The Home That She Denied Me (Octopus's Garden, Ringo Starr)

Man In Black: I have to go.
Mother: Why?
Man In Black: Because I don't belong here.
- Across the Sea

This is a sort of companion piece to This Island Is My Home in which the Man in Black is daydreaming about leaving the Island and trying to figure out how to convince Jacob to go with him.

The Home That She Denied Me 

I’d like to be across the sea

In the home that She denied me as a babe.
I'd watch my twin grow thicker skin

In the home that She denied me as a babe.

We’d see how wide the world could be;

Why doesn’t Jacob want to join me?

I’d like to be across the sea

In the home that She denied me as a babe.

Don’t be alarmed; I’d do no harm

On our journey to reclaim the home I crave.

I would create and innovate,

And our liberty would make my brother brave.

Independence would abound.

No Mother there to boss us ‘round!

I’d like to be across the sea

In the home that She denied me as a babe.

Should I shout that I want out?

Perhaps I should stomp and rant and rave.

(Would it help to rant and rave?)

Need a ploy to sway that Mama’s Boy

Trapped in that suffocating cave.

(What a stifling cave!)

Him and me, at last we would be free,

Basking in the life we never knew.

I’d like to be across the sea

In the home that She denied to us two.

In the home that She denied to us two.

In the home that She denied to us two…

Little Ben (Run For Your Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Little Ben: I really hate it here.  If I let you out... will you take me with you, to your people?

Sayid: Yes, Ben, I will.  That's why I'm here.
- He's Our You

I've been trying to find my way back into filking, and the other day, I heard the Beatles' Run For Your Life for the first time.  It got stuck so firmly in my head that it became my natural starting point.  Here's Sayid coaxing Little Ben into trusting him in season five; the words all seem soothing, but there's a sinister undertone as he has ulterior motives.  

Little Ben

Well, your father’s in your head, Little Ben.

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Well, I admit, at first I wondered why

I ended up here to be confined.

But purpose now has filled my mind.

How could I have been so blind?

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Will your father squirm,

Or will he write you off for dead?

You may never learn;

You’ll find a Hostile home instead.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Your father’s in your head, Little Ben,

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Little Ben, Little Ben, Little Ben…

Mystery Writer (Paperback Writer, Paul McCartney)

Here's a little ditty from Gary Troup, author of Bad Twin, moments before 815 crashes into the ocean, to the tune of the Beatles' Paperback Writer.

Mystery Writer

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Well, Hanso confiscated my last book.
He didn’t want the public to take a look
‘Cause evil equations tend to foster fear.
What a mess that was!  So I’d rather be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

It’s the thrilling story of a clever man
And the time he spends with the Widmore clan.
A son is missing, so it’s up to Paul
To recover him.  Oh, it’s great to be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).

Sell a million copies.  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll impress the critics and Cindy too.
Flying out of Sydney, I can see her smile.
Wrote this book for her, ‘cause I’m such a sappy mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Well, I hope we make it to L.A. all right.
I was not expecting such a bumpy flight.
But at least I guess that if we crash right here,
Then my book will sell.  I will be a famous mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).

With a Little Help From You, Ben (With a Little Help From My Friends, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I could really use someone with like, experience. For a little while. Will you help me, Ben?"
- Hurley, The End

I've had a week and a half to mull over the finale, and I think it's time I got back to posting some parodies. Here's one involving probably my favorite scene in The End, when Hurley realizes he's in charge and Ben offers his encouragement. Here's Hurley and Ben to the tune of the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends.

With a Little Help From You, Ben

Hurley: What do I do? ‘Cause I don’t have a clue,
And I wish that Jack hadn’t picked me.
Ben: No need to fear that you’ll get it all wrong.
Simply do what comes naturally.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

What did I do when I said I would stay?
Didn’t think I’d have to take the throne.
Ben: I was the leader, but I went astray.
If you’ll let me, though, then I’ll atone.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: I may be scared, but I’ll do this job right.
It’ll work out; we just need a little time.
Ben: You have the strength to stay out of a fight.
Hugo, be yourself, and we’ll be fine.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
I’m not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.
Oh, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
With a little help from you, Ben...

