We're Staying With Jack (It's Not Over By Half, Joan Shelley)

Bernard: You said you'd never leave the Island, if you wanna go with Locke, I'll be right behind you.
Rose: I'm not going anywhere with that man.
- The Beginning of the End

I'm dipping my toes back into filking with Rose and Bernard, who might be my favorite couple on LOST but who have far too little time in the spotlight.  Joan Shelley's gently transcendent vocals and the sense of serene hope that pervades her beautiful ballad felt fitting for Rose's deeply spiritual nature and the way she acknowledges the darkness without letting it overtake her.

We're Staying With Jack

You took your shot, a guard with a gun.
The Others were scattered with your ammo.
And you've forgotten my mantra for you, hon.
You're a dentist, and you are not Rambo.

Oh, sweetie, why must you always do and not be?
For now I am healthy, and for now we are free.
Hurley's in pain, and he gave a good speech,
But if you ask me, he's made a big blunder.

Bernard, we're staying with Jack
'Cause the look in Locke's eyes makes me think he's a quack.
We follow him and we're on the wrong track.
No, we're not going; we're staying with Jack.

At Niagara Falls, with a timid grin,
You promised to love me through thick and through thin.
So although I had cancer, my heart sang a hymn
Thanking God that He got your attention.

Bernard, we're staying with Jack
'Cause the look in Locke's eyes makes me think he's a quack.
We follow him and we're on the wrong track.
No, we're not going; we're staying with Jack.

Here on this Island, I'm happy with you,
But rescue will bring us serenity, too.
Remission reversal may well ensue;
It won't matter, 'cause we'll be together.

Bernard, we're staying with Jack
'Cause the look in Locke's eyes makes me think he's a quack.
We follow him and we're on the wrong track.
No, we're not going; we're staying with Jack.

It's Not Over By Half

Hope (Be Still, Isaac Slade)

Rose: It's a fine line between denial and faith. It's much better on my side.
Charlie: Help me.
Rose: Baby, I'm not the one that can help you...
- Whatever the Case May Be

Once I finally started writing LOST songs again, Dad started sending me song suggestions, and this is one of those.  I was especially touched when I read the story behind this gentle song of encouragement; the songwriter's brother called him in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and after their conversation, this song came to him organically as a response.

It made me think of Rose's efforts to motivate and comfort Charlie in Whatever the Case May Be, some of my favorite scenes in the series.  While she is there for him, she points him in the direction of a higher help he seems to have given up on...

Hope

I still have hope, and you can, too.

I still have hope Bernard is near.

I still have hope, and you can, too.

Things aren’t that bad, you know.

A monster came upon you.

Though Claire is gone, you’re not to blame.

I still have hope, and you can, too.

Just call upon God’s name.

You almost wish that you were dead.

You’ve never felt this low.

But don’t give in to gloom and dread.

Things aren’t that bad, you know.

This isn’t the finale.

Though the story may get darker still,

The Lord of Light will help you see.

He will, He will, He will.

Reach out for help, and faith will grow.

Before your life began,

The Lord was preparing to guide you.

He always has a plan.

I still have hope, and you can, too.

He always has a plan.

Vince (Vincent, Don McLean)

A recent Entertainment Weekly poll revealed that the most tear-jerking moment in this year's series of finales was Jack's death, and the poll editor parenthetically added that it was Vincent who put Jack over the top. I make it a rule never to filk the same song twice, but once in a blue moon I break it if the song has a strong enough pull on me and I'm not especially attached to my first attempt. I had a feeling I'd have to break my rule for Vincent, and I finally found the perfect scene to work with - a very fitting end to the series, and one that also reminds me of The Forest Again, one of my favorite chapters in the Harry Potter saga. Here's Jack to the tune of Don McLean's Vincent.

