Well, I Certainly Hope You Help Him (Heaven on Their Minds, Andrew Lloyd Webber / Tim Rice)

"Well, I certainly hope he helps you, John!"
- Ben, The Man Behind the Curtain

LOST has been inviting plenty of comparisons between Ben Linus and Judas Iscariot, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I busted out the weathered copy of 1973's Jesus Christ Superstar. Here's a rant from Ben on what was probably the most miserable birthday of his life - and that's really saying something - to the tune of Heaven on Their Minds.

Well, I Certainly Hope You Help Him

He heard you clearly there.
“Help me,”
You implored
As I stared
At that old
Rocking chair.
I’m the leader here,
But I
Didn’t hear
As I stared
At that old
Rocking chair.

Jacob!
You wanna fire me?
Come tell me so yourself,
And not by sending things
Cascading from the shelf!

For one time in your life,
Why can’t you just be frank?
After all I’ve done for you,
Here’s how you say thanks?

Listen, Jacob,
Who needs him anyway?
Way to drop this bomb on my own birthday!
Way to tell me
My years of servitude were a waste.
You know, I have questions too,
But I would not barge in on you.
I don’t get why you’d reward his haste.

I remember when I first saw your face -
Wait, no, I don’t, since that never took place!
You appoint me
But never let me look you in the eye.
I always believed that you exist
Though you’re as murky as the mist.
I had faith in you, and now I fry.

Did you see his hissy fit?
Let me clue you in a bit.
Threw a tantrum like a tot.
Who would’ve thought?
Can you tell that makes me mad?
Bet he didn’t kill his dad.
Bet he fobbed it off on James.
Him and his games!

Listen, Jacob, is it too much to hope
That you’ll stop treating me like a dope?
I have lived for you,
But I have no idea who you are!
Say a word or two to me.
Just show me that one courtesy.
I’ve been patient and sincere so far.
Oh, but just so far!

Listen, Jacob, you know I’m on your team.
I’m exhausted, though, and just want to scream.
Can you blame me if I want to see to it his life goes dim?
Though he’s still consumed by doubt,
You ask him to help you out.
Well, I certainly hope you help him.
Yes, I hope you help him.
Oh… Oh…

Listen, Jacob, you know I’m on your team.
All your secrecy with me makes me scream.
So come on, come on… you won’t listen to me now.
Ah… Ah…
Come on, listen, listen to me.
Come on, listen to me now.
Ah…
Come on, listen to me.
Listen, listen to me.
Oh… Oh…
Come on, listen to me. Listen to me...