Our Noble Leader (The Gentle Healer, Michael Card)

Sawyer: And I thought that guy had a God complex before.
Kate: James.
Sawyer: Yeah, I know.
- What They Died For

After seeing such a snarly Island Sawyer for so much of season six, I was touched by his humility in What They Died For. Here's Sawyer coming to grips with Jack's role as his leader, to the tune of Michael Card's The Gentle Healer.

Our Noble Leader

Our noble leader always has to save the day.
He gives commands, and I balk and disobey.
Yeah, you can depend on my gettin' in his way.
Our noble leader always has to save the day.

Our noble leader always has to save the day,
And Juliet was the price I had to pay,
For she fell in the well, and now my world is gray.
Our noble leader always has to save the day.

Oh, I know that he’s a tender-hearted man.
When no one cared, he lent a helping hand.
Yeah, but trustin’ folks was never quite my plan.
And yet I know that he’s a tender-hearted man.

Our noble leader, he’s number twenty-three,
And now Jacob’s told him, “Jack, you’re just like me.”
I want to be sarcastic, but I see
That our noble leader is what he was meant to be.

Creepy Kid (Oh You Mucky Kid, Stan Kelly)

Little Jacob: You know the rules. You can't kill him.
Smokey: Don't tell me what I can't do!
- The Substitute

When that mysterious boy showed up in the jungle in The Substitute, it was a strange thing indeed. We now know that this was Jacob as a boy, so I presume that he is a ghost, which Smokey can see but Richard can't (though it's surprising to think that Desmond and Sawyer can). Here's a little reflection about little ghostly Jacob, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Oh You Mucky Kid.

Creepy Kid

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You look so spooky standing there
Under your shock of golden hair,
And Richard claims to be unaware,
So is Smokey going crazy?

Your arms and hands are limply spread,
Augmented now with trails of red.
So are you a vision or are you dead?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You’ve cleaned up nicely now for James.
Is this another of your games?
When you warn your rival not to kill,
He doesn’t like rules, so he’s angry.

Perhaps it is your youthful plight
That’s reminded James to bear the light.
He’ll follow “John,” but it’s a con.
You’re counting upon his trickery.

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You really have an impish face,
But it could be his saving grace.
Yes, maybe the Smoke can be erased,
And you’ll be left with your brother.

Oh You Mucky Kid

The Island He Ruled (The Village of Brambleshire Wood, George and Will Millar)

"At some point in your life, James, probably when you were young and miserable and vulnerable. he came to you, he manipulated you, pulled your strings like you were a puppet. And as a result, choices you thought were made, were never really choices at all. He was pushing you, James. Pushing you.. to the Island."- Smokey, The Substitute

Jacob and Smokey have very different perspectives on their ongoing battle. Here's Smokey addressing Sawyer in the cliffside cave, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Village of Brambleshire Wood.

The Island He Ruled

Written here on this wall are the numbers and names
Of the people he brought to the Island he ruled.
I’ve freed us at last from his tedious games
And his endless insistence on preserving the light.

Goodbye to his silly white stone!
See the names of the chumps who have died?
He carelessly crossed out the names and the numbers
Of people he brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

You’ll notice, I think, not all of the names here
Are split and obscured with a chalk line of white.
They're potential replacements who somehow aren't dead,
Who've survived their ordeal on the Island he ruled.

There’s Shephard and Reyes and Kwon,
And Jarrah, and I think both of us recall John.
His time here is through, so I’ll cross him out too,
Just a pawn Jacob brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

Now you’re number 15. Don’t look so astonished.
Yes, you met Jacob a long time ago.
He gave you a push, James, and look where it led you.
It brought you, like the rest, to the Island he ruled.

Since he’s dead, three choices are yours:
Do nothing, and stay on these infernal shores;
Take on the position of pointless protector;
Or you join me, and we leave the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

The Village of Brambleshire Wood

Answers (The Safety Dance, Ivan Doroschuk)

Smokey: That's not why you're here. And if you come with me, I can prove it.
Sawyer: Well, I guess I better put some pants on.
- The Substitute

In The Substitute, Sawyer has to decide whether or not to go with the man who looks like John Locke and claims he can answer some of his most burning questions. It's not too tough a choice for him to make. Here's Sawyer to the tune of Men Without Hats' The Safety Dance.