DHARMA Submarine (Yellow Submarine, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

Ben: You know, John, you're not wrong. Some of the things I've told you - some of the things I've told everybody - are simply not true.
John: Like what?
Ben: Well, for starters, I wasn't born on this island.
- The Man Behind the Curtain

In The Man Behind the Curtain, Ben confesses to John that he wasn't actually born on the Island. I imagine him going into greater detail here, to the tune of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine.

DHARMA Submarine

Ben: Though I said that I was born
On the Island, that isn’t true.
I recall the fateful time
When we dove into the blue.

First I drank a little juice,
And my sleep was so serene
That I dozed until we came
To the isle by submarine.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

I was shy, and I was bored,
So I moped around once we moored,
But I made two friends that day.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

[Spoken]
Horace: Hey, welcome to the Island, man! Namaste!
Annie: Hey, you’re new, huh? I’m Annie. Want one? [hands Ben a candy bar]

Ben: Horace made me feel at ease.
Wish I’d had the guts (wish I‘d had the guts).
To save Goodspeed (to save Goodspeed).
Annie split (Annie split) the Island scene (Island scene)
On the DHARMA (on the DHARMA) submarine (submarine).

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

Try Treating Him Better (I Should Have Known Better, John Lennon)

"Would you do me a favor? If you and Sarah ever have a kid, try to treat him a little better than I treated you." - Christian, The Watch

Christian wasn't always a great dad to Jack, but at least he was aware of it and wanted to change things toward the end.  Here's Christian in the mobisode The Watch, to the tune of the Beatles' I Should Have Known Better.

Try Treating Him Better

Try treating him better than I treated you.
That’s what I hope you and Sarah will do
If you two have a kid, or a few.

You know, I never meant to be such a lousy dad,
But you have a right to be mad.
I feel bad.  I feel bad.
I’m sure that you can break the cycle, son.
Your kid will be the lucky one.  Oh,
Don‘t let your life wind up like mine.
Please don’t repeat what I have done.

Here, I hope this watch reminds you what I said and why.
Don’t let the days and minutes pass you by
Because time is in short, short supply.

You know, I never meant to be such a lousy dad.
But you have a right to be mad.
I feel bad.  I feel bad.
I’m sure that you can break the cycle, son.
Your kid will be the lucky one.  Oh,
Don‘t let your life wind up like mine.
Please don’t repeat what I have done.
Do better, son.
Do better, son.
Do better, son.

September (In My Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Kate: Are you thinking of Charlie?
Jack: Feels like a hundred years ago that we came out here together. How did this happen?
- The Beginning of the End

To the tune of the Beatles' In My Life, here's a little conversation between Jack and Kate as they stand by the cockpit, reminiscing, in the final moments of The Beginning of the End.

September

Jack: When I think about September,
It’s a lifetime ago, it seems.
Makes me shiver to remember
All the wreckage and frightened screams
And the carnage in this cockpit,
Where you and I learned, with growing dismay,
That a rescue wasn’t coming.
A new life began that day.

Kate: Then as soon as we discovered
That our mission had been in vain,
Our poor pilot took a beating,
And we fled in terror from the plane.
Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.

Both: Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.
He loved life but loved us more.

You're Mine (I Feel Fine, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand... that you're mine!"
 - Ben, The Other Woman

Here's a little ditty about the grisly moment when Ben shows Juliet how Goodwin's stay with the Tailies ended, to the tune of the Beatles' I Feel Fine.

