Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

Who'll Fly the Plane (Who'll Stop the Rain, John Fogerty)

"Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"
- Kate, Recon


Sawyer's been laying low and plotting throughout much of the sixth season. Kate's not so sure she's on board with his plans. Here's an elongated version of her objections to him at the end of Recon, to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Who'll Stop the Rain.

Who’ll Fly the Plane

Look, I don’t remember just how the plane went down.
Wasn’t still on board when it must’ve hit the ground.
Don’t know what’s become of Frank and Ben and Sun.
So I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

What did you discover when you went off to explore?
Did you learn what Widmore’s on Hydra Island for?
Your approach seems risky, possibly in vain.
Yes, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Not so hot on stayin’, but when we get there,
How do we win over Jin and crazy Claire?
Where are Jack and Hurley? Will we strand them here?
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

I'll Search for Sun (Here Comes the Sun, George Harrison)

"I can't leave. Sun could be here somewhere."
- Jin, Recon


Sawyer is anxious to leave the Island, but Jin's first priority is finding his wife, as he explains to the tune of the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun.

I’ll Search for Sun

I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, you want to get off of this Island.
Listen, Sawyer, I hope I’m making myself clear.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, both of us know how big this place is.
Listen, Sawyer, I don't care if it takes all year.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.

Listen, Sawyer, that isn’t Locke and I don’t trust him.
Listen, Sawyer, it’s getting scary around here.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun.
I won’t leave.
I won’t leave.

Tell Me About It (Tell Her About It, Billy Joel)

"Is there something you wanna tell me?"
- Miles, Recon

Miles and Sawyer are two of LOST's most abrasive characters. Both of them have used verbal acuity to belittle others and to obscure the truth. But once the two of them have teamed up, they expect a little bit more out of each other. Here's a song from Miles, lecturing Sawyer in Recon to the tune of Billy Joel's Tell Her About It.

Tell Me About It

Listen, Jim, don’t wanna bug ya,
But I’m worried about you.
You know, you’d like to think you’re good at hiding things,
But that just isn’t true.
I’m your buddy, Jim, and if you are in a bind,
You should let me know whatever is on your mind.

Hey, listen, I’ve known you too long
To buy the act you’re pulling now,
And whoever this guy Cooper is,
He’s got ya riled up somehow.
And I don’t believe that you saw him in Palm Springs
Or you’re calling him so he can pull some strings.

Tell me about it. Tell me why you’re tied in knots.
Jim, I’m a detective, so I can connect the dots.
Tell me about it, ‘cause you sure aren’t foolin’ me.
I’ve got noble reasons to give you the third degree.

Listen, Jim. You’d like to think
That you’re as solid as a rock.
But you’re not alone, so please take advantage
Of the chance you have to talk.
It’s a big relief to get things off your chest.
That’s the reason I am being such a pest.

Tell me about it. Would that really be so hard?
You would feel much better if you’d just let down your guard.
Tell me about it. Tell me where you went last week.
Jim, it makes me nervous that you’re being such a sneak.

I’m gonna go and run your credit card.
Yeah, it’s paranoid, but I’m at my wit’s end,
And our relationship’s already marred
If you can’t just tell the truth to your best friend.

Listen, Jim. No room for secrets
In a proper partnership.
I know sun and sand isn’t what you planned
When you went on your little trip.
I have two good ears; they need to get some use.
I will not accept another phony excuse.

Tell me about it. Tell me why you’re tied in knots.
Jim, I’m a detective, so I can connect the dots.
Tell me about it, ‘cause you sure aren’t foolin’ me.
I’ve got noble reasons to give you the third degree.

Tell me about it. Tell me why you’re tied in knots.
Just tell me about it. Don’t you think I’ve earned your trust?
You gotta tell me about it. I’ll investigate if I must.
You gotta tell me about it. Thought you were my friend.
You gotta tell me about it. The truth will come out in the end.
You gotta tell me about it. You gotta tell, tell, tell me about it.
Tell me about it...