Answers

It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.
But when you give me your answers,
Since I’m not the trustin’ kind,
I’ll just pretend to accept whatever you say
As a plan’s formin’ in my mind.
It’s a chance.

I’ve been lookin’ for answers
Since the minute Blondie died.
If there’s some truth somewhere in whatever you share,
Then I’d better let you be my guide.
Hey, I’ll make use of your answers.
Let’s get outta Dharmaville.
Yeah, with a little luck, I’ll find out why I’m stuck,
And then I’ll turn on the conman skill.

There’s not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

There’s a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.

It’s a chance for some answers.
Wonder what will come to light?
I’ve had enough of boozin’.
This is what I’m choosin’.
I just hope I’m choosin’ right.

Oh, yeah. It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.

Oh, no, not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.

Doing Construction (Eve of Destruction, Barry McGuire)

"Construction site coordinator. Uh... I'm not sure that's a good match." - Rose, The Substitute

John Locke is a man who knows what he wants, and he is not easily swayed from his position. But in The Substitute, Rose manages to cut through his hard-headedness and convince him to apply a little practicality. Here's Rose to the tune of Barry McGuire's Eve of Destruction.

Doing Construction

I look at you. You’re in a wheelchair.
Maybe you don’t think that we’ll care.
I understand your need for righteous zeal there.
I know when I object, you’ll flash an icy steel glare.
I’m ready to hear you yell that it doesn’t feel fair.
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

You don’t need to mention your animal type.
I wouldn’t disagree that’s a load of tripe.
I will patiently wait while you sit here and gripe.
Though you don’t have much tact, I will cut you some slack.
You will never hear me mock your anguish, Mr. Locke,
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Oh, I know you’re mad, and you don’t want to hear it.
I don’t intend to break your spirit.
And purposelessness? You’re very right to fear it.
Still, this construction thing, if you venture near it,
Is not gonna work, so I hate to clear it.
But hey, sit-down jobs can also have merit.
I bet we’ll find something that is a clear fit.
And I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Just accept your lot. Yes, that is the answer.
It’s what I’ve had to learn since I was struck with cancer.
I know it’s your right to grumble and stew
And think of the things that you’d rather do,
But dwelling on your dreams won’t make them come true.
Don’t waste any more time. Find new goals to pursue.
Mr. Locke, it’s your life. I leave the choice up to you.
I’ll tell you over and over and over and over again, my friend,
I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.
No, no, I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

A New Color (True Colors, Tom Kelly / Billy Steinberg)

As any faithful fan of the original Star Trek series knows, unless you're Scotty or Uhura, you don't really want to be wearing a red shirt if you're serving on the U. S. S. Enterprise. The tradition of killing off redshirts has persisted throughout many subsequent science fiction series, and LOST is no exception. Usually, these minor characters don't literally wear such identifying garb. But because of the association, whenever someone does wear red, it makes people nervous. It hasn't escaped fans' attention that both Hurley and Desmond are in red shirts this season. They're much too integral to the show to actually be "redshirts". But could their fashion choices be a warning of dreadful things to come? Here's some rumination from the fan perspective to the tune of Cyndi Lauper's True Colors.

A New Color

Huggable Hurley, voice of the viewer,
It’s too early to see you get skewered.
You’re a man of the people, picked to be a Candidate.
You deserve to avoid a lowly redshirt’s fate.

So you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

You’re on this Island. Desmond, you’re rattled
That you’re back again though you’ve bravely battled.
To keep from going crazy, keep your Constant inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, a new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

Why was Widmore bent on bringing you back?
To keep from going crazy, keep Penny inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color, new color will calm us down.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

Eulogy... (I'm Sorry, John Denver)

In The Substitute, LOST provided one of my absolute favorite scenes of the series, one that was simultaneously among the saddest, most touching and funniest scenes thus far. I'm talking about John Locke's funeral, and Ben's heartfelt, albeit slightly petulant, eulogy (and Frank's subsequent assessment that probably echoed the thoughts of many viewers). I think that spending a couple of days with Fake Locke made him appreciate Real Locke much more deeply, and realize that Jacob was right all along about his being special. The eulogy takes on an even sweeter edge when you consider the Sideways storyline, especially if you believe as I do that the Flash Sideways are actually Flash Forwards. Here's my take on that tender moment, to the tune of John Denver's I'm Sorry.