You’re Mine

Goodwin was no good, you know.
He did what no one should, you know.
He stole you.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

He betrayed his wife, you know,
And he messed up my life, you know.
I told you,
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

You’re the one I brought, you know.
He had what I did not, you know.
A missus.
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

Take a Walkabout (We Can Work It Out, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"You know what you need, Mr. Locke? You need to go on a walkabout."
- Abaddon, Cabin Fever

Matthew Abaddon is one of LOST's more enigmatic characters. He works for Widmore, and in his first couple of appearances, he seemed pretty creepy. But in his interactions with John Locke, he's undeniably helpful. Certainly he nudged him in the right direction in Cabin Fever. Here's a song from Abaddon's perspective, to the tune of the Beatles' We Can Work It Out.

Take a Walkabout

Try to have some hope now.
You may think you’re sunk, but Mr. Locke, don’t give up yet.
If you sit and mope now,
Then instead of healing you will simply stay upset.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Think about a journey.
Go into the Outback and discover who you are.
Now, before you spurn me,
Let me tell you, it’s done me a world of good so far.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Look here, Mr. Locke.
You crushed your spine
But you had the strength to survive.
One day you will walk.
You need a sign?
How ‘bout the fact that you’re alive?

Try to have some hope now.
Anything is possible, and miracles are real.
If you sit and mope now,
You could miss the chance to make some good of your ordeal.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Look here, Mr. Locke.
You crushed your spine
But you had the strength to survive.
One day you will walk.
You need a sign?
How ‘bout the fact that you’re alive?

Try to have some hope now.
I believe not only will you walk, but you will run.
Don’t you sit and mope now.
You will see, and when we meet again, you’ll owe me one.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Getting Harder (Getting Better, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"Desmond. I know... it's getting harder."- George, The Constant

The Constant, one of my favorite episodes of LOST, focuses on Desmond's experience of being unanchored in time, but George Minkowski, the communications officer on the freighter, is going through the same thing as Desmond and is thus able to empathize and give him an idea of what to expect. Here, to the tune of the Beatles' Getting Better, George and Desmond compare notes.

Getting Harder

George: It’s getting harder all the time.

No fun on a ship when it’s moored.
(Desmond: Hey, what happened, mate?)
George: Easy for us to get bored.
(Desmond: So what happened, mate?)
George: My buddy and me set out to sea,
Thought it was time we explored.

Hey, Desmond, I know. It’s getting harder,
(Desmond: Harder)
George: A little harder all the time.
(Desmond: When will I jump next?)
George: Hey, Desmond, I know. It’s getting harder.
(Desmond: Harder)
George: It’s getting hard not to lose your mind.

My friend had a panic attack,
So we turned around and came back.
Went out of his head, then Brandon was dead,
And now I’m the one out of whack.

Hey, Desmond, I know. It’s getting harder,
(Desmond: Harder)
George: A little harder all the time.
(Desmond: When will I jump next?)
George: Hey, Desmond, I know. It’s getting harder.
(Desmond: Harder)
George: It’s getting hard not to lose your mind.
Getting so much harder all the time!

George: It’s getting harder all the time.
Desmond: Harder, harder, harder.
George: It’s getting harder all the time.
Desmond: Harder, harder, harder.

George: One minute I’m strapped to a table.
Then I’m on a Ferris wheel, feeling as free as a bird.
This is bizarre, but I’ve made it so far.
Can you get it to stop? Say the word.

Yes, I know it’s getting harder.
(Desmond: Harder)
George: A little harder all the time.
(Desmond: When will I jump next?)
George: Desmond, I know it’s getting harder.
(Desmond: Harder)
George: It’s getting hard not to lose your mind.
Getting so much harder all the time.

It’s getting harder all the time.
Desmond: Harder, harder, harder.
George: It’s getting harder all the time.
Desmond: Harder, harder, harder.
George: Getting so much harder all the time.

I'll Search for Sun (Here Comes the Sun, George Harrison)

"I can't leave. Sun could be here somewhere."
- Jin, Recon


Sawyer is anxious to leave the Island, but Jin's first priority is finding his wife, as he explains to the tune of the Beatles' Here Comes the Sun.

