Little Ben (Run For Your Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Little Ben: I really hate it here.  If I let you out... will you take me with you, to your people?

Sayid: Yes, Ben, I will.  That's why I'm here.
- He's Our You

I've been trying to find my way back into filking, and the other day, I heard the Beatles' Run For Your Life for the first time.  It got stuck so firmly in my head that it became my natural starting point.  Here's Sayid coaxing Little Ben into trusting him in season five; the words all seem soothing, but there's a sinister undertone as he has ulterior motives.  

Little Ben

Well, your father’s in your head, Little Ben.

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Well, I admit, at first I wondered why

I ended up here to be confined.

But purpose now has filled my mind.

How could I have been so blind?

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Will your father squirm,

Or will he write you off for dead?

You may never learn;

You’ll find a Hostile home instead.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Your father’s in your head, Little Ben,

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Little Ben, Little Ben, Little Ben…

Sterling Beaumon On Criminal Minds

Sterling Beaumon is an amazing young actor, and his turn as a serial killer in the episode Safe Haven is well worth watching.  Just be warned, it may give you nightmares...

Here We Are In the Past (Years May Come, Years May Go, Jack Fishman / Andre Popp / Jean Massoulier)

"The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we wanna be on."

- Daniel, LaFleur

Here's a little ditty in which Sawyer, Juliet, Daniel and Horace do some reflecting on the 1974 events of LaFleur, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Years May Come, Years May Go.

Here We Are in the Past

Sawyer: We might be in a bind,

But I don’t really mind.

I think a haughty hippie beats flashin’ through time.

Don’t have to deal with Ben -

Or if we do, he’s ten.

It’s kinda cool to see history.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Juliet: I don’t know what to do,

‘Cause James, I’m sweet on you

But can’t erase the pain this place put me through.

The course of time’s grown smooth,

So could our luck improve,

Or will we stay and then grieve again?

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Horace: Jim, you helped us out.

I’m sorry for my doubt,

And you just bought yourself a spot.  Yeah, you’ve got clout.

I guess it isn’t true

That DHARMA’s not for you;

I never thought you’d be saving me.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track...)

Colleen (My Boy Willie, Traditional)

"This is for Colleen!"
- Danny, I Do

Here's a reflection from Danny Pickett about his desire for revenge after the death of his wife Colleen, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' My Boy Willie.

Colleen
Was it really just the other day
When my love Colleen met the castaway
Who coldly shot her?  It’s too unkind,
So I’m out for blood.  I’ve made up my mind.

Ben told Colleen to take the boat.
I didn’t get to cast my vote.
Even if I had, I’d’ve let her try,
‘Cause she knew her stuff.  Never thought she’d die.

What was it like for her to meet
Someone who appeared to be so sweet
But was a killer?  If I only knew
Where that woman was, I would shoot her too.

But since she is gone, and I can't say where
And it’s too tricky to track her there,
One of these clowns will have to do.
Ford is such a nuisance; that’s who I’ll pursue.

What would Colleen say if she was here?
Oh, how I wish she would appear!
But I watched as her body went floating by
In a solemn blaze, and I said goodbye.

I won’t just stand around and weep.
No, I made a pledge I intend to keep.
And if he asks what I’m thinking of,
I will let Ford know that I kill for love.

I'll Fly Those Fellas Home (The Boys Come Rollin' Home, Tommy Sands)

"Here we go, Frank.  Come on.  Come on...  Amen."
- Frank, The End

Another Frank song.  I had presumed him dead ever since The Candidate, so I was thrilled to see him turn up alive after all, and then wind up one of the big heroes of the finale.  Here's Frank to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Boys Come Rollin' Home.

I’ll Fly Those Fellas Home

I always will remember well the strange September day
Norris flew 815 out of Sydney.
I gotta get my rest, but oversleeping doesn‘t pay,
‘Cause poor Seth, he didn’t do so great, now did he?

But I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

I made it to the freighter with a madman and his friend.
My chopper didn’t crash in stormy weather.
I got us off the Island and I lost the beard and then
I brought Jack and all his buddies back together.

