Little Ben (Run For Your Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Little Ben: I really hate it here.  If I let you out... will you take me with you, to your people?

Sayid: Yes, Ben, I will.  That's why I'm here.
- He's Our You

I've been trying to find my way back into filking, and the other day, I heard the Beatles' Run For Your Life for the first time.  It got stuck so firmly in my head that it became my natural starting point.  Here's Sayid coaxing Little Ben into trusting him in season five; the words all seem soothing, but there's a sinister undertone as he has ulterior motives.  

Little Ben

Well, your father’s in your head, Little Ben.

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Well, I admit, at first I wondered why

I ended up here to be confined.

But purpose now has filled my mind.

How could I have been so blind?

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Will your father squirm,

Or will he write you off for dead?

You may never learn;

You’ll find a Hostile home instead.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Your father’s in your head, Little Ben,

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Little Ben, Little Ben, Little Ben…

Like Me (Isle of Innisfree, Richard Farrelly)

"It was only supposed to be me so I can do this. But if someone has to take care of the Island, if someone has to protect it then... then it should be you. Hurley... I believe in you."
- Jack, The End

Here's a little reflection from Jack and Ben immediately preceding the brief ceremony that makes Hurley the new Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Isle of Innisfree.

Like Me

Jack: I have been told I’m meant to be a leader,
That it’s a role that I was born to play.
But still, I feel I never was a leader
Until I took that sacred oath today.
And now I must descend to save the Island.
My eyes are clear, and that’s the fate I see.
But when it’s done, I will not leave the Island
Because the Island is my destiny.

And so before you take me down like Desmond,
Please feel no pity, hard as that may be.
But Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

Ben: I’ve spent a lifetime wanting to be special;
I’m slowly learning how to let that go.
I will admit that I was disappointed
When Jack named you. I won’t dispute it, though.

Instead, I’ll offer up this water bottle,
A tiny token of my loyalty.
So Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge; you won’t go wrong like me.

Jack: Yes, Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

The Isle of Innisfree

She'll Fly Away (I'll Fly Away, Albert E. Brumley)

"Wow, Alex! Any higher, and you're gonna fly right off the Island."
 - Richard, Dead Is Dead

Here's a little song recollecting the sweet but somehow ominous swing set moment in Dead Is Dead. It's from Richard's perspective, first addressing Alex then Ben, to the tune of the Gospel song I'll Fly Away.

She’ll Fly Away

Alex, wow! What buoyancy you've shown! You’ll fly away.
What a time to treasure when you’ve grown! You’ll fly away.
You’ll fly away from this place. You’ll fly away.
Swing so high that you almost touch the sky. You’ll fly away.

Listen, we are realistic men. She’ll fly away.
One day, he may try to take her, Ben. She’ll fly away.
She’ll fly away from this place. She’ll fly away.
Push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

Yes, push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

With a Little Help From You, Ben (With a Little Help From My Friends, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I could really use someone with like, experience. For a little while. Will you help me, Ben?"
- Hurley, The End

I've had a week and a half to mull over the finale, and I think it's time I got back to posting some parodies. Here's one involving probably my favorite scene in The End, when Hurley realizes he's in charge and Ben offers his encouragement. Here's Hurley and Ben to the tune of the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends.

With a Little Help From You, Ben

Hurley: What do I do? ‘Cause I don’t have a clue,
And I wish that Jack hadn’t picked me.
Ben: No need to fear that you’ll get it all wrong.
Simply do what comes naturally.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

What did I do when I said I would stay?
Didn’t think I’d have to take the throne.
Ben: I was the leader, but I went astray.
If you’ll let me, though, then I’ll atone.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: I may be scared, but I’ll do this job right.
It’ll work out; we just need a little time.
Ben: You have the strength to stay out of a fight.
Hugo, be yourself, and we’ll be fine.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
I’m not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.
Oh, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
With a little help from you, Ben...

I Will Destroy the Beast (God's Own Fool, Michael Card)

"It's where I was told I could summon the monster. That's before I realized that it was the one summoning me."
- Ben, What They Died For

Ben's actions on the Island in What They Died For initially really depressed me because it felt like such a sad regression back into villainy. But the more I think about it, the more certain I am that Ben is running his own con, and because of his incredibly dark past and his willingness to kill his old enemy to get his point across, he may just be able to pull it off where Sawyer failed. Here's hopin'. Here is Ben to the tune of Michael Card's God's Own Fool.