Eulogy (by Ben for John at the Weirdest Funeral Frank’s Ever Been To)

Ben: It’s strange to feel this pity,
This sorrow and remorse.
Maybe I will recover from this in due course.
Knowing that you were chosen,
Knowing that I was not,
Knowing that I reacted like a sulky snot.

I’m sorry I was not a true believer.
I’m sorry I manipulated you.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
You were a victim too.

I’m just so lost without you;
I guess I need a foil.
It feels like I’m the one who’s lying steeped in soil.
I dreamed of you dying;
Now the moment’s come.
It seems more like a nightmare, and I’m nearly numb.

I’m sorry I shot you in the jungle.
I’m sorry that I choked you with a cord.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
I wish your life could be restored.

Frank: This is the weirdest funeral I've been to in all my life.
This is the weirdest funeral, I swear.

Ben: I’m sorry, for you were a kindred spirit.
I’m sorry that I brought about your end.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
I should have been your friend.

"John Locke Was a Believer. He Was a Man of Faith. He Was a Much Better Man Than I Will Ever Be, and I'm Very Sorry I Murdered Him."

When I heard the title The Substitute for tonight’s episode, I figured it would be something epic - some grand revelation about how John Locke was always meant to lead the Others but how Ben wound up on the Island first and took his place out of convenience, something like that. One could argue that “substitute” could refer to this elusive candidate, in which case it still is pretty packed with mythological meaning. (I also can’t help wondering if Jacob was so preoccupied with finding a replacement, does that mean he wanted out as badly as his nemesis did?) But this was primarily a John episode, so let’s deal with him, and the simple delight of finding out how the word “substitute” fits into his life.

John is a substitute teacher. Really, how perfect is that? All throughout season one, before he got too distracted by the hatch, John mentored just about everybody he interacted with. If he can just let his ego get out of the way, he’s a born teacher. And I love that Rose was the one who finally managed to tell John what he couldn’t do - and have him listen. What I think we’re going to see is that Rose is the one castaway who hasn’t changed at all, because she was right where she needed to be all along. The only thing different is her lack of jitters on the plane, so one might say her sense of acceptance has, if anything, deepened in this timeline. But basically, I think Rose was pretty much perfect all along.

Pretty much perfect describes the sideways world in this episode so well that I’m almost certain that we’re seeing the end of their character arcs play out as the season goes along. Flash-sideways = flash-forward that happens to take place in the past. Somehow, what happens on the Island leads to this reality, where the lessons learned from the grueling but rewarding Island experience are embedded in the castaways’ consciousnesses. (Remember how season five began at the ending, showing us a scene from The Variable and leading us toward that point for most of the rest of the season? I think there’s an element of that at work here.) So even though he doesn’t end up on the Island, John gets his happy ending. And who knows? If he decides to consult Jack, he might just end up taking that walkabout after all.

I also think that the substitute could be a reference to his father, though that revelation would be yet to come. When Helen mentioned him, my dad voiced my own thoughts: “Why in the world would he want to invite him?” My guess? Not Anthony Cooper. I’m not sure if John got into the wheelchair the same way. I’m thinking probably not. I’m also thinking that the father Helen refers to is an adoptive father, a “substitute”, if you will. That instead of being bounced around the foster care system throughout his childhood, John was chosen. Perhaps his father might turn out to be someone we already know - Richard, perhaps, looking downright elderly, or even Jacob. Though it’s hard to imagine either of them in such a down-to-earth role now.

In sideways world, John is still a broken man. He’s still stubborn, and sometimes angry. And his faith is weak. But he is open to change, and the more castaways he interacts with, the more steps he takes toward wholeness. Helping him along the way is Helen, who believes in miracles and believes in him. Lots of familiar faces tonight. Randy is still a twerp, but he somehow seems more competent than before. The phony psychic David Reyes paid off now has a much more respectable job. And Hurley… I was a little worried at first that Big Honkin’ SUV was a symptom of Obnoxious Corporate Hurley, but good luck doesn’t seem to have tainted him. He’s still the same sweet soul, and his encouragement really helped John in his road to acceptance.