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Now Miles has got his duct tape, and Ricky’s by his side,
And Ben is somewhere with his walkie-talkie.
I see the Island crumblin’, and it‘s lookin’ like we‘re fried,
But it‘s tiger time; I kinda feel like Rocky!

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

We're goin’ down the runway now, and a few folks showed up late.
I wonder, is it fun to see me stressing?
But in they go, with buckles on, so Sawyer, Claire and Kate
Are part of 316 and share the blessing.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll fly those fellas home!

The Boys Come Rollin' Home

Like Me (Isle of Innisfree, Richard Farrelly)

"It was only supposed to be me so I can do this. But if someone has to take care of the Island, if someone has to protect it then... then it should be you. Hurley... I believe in you."
- Jack, The End

Here's a little reflection from Jack and Ben immediately preceding the brief ceremony that makes Hurley the new Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Isle of Innisfree.

Like Me

Jack: I have been told I’m meant to be a leader,
That it’s a role that I was born to play.
But still, I feel I never was a leader
Until I took that sacred oath today.
And now I must descend to save the Island.
My eyes are clear, and that’s the fate I see.
But when it’s done, I will not leave the Island
Because the Island is my destiny.

And so before you take me down like Desmond,
Please feel no pity, hard as that may be.
But Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

Ben: I’ve spent a lifetime wanting to be special;
I’m slowly learning how to let that go.
I will admit that I was disappointed
When Jack named you. I won’t dispute it, though.

Instead, I’ll offer up this water bottle,
A tiny token of my loyalty.
So Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge; you won’t go wrong like me.

Jack: Yes, Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

The Isle of Innisfree

She'll Fly Away (I'll Fly Away, Albert E. Brumley)

"Wow, Alex! Any higher, and you're gonna fly right off the Island."
 - Richard, Dead Is Dead

Here's a little song recollecting the sweet but somehow ominous swing set moment in Dead Is Dead. It's from Richard's perspective, first addressing Alex then Ben, to the tune of the Gospel song I'll Fly Away.

She’ll Fly Away

Alex, wow! What buoyancy you've shown! You’ll fly away.
What a time to treasure when you’ve grown! You’ll fly away.
You’ll fly away from this place. You’ll fly away.
Swing so high that you almost touch the sky. You’ll fly away.

Listen, we are realistic men. She’ll fly away.
One day, he may try to take her, Ben. She’ll fly away.
She’ll fly away from this place. She’ll fly away.
Push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

Yes, push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

With a Little Help From You, Ben (With a Little Help From My Friends, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I could really use someone with like, experience. For a little while. Will you help me, Ben?"
- Hurley, The End

I've had a week and a half to mull over the finale, and I think it's time I got back to posting some parodies. Here's one involving probably my favorite scene in The End, when Hurley realizes he's in charge and Ben offers his encouragement. Here's Hurley and Ben to the tune of the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends.

With a Little Help From You, Ben

Hurley: What do I do? ‘Cause I don’t have a clue,
And I wish that Jack hadn’t picked me.
Ben: No need to fear that you’ll get it all wrong.
Simply do what comes naturally.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

What did I do when I said I would stay?
Didn’t think I’d have to take the throne.
Ben: I was the leader, but I went astray.
If you’ll let me, though, then I’ll atone.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: I may be scared, but I’ll do this job right.
It’ll work out; we just need a little time.
Ben: You have the strength to stay out of a fight.
Hugo, be yourself, and we’ll be fine.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
I’m not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.
Oh, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
With a little help from you, Ben...

I Will Destroy the Beast (God's Own Fool, Michael Card)

"It's where I was told I could summon the monster. That's before I realized that it was the one summoning me."
- Ben, What They Died For

Ben's actions on the Island in What They Died For initially really depressed me because it felt like such a sad regression back into villainy. But the more I think about it, the more certain I am that Ben is running his own con, and because of his incredibly dark past and his willingness to kill his old enemy to get his point across, he may just be able to pull it off where Sawyer failed. Here's hopin'. Here is Ben to the tune of Michael Card's God's Own Fool.

I Will Destroy the Beast

Seems he misled me for all of my life
Since I came to this place as a kid,
And he molded me into a murderous man.
I cringe at the things that I did.
For ever since Jacob clutched me as he died
And then Miles confirmed that he cared,
I've seen how this monster made use of my pride
Until I was wholly ensnared.