The Smoke Thing (My Life, Billy Joel)

"I'm the Smoke Thing."
- Smokey, Recon

In Recon, the most recent episode of LOST, my favorite line was Smokey's blunt assertion.  Here's a song about his conversation with Sawyer, to the tune of Billy Joel's My Life.

The Smoke Thing

Smokey: You should know it was rude of you to interrupt me.
Can’t you see I was trying to calm people down?
You’re not helping by questioning me so abruptly.
Even so, I forgive ya. Quit mopin’ around.

James, this may be a shock to you, but
I’m the Smoke Thing.
I’m the one you should blame for the blood that was spilled.
Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

I‘m gonna need you to go off and do reconnaissance.
(Sawyer: What am I doin’ this for?)
Smokey: I‘m gonna need you, because you were a conman once.
(Sawyer: Sure, that sounds safe...)
Smokey: You don‘t forget
(Sawyer: Can’t forget)
Smokey: Those skills, I bet.
(Sawyer: Those skills yet.)
Smokey: You can lie your way through any mess, James.

There’s a plane on the beach over on Hydra Island.
That’s the plane we’ll be using to get outta here.
If the passengers get in the way of what I planned,
Sorry, folks, but the Smoke Thing will soon reappear.

James, this may be a shock to you, but
I’m the Smoke Thing.
I’m the one you should blame for the blood that was spilled.
Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

I‘m gonna need you to go off and do reconnaissance.
(Sawyer: What am I doin’ this for?)
Smokey: I‘m gonna need you, because you were a conman once.
(Sawyer: Why should I go?)
Smokey: You don‘t forget
(Sawyer: Can’t forget)
Smokey: Those skills, I bet.
(Sawyer: Those skills yet.)
Smokey: You can lie your way through any mess, James.

Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

Sawyer: How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?
How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?
How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?

Little House (The Garden Song, Dave Mallett)

Charles: Hey, you heard that? Now that's what life's all about. Laughin' and lovin' each other. And knowin' that people aren't really gone when they die. We have all the good memories to sustain us until we see 'em again.
Laura: It's hard not being afraid, Pa...
Charles: I know, sweetheart. I know.
- Little House on the Prairie, Remember Me I
 
Sawyer is just full of surprises. One of my favorites is the fact that he is a fan of Little House on the Prairie. He dropped that little tidbit back in season three; now it's finally come up again, and Sawyer's softie status is assured... Here's a reflection by him to the tune of Dave Mallett's The Garden Song. (Below is the closest recording I could find online to the version I modeled mine after.)

Little House

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.

They endure though times are tough.
They‘ve got each other. That‘s enough.
They have the kind of life I‘d love.
It‘s the life I was denied.
Hard work don‘t bother me.
I'm a man of industry.
I have craved a family
Since the day my parents died.

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.

Could it be I was wrong
Hangin’ onto hate so long?
When I thought it made me strong,
Did it keep me weak instead?
Before I work out what to do,
Guess I’d better think this through.
Maybe I should listen to
All the things Pa Ingalls said.

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.
The Garden Song

“Hey, You Hear That? That’s What Life’s All About. Laughin’ and Lovin’ Each Other.”

After the sheer horror of Sundown and redemptive bliss of Dr. Linus, I wasn’t quite sure what mood to expect for Recon. Sawyer episodes tend to be a bit on the dark side, though there’s usually a nice dose of humor in there too. In terms of violence, the episode was both better and worse than I’d feared. Worse, because all of the remaining Ajira passengers died. Shame Hurley couldn’t have bought his tickets a little earlier... But that happened off-screen, and we didn’t know the victims, so it had less emotional impact than a single death from among established characters would have. And that didn’t happen - though Kate came awfully close to a nasty slash to the throat courtesy of Claire, only to be saved... by MiB, in one of several instances in this episode of him coming across as unnervingly sympathetic. More on him later. For the moment, Sawyer.

