We Wonder Who His Ex Is (Deep in the Heart of Texas, June Hershey / Don Swander)

After Lighthouse revealed that Jack had a son, there was a lot of speculation as to who David's mother might be.  Here's a little ditty about that to the tune of the cowboy song Deep in the Heart of Texas.

We Wonder Who His Ex Is

Although we’re glad that Jack’s a dad,
We wonder who his ex is.
She left the kid with Jack and hid.
We wonder who his ex is.

So let’s debate.  Could it be Kate?
We wonder who his ex is.
Or Ana Lu’s an option too.
We wonder who his ex is.

Will Sarah be the mom we see?
We wonder who his ex is.
Or better yet is Juliet.
We wonder who his ex is.

We have the names of lots of dames.
We wonder who his ex is.
Why won’t the show just let us know?
We wonder who his ex is.

Who-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo?


Deep in the Heart of Texas

I'm Lost Without...

This past Christmas, I received a shirt that reads "I'M LOST WITHOUT CHARLIE". Turns out it was prophetic, since Charlie's run on the show actually ended with the conclusion of the third season. He's one of my four absolutely favorite characters. Luckily, the other three remain, but meanwhile other folks have been getting whacked left and right. It troubles me. Hence, this little rant...

I'm Lost Without...

I'm lost without Charlie, musician and hero.
I'm lost without Shannon and Boone.
I'm lost without Eko, whose death by Old Smokey
Seemed random and happened too soon.

I'm lost without gun-toting Ana Lucia.
I'm lost without Nikki the ditz.
I'm lost without Paolo, Joanna and Leslie,
Who got himself blown into bits.

I'm lost without Libby, collateral damage
And Hurley's best shot at romance.
I'm lost without dangerous Bonnie and Greta,
Who never had much of a chance.

I'm lost without Ryan, Colleen and Naomi.
I'm lost without Donald and Scott.
I'm lost without Roger and Kelvin, the putzes
Whose passing propelled the whole plot.

I'm lost without Danny, irascible hothead.
I'm lost without friendly foe Tom.
I'm lost without Goodwin, that overgrown boy scout.
I'm lost without vile Ethan Rom.

I'm lost without Edward, the dude with the shrapnel.
I'm lost without Cooper and Klugh.
I'm lost without Pilot-Whose-Name-Wasn't-Mentioned
And maybe without Mikhail too.

O Damon and Carlton, desist with the slaughter!
Have mercy! Consider the cost
Of killing each character I've come to love, lest
At last I am lost without LOST!

Girls Just Gotta Have Guns (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Robert Hazard)

Here's a parody about Ana Lucia to the tune of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, which repeats for two more pages' worth of lyrics after the last chorus I have listed, so you can just fill in the repetition after that point...

Girls Just Gotta Have Guns

Jungle people gave me a fright.
I packed some heat so I'd have a chance in a fight.
Oh, now I fear I may regret what I've done,
But girls, they gotta have guns.
Oh, girls just gotta have guns.

Did I bring some abominable blight
Upon this island by trying to save my life?
I guess it's clear that I am gonna be shunned,
But girls, they gotta have guns.
A girl's just gotta have...
It's handy in tight spots...
A gun.

Wiping out unworthy ones,
Oh, girls, they gotta have guns.
Oh, girls just gotta have guns.

Girls, they got,
Gotta have guns,
Girls gotta have...

I was not a murderous girl
Until a dirt-bag came and shattered my world.
I have to have some other plan than to run.
We girls just gotta have guns
A girl's just gotta have....
It's handy in tight spots...
Yes, a gun...

Wiping out unworthy ones,
Oh, girls, they gotta have guns.
Oh, girls just gotta have guns...