So I, in my foolishness, ate up his lies.
I was his tool then, but now I’ve grown wise.
When I was a leader, he conned me so long.
Now I’ve been humbled and know I was wrong.
And so I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to Jacob at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

I’ll give up my life for the sake of this con
That will rid us of evil at last.
I’ll do it for Jacob and Alex and John.
I’ll purge the mistakes of my past.
I’ll surrender the power that never was mine,
Be the man Jacob hoped I could be.
For I’ve been through the fire and I’ve been refined,
And though I was blind, now I see.

Yes, I, in my foolishness, ate up his lies.
I was his tool then, but now I’ve grown wise.
When I was a leader, he conned me so long.
Now I’ve been humbled and know I was wrong.
And so I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to Alex at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

So I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to John Locke at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

Alex's Grave (The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane, Michael and Judy Callahan)

"It's Alex... It's your daughter... After you left, I buried her."
- Richard, What They Died For


One of my favorite parts of What They Died For was the small scene in which Richard tells Ben that he buried Alex. It was such a testament to his decency and his long friendship with Ben. Additionally, I've been thinking a lot about Jacob as an Obi-Wan figure and his brother as akin to Anakin, and I've decided that Richard is like Yoda: old, wise, spending most of his life as an adviser. He's certainly acted as a mentor to Ben, and here I see him using this as one last teaching moment as he differentiates between violence for the sake of vengeance and for the sake of eradicating evil. Here's Richard, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane.

Alex’s Grave

I have a confession to make.
I hope it helps ease your ache.
See, our friend here has found
Where I laid her in the ground.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

I heard the news, and I grieved
To think of your being bereaved
And remembered her wings
When she soared on these swings.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

Though I have felt the weight of grief
And the wrath that enticed me to kill,
It’s best to restrain every urge to cause pain,
To exert our virtue and will.

Ben, I know that has never been easy for you.
I’ve been trying to teach you for years.
Yes, I’ve told you that hate is a deadly drug
That only will lead to more tears.

But foiling the Devil could free us from Hell,
So let’s collect some C-4.
Although violence is wrong, it is time for the end.
It’s time we concluded the war.

We’ve gone through our ups and our downs,
With our laughs less abundant than frowns.
But you always will be important to me.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

Yes, you always will be important to me.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane

The Back-Up Plan (Superman's Ghost, Don McLean)

Mother: It has to be you, Jacob.
Jacob: No, it doesn't. You wanted it to be him. But now I'm all you have.
- Across the Sea

When I set myself a goal of finishing 200 LOST songs before the finale, I didn't really expect to achieve it. I was sure that the strange writing streak that began on my birthday would peter out soon. But it didn't, and here I am, a week before the finale, posting number 200. I decided to go with Don McLean's Superman's Ghost for this one; I'd had it on the back burner since season three, always intending it to be from Ben's perspective, sulking about John's favored status, but I always felt like I needed more of the story. Across the Sea showed me that Ben and John were just perpetuating a long pattern. After the episode ended, I announced that it was probably my second-favorite episode of the season. The more I think about it, the more sure I am of that. Though I thoroughly expect the last three and a half hours to blow even Dr. Linus out of the water. Here's Jacob, wondering along with us what's coming next.

The Back-Up Plan

“I don’t want the cup to pass to me.
He was your favorite son.
I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.”

We came from another place over the sea,
Though I didn’t know that as a boy.
I lived with my brother harmoniously;
Our companionship brought me such joy!
But I was contented and he was a rover,
And Mother encouraged the rift.
So when she insisted her time here was over,
I snapped at the sight of her gift.

“I don’t want the cup to pass to me.
He was your favorite son.
I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.”

He claimed she would die, and I yelled, “It’s a lie!”
But her weariness weighed on my mind,
And I was in fear of my solitude here
If he succeeded and he left me behind.
No, I never asked to take on the task
That she had intended him for,
But when I tried to protest, she wasn’t impressed
And said, “You have no choice anymore.”