I Will Destroy the Beast

Seems he misled me for all of my life
Since I came to this place as a kid,
And he molded me into a murderous man.
I cringe at the things that I did.
For ever since Jacob clutched me as he died
And then Miles confirmed that he cared,
I've seen how this monster made use of my pride
Until I was wholly ensnared.

So I, in my foolishness, ate up his lies.
I was his tool then, but now I’ve grown wise.
When I was a leader, he conned me so long.
Now I’ve been humbled and know I was wrong.
And so I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to Jacob at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

I’ll give up my life for the sake of this con
That will rid us of evil at last.
I’ll do it for Jacob and Alex and John.
I’ll purge the mistakes of my past.
I’ll surrender the power that never was mine,
Be the man Jacob hoped I could be.
For I’ve been through the fire and I’ve been refined,
And though I was blind, now I see.

Yes, I, in my foolishness, ate up his lies.
I was his tool then, but now I’ve grown wise.
When I was a leader, he conned me so long.
Now I’ve been humbled and know I was wrong.
And so I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to Alex at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

So I’ll make that thing a fool.
I owe that to John Locke at least.
I won’t stand by and be his tool.
I will destroy the beast.

Alex's Grave (The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane, Michael and Judy Callahan)

"It's Alex... It's your daughter... After you left, I buried her."
- Richard, What They Died For


One of my favorite parts of What They Died For was the small scene in which Richard tells Ben that he buried Alex. It was such a testament to his decency and his long friendship with Ben. Additionally, I've been thinking a lot about Jacob as an Obi-Wan figure and his brother as akin to Anakin, and I've decided that Richard is like Yoda: old, wise, spending most of his life as an adviser. He's certainly acted as a mentor to Ben, and here I see him using this as one last teaching moment as he differentiates between violence for the sake of vengeance and for the sake of eradicating evil. Here's Richard, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane.

Alex’s Grave

I have a confession to make.
I hope it helps ease your ache.
See, our friend here has found
Where I laid her in the ground.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

I heard the news, and I grieved
To think of your being bereaved
And remembered her wings
When she soared on these swings.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

Though I have felt the weight of grief
And the wrath that enticed me to kill,
It’s best to restrain every urge to cause pain,
To exert our virtue and will.

Ben, I know that has never been easy for you.
I’ve been trying to teach you for years.
Yes, I’ve told you that hate is a deadly drug
That only will lead to more tears.

But foiling the Devil could free us from Hell,
So let’s collect some C-4.
Although violence is wrong, it is time for the end.
It’s time we concluded the war.

We’ve gone through our ups and our downs,
With our laughs less abundant than frowns.
But you always will be important to me.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

Yes, you always will be important to me.
We’re standing on Alex’s grave.

The Minstrel of Cranberry Lane

DHARMA Submarine (Yellow Submarine, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

Ben: You know, John, you're not wrong. Some of the things I've told you - some of the things I've told everybody - are simply not true.
John: Like what?
Ben: Well, for starters, I wasn't born on this island.
- The Man Behind the Curtain

In The Man Behind the Curtain, Ben confesses to John that he wasn't actually born on the Island. I imagine him going into greater detail here, to the tune of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine.

DHARMA Submarine

Ben: Though I said that I was born
On the Island, that isn’t true.
I recall the fateful time
When we dove into the blue.

First I drank a little juice,
And my sleep was so serene
That I dozed until we came
To the isle by submarine.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

I was shy, and I was bored,
So I moped around once we moored,
But I made two friends that day.

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

[Spoken]
Horace: Hey, welcome to the Island, man! Namaste!
Annie: Hey, you’re new, huh? I’m Annie. Want one? [hands Ben a candy bar]

Ben: Horace made me feel at ease.
Wish I’d had the guts (wish I‘d had the guts).
To save Goodspeed (to save Goodspeed).
Annie split (Annie split) the Island scene (Island scene)
On the DHARMA (on the DHARMA) submarine (submarine).

I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.
I arrived on a DHARMA submarine,
DHARMA submarine, DHARMA submarine.

You're a Creep (She'd Rather Be With Me, Garry Bonner / Alan Gordon)

"Well, I noticed you've been parked here a while watching the kids, and well, it is a school. Do you have a child who goes here?"
- Ben, Everybody Loves Hugo

Ben can be pretty creepy, but as Dr. Linus, he's more concerned about thwarting creeps. Here's Ben on pervert patrol in Everybody Loves Hugo, to the tune of the Turtles' She'd Rather Be With Me.