I’ll Search for Sun

I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, you want to get off of this Island.
Listen, Sawyer, I hope I’m making myself clear.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Listen, Sawyer, both of us know how big this place is.
Listen, Sawyer, I don't care if it takes all year.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.

Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.
Sun, Sun, Sun, here I come.

Listen, Sawyer, that isn’t Locke and I don’t trust him.
Listen, Sawyer, it’s getting scary around here.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun. Without her,
I won’t leave.
I’ll search for Sun till I find her.
I’ll search for Sun.
I won’t leave.
I won’t leave.

Tell Desmond I'm Sorry (She Loves You, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I need to ask a favor of you, Sun. If you can ever get off this Island, find Desmond Hume for me. Tell him I said I was sorry."
- Ben, Dead Is Dead

Ben's done quite a bit of apologizing in the past couple of seasons. Here's a rehash of his apology to Desmond via Sun, with an apology to Sun herself thrown in for good measure, to the tune of the Beatles' She Loves You.

Tell Desmond I’m Sorry

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond that I was wrong.

Before I face this doom,
There is something I must say:
If you see Desmond Hume
When you get back to L. A.,

Tell him I’m sorry.
He will know the reason why.
Yes, I’m sorry, and for once, that’s not a lie.

I earned his enmity
By giving in to hate.
I almost didn’t see
The truth until too late.

Tell him I’m sorry.
He will know the reason why.
Yes, I’m sorry, and for once, that’s not a lie. No!

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.

Well, you detest me too,
And I am not surprised.
With what I’ve put you through,
I ought to be despised.

So, Sun, I’m sorry,
And you know the reason why.
I’m sorry, and for once that’s not a lie. No!

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
I’m sorry, and I was wrong.

Still Think You're Dead? (A Hard Day's Night, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"Still think you're dead?"
- Jacob, Ab Aeterno

When Jacob first met Richard, poor Ricardo was in an awful state. It took a dramatic demonstration to convince the future Ageless Other that he was, in fact, still alive. Here's Jacob, to the tune of the Beatles' A Hard Day's Night.

Still Think You’re Dead?

You really think you’re dead
And you are in the afterlife?
You really think you’re dead
And you were talking to your wife?

What you’ve been told is a lie.
I know you don’t wanna die,
So do you still think you’re dead?

I’m gonna drag you down
And make you flounder under a wave.
Well, it looks like you’re afraid to drown;
That’s how the living would behave.

If you don't answer me, then
I’m gonna dunk you again,
So do you still think you’re dead?

Talk some sense. Never give in to despair.
Talk some sense. Look at you gasping for air, air!

So you really think you’re dead
And you are in the afterlife?
You really think you’re dead
And you were talking to your wife?

What you’ve been told is a lie.
I know you don’t wanna die,
So do you still think you’re dead?

If you don't answer me, then
I’m gonna dunk you again,
So do you still think you’re dead?

Talk some sense. Never give in to despair.
Talk some sense. Look at you gasping for air, air!

So you really think you’re dead
And you are in the afterlife?
You really think you’re dead
And you were talking to your wife?

What you’ve been told is a lie.
I know you don’t wanna die,
So do you still think you’re dead?
So do you still think you’re dead?
So do you think you’re dead?

I Am With You (All My Loving, Paul McCartney)

"My love. We are already together."
- Isabella, Ab Aeterno


I loved the tender moment in Ab Aeterno between Isabella and Richard, facilitated by Hurley. Here's Isabella, to the tune of the Beatles' All My Loving.

I Am With You

Close your eyes now, Ricardo.
I know this is hard, so
It’s best if you hear and don’t see.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

Let this man be our buffer.
You don’t have to suffer.
I hope that you won’t disagree.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

I am with you. I was with you then.
I am with you. Take my cross again.

Close your eyes now, Ricardo.
I know this is hard, so
It’s best if you hear and don’t see.
It was my time to leave,
And you don’t need to grieve,
For Ricardo, you’ll always have me.