And Ben. Oh, Ben. Uppity. Erudite. Office annoyance of the Dwight Schrute variety. (On a side note, considering how two of his rare genuinely happy moments occurred on a swing set, it's sweet to see him working someplace that probably has one.) And a true kindred spirit for John (who shares his taste in tea with another bald leader, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise). At last that spark of kinship can blossom into deep mutual respect, a friendship uncomplicated by power struggles. Just as Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson are so perfectly matched together, a step above each of the other exceptionally talented actors in the cast in terms of their abilities, so, too, are John and Ben bosom buddies waiting to bloom. We saw foreshadowing in Ben’s eulogy. Short. Sincere. Contrite. Surprisingly forthright. It was so touching, so tragic and yet so funny at the same time, for him to just blurt out his confession like that, and especially for nobody to even question him about it. But then to be followed by Frank’s coarse assessment that this was the weirdest funeral he’d ever been to… I think that one had me laughing all the way through the next commercial break.

This was a surprisingly funny episode. John’s are usually so heavy, but everything in his storyline just felt so refreshing, starting with the cascade of calamities that leaves him stranded on his lawn and laughing over the absurdity as the sprinklers drench him. The smile spread across his face for a different reason, but I got the same sense of rejuvenation as I did when I watched him turn his face to the rainstorm back on the beach shortly after the crash, when all of the other survivors were running for cover. And despite the apparently terrifying stakes, I chortled when Pseudo-Locke bellowed, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” Maybe there's a little Real John embedded in that skin.

Now, that part of the storyline was much darker. I was impressed with Sawyer for realizing almost immediately that he was dealing with some sort of impostor because this was a man without fear. Astute observation. Very misleading previews this week; Richard seemed to be talking to Sun when he was actually talking to Sawyer, and Pseudo-Locke seemed to be talking to Sawyer when he was actually talking to Richard. And Sawyer didn’t plummet to his death. Thank goodness!

Did anyone else get a Harry Potter vibe from the cave scene? I kept finding myself thinking of Harry and Dumbledore’s journey to the cave - or perhaps Kreacher and Voldemort. Because it seems that Sawyer is about to be used in a big way. Or that's the intention, anyway, though House Elves have magic of which Voldemort can't conceive, and Sawyer has more smarts and heart than Smokey can imagine. I didn’t find the cave itself all that scary, but the trip there certainly was arduous. The revelation that each “candidate” corresponds to one of the Numbers is odd; how does Jacob decide who gets what number? How does he decide that someone isn’t a candidate after all (or are they just crossed off when they die)? Pseudo-Locke’s dark “inside joke” made by tossing the white stone on the scale into the ocean seems to indicate that Smokey now reigns supreme. Dark times on the Island indeed.

Certainly dark times for Richard. Very strange to see him as flustered as Faraday, as hysterical as Claire. The manic panic of his whispered conversation with Sawyer was so unlike anything we’ve ever seen from him. I hope he makes it to the Temple on time. I had to chuckle as I cheered at his defiance in his first scene, since all I could think was Luke Skywalker snarling, “I’ll never join you!” But boy, Richard is seeming more and more clueless all the time. He does know how dangerous Pseudo-Locke is. But for a guy who once seemed omniscient, he seems to have been left out of the cc on some very important memos.

Why does Ilana know more than he does? Ilana, from whom we saw genuine grief today. Ilana, who still doesn’t realize that Ben is the one who killed Jacob but does know who Jin is and where he must be. Who was in a hurry but was respectful enough to agree when Sun suggested John get a proper burial and, not knowing John herself, coaxed a eulogy out of someone who did. And may I just say that the funeral music was one of the most gorgeous Life and Death variations yet. I also found myself swept away by the beauty of the score in the John and Helen Discuss Miracles scene.

That still leaves Phantom Boy, and I really don’t know what to say about him, except that he looked very much like a pint-sized version of Jacob, and everything he said and did seemed to be what Jacob would say and do. Could he maybe be Aaron, doing some kind of freaky astral projection thing like Walt? Is this some manifestation of Jacob, or is it yet another level in the hierarchy, someone to whom both Jacob and his nemesis answer? I’m not sure. And it makes me very sad to think that the show might end with the Island underwater, submerged, no longer needed. And what happens to Jacob and Smokey then? Do they blink out of existence? Or is it up to the castaways to recognize them by other names, a la Lucy at the end of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, back in the real world? The Island is, perhaps, a metaphor for the show itself, and the writers have ingeniously found a way to ease us back into the real world along with the castaways, to bring us all to a place where we can apply the lessons from the Island to our own lives. May they be worthy lessons indeed, and may we be open to them.