In The Substitute, LOST provided one of my absolute favorite scenes of the series, one that was simultaneously among the saddest, most touching and funniest scenes thus far. I'm talking about John Locke's funeral, and Ben's heartfelt, albeit slightly petulant, eulogy (and Frank's subsequent assessment that probably echoed the thoughts of many viewers). I think that spending a couple of days with Fake Locke made him appreciate Real Locke much more deeply, and realize that Jacob was right all along about his being special. The eulogy takes on an even sweeter edge when you consider the Sideways storyline, especially if you believe as I do that the Flash Sideways are actually Flash Forwards. Here's my take on that tender moment, to the tune of John Denver's I'm Sorry.
Eulogy (by Ben for John at the Weirdest Funeral Frank’s Ever Been To)
Ben: It’s strange to feel this pity,
This sorrow and remorse.
Maybe I will recover from this in due course.
Knowing that you were chosen,
Knowing that I was not,
Knowing that I reacted like a sulky snot.
I’m sorry I was not a true believer.
I’m sorry I manipulated you.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
You were a victim too.
I’m just so lost without you;
I guess I need a foil.
It feels like I’m the one who’s lying steeped in soil.
I dreamed of you dying;
Now the moment’s come.
It seems more like a nightmare, and I’m nearly numb.
I’m sorry I shot you in the jungle.
I’m sorry that I choked you with a cord.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
I wish your life could be restored.
Frank: This is the weirdest funeral I've been to in all my life.
This is the weirdest funeral, I swear.
Ben: I’m sorry, for you were a kindred spirit.
I’m sorry that I brought about your end.
I’m sorry, now that you’re gone,
I was so petty, John.
I should have been your friend.
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