“I don’t want the cup to pass to me.
He was your favorite son.
I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.”

She damaged us both, but I still took the oath,
And her death sent me into a rage,
So I perverted my twin with the source of all sin,
And my penance has lasted an age.
I’d proven him right that between dark and light,
People always will choose the wrong course.
But I dreamed of one day discerning a way
To reap good from the seeds of remorse.

“I don’t want the cup to pass to me.
He was your favorite son.
I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.”

Well, I’ve watched from above and witnessed the love
That humanity strives to embrace.
But the women and men, down to little lost Ben,
Have succumbed, although some have sought grace.
I can’t be sure how it all will end now,
But children, acknowledge my plea:
You have shown, through this test, that you’re special and blessed,
And so don’t mess it up just like me.

“I don’t want the cup to pass to me.
He was your favorite son.
I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.

I never questioned. I never disobeyed.
The best one grew restless, and he strayed,
So I had to be your back-up plan.”

Superman's Ghost

I'll Search for Jin (Don't Fence Me In, Cole Porter / Robert Fletcher)

Here's a counterpoint to I'll Search for Sun, with Sun, en route to the Island again, reflecting on her desire to find her husband, to the tune of the cowboy song Don't Fence Me In.

I’ll Search for Jin

I thought him dead, but instead,
I’ve been told that he’s alive.
I’ll search for Jin.
Even though I don’t know
How he managed to survive,
I’ll search for Jin.
While I’m worried that this is some kind of a trick,
I don’t think that Ben is quite that twisted and sick.
Skepticism’s tempting, but it’s faith I’ll pick.
I’ll search for Jin.

If it’s a lie,
If I’m groping for a hope that is entirely in vain,
Then Ben will die.
I will kill the scheming villain who has coaxed me on this plane.
But there’s a chance that it’s true, so I have to take it.
I‘ve got a goal, and I won’t forsake it.
Once, I made a promise, and I will not break it.
I’ll search for Jin.

If it’s a lie,
If I’m groping for a hope that is entirely in vain,
Then Ben will die.
I will kill the scheming villain who has coaxed me on this plane.
But there’s a chance that it’s true, so I have to take it.
I‘ve got a goal, and I won’t forsake it.
Once, I made a promise, and I will not break it.
I’ll search for Jin.

I’ll search for Jin.
Oh, yes, I’ll search for Jin.

Don't Fence Me In

The Ballad of Frank Lapidus (Pecos Bill, Eliot Daniel / Johnny Lange)

I was bummed out that Frank Lapidus was booted so ingloriously from the show, without so much as a sad word from Hurley afterward. I've always regarded Frank Lapidus as having a bit of a folk hero quality about him, so I couldn't resist memorializing him to the tune of that rollicking ode to Pecos Bill introduced to me by the Disney cowboy album Pardners.  (Post-finale note: Frank survived!  Yay!  But I figure a folk hero usually has wildly different accounts of his life, so I'll let this stand...)

The Ballad of Frank Lapidus

Well, Frank Lapidus was a pilot with a passion.
With precision, he prevented accidents.
He never crumbled in a panic when he flew for Oceanic,
Thanks to stellar skills and simple common sense.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
Hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Charlotte, Dan and Miles hopped in a helicopter,
And the chopper, it was piloted by Frank,
So in that bit of the Pacific, though the weather was horrific,
They all made it out, and he’s the one to thank.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
Hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Well, he flew Jack and his buddies off the Island -
And then three years later, flew them back again.
He shrewdly showed that he could steer a massive airplane from Ajira
To the landing strip that was engineered by Ben.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
I said, hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

After hijacking a sub along with Sawyer,
Frank Lapidus heard a devastating boom.
It was a prelude to his dyin‘, but at least he went out flyin’
When the door sent him a-soarin’ ‘cross the room.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
I said, hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Pecos Bill

DHARMA Submarine (Yellow Submarine, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

Ben: You know, John, you're not wrong. Some of the things I've told you - some of the things I've told everybody - are simply not true.
John: Like what?
Ben: Well, for starters, I wasn't born on this island.
- The Man Behind the Curtain

In The Man Behind the Curtain, Ben confesses to John that he wasn't actually born on the Island. I imagine him going into greater detail here, to the tune of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine.