Vince

Fatal, fatal knife
Plunged into my side today.
What a price I had to pay
To see to it the Island would stay whole!
Now I’m feeling chilled.
Funny notion, this getting killed.
Won’t be long till my heartbeat’s stilled,
And slowly I will mingle with the sand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see.
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Fatal, fatal knife,
Handed down from ancient days.
Just before he braved the blaze
That brought his ashes, Jacob felt it too.
What a cruel adieu!
Mine was just a tiny reign,
But you came to ease my pain.
I’m strengthened by your warmth beneath my hand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Jacob didn’t have you,
But I’m so glad I do.
Yes, as I slip away from life,
Not that fatal, fatal knife
But somebody who soothes me is in view.
I’m so grateful to you, Vincent.
This isn’t quite so scary when I’m facing it with you.

Fatal, fatal knife.
That’s the reason for my fall.
Barely feel the wound at all,
And certainly I’m feeling no regret.
First survivor who I met,
Now settled with Bernard and Rose,
You have a home but kindly chose
To find me here and help me to let go.

Yes, I’m sure you know
Just how much this means to me.
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
The plane is leaving, and it’s such a thrill,
But Vince, you never will.

We're the Good Guys, Jin! (Let the Good Guys Win, Murray McLauglan)

"You make bad choices, bad things happen to you. But you make good choices, and then good - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! You got one! Yeah. Here, pull it in. Wow, look at that! You see? Now, that's karma. We must be the good guys, huh?"
- Bernard, Ji Yeon

Here's a song from Bernard in the fishing scene in Ji Yeon, to the tune of the Irish Rovers song Let the Good Guys Win. (The video is actually from the group who did it first, and the two versions are almost identical, lyrically speaking.)

We’re the Good Guys, Jin!

Maybe this married life is a learning curve.
Though we love our wives, they get on our last nerve.
But my Rose had cancer, and she almost died,
So to stick with Jack seemed like suicide.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

Maybe faithful love means you place a bet,
Take a chance although it doesn’t make sense yet.
Maybe each decision takes us twice as long.
But I don’t believe that we have chosen wrong.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

When you make a choice, and the choice is bad,
The consequence surely will make you sad.
But with love as our guide, we’ll be choosing right.
Though the darkness calls, we will embrace the light.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!

Doing Construction (Eve of Destruction, Barry McGuire)

"Construction site coordinator. Uh... I'm not sure that's a good match." - Rose, The Substitute

John Locke is a man who knows what he wants, and he is not easily swayed from his position. But in The Substitute, Rose manages to cut through his hard-headedness and convince him to apply a little practicality. Here's Rose to the tune of Barry McGuire's Eve of Destruction.

Doing Construction

I look at you. You’re in a wheelchair.
Maybe you don’t think that we’ll care.
I understand your need for righteous zeal there.
I know when I object, you’ll flash an icy steel glare.
I’m ready to hear you yell that it doesn’t feel fair.
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

You don’t need to mention your animal type.
I wouldn’t disagree that’s a load of tripe.
I will patiently wait while you sit here and gripe.
Though you don’t have much tact, I will cut you some slack.
You will never hear me mock your anguish, Mr. Locke,
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Oh, I know you’re mad, and you don’t want to hear it.
I don’t intend to break your spirit.
And purposelessness? You’re very right to fear it.
Still, this construction thing, if you venture near it,
Is not gonna work, so I hate to clear it.
But hey, sit-down jobs can also have merit.
I bet we’ll find something that is a clear fit.
And I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Just accept your lot. Yes, that is the answer.
It’s what I’ve had to learn since I was struck with cancer.
I know it’s your right to grumble and stew
And think of the things that you’d rather do,
But dwelling on your dreams won’t make them come true.
Don’t waste any more time. Find new goals to pursue.
Mr. Locke, it’s your life. I leave the choice up to you.
I’ll tell you over and over and over and over again, my friend,
I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.
No, no, I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

John Locke (Gaston, Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)

The first LOST filksong I ever wrote involves many of the characters discussing their backstories and Island experiences. The second has John bragging about how great he is. So I thought, for my 100th LOST song, it would be fitting to do a song in which a whole bunch of characters sing about how great John was. About 20 characters (many of them long dead) get in on the action here, to the tune of Alan Menken and Howard Ashman's Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast. Cheers!