You’re a Creep

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a creep.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Sometimes I get out of school,
And I see a stranger in a car,
And this time, since I’m not a fool,
I suspect that you’re a bit bizarre.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.
Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a,
Pretty sure that you’re a,
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.

(fadeout)

She'd Rather Be With Me

You're Mine (I Feel Fine, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand... that you're mine!"
 - Ben, The Other Woman

Here's a little ditty about the grisly moment when Ben shows Juliet how Goodwin's stay with the Tailies ended, to the tune of the Beatles' I Feel Fine.

You’re Mine

Goodwin was no good, you know.
He did what no one should, you know.
He stole you.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

He betrayed his wife, you know,
And he messed up my life, you know.
I told you,
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

You’re the one I brought, you know.
He had what I did not, you know.
A missus.
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

Find the Plants for Me (Take a Chance on Me, Benny Andersson / Björn Ulvaeus)

"Listen to me very carefully, John, because I'm not gonna have time to repeat this. You're gonna go into that greenhouse through that hole there. Once inside, you're gonna turn left. Go about 20 paces until you see a patch of Anthuriums on your left. They're in an alcove against the north wall. Face the wall, reach down with your left hand. You'll find a switch that activates the elevator. The elevator takes you down to the actual Orchid station." - Ben, There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

My dad is always giving me suggestions of songs to LOSTify, and today he mentioned ABBA's incredibly catchy Take a Chance on Me. That's one of those songs that just makes me grin from ear to ear when I hear it, so I knew I had to give it a shot. Here's Ben and John from the season four finale.

Find the Plants For Me

Ben: When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Hey, Ben, you know this sounds crazy?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: What about soldiers
Standing with rifles?
How do I avoid them?
Ben, you got me quakin’.
Am I mistaken?
Thought that we annoyed them.

Ben: John, you won’t get shot.
You worry about the plants.
I considered this in advance.
I’m ready.
I know that you think I’m nuts,
But show me you’ve got some guts.
Listen, don’t you scoff.
It’ll all pay off.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Come on, you‘ll get me killed, won‘t you?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: Give me one reason to trust you.
It would be unjust to
Throw me to the lions.
Though that would be rotten,
I’ve seen you plottin’.
You’d applaud my dyin’.

Ben: John, I give my vow,
Whatever that is worth,
That you’ve been primed from birth
To lead here.
Oh, yes, Richard yammered on,
“I hardly can wait for John!”
You will catch a break
For the Island’s sake.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man with a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man who has got a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around...

When the Island's Done With Us (Hard to Say I'm Sorry, Peter Cetera / David Foster)

Ben: Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
Jack: What's that?
Ben: Ilana. There she was - handpicked by Jacob, trained to come and protect you Candidates, no sooner does she tell you who you are than she blows up. The Island was done with her. Makes me wonder what's gonna happen when it's done with us. 
- Everybody Loves Hugo



Back in Dr. Linus, Richard wallowed in despair and Ben found a new lease on life. In Everybody Loves Hugo, Ben, traumatized by the death of the woman who gave him a second chance and fearful of the future, seems to have hit a nadir. Here's Ben to the tune of Chicago's Hard to Say I'm Sorry.

When the Island’s Done With Us

Always said that getting chummy doesn’t pay,
And every day, that is clearer.
Everybody in this place is prey.
We obey; death comes nearer.

Makes you think.
The Island didn’t need Ilana,
So it tossed her away.

When our fates have been fulfilled,
Seems to me we’re getting killed,
And I’m not thrilled.
I guess you’ll say I’m a downer, Jack,
But when the Island’s done with us we’re doomed.

I admit that I feel dismay
About this play we’ve been cast in.
Do you think that we’ll be okay?
You may say there’s a chance, but it’s slim.

Makes you think.
The Island didn’t need Ilana.
An explosion was due.
Makes you think.
If that’s how it rewarded Ilana,
What’s in store for me and you?

When our fates have been fulfilled,
Seems to me we’re getting killed,
And I’m not thrilled.
I guess you’ll say I’m a downer, Jack,
But when the Island’s done with us we’re doomed.

When our fates have been fulfilled,
Seems to me we’re getting killed,
And I’m not thrilled.

Flashes of red, then fade to black.