DHARMA Submarine

Ben: Though I said that I was born
On the Island, that isn’t true.
I recall the fateful time
When we dove into the blue.

First I drank a little juice,
And my sleep was so serene
That I dozed until we came
To the isle by submarine.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

I was shy, and I was bored,
So I moped around once we moored,
But I made two friends that day.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

[Spoken]
Horace: Hey, welcome to the Island, man! Namaste!
Annie: Hey, you’re new, huh? I’m Annie. Want one? [hands Ben a candy bar]

Ben: Horace made me feel at ease.
Wish I’d had the guts (wish I‘d had the guts).
To save Goodspeed (to save Goodspeed).
Annie split (Annie split) the Island scene (Island scene)
On the DHARMA (on the DHARMA) submarine (submarine).

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

Any Team Will Do (Any Dream Will Do, Andrew Lloyd Webber / Tim Rice)

As LOST draws to a close, I've been noticing a lot of fans identifying themselves as Team Jacob or Team Smokey, or to a lesser extent simply Team Whatever-Their-Favorite-Character-Is.  Here's a little ditty about that, to the tune of Any Dream Will Do from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  (For the record, I'm Team Jacob, or if we're talking more generally, Team Hurley.)

Any Team Will Do

Just close your eyes
And pick a winner:
A saint, a sinner,
Someone old or new.
Prepare to say
Who you’re defending
As we near the ending.
Any Team will do.

Will you promote (Will you promote)
The man in black clothes?  (Ah...)
Do you think Jack knows (Ah...)
How to see things through?
Is Sawyer tops (Is Sawyer tops)
Although he’s surly? (Ah...)
Do you honk for Hurley? (Ah...)
Any Team will do.

Well, one side’s dark
And one is light,
And we’ve been dragged
Into the fight.
So demonstrate with shirts and buttons
Whose Team you are on.

Though Jacob’s dead, (Though Jacob’s dead,)
Is he the ruler? (Ah...)
Is Richard cooler (Ah...)
Than the chosen few?
Are you for Ben (Are you for Ben)
Or Aaron’s mother? (Ah...)
Is Des your brother? (Ah...)
Any Team will do.

Any Team, any Team will...
Any Team, any Team will do.
Any Team, any Team will...
Any Team, any Team will do.

You're a Creep (She'd Rather Be With Me, Garry Bonner / Alan Gordon)

"Well, I noticed you've been parked here a while watching the kids, and well, it is a school. Do you have a child who goes here?"
- Ben, Everybody Loves Hugo

Ben can be pretty creepy, but as Dr. Linus, he's more concerned about thwarting creeps. Here's Ben on pervert patrol in Everybody Loves Hugo, to the tune of the Turtles' She'd Rather Be With Me.

You’re a Creep

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a creep.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Sometimes I get out of school,
And I see a stranger in a car,
And this time, since I’m not a fool,
I suspect that you’re a bit bizarre.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.
Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a,
Pretty sure that you’re a,
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.

(fadeout)

She'd Rather Be With Me

You're Mine (I Feel Fine, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand... that you're mine!"
 - Ben, The Other Woman

Here's a little ditty about the grisly moment when Ben shows Juliet how Goodwin's stay with the Tailies ended, to the tune of the Beatles' I Feel Fine.

You’re Mine

Goodwin was no good, you know.
He did what no one should, you know.
He stole you.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

He betrayed his wife, you know,
And he messed up my life, you know.
I told you,
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

You’re the one I brought, you know.
He had what I did not, you know.
A missus.
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

Find the Plants for Me (Take a Chance on Me, Benny Andersson / Björn Ulvaeus)

"Listen to me very carefully, John, because I'm not gonna have time to repeat this. You're gonna go into that greenhouse through that hole there. Once inside, you're gonna turn left. Go about 20 paces until you see a patch of Anthuriums on your left. They're in an alcove against the north wall. Face the wall, reach down with your left hand. You'll find a switch that activates the elevator. The elevator takes you down to the actual Orchid station." - Ben, There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

My dad is always giving me suggestions of songs to LOSTify, and today he mentioned ABBA's incredibly catchy Take a Chance on Me. That's one of those songs that just makes me grin from ear to ear when I hear it, so I knew I had to give it a shot. Here's Ben and John from the season four finale.