John Locke

Ben: How it confused me to see you, John Locke,
Looking so lost and depressed.
Everything was “destiny” to John Locke,
Sure to work out for the best.
I always had failed to unnerve you before;
I now wonder why I would try.
Oddly, I long to preserve you now, for
To impress me, John, you had to die.

Smokey: No one’s been, like John Locke,
Made a twin like John Locke.
Kate: No one’s pulled off an orange-peel grin like John Locke.
Desmond: Oh, his skills with a blade were just scary.
Hurley: Dude, he undid my canteen!
Sun: Though I know his head wasn’t too hairy,
‘Twas the shiniest specimen I’ve ever seen.

Smokey: No one’s used like John Locke
And abused like John Locke.
Jack: No one “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”s like John Locke.
Smokey: No one else is as primed for manipulation.
I miss that guy, that John Locke.

Ben: A man of faith,
Of firm belief.
Richard: John Locke truly sought,
And I thought he’d be a chief.

Boone: No one’s charred as John Locke,
Had it hard as John Locke.
Shannon: No one’s face is as eerily scarred as John Locke.
Sayid: Yes, he went through a number of tussles.
Christian: He got shot and he shattered his leg.
Rose: But he had such miraculous muscles.
Sawyer: Darn right!
If brawn were a brew, then he drank a whole keg.

Jin: No one knots like John Locke,
Claire: Swaddles cloths like John Locke.
Charlie: No one makes metaphors about moths like John Locke.
Claire: No one else is as crafty at crib creation.
I owe a lot to John Locke.

Eko: No other man could have seemed quite so sincere
When he quietly said, “I was wrong.”
Walt: He always respected me when I was here.
All: Oh, it’s clear he’s earned this little song.

Jacob: I attest that John Locke
Was my guest, and John Locke
Never needed to doubt he was blessed as John Locke.
I agree his life merits a celebration.

All: I miss that guy, John Locke!

Rose and Bernie (Cracklin' Rosie, Neil Diamond)

Rose and Bernard are, in many ways, my favorite couple on LOST. Unfortunately, they have a nasty habit of disappearing for long stretches of time, leaving their devoted fans completely hanging. This was especially egregious in seasons three and five. Now, though we've seen them in Sideways world, we're once again left to wonder what has become of them on the Island. Here, to the tune of Neil Diamond's Cracklin' Rosie, I voice the frustration my fellow Rose and Bernard lovers and I feel.

Rose and Bernie

Oh, Rose and Bernie,
Where’d you go?
Why in the world did you vanish from the show?
We gotta know!
We think it’s low
Making us love you then disappearing!
Did you want to run away,
Go someplace private and thrive there, just you two?
Give us a clue
Because without you
We’re aching inside every time that the credits roll.

Oh, we miss Bernard and Rose.
They are the Island’s perfect couple.
Our affection for them grows.

Bernie and Rose,
You were separated,
But now you’re together and we’re elated.
We hope you come back soon, for we’ve waited so long!

Show up now, show up now.
Show up, Rose and Bernie.

Rose and Bernie, happily wed,
You show us wisdom instead of all this angst,
So can we say thanks?
The romantic ranks
Fall into line right behind your brilliance, yeah.

Oh, we miss Bernard and Rose.
They are the Island’s perfect couple.
Our affection for them grows.

Bernie and Rose,
You were separated,
But now you’re together and we’re elated.
We hope you come back soon, for we’ve waited so long!

Show up now, show up now.
Show up, Rose and Bernie.

Rose and Bernie, happily wed,
You show us wisdom instead of all this angst,
So can we say thanks?
The romantic ranks
Fall into line right behind your brilliance…

Bye, Australia! (Sing Australia, John Denver)

My very first LOST parody was a group song, but I've only had a few let's-get-as-many-characters-involved-as-we-can-style parodies. I figured it was time for another one. Here's one that crams in 30 815 passengers, I think; most have a line, some are mentioned by others. To the tune of John Denver's Sing Australia, this imagines their thoughts en route to L. A. (in the original timeline).

Bye, Australia!

Hurley: I came to Australia to break the Numbers curse.
Jack: I came to find my father; didn’t think I would need a hearse.
Boone: Came to help my step-sister.
Arzt: Came here for a date.
John: I came for a walkabout; I was four years too late.