God Help Us All (God Only Knows, Brian Wilson / Tony Asher)

Ben: What happens if I can't get them all to come back? Eloise Then God help us all.
- The Lie

Eloise and Ben don't seem to like each other very much. Here, to the tune of the Beach Boys' God Only Knows, she tries to impress upon him the urgency of his mission.

God Help Us All

I saw you light that candle.
So, is this job too much to handle?
Are six recruits too many?
Good gracious, have you got any?

God help us all if you don’t collect them.

In seventy more hours,
We’ll have to trust in higher powers
If your talent still proves lacking.
Come on, Benjamin, get cracking!

God help us all if you don’t collect them.

God help us all if you don’t collect them.

In seventy more hours,
We’ll have to trust in higher powers
If your talent still proves lacking.
Come on, Benjamin, get cracking!

God help us all if you don’t collect them.
God help us all if you don’t collect them.
(God help us all if you don’t collect them.)
God help us all if you don’t collect them.
(God help us all if you don’t collect them.)
(fadeout)

Tell Desmond I'm Sorry (She Loves You, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I need to ask a favor of you, Sun. If you can ever get off this Island, find Desmond Hume for me. Tell him I said I was sorry."
- Ben, Dead Is Dead

Ben's done quite a bit of apologizing in the past couple of seasons. Here's a rehash of his apology to Desmond via Sun, with an apology to Sun herself thrown in for good measure, to the tune of the Beatles' She Loves You.

Tell Desmond I’m Sorry

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond that I was wrong.

Before I face this doom,
There is something I must say:
If you see Desmond Hume
When you get back to L. A.,

Tell him I’m sorry.
He will know the reason why.
Yes, I’m sorry, and for once, that’s not a lie.

I earned his enmity
By giving in to hate.
I almost didn’t see
The truth until too late.

Tell him I’m sorry.
He will know the reason why.
Yes, I’m sorry, and for once, that’s not a lie. No!

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.

Well, you detest me too,
And I am not surprised.
With what I’ve put you through,
I ought to be despised.

So, Sun, I’m sorry,
And you know the reason why.
I’m sorry, and for once that’s not a lie. No!

Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Tell Desmond I’m sorry.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
Please believe me, Sun, for once it’s not a lie.
I’m sorry, and I was wrong.

Known For the Doubt (Never a Doubt, John Denver)

Ben: Thomas the Apostle. When Jesus wanted to return to Judea, knowing that he would probably be murdered there, Thomas said to the others, "Let us also go, that we might die with him." But Thomas was not remembered for this bravery. His claim to fame came later... when he refused to acknowledge the resurrection. He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. The story goes... that he needed to touch Jesus' wounds to be convinced.
Jack: So was he?
Ben: Of course he was. We're all convinced sooner or later, Jack.
- 316

316 is named, on the surface, for the flight that Ben and five of the Oceanic Six take back to the Island. But I presume that the name also is a reference to John 3:16, sometimes referred to as the Bible boiled down to one verse about God loving the world so much that He gave His Son so that whoever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life. This seems especially fitting given Ben's conversation with Jack about the apostle Thomas and his struggle to believe. Here are Ben's biblical musings, to the tune of John Denver's Never A Doubt.

Known For the Doubt

He is known for the doubt,
Known for the doubt he confessed
When he looked on his Savior.
Known for the doubt.
It’s always been linked to his name.
He is known for the doubt
That compelled him to make his request.
Can we fault his behavior?
Known for the doubt.
Don’t you think we’d have acted the same?

Of the Apostles, not one has been misunderstood more than Thomas.
He was loyal and brave.
When Jesus was threatened, he said, “Let us go and die too.”
I assume, given the chance, that he would have made good on his promise
Of embracing the grave.
For the sake of his Lord, there was nothing that he wouldn’t do.

Reason was whispering to him, “It must be a hoax or illusion.
No, this cannot be real,”
Because Christ’s resurrection was something beyond his belief.
In his shoes, which of us wouldn’t have come to a kindred conclusion?
But when granted a feel,
We’d have trembled like Thomas as joy washed away all our grief.

Was he wrong to refuse to accept an imposter
When he did not dare hope for such glorious news?

He is known for the doubt,
Known for the doubt he confessed
When he looked on his Savior.
Known for the doubt.
It’s always been linked to his name.
He is known for the doubt
That compelled him to make his request.
Can we fault his behavior?
Known for the doubt.
Don’t you think we’d have acted the same?
Don’t you think we’d have acted the same?
We would have acted the same.

You're the Best (Be Our Guest, Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)

"You're the best, Dr. Linus!"
- Alex, Dr. Linus

The relationship between Ben and his adopted daughter Alex has been full of angst and complications, but in season six, we got to see the two of them relating to each other with much greater ease and warmth. Here's a celebration of Sideways Ben and Alex, to the tune of Be Our Guest, from Beauty and the Beast.

You’re the Best

Alex: You’re the best, you’re the best.
Dr. Linus, you’re the best.
Without you, what would I do?
I’d have no clue! I’d flunk the test!
Though you say I’ll be fine,
My whole future’s on the line.
I don’t trust my comprehension.
When I heard you had detention,
I was bummed. I was scared
I would never be prepared.
But you’ve rescued me, and boy, am I impressed!
Though Reynolds may ignore you,
I’m so thankful for you.
You’re the best, you’re the best, you’re the best.

Ben: I was down and distressed.
Bless this unexpected guest!
Teens like her make teaching worth it,
Despite aspects I detest:
Reynolds’ rude attitude,
Students’ base ingratitude.
Let’s dispense with all this whining
And get back to our fine dining.
Look, my life’s not so bad,
So let’s keep our chins up, Dad.
Don’t feel guilty; just enjoy your turkey breast.
I’ve done a few things right.
She helped me see the light
‘Cause she’s the best.
I feel blessed
To acknowledge her request.
She’s the best, she’s the best, she’s the best.

Who‘s to say that leaving
Is a choice we should be grieving?
If we’d stayed, we might have made a big mistake.
Even though I left my truest friend there,
I’ve become a mentor for her sake.
These students... They need me,
And when we came back, you freed me
To deny myself and seek the greater good.
Turns out I’m a teacher, not a doctor.
Dad, who was I fooling,
Getting all that extra schooling?

[Next Day]
Alex: I am stressed, I am stressed,
‘Cause if I don’t pass this test,
Then I’ll fail to go to Yale.
I will be stuck here in the west.
Gotta work up the nerve
To go ask Reynolds the perv
For a nice recommendation -

Ben: Wait, did he abuse his station?
I’ve been wanting a change.
Would it really be so strange
If I used this little tidbit to protest?
I‘d love to stage a coup,
But I will not hurt you,
So I’ll stay dressed in this vest
And arrest this whole quest.

[Later]
Alex: You’re the best, you’re the best,
And though you have not confessed,
Reynold’s letter was much better
Than I ever would have guessed,
So I think what occurred
Is you put in a good word.
Yes, if my appeal advances,
It’s because you helped my chances.
Off to college I’ll go
With the knowledge you bestow,
And if anybody asks, I will attest
That if you want the finest,
Go with Dr. Linus;
He’s the best.
You’re the best, you’re the best.
Yes, you’re the best!

Dr. Linus (Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse, George and Will Millar / Wilcil McDowell)

"Linus, you're a real killer!"
 - Arzt, Dr. Linus

LOST has a wonderful way of bringing back minor characters in surprising ways. Dr. Leslie Arzt is one guy who's had a surprisingly large role in the sixth season, considering the fact that he blew up back in season one. Here, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse, he gets to air our a few complaints as Dr. Benjamin Linus listens patiently.

Dr. Linus

In the science lab I teach in,
The equipment’s decades old.
I am desperate for some aprons,
But they cost too much, I’m told.
Mr. Reynolds has the power here.
Mr. Reynolds is a jerk.
Mr. Reynolds makes me suspect
I need a new line of work.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

Well, if I pull off this surveillance,
I require a little fee.
This could get me into trouble,
So I’d best consider carefully.
I would like a good spot, Linus,
By the shady maple tree -
But beside it and not under,
So my car will be leaf-free.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

I can’t believe what I am hearing.
What about our clever coup?
Put myself on the line for a reason.
I thought I could depend on you.
Listen, Linus, you misled me.
Now I’m right back at Square One.
It’ll be a long, long time now
Before my complaining will be done.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse

I'll Have You (I Got You, Babe, Sonny Bono)

"I'll have you."
- Ilana, Dr. Linus

Over the years, LOST has provided many powerfully moving moments, but few pack the punch of the emotional, cathartic scene between Ilana and Ben toward the end of Dr. Linus. Could it possibly have been any better? No. It could not. Here's a reflection on one of my favorite LOST moments ever, to the tune of Sonny and Cher's I Got You, Babe (which, incidentally, is prominently featured in Groundhog Day, about a morally bankrupt man who makes wrong decisions again and again before finally making major changes for the better).

I’ll Have You

Ben: My bitter actions caused you pain,
But please, give me a moment to explain.
I was so angry and afraid.
I know you won’t forgive the choice I made...

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: I watched my daughter Alex die.
I could have saved her; didn’t even try.
I blamed myself but blamed Jacob too.
Oh, Ilana, I felt just as lost as you.

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: I believed he didn’t care.
I believed he was unfair.
That changed when Miles heard his voice.
My grief is my fault, for I had a choice.

I told you what I need to, so
I just ask that you will let me go.
I see that Locke’s a monster. Still,
He said he’d have me. Nobody else will.

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: You’ll have me? I’m thunderstruck.
You’ll have me, a sinful shmuck?
You’ll have me? My mind’s a blur.
You’ll have me, a murderer?
You’ll have me? What can I say?
You’ll have me? I can’t repay.
You’ll have me? How can I face
Such a magnitude of grace?

Ilana: I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Jacob's Apology (Ben, Don Black / Walter Scharf)

When it comes to LOST, I am Team Jacob all the way. Nonetheless, I can't help feeling that Ben got the raw end of the deal. Ultimately, I'm not sure who messed his life up more, Smokey or Jacob. I certainly can't blame him for being upset with his unseen leader, and I longed for Jacob, in that final scene in The Incident, to offer an explanation for his apparent absence.

Now, I'm holding my breath in hopes that such a moment will come this season, in spite of the practical evidence to the contrary. Even if he doesn't actually speak to Ben, I imagine our getting some sense that he feels badly for the role he largely compelled Ben to play - because if Smokey's been pulling a long con, I'm pretty sure Jacob's is even longer.

If I had to venture a guess, I would say that Ben, whether or not he is consciously aware of having been forgiven, will go out in a blaze of sacrifical glory, to be then given a fresh start in Sideways World. Could be way off. But it's better to post it now, when there's at least still a chance it could happen... Here's a reflection by Jacob, to the tune of Don Black and Walter Scharf's Ben.

Jacob’s Apology

Ben, you thought I had forsaken you.
I assure you that it isn’t true.
I was with you all those years.
I witnessed many tears
When you were feeling small
And yearned to dry them all.

Ben, you felt like the forgotten son,
Wondered why John was the favored one.
You were needed for my plan,
So since this all began,
Despite the faith you’ve shown,
I’ve made you feel alone.

I’m sorry, Ben. I forgive
Your mistakes. Go and live.
I’m sorry, Ben. I forgive
Your mistakes. Go and live.

Ben, I know that you’re remorseful now
And you long to make amends somehow.
Soon, I think that you will see
A way to honor me,
And that will free you, Ben,
To begin your life again.
Begin again.
Begin again.

Ben's Song (Annie's Song, John Denver)

"It's us. That's you and that's me. Now we never have to be away from each other. Happy birthday, Ben."
 - Annie, The Man Behind the Curtain

Last night, I watched a video that filled me with more happiness than any video rightly should. Entitled Old Spice Fills Up My Senses, this video ingeniously takes the text of the iconic new Old Spice commercial (with which I am currently obsessed) and marries it to the melody of John Denver's Annie's Song. As the main singer, Emily, explains, "There's a video that's making the rounds on the Internet, and I think it's the most romantic thing that I've ever seen... and we thought it might be fun to set the words to the video to the tune of the most romantic song ever written."

Well, I was elated and inspired, and I watched it half a dozen times, and when I woke up this morning, I watched it again. And then I had a thought: "I need this song." Every time I've heard Annie's Song in the past three years, I've briefly wanted to toy with the idea of turning it into a way of exploring Annie, who ties for my favorite flashback character on LOST. But I always shot myself down because I have a strict rule of never using the same song twice, and I made short work of Annie's Song back in 2006 shortly after my filking began in earnest.

This time, I decided to throw out the rules, especially since that was one of the dumbest songs I ever wrote, and hardly worthy of John Denver's beautiful melody. I shunned my first attempt, freeing me to say everything I've been longing to say about Annie, or rather to have her say. It was a strange revelation to me when I finished that everything we really know about Annie is contained in this one brief song. She appeared in one episode, and then she was never mentioned again.

I have a few theories about what happened to her. My most outlandish speculates that she was either Jacob or Smokey (akin to the theory that Vincent is Jacob or Smokey). Intriguing thought, but I don't give it a lot of credence. My most prominent theories are as follows:

1. Annie left the Island with her parents shortly after she presented the dolls to Ben. The very nature of the gift suggests that she knew they would be separated soon, and this would explain why she seemed to be out of the picture when Jack and his buddies arrived.

2. At some point in the mid-to-late 1980s, Ben impregnated Annie, who subsequently died in childbirth. That explains why he was so deeply moved by the presence of the infant Alexandra and protective of her mother, even as he stole the baby to claim as his own. It also gives more reason for the fervor with which he tried to keep Karl away from Alex and attempted to find a solution to the Island's fertility problems, which Richard (the man who barely remembers what birthdays are) clearly found inconsequential.

Whatever Annie's story is, I feel certain that we will get it this season and that it will prove an important piece of the puzzle that is LOST. Until then, we're left with three short but incredibly sweet scenes.

Ben’s Song

I guess that you’re new here.
Nice to meet you; I’m Annie.
Won’t you have an Apollo?
They’re amazingly good.
Take a taste of this candy.
We will never run out here.
You want to be friends, Ben?
I think that we should.

Come to the corner!
It’s a Hostile invasion.
It’s a little bit scary,
But don’t be afraid, Ben.
Take my hand, and I’ll guide you.
I am right here beside you.
Soon they will leave us.
You’ll be okay then.

I am right here beside you.
Someday I’ll leave you,
But I can’t say when.

I know it’s your birthday,
Though your dad has forgotten.
Here’s a gift that I made you,
And it comes from the heart.
Take the doll, for it’s me, Ben;
This one’s you, and I’ll keep it.
As long as we have them,
We’re never apart.

Well, I Certainly Hope You Help Him (Heaven on Their Minds, Andrew Lloyd Webber / Tim Rice)

"Well, I certainly hope he helps you, John!"
- Ben, The Man Behind the Curtain

LOST has been inviting plenty of comparisons between Ben Linus and Judas Iscariot, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I busted out the weathered copy of 1973's Jesus Christ Superstar. Here's a rant from Ben on what was probably the most miserable birthday of his life - and that's really saying something - to the tune of Heaven on Their Minds.

Well, I Certainly Hope You Help Him

He heard you clearly there.
“Help me,”
You implored
As I stared
At that old
Rocking chair.
I’m the leader here,
But I
Didn’t hear
As I stared
At that old
Rocking chair.

Jacob!
You wanna fire me?
Come tell me so yourself,
And not by sending things
Cascading from the shelf!

For one time in your life,
Why can’t you just be frank?
After all I’ve done for you,
Here’s how you say thanks?

Listen, Jacob,
Who needs him anyway?
Way to drop this bomb on my own birthday!
Way to tell me
My years of servitude were a waste.
You know, I have questions too,
But I would not barge in on you.
I don’t get why you’d reward his haste.

I remember when I first saw your face -
Wait, no, I don’t, since that never took place!
You appoint me
But never let me look you in the eye.
I always believed that you exist
Though you’re as murky as the mist.
I had faith in you, and now I fry.

Did you see his hissy fit?
Let me clue you in a bit.
Threw a tantrum like a tot.
Who would’ve thought?
Can you tell that makes me mad?
Bet he didn’t kill his dad.
Bet he fobbed it off on James.
Him and his games!

Listen, Jacob, is it too much to hope
That you’ll stop treating me like a dope?
I have lived for you,
But I have no idea who you are!
Say a word or two to me.
Just show me that one courtesy.
I’ve been patient and sincere so far.
Oh, but just so far!

Listen, Jacob, you know I’m on your team.
I’m exhausted, though, and just want to scream.
Can you blame me if I want to see to it his life goes dim?
Though he’s still consumed by doubt,
You ask him to help you out.
Well, I certainly hope you help him.
Yes, I hope you help him.
Oh… Oh…

Listen, Jacob, you know I’m on your team.
All your secrecy with me makes me scream.
So come on, come on… you won’t listen to me now.
Ah… Ah…
Come on, listen, listen to me.
Come on, listen to me now.
Ah…
Come on, listen to me.
Listen, listen to me.
Oh… Oh…
Come on, listen to me. Listen to me...