I am with you. I was with you then.
I am with you. Take my cross again.
I am with you. I am here with you.
I am with you. Take my cross again.

Keep This Guitar Case for Me (While My Guitar Gently Weeps, George Harrison)

Hurley: Wait! You forgot your guitar.
Jacob: It's not my guitar.
- The Incident

Yesterday was George Harrison's 67th birthday, so I've had the late great Quiet Beatle on the brain. Here's a song to the tune of While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I've written once explicitly about the strength of the bond between Jacob and Hurley, and implied it another time, but I thought their iconic meeting deserved a song all its own.

Keep This Guitar Case For Me

I look in your eyes, see the struggle there, Hugo.
Keep this guitar case for me.
You think you’ve been cursed; I see blessing in you, though.
Keep this guitar case for me.

You have been blessed beyond all measure.
You are a treasure trove.
When you were handed a life of leisure,
You thought of others’ pleasure.

You come here and offer a gift to a stranger.
Keep this guitar case for me.
I hope you will help keep your friends out of danger.
Keep this guitar case for me.

All of your life, you’ve felt deflated,
Thought you were hated.
All of your life, I know you’ve waited.
Our meeting’s fated.

My friend, put an end to despair and confusion.
Keep this guitar case for me.
I’m here; I’m not dead, and I’m not an illusion.
Keep this guitar case for me.

Trust (I Will, Paul McCartney)

Here's another LOST parody inspired by What Kate Does. This time, Sayid is the speaker, to the tune of the Beatles' I Will.

Trust

They say I’ve been infected.
Who knows what’s in that pill?
If I take it, it could kill me;
If you want me to, I will.

Although you claim they cured me,
They hardly seem sincere.
But we’ve been in this together
Since the day we landed here.

In this together, so forever,
Jack, you will have my trust.
If you say swallow, I will follow.
I will do what I must.

I don’t care that they fixed me;
It’s you who is my friend.
So just lay it on the line, Jack.
Say this medicine is fine, Jack.
Or advise me to decline the pill, Jack.
Oh, you know I will.
I will.

Penny Hume (Penny Lane, Paul McCartney)

Over the weekend, thousands of geeks converged in San Diego for the 2009 Comic-Con. Though I wasn't one of them, through the magic of eBay, I did manage to snag an official Ben Linus bobblehead, which captures the after-effects of his confrontation with Penny and Desmond in the fifth season. Here, then, to the tune of the Beatles' Penny Lane, is an ode to Penny, who's had to put up with an awful lot as Desmond's One True Love.

Penny Hume

Poor Penny Hume was separated from the one she loves.
He disappeared for years before the two were wed.
Though many others would have thought him dead,
She had faith instead.

In The Searcher she endeavored to discover him.
A chat with Charlie proved her hope was not in vain.
When she found him, nothing could restrain
Desmond's utter bliss.
What a kiss!

Penny Hume is Desmond's long-awaited wife.
She'd become the constant in his life,
The one who rescued him.

When Penny Hume and Desmond left the Oceanic Six,
They knew they'd have to have their wedding on the run.
In circumstances that were far from fun,
Penny bore a son.

Penny Hume has got a complicated life.
Ben is sowing seeds of strife.
He plots a mean attack

While Desmond steers his little family to Los Angeles
To meet the spooky mom of Daniel Faraday.
He doesn't mean to put her in harm's way,
But Ben plans to slay

Poor Penny Hume, whose father Widmore is a scallywag.
She doesn't want a jot to do with his affairs.
But avenging Benji doesn't care
That she's unaware.
So unfair!

Penny Hume is begging Ben to show some grace.
Then the boy named after Charlie Pace
Turns up and Ben relents.
Penny Hume is both a daughter and a wife,
But the role of mother saved her life.
Penny Hume.

Brother Desmond (Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Paul McCartney)

Since I snatched Penny up from the Beatles' catalog, I figured Desmond deserved the same treatment. Here's a LOST ditty to the tune of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, mostly inspired by the episode Catch-22.