Rose: We were here on our honeymoon.
Bernard: I came to help her heal.
Nikki: I arrived as an actress but I found some gems to steal.
Charlie: Liam is on my black list since he won’t revive the band.
Kate: Maybe I’ll find some way to lose the Marshal when we land.

Hurley: I’m unlucky.
Kate: I am plucky.
Jack: I’m a surgeon of great renown.
Charlie: I’m a druggie.
John: I had a purpose, but Australia let me down.

Michael: Walt is my son, but I bet I’m a lousy dad.
Sawyer: Killed a guy I didn’t know; now I’m feelin’ bad.
Sun: Do I still love my husband?
Jin: Could Sun still be in love with me?
Neil: Excuse me while I dream of a frogurt factory.

Sayid: Will Nadia embrace me when we meet again at last?
Shannon: I made my brother chase me.
Eko: I have a sordid past.
Gary: I hope Bad Twin’s a winner.
Steve: I’ll go by Scott someday.
Claire: I’m scared to see this couple waiting in L. A.

Sawyer: I’m a killer.
Gary: Wrote a thriller.
Sayid: I am headed for my true love.
Claire: Funny how it all seems so tiny when we’re watching from above.

Cindy: Bye, Australia!
Paolo: Bye, Australia!
Ana Lucia: Bye, Australia!
Libby: Bye, Australia!

Seth: Folks, I hope your belts are buckled,
‘Cause this plane is goin’ down!

Sing Australia

Never Too Old (Run for the Roses, Dan Fogelberg)

I'm very much missing Rose and Bernard on LOST. I understand they will be returning before the end of the season; it's been way too long. They're such incredibly decent people, and I think their story is very romantic. While they're certainly not old, they're older than most folks you see falling in love for the first time, especially on television. Of course, I loved them before I knew they were newlyweds too, but that just adds a nice touch. If they'd just show up a little more often, they could be my favorite LOST couple. Here's a reflection by Bernard just after he learns that Rose is alive and well, to the tune of Dan Fogelberg's Run for the Roses.

Never Too Old

Boy, was I silly
To get up and leave
And not wait until we
Struck land. I have grieved.
I thought that she died;
I'm so glad I was wrong,
I feel I should burst into song.

All those long, anxious mornings
And nights full of pain.
I wish I'd been with her
The moment the plane
Crashed down through the air.
What a thrill when they said
That my darling Rose isn't dead!

And I wonder how Rose is.
Does she miss her man?
I'd hate to outlive her;
I won't if I can.
We're advanced in our lifetimes,
But my life's been enhanced,
For you're never too old for romance.
You're never too old for romance.

I'm tired, so tired
Of days when I brood,
So mired in despair
I may come off as rude.
How sweet to soon regain
The greatest love I have known,
To thrive with her, never alone!

And I wonder how Rose is.
Does she miss her man?
I'd hate to outlive her;
I won't if I can.
We're advanced in our lifetimes,
But my life's been enhanced,
For you're never too old for romance.
You're never too old for romance.

We Wish We Could Find an Isthmus (We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Traditional)

Here's another LOST / Christmas carol combination, this one to the tune of Peter Paul and Mary's version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

We Wish We Could Find an Isthmus

Since we came here, there's a lot that we miss,
So is it so strange that we're thinking like this?

We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
Since Michael and Jin's old raft was done in,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

We hate Sawyer's piggy looting,
We hate Sawyer's piggy looting,
We hate Sawyer's piggy looting
And Locke's ominous leer.
And we don't care if Jack is handsome,
We don't care if Jack is handsome,
We don't care if Jack is handsome;
We're tired of his sneer.
Since Michael and Jin's old raft was done in,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

Since we came here, there's a lot that we miss,
So is it so strange that we're thinking like this?
Turns out that we loved our cities and towns;
We hope someone noticed that we're not around.

Hurley! Eko! Bernard and Rose!
We've learned all the names but nobody knows
If we who were lost here will ever be found,
If we who were lost here will ever be found.

We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas