, Jin.

Sun and Jin: Oh, you know I love you so.
You know I love you so.
Oh, you know I love you so.
You know I love you so.

The Island He Ruled (The Village of Brambleshire Wood, George and Will Millar)

"At some point in your life, James, probably when you were young and miserable and vulnerable. he came to you, he manipulated you, pulled your strings like you were a puppet. And as a result, choices you thought were made, were never really choices at all. He was pushing you, James. Pushing you.. to the Island."- Smokey, The Substitute

Jacob and Smokey have very different perspectives on their ongoing battle. Here's Smokey addressing Sawyer in the cliffside cave, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Village of Brambleshire Wood.

The Island He Ruled

Written here on this wall are the numbers and names
Of the people he brought to the Island he ruled.
I’ve freed us at last from his tedious games
And his endless insistence on preserving the light.

Goodbye to his silly white stone!
See the names of the chumps who have died?
He carelessly crossed out the names and the numbers
Of people he brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

You’ll notice, I think, not all of the names here
Are split and obscured with a chalk line of white.
They're potential replacements who somehow aren't dead,
Who've survived their ordeal on the Island he ruled.

There’s Shephard and Reyes and Kwon,
And Jarrah, and I think both of us recall John.
His time here is through, so I’ll cross him out too,
Just a pawn Jacob brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

Now you’re number 15. Don’t look so astonished.
Yes, you met Jacob a long time ago.
He gave you a push, James, and look where it led you.
It brought you, like the rest, to the Island he ruled.

Since he’s dead, three choices are yours:
Do nothing, and stay on these infernal shores;
Take on the position of pointless protector;
Or you join me, and we leave the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

The Village of Brambleshire Wood

I'll Search for Jin (Don't Fence Me In, Cole Porter / Robert Fletcher)

Here's a counterpoint to I'll Search for Sun, with Sun, en route to the Island again, reflecting on her desire to find her husband, to the tune of the cowboy song Don't Fence Me In.

I’ll Search for Jin

I thought him dead, but instead,
I’ve been told that he’s alive.
I’ll search for Jin.
Even though I don’t know
How he managed to survive,
I’ll search for Jin.
While I’m worried that this is some kind of a trick,
I don’t think that Ben is quite that twisted and sick.
Skepticism’s tempting, but it’s faith I’ll pick.
I’ll search for Jin.

If it’s a lie,
If I’m groping for a hope that is entirely in vain,
Then Ben will die.
I will kill the scheming villain who has coaxed me on this plane.
But there’s a chance that it’s true, so I have to take it.
I‘ve got a goal, and I won’t forsake it.
Once, I made a promise, and I will not break it.
I’ll search for Jin.

If it’s a lie,
If I’m groping for a hope that is entirely in vain,
Then Ben will die.
I will kill the scheming villain who has coaxed me on this plane.
But there’s a chance that it’s true, so I have to take it.
I‘ve got a goal, and I won’t forsake it.
Once, I made a promise, and I will not break it.
I’ll search for Jin.

I’ll search for Jin.
Oh, yes, I’ll search for Jin.

Don't Fence Me In

The End (American Pie, Don McLean)

Working through my feelings on the end of LOST a couple weeks ahead of time. Darlton, are you listening?

The End (A LOSTie’s Salute)

A long, long time ago,
Back when television was an idle, passionless routine,
An epic promo stopped me cold.
It seemed like cinematic gold
Created for a more convenient screen.
A fiery crash, a pressing query,
A score that sounded more than eerie.
I embraced this new show,
This fresh Robinson Crusoe,
This stunning tale of tattered lives.
Even if I’m pleased with who survives,
It’s sure to cut like John Locke’s knives
The day The End arrives.

A dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Do you know I came to love
All the folks who fell from far above
In September of ‘04?
And I soon made room inside my soul
For one crazed Scotsman in a hole
And Ben, who isn’t Henry anymore.
I’ve envisioned Richard as a sage
Since I noticed that he doesn’t age.
Fantastic Frank’s a find,
And I dig dear dizzy Dan's mind.
I sympathized with Dogen’s tragic case,
And Ilana touched me with her quiet grace.
I just don’t see how I can face
The day The End arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now for six years, it’s been on the air.
No other series can quite compare
In terms of sheer complexity.
Every episode hides a crucial clue.
Stranger in a Strange Land matters too,
Though tattoos are not exactly key.
Who’d’ve thought that run-down DHARMA van
Would fuel a hero’s rescue plan?
Who knew the code equates
To Jacob’s Candidates?
You’ve dropped crumbs along the twisted trail.
What tiny Season One detail
Will clinch who wins and who will fail
The day The End arrives?