Brother Desmond

Desmond, you're a coward and you just can't face
Marriage to your Scottish sweetheart Ruth.
Fear and not devotion brought you to this place.
It's time that you let Brother Campbell know the truth.

You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.

Desmond, you will have to make a sacrifice
In your quest to prove you're not too scared.
You won't find the years of isolation nice,
But with this month of silence, now you're more prepared.

You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.

In a decade or so, you will make a dashing groom.
You will cheekily smile as the priest declares you
Desmond and Penny Hume.

Happ'ly ever after won't come easy, Des.
Though you'll sometimes wish your life would end,
Put your trust in Penny when she plainly says
She loves you in her note in Our Mutual Friend.

You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.

In a decade or so, you will make a dashing groom.
You will cheekily smile as the priest declares you
Desmond and Penny Hume.

Happ'ly ever after won't come easy, Des.
Many troubles wait around the bend.
Someday, though, she'll help you banish emptiness,
And you will sail away on Our Mutual Friend.

You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.

What are you running to?
Get ready to find out.

I'll Follow My Friend (I'll Follow the Sun, Paul McCartney)

LOST returned last week with a doozy of an opener that included Hurley's impassioned speech to Jack explaining his decision to join Locke in deference to Charlie. Here's my version of it, to the tune of the Beatles' I'll Follow the Sun.

I'll Follow My Friend

Heed the warning that Charlie penned.
He did not die in vain.
No, I'll follow my friend.

I'm in mourning. Don't condescend.
He did not die in vain.
No, I'll follow my friend.

So now the boat has come,
And where's it from? We don't know,
But Penny's not the one
Who is running the show. Oh...

Heed the warning that Charlie penned.
He did not die in vain.
No, I'll follow my friend.
He did not die in vain.
No, I'll follow my friend.

So now the boat has come,
And where's it from? We don't know,
But Penny's not the one
Who is running the show. Oh...

Heed the warning that Charlie penned.
He did not die in vain.
No, I'll follow my friend.

Hey Dude (Hey Jude, Paul McCartney)

Here's a little ditty to the tune of Hey Jude focusing on Tricia Tanaka Is Dead, one of my favorite episodes in LOST's third season, and the only one focusing on Hurley. Looking back over the three seasons, I think Hurley has been a quietly positive influence on Sawyer, and that's especially true after Sawyer's return from imprisonment by the Others. Judging by the finale, Sawyer could still use a lesson or two in playing nice with others (and especially Others), but it's nice that Hurley is trying.

In that episode, Hurley was just thrilled to see Sawyer alive and well, and Sawyer was touched enough by his concern - and tempted enough by the beer in the van (or bus, or whatever the proper term is) - to engage in an afternoon of what seemed at the time to be rather pointless male bonding. Of course, that good luck Hurley was talking about extended a bit further than a reckless joyride...

Hey Dude

Hey dude, I found a van
With some cans full of beer from Dharma.
It's karma. I know it deep in my heart.
Won't you take part? Let down your armor.

Hey dude, I was afraid
When you stayed that those guys would harm ya.
They didn't, and see the size of my grin!
We're gonna win because it's karma.

Though being stuck here is a pain,
Hey dude, you've gained a listening ear and crying shoulder.
I missed ya, man, so here's to you!
Knock back a few. I just wish they were a little colder.

Hey dude, until we're found,
Stick around. Don't let me alarm ya.
This Dharma bus soon will sputter and start
Because we're smart and cuz it's karma.

So our good luck will soon begin.
Hey dude, we've been here waiting for something that feels normal.
I think a joyride ought to do. Hey dude, don't you?
Let's pop Roger's head back on his shoulders...

Hey dude, I found a van
With some cans full of beer from Dharma.
It's karma. I know it deep in my heart.
Won't you take part? Let down your armor...

Na na na na-na-na na, na-na-na na, hey dude.
Na na na na-na-na na, na-na-na na, hey dude...

fade out