I had the following expectations about Recon: that it would be Sawyer-centric, that Team Ilana would be out of the picture and that Sawyer would be seemingly working for Smokey, while actually aiming to undercut him. All three of these assertions seem to have been true. I also suspected that he would not be a conman in Sideways World - though he certainly was putting those skills to use anyway! I got a little nervous when I saw yet another repetition of the all-too-familiar hotel room swindle, but I hoped that all would not be as it appeared. Given his role in Dharmaville, it seems quite fitting that he would be a cop, though it’s not a job I imagined for him, especially after he helped an obviously on-the-run Kate escape at the airport. I also love that he’s working with Miles, and their relationship, both personal and professional, is obviously a very close one. Also nice to hear that Pierre is alive and well and on good terms with his son.

I accidentally got two mild spoilers about this episode ahead of time. I learned that Sawyer would be canoodling with somebody and that Charlotte would be making a repeat appearance. I fervently hoped these two tidbits were not related, and I let out a cautious sigh of relief after the first Sideways scene. But no, one roll in the hay wasn’t enough for Sideways Sawyer, and I was forced to silently shout at the television, “Must you hook up with every female character on the show?!” In other words, keep your hands off. Save Charlotte for Daniel and keep an eye out for blondes lurking in coffee shops. The pairing didn’t work out, and I felt a little sorry for Sawyer when he tried to make amends, but I still wish it had imploded before clothes were shed. Also, considering she spends so much time off adventuring, she’s awfully pale. I’d think Miss Indiana Jones would have a bit more of a tan... On the plus side, we did get that Charlotte-looking-in-the-drawer moment, which reminded me forcefully of the Beast’s freak-out when Belle when poking around in the West Wing. Beauty and the Beast parallels? Always welcome.

Even better, especially since it was involved healing rather than breaking? Little House on the Prairie. One of my favorite moments in the thoroughly fantastic Tricia Tanaka Is Dead comes when Sawyer casually references “Little House” and then, with some embarrassment, explains that he used to watch the show when he was laid up as a kid. How absolutely adorable, I thought. How much more adorable for a grown-up Sawyer, without the excuse of illness and limited entertainment options, to be watching it of his own free will. And to let it inspire him to take steps in letting go of the grief that is anchoring him to his miserable past. I also love that he’s still reading Watership Down.

Sawyer’s - or I should say Jim’s - backstory is still pretty miserable. Despite the chummy photo on John’s desk, Anthony Cooper is apparently still a nefarious conman responsible for the deaths of his parents. Curiously, however, he appears to have made his move a year later in this timeline. Was that extra year enough to give little Jimmy just enough wisdom to keep him from unraveling completely when the deaths occurred? Obviously he was still in grave danger of falling into the become-what-you-hate trap, as he confessed to seeing only two choices before him. Cop or criminal? He saw both as leading him to the same destination. Revenge is still driving his life, albeit in a more productive direction. Still, even if he’s led a fairly upstanding life, there will again be dark repercussions if he simply follows his gut on this one.

A very blatant mirror scene, in which Mom correctly postulated that Sawyer was about to put his fist through the glass. Ouch. So there have been mirrors of some kind in every episode, and so far we’ve seen Jack and Sawyer break theirs. Interesting. No meet-up with Juliet yet, but Sawyer has again bumped into Kate, and he definitely recognizes her. Clearly we’ll be seeing more of this storyline. But of all the folks who showed up in Sideways worlds, the one that interested me most was definitely Liam. I let out a shout when I saw him. Might we see him and Charlie both again in Claire’s Sideways story? I hope so.

Back on the Island, we get confirmation that Jin is with Sawyer, but the Sun searcher quickly fades out of focus as MiB returns to send Sawyer on a mission and try to win Kate’s trust. He reveals to Sawyer what he does not to the group at large: that he is the one who killed all the stragglers at the Temple. Best line of the episode: “I’m the Smoke Thing.” He also says, “I forgive ya,” which is a flip comment but is interesting because Smokey seems to be a force that deals out judgment on the Island. I can’t say I agree with his sense of justice, at least in most instances; he’s a cold-blooded mass murderer. And yet, when he bestowed that beatific smile upon poor whimpering Zach and pledged his protection, I almost felt I liked him. It’s so nefarious of them to let Ultimate Baddie parade around in the body of John Locke.