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Faith and reason, loyalty and treason,
Enigmas deepening every season.
Cuselof, I tip my hat.
The polar bears, Hurley bird
And ancient monster are so absurd;
I appreciate it all the more for that.
There’s a four-toed statue on the beach.
When wet Walt spouted garbled speech
And Jacob’s cabin shook,
I had to take another look.
How do pylons form a Smokey shield
And why are Temple bathers healed?
What mysteries will be revealed
The day The End arrives?

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now all those phrases are in my head,
Like “Are you him?” and “Dead is dead”
And “Live together, die alone.”
“Don’t mistake a coincidence for fate!”
And Jack’s cry, “We have to go back, Kate!”
By leaps and bounds, the lexicon has grown.
It’s always a hoot to spout the names
So snarkily assigned by James.
Though “Jabba’s” kinda mean,
I’m keen on “Mr. Clean”.
All the allusions make me feel obtuse.
How many more will you produce?
My library card will get some use
The day The End arrives.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I said farewell to Jin and Sun.
Sadly, Charlie’s rock star days are done -
In this dimension, anyway.
Scott and Eko had violent deaths,
And I always will remember Seth’s,
Since you deigned to turn the pilot into prey.
From fatal falls and time disease
To filicide (curse you, Eloise!),
You’ve shown a special talent
For killing off the gallant.
Michael wound up a remorseful ghost.
Sayid repented and then was toast.
I wonder who I’ll miss the most
The day The End arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Choice in an Underwater Cell (Poem on an Underground Wall, Paul Simon)

The Candidate is one of the most devastating episodes LOST has ever offered, yet amidst the shock and horror of the deaths that swiftly followed each other late in the episode, I felt uplifted by Sayid's decision to go out in a literal blaze of sacrificial glory.  Here's a reflection on that to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's A Poem on an Underground Wall.  (The song itself starts at about 2:30, but if you've never heard Art's colorful introductory anecdote, it's well worth a listen.)

Choice in an Underwater Cell

The timer is running out,
A consequence of Sawyer’s doubt.
There‘s no time now for hesitation.
Sayid knows his friends‘ salvation
Depends upon his actions.

His tragic eyes, lit at last,
Return to Jack before the blast.
He divulges Smokey’s secret:
What it is, and how to seek it
When they return to dry land.

He grabs the bulky bomb and bolts
While others brace for jarring jolts.
So strong, courageous, clever, swift,
He’s experienced such a shift
Since he spoke to Desmond!

And he runs on defiantly,
Declaring his liberty
From his would-be master’s tyranny
In the hope his selfless bravery
Spares his cornered friends.

As far away from them he dashes,
The hall’s engulfed in flame and ashes.
This time he will not be rising,
But deep within the sub there lies
A true hero.

All around him, crashing, screaming, crying.
The captain‘s dead, the Kwons are dying.
Frank has flown his final flight,
But still Sayid has chosen right
By casting off the darkness
To embrace redeeming light.

Man's Best Friend (Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Jule Styne, Leo Robin)

Throughout much of the first season, there seemed to be a spark of possible romance between Sun and Michael, and Jin seemed like such a jerk at the time that many wanted this sweet relationship with a down-on-his-luck guy to develop in that direction. But by the time the mobisode Buried Secrets came out, we'd been through three seasons with these characters, and while I felt sorry for Michael, I laughed with relief when Vincent came bounding in to stop him and Sun from kissing and bringing further complications to one of the most intense couples on the show. Here, I address Mobisode Sun to the tune of Marilyn Monroe's Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend.

Man’s Best Friend

You say your husband’s lost your love,
So you might do something stupid.
Though Michael may be kind indeed,
Don’t heed the call of Cupid.

A kiss on the lips would be quite devastating.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend!
A kiss would eclipse all Jin’s reasons for hating
Rugged Island life. Oh, it would cut him like a knife.
Sun, you know that he can throw
Such a tantrum when at his wits’ end.
Just think of the bother
If you smooched Walt’s father!
You’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.

Loneliness. Bitterness.
Those are your feelings.
Michael’s so sympathetic
That he’s got you reeling.

The pooch came in time
To prevent a disaster.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.
The pooch came in time
To deliver his master
From your husband’s ire
And from the fire of your desire.

You and Jin
Could start again.
Yes, your marriage could be on the mend.
This one indiscretion
Could fuel a regression.
You’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.

You had an affair,
And you don’t need another.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best Friend.
You’ll rue the affair
When you learn you’re a mother
And be so glad
That Jin’s the dad your baby had.

Vincent’s bark
Has doused the spark.
An inferno was just ‘round the bend.
You feel some regret now,
But you’re in his debt now.

Vincent. Vincent.
He’s kept you inn’cent.
Yes, you’ve been saved by Man’s Best, Best Friend.

Eucalyptus (Calypso, John Denver)

"Eucalyptus - smart, Jack...  Thank you, very much."
 - Jack, Confidence Man

One of my favorite moments involving Sun comes when she helps Shannon by calming her breathing down with eucalyptus. It's at this moment that she really becomes a part of the group. Here's Jack thanking Sun for her efforts to the tune of John Denver's Calypso.

Eucalyptus

I’ve had a rough day. I am so sick of Sawyer,
But still I’m depressed that I let him get hurt.
It’s making me nervous, ‘cause what will it lead to?
A crisis I’m trying my best to avert.
Not to mention the fact that this sinister action
Landed us nothing... What’s in your hand?

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

Though your husband’s been chiding,
You’ve come out of hiding,
And your contribution saved Shannon today.
I hope you’ll consider remaining around.
Are you understanding a word that I say?
If you are, give a nod. We’ll make you feel welcome.
Join me in keeping the chaos at bay.

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.

So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

A Panda (Amanda, Tom Scholz)

Shopkeeper: Can I help you? Is there something you're looking for? Jin: Yes... a panda.
- Ji Yeon

In Ji Yeon, Jin's Amazing Panda Adventure is fraught with frustration. Here's Jin to the tune of Boston's Amanda.

A Panda

Hey, I stopped in your store today
To take a look at your display.
You have plenty of plush,
And I’m in a rush,
So I’ll just say what I am here for.

Well, you, you don’t know how stressed I’ve been,
Don’t know what a mess I’m in.
But I’ll put on a smile
As you show me the aisle.
I’ll be okay if I can find it.

So can you help a hurried guy
Whose purpose is to buy a panda?
Once fifty thousand won are spent,
I am eager to present a panda.
I’ll have a steeper price to pay
If I don’t give away a panda.
I need it.

I’ve been running around all day.
I think my hair is turning gray.
I’m in crisis, you see.
First you sell it to me,
And right away, I go out and lose it.

Oh, there’s no time to waste with woe.
So back into your shop I’ll go,
But I think I will cry
If your panda supply
Is running low.
I really could use it.

So can you help a hurried guy
Whose purpose is to buy a panda?
Once fifty thousand won are spent,
I am eager to present a panda.
I’ll have a steeper price to pay
If I don’t give away a panda. Please, sir!

Can’t you try
To see my sorry state?
I don’t care, don’t care
How much the price is,
So go ahead and inflate.
Please, let me buy, sir!
It would save my life, I know it,
‘Cause if I blow it
Then I’m facing a fearsome fate.
Oh...

I don’t know what else to do.
If you fail me, then I think I’m through.
This bear has me feeling blue.

Whoever You Are (Wherever You Are, Michael Abbott / Sarah Weeks)

"I'm so glad to know you were lying because...if what you said was the truth, if Kate was raising Aaron...I'd kill her."
- Claire, Lighthouse


Claire has had an incredibly difficult time since her friends left the Island, and the loss of Aaron remains her biggest preoccupation. By the time she meets Jin, Aaron is a boy almost old enough for preschool, and Claire must be painfully aware of the fact that she doesn't know a thing about her own child. Here are some musings from her during Lighthouse, to the tune of Wherever You Are, from Pooh's Grand Adventure.