Find the Plants For Me

Ben: When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Hey, Ben, you know this sounds crazy?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: What about soldiers
Standing with rifles?
How do I avoid them?
Ben, you got me quakin’.
Am I mistaken?
Thought that we annoyed them.

Ben: John, you won’t get shot.
You worry about the plants.
I considered this in advance.
I’m ready.
I know that you think I’m nuts,
But show me you’ve got some guts.
Listen, don’t you scoff.
It’ll all pay off.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Come on, you‘ll get me killed, won‘t you?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: Give me one reason to trust you.
It would be unjust to
Throw me to the lions.
Though that would be rotten,
I’ve seen you plottin’.
You’d applaud my dyin’.

Ben: John, I give my vow,
Whatever that is worth,
That you’ve been primed from birth
To lead here.
Oh, yes, Richard yammered on,
“I hardly can wait for John!”
You will catch a break
For the Island’s sake.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man with a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man who has got a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around...

Who'll Fly the Plane (Who'll Stop the Rain, John Fogerty)

"Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"
- Kate, Recon


Sawyer's been laying low and plotting throughout much of the sixth season. Kate's not so sure she's on board with his plans. Here's an elongated version of her objections to him at the end of Recon, to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Who'll Stop the Rain.

Who’ll Fly the Plane

Look, I don’t remember just how the plane went down.
Wasn’t still on board when it must’ve hit the ground.
Don’t know what’s become of Frank and Ben and Sun.
So I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

What did you discover when you went off to explore?
Did you learn what Widmore’s on Hydra Island for?
Your approach seems risky, possibly in vain.
Yes, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Not so hot on stayin’, but when we get there,
How do we win over Jin and crazy Claire?
Where are Jack and Hurley? Will we strand them here?
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Hoffs-Drawlar (Hotel Caliifornia, Don Felder / Glenn Frey / Don Henley)

Funeral Director: My deepest condolences. Friend or family? Jack: Neither.
- Through the Looking Glass, Part 2

"If you do leave this place, the day may come when you want to return."
- Ben, King of the Castle


On LOST, few relationships are as complicated as the one between Jack and John. While his death brings the doctor to the brink of suicide, he can't even bring himself to identify himself as John's friend. Then again, it's hard to blame him... Here are some musings from Jack at the Hoffs-Drawlar funeral parlor in the third and fourth season finales, to the tune of the Eagles' Hotel California.

Hoffs-Drawlar

Saw your name in the paper.
I had to look twice.
I’d done too much boozing;
Maybe this was the price.
But I wasn’t mistaken.
Sometimes it stings to be right.
I made my mind up as the plane touched down.
I had to end it that night.

As I gazed at the pavement,
About to take the leap,
I felt a fierce inferno and
I heard a crunch and a scream and a beep.
Went to go play the hero
Because that’s what I do.
When I got out of the hospital,
I had to come see you.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Sorry you’re dead, but it’s hard for me to mourn ya.
All you brought my life (all you brought my life) was a lot of strife.

You put a knife through Naomi.
I always blamed you for Boone.
You blathered on about a sacrifice...
What a goon!
You set off those explosives,
Scads of C-4.
The Flame was in flames and
The sub was no more.

All the while you insisted
I misunderstood.
You swore that every single thing you’d done was
For the Island’s good.
And when you wearied of telling me not to leave,
You encouraged the tangle of deceit
I went on to weave.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Yeah, Jeremy Bentham, it’s hard for me to mourn ya,
With your pseudonym (with your pseudonym) and your vanished vim.

The man here informed me
That nobody else came.
Pathetic. You went out a bitter old man,
All alone and lame.
You said that we were special
And shared one common fate.
I think I might accept that now,
But I’ve found my faith too late.

Who lurks in the shadows?
Am I really seeing Ben,
And can I trust he’ll get me back
To the Island once again?
He once tried to warn me
Of the lesson I would learn:
“If you leave this place, the day may come
When you want to return.”

Hotel California