What’s more, he saved Kate from Claire, which complicit, catatonic Sayid wasn’t about to do. He did so sternly, violently, with a condescending “This is completely inappropriate,“ and then went and apologized to Kate for planting the seeds of hatred in Claire’s mind. His dialogue with Kate was the most fascinating part of the episode, chock full of mythological significance. It’s so strange to think of MiB having parental issues just like everybody else on the Island, but then maybe it isn’t, since he has perhaps projected his own misery upon others. Smokey has a crazy mother.

Given all the time traveling that’s been occurring, could it possibly be someone we know, and time travel be involved? His mother is most likely a stranger, but I do believe that we’ve learned something very important. Unless he just stole John’s backstory in order to equate it to Aaron’s. On a related note, I suspect that what he said about creating an enemy for Claire may lend insight into his relationship with Jacob. She needed something to hate in order to keep her going; it wasn’t enough to simply have her very own, super-creepy version of Wilson the volleyball to talk to. She needed a challenge and a goal. Jacob refers to Smokey as an “old friend”. Could he be the Kate to Smokey’s Claire? Has someone else pitted MiB against his (real or figurative) brother? In the end, Claire fell into Kate’s waiting arms, bawling out her apology. Could we possibly see such a scene with Mr. Black and Mr. White? Though something tells me he was never as sweet and innocent as Claire.

Something seemed a little off about Zoe to me from the beginning, but I figured spending a couple of days surrounded by dead bodies might do that do a person. I liked her, initially anyway, if only because she is one of the few female characters on the show we’ve ever seen wearing glasses. Let’s hear it for the four-eyes! Though once she started all those questions I got a little suspicious. Nonetheless, though Charles was fresh in my mind at the top of the house, I somehow managed to completely forget about him at this point. I was thinking that maybe this was yet another previously unseen contingent of Others. When I saw the sub again it all came rushing back...

One of the most chilling moments for me toward the very end of season five was when MiB told Richard that they would have to do something about those Ajira passengers. Guess who went ahead and did what I strongly suspect MiB was itching to do himself? What makes Sawyer so sure that these two are enemies? What if, instead of squaring off against each other, they join forces? Scary thought.

On the whole, this episode fizzled for me just a bit, but then I really didn’t expect it to measure up to last week’s. It was the first time I was really annoyed by the role someone we know played in Sideways World. At least we know Sideways Charlotte is alive and well. It does sound as though Sawyer wants to get off the Island. But is he conning Kate too? His conversation with her seemed like we were moving back into SKate territory again, and I just don’t know if I buy that. Then again, I do think he would want to help her. Meanwhile, he’s promised not to leave until he finds Sun, and I bet he’s anxious to track down Hurley and Miles too.

Anyway, it was an interesting enough episode, but it just happened to be sandwiched between two of the most epic LOST episodes ever. I’m making that judgment about Ab Aeterno right off the bat because it’s the episode I’ve been longing to see ever since The Man Behind the Curtain. It’s the episode that seems like it really ought to be about three hours long, since Richard’s life stretches about three times longer than anybody else’s. How are they possibly going to fit it all in? Here’s hoping, at least, for a Flashes Before Your Eyes episode structure. I envision Richard sitting the good guys down for story hour and the rest of us getting to listen in.

Given that this is the only actual flashback we’ve been guaranteed to have this season, this might be our best chance to see Sterling Beaumon and Madeline Carroll again, but as much ground as they’ll have to cover, I don’t know if I’m banking on a glimpse of Little Ben and Annie. I’m guessing we won’t see Richard as a child, but maybe we will. I presume we will see Mark Pellegrino again, and maybe Titus Welliver, and that’s pretty exciting. And the provocative “This place is not what you think it is?” Please, Richard. Do tell. I’m guessing we may get more answers in that single hour than we have in the rest of the season thus far. But again, there’s only an hour, so I shouldn’t expect too much. Still, I’m extremely anxious to see this episode. The title is Latin, which seems epic in and of itself, and it apparently means “Counting From Eternal,” which is kinda clunky but certainly seems to fit with Richard’s agelessness. It’ll be interesting to see how Richard interacts with the beach folks now, and how Ben interacts with Team Richard. But I hope we don’t spend a lot of time hobnobbing on the beach. It’s answer time.