Whoever You Are

Hear me, son.
Hear me from afar.
Remember me,
Whoever you are.

Since you were snatched away,
I don’t know who you’ve become,
But I love you.
When sleeping or at play,
Hope you recollect your mum,
For I love you.

I need you to know that I love you,
And I mourn for the years that we’ve lost.
I’m singing Catch a Falling Star
And wishing Charlie’s old guitar
Played this lullaby for you,
Whoever you are.

What makes you laugh?
What makes you smile?
What do you do here on this isle?

Or was I fed a lie?
If you left this place with Kate,
I would kill her.
I’d want to find out why.
Once she set the record straight,
I would kill her.

I’d hate her for making you love her
If the story that Jin tells is true.

I’m singing Catch a Falling Star
And wishing Charlie’s old guitar,
Sweetest sound I ever knew
Except the music of your coo,
Accompanied my song for you,
Whoever you are.
Whoever you are.

Who'll Fly the Plane (Who'll Stop the Rain, John Fogerty)

"Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"
- Kate, Recon


Sawyer's been laying low and plotting throughout much of the sixth season. Kate's not so sure she's on board with his plans. Here's an elongated version of her objections to him at the end of Recon, to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Who'll Stop the Rain.

Who’ll Fly the Plane

Look, I don’t remember just how the plane went down.
Wasn’t still on board when it must’ve hit the ground.
Don’t know what’s become of Frank and Ben and Sun.
So I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

What did you discover when you went off to explore?
Did you learn what Widmore’s on Hydra Island for?
Your approach seems risky, possibly in vain.
Yes, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Not so hot on stayin’, but when we get there,
How do we win over Jin and crazy Claire?
Where are Jack and Hurley? Will we strand them here?
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

I'll Search for Sun (Here Comes the Sun, George Harrison)

"I can't leave. Sun could be here somewhere."
- Jin, Recon


Sawyer is anxious to leave the Island, but Jin's first priority is finding his wife, as he explains to the tune of the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun.

I’ll Search for Sun

I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, you want to get off of this Island.
Listen, Sawyer, I hope I’m making myself clear.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, both of us know how big this place is.
Listen, Sawyer, I don't care if it takes all year.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.

Listen, Sawyer, that isn’t Locke and I don’t trust him.
Listen, Sawyer, it’s getting scary around here.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun.
I won’t leave.
I won’t leave.

Stubborn Tomato (Homegrown Tomatoes, Guy Clark)

"That's one stubborn tomato. Guess no one told it it was supposed to die."
- Jack, The Package

I enjoyed Jack's little heart to heart with Sun in The Package. Here's a recreation of his pep talk, to the tune of Guy Clark's Homegrown Tomatoes.

Stubborn Tomato

I know you’ve gotta find it so frustrating
Just sitting around here and silently waiting.
Easy to see how your heart would harden.
Still, I saw promise out in your garden.
Went to look for Locke, but I didn’t find him.
Why couldn’t he leave a better trail behind him?
All things considered, it was not a waste, though,
‘Cause I walked away with a stubborn tomato.

Stubborn tomato. Stubborn tomato.
See what I found? It’s a stubborn tomato.
Never was told that it oughtta die.
I call that a stubborn tomato!

You can no longer speak in English. Sure,
It’s a pain, but until I can find you a cure,
I recall a patient banged on the head.
Since he couldn't talk, we just had him write instead.
Can you pick up this pen, write down an answer?
It’s a little bit slow; still, it’s a chance for
Getting to express all the things you’re thinking.
That ought to help you keep your soul from sinking.

Stubborn tomato. Stubborn tomato.
See what I found? It’s a stubborn tomato.
Never was told that it oughtta die.
I call that a stubborn tomato!

It’s live together, die alone,
So you’re never gonna be on your own.
Right now it might seem hard to cope,
But you’ve got a friend, and here’s a symbol of hope.
Listen, Sun, do you trust me?
If you stay, then you have my firm guarantee:
You’ll find your husband and leave this place. So
Have a little faith. Be like the stubborn tomato.

