John Locke has always been one of my favorite characters on LOST. Boy, did he get the short end of the stick. Here's a bit of a rarity for me, a parody not written from the perspective of a particular character, though it is addressed to John, to the tune of Peter Paul and Mary's Greenland Whale Fisheries.
The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham
When you flash through time and you lose your grip
And you land with a fracture of the leg
And then Christian comes and he says to turn the wheel,
No more, no more Island for you, John Locke.
No more, no more Island for you.
‘Twas in some unspecified Island time
When Frank had flown away,
Taking Jack and Kate and Hurley and the rest,
That you learned you couldn’t stay, John Locke.
You learned you couldn’t stay.
You turned the wheel and you found yourself
In Tunisia in the sand.
You were hurt, you were hurt, you were hurt but then you got
A surprising helping hand, John Locke.
Yes, Widmore’s helping hand.
So he sent you out with a pseudonym
And a list of friends you had to find.
But Sayid was sharp and Kate, she was cruel,
And poor Hurley’d lost his mind, John Locke.
Poor Hurley’d lost his mind.
Well, you called on Walt, who had grown so tall,
And he was kind to you,
But he’d lost so much, you could ask no more of him.
You bid the boy adieu, John Locke.
You bid the boy adieu.
Oh, Jack was obstinate and mean.
“John, it’s over! Go away,” he said.
But then Ben was there, and he really seemed to care
Until he choked you dead, John Locke.
Until he choked you dead.
When you flash through time and you lose your grip
And you land with a fracture of the leg
And then Christian comes and he says to turn the wheel,
No more, no more Island for you, John Locke.
No more, no more Island for you.
Greenland Whale Fisheries
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