Stubborn tomato. Stubborn tomato.
See what I found? It’s a stubborn tomato.
Never was told that it oughtta die.
I call that a stubborn tomato!
Stubborn tomato.
See what I found? It’s a stubborn tomato.
Never was told that it oughtta die.
I call that a stubborn tomato!

Jacob's Chosen (All God's Critters, Bill Staines)

On LOST, Jacob's nemesis claims that all he wants is to go home. But it seems there are several people standing in his way. Here's a reflection on that, to the tune of Bill Staines' All God's Critters. (Below is the closest version I could find online to the version I modeled mine after.)

Jacob’s Chosen

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Take a look at Ford, he’s a thief and a liar.
He’s a lot like me, but his deep desire to
Help his friends is a troubling clue
He’ll try to con me too.

The Kwons are a pair with a whole lotta problems.
Which of them did he want to take his job?
I am not too sure, but it’s such a chore
To get them both at once!

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

I would like to think that Jarrah is all mine.
He’s a murderer, and I like that fine,
But I wonder if I can keep him in line,
Or will he mess up my plans?

Shephard is a hero. Shephard takes the lead.
He’ll never stand by, letting someone bleed.
It galls me that I can’t proceed
Till I’ve cracked his resolve somehow.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Reyes is the worst. He’s a sap and a saint
With a soul so pure even I can’t taint it.
He’s Jacob’s pet, so my chances are slim
Till I get rid of him.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Michael, Build the Raft with Jin (Michael, Row the Boat Ashore, Traditional)

Here's a very simple ditty harkening back to very simple days on LOST, back when it seemed possible that getting off the Island could be as simple as Michael building a raft. Set to the tune of the Highwaymen's version of Michael, Row the Boat Ashore.

Michael, Build the Raft with Jin

Michael, build the raft with Jin.
Leave the Island.
New adventures will begin.
Leave the Island.

Sawyer, help to lend a hand.
Leave the Island.
Don’t lie lounging in the sand.
Leave the Island.

Michael, build the raft with Jin.
Leave the Island.
New adventures will begin.
Leave the Island.

Mr. Locke will be helping you, Walt.
Leave the Island.
Won’t reveal that the fire’s your fault.
Leave the Island.

Michael, build the raft with Jin.
Leave the Island.
New adventures will begin.
Leave the Island.

A little more work to do and then you
Leave the Island.
Who knows what you’ll have to face when you
Leave the Island?

Michael, build the raft with Jin.
Leave the Island.
New adventures will begin.
Leave the Island.

Bye, Australia! (Sing Australia, John Denver)

My very first LOST parody was a group song, but I've only had a few let's-get-as-many-characters-involved-as-we-can-style parodies. I figured it was time for another one. Here's one that crams in 30 815 passengers, I think; most have a line, some are mentioned by others. To the tune of John Denver's Sing Australia, this imagines their thoughts en route to L. A. (in the original timeline).

Bye, Australia!

Hurley: I came to Australia to break the Numbers curse.
Jack: I came to find my father; didn’t think I would need a hearse.
Boone: Came to help my step-sister.
Arzt: Came here for a date.
John: I came for a walkabout; I was four years too late.

Rose: We were here on our honeymoon.
Bernard: I came to help her heal.
Nikki: I arrived as an actress but I found some gems to steal.
Charlie: Liam is on my black list since he won’t revive the band.
Kate: Maybe I’ll find some way to lose the Marshal when we land.

Hurley: I’m unlucky.
Kate: I am plucky.
Jack: I’m a surgeon of great renown.
Charlie: I’m a druggie.
John: I had a purpose, but Australia let me down.

Michael: Walt is my son, but I bet I’m a lousy dad.
Sawyer: Killed a guy I didn’t know; now I’m feelin’ bad.
Sun: Do I still love my husband?
Jin: Could Sun still be in love with me?
Neil: Excuse me while I dream of a frogurt factory.

Sayid: Will Nadia embrace me when we meet again at last?
Shannon: I made my brother chase me.
Eko: I have a sordid past.
Gary: I hope Bad Twin’s a winner.
Steve: I’ll go by Scott someday.
Claire: I’m scared to see this couple waiting in L. A.

Sawyer: I’m a killer.
Gary: Wrote a thriller.
Sayid: I am headed for my true love.
Claire: Funny how it all seems so tiny when we’re watching from above.

Cindy: Bye, Australia!
Paolo: Bye, Australia!
Ana Lucia: Bye, Australia!
Libby: Bye, Australia!

Seth: Folks, I hope your belts are buckled,
‘Cause this plane is goin’ down!

Sing Australia

We Are Home (Take Me Home, Phil Coulter)

Listening to Celtic Thunder's new album, Take Me Home, gave me all sorts of fodder for filking. Here's a reflection by the speaking members of the Oceanic Six as they return to civilization, to the tune of the title track.

We Are Home

Jack: At my dad's urgin',
I became a surgeon.
Now I can focus on perfecting my skill.

Kate: I should find a lawyer,
And thanks to Sawyer,
I have a request to fulfill.

Hurley: My mom is waiting,
And I've been debating.
I might be ready to let Dad try again.

Sun: I'll have this baby,
Then I think that maybe
I'll go and track down Ben.

All: Home.
Yes, we are home,
The place we never thought we would see.
Sun: I wish that Jin was here with me.
All: But we are home!

Sayid: Nadia, where are you?
I've come too far to
Disregard the romance that I have dreamed of for years.

All: Faced with this ending,
No use pretending
Our eyes have been free of tears.

All: Home.
Yes, we are home,
The place we never thought we would see.
Kate: I wish that Sawyer was with me.
All: But we are home!

Jack: We are home after months away.
Hurley: Now I wonder if we'll stay.

Jack: Home.
(Sun and Kate: Jin and Sawyer.)
Sayid: Yes, we are home.
(Jack and Hurley: Claire and Charlie.)
Kate: The press is making a mighty fuss
(Sayid: Who knew that only six of us would return?)
Hurley: We wish our friends
(Sun: I'm so lonely)
Hurley: Were here with us.
(Sun: And I'm yearning to be with him again.)
Jack: But we are home!

Jack: Home.
(Sun and Kate: Jin and Sawyer.)
Sayid: Yes, we are home.
(Jack and Hurley: Claire and Charlie.)
Kate: The press is making a mighty fuss
(Sayid: Who knew that only six of us would return?)
Hurley: We wish our friends
(Sun: I'm so lonely)
Hurley: Were here with us.
(Sun: And I'm yearning...)
Jack: But we are home!
All: We are home!

I'm Gonna Read (I Want to Live, John Denver)

I really enjoyed Namaste, the most recent episode of LOST, which reunited Sawyer and his pals with Jack, Hurley and Kate. Of course, the situation is much more complicated than Sawyer would have imagined three years earlier, or than Jack had anticipated. It will be interesting to see how these two work together in the episodes to come, but for now, Sawyer's got the upper hand. This reflection, to the tune of John Denver's I Want to Live, has Sawyer giving Jack his little end-of-the-episode talking-to, and then I imagine him muttering the bridge and last verse to himself after Jack leaves, admitting to himself that at this point, he's not all that thrilled that his long-lost friends have finally shown up....

I'm Gonna Read

There are leaders forged in crisis, and they dive into the fray.
There are leaders who ignore the risks ahead.
There are leaders who are pensive, leaders who delay
To be sure their fortunes won't get worse and their friends don't wind up dead.

I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink.
I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead.
I'm gonna think. I'm gonna read.

Did you know that Winston Churchill read a novel every night?
Have you heard he said it helped him think things through?
Would it kill you to say "thank you" for the stunt I pulled today?
Just go get some sleep. I'll spring Sayid by doin' what I do.

I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink.
I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead.
I'm gonna think. I'm gonna read.

We're the warden and the whisperer, the savior and the sire.
We're the motley crew who you guys left behind.
You're the doctor and the hugger and the half-forgotten one,
And you took so long to make it back, you've put us in a bind.

We've been waiting here with DHARMA, layin' low and blending in.
We've been waiting in a place that feels like home.
No more lean-tos. No more campfires. No more livin' off the land.
If you're gonna mess that up, Jack, then I wish you hadn't come.

I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead. I'm gonna think. I'm gonna read.
I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna read. I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna think.
I'm gonna prove I'm fit to lead. I'm gonna think. I'm gonna read.
I'm gonna read.
I'm gonna read.

I Want to Live