Little Ben (Run For Your Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Little Ben: I really hate it here.  If I let you out... will you take me with you, to your people?

Sayid: Yes, Ben, I will.  That's why I'm here.
- He's Our You

I've been trying to find my way back into filking, and the other day, I heard the Beatles' Run For Your Life for the first time.  It got stuck so firmly in my head that it became my natural starting point.  Here's Sayid coaxing Little Ben into trusting him in season five; the words all seem soothing, but there's a sinister undertone as he has ulterior motives.  

Little Ben

Well, your father’s in your head, Little Ben.

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Well, I admit, at first I wondered why

I ended up here to be confined.

But purpose now has filled my mind.

How could I have been so blind?

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Will your father squirm,

Or will he write you off for dead?

You may never learn;

You’ll find a Hostile home instead.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Your father’s in your head, Little Ben,

He’s a hard and unfeeling man.

Ignore the things he said, Little Ben.

Now’s the time to take a stand.

You haven’t much of a life with this clan, Little Ben.

I’m the key to your plan, Little Ben.

Put your future in the hands

Of a friend, Little Ben.

Little Ben, Little Ben, Little Ben…

Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

I've Got No Faith (I've Got No Strings, Leigh Harline / Ned Washington)

Jack: Don't. It's not real. Look, you want to push the button, you do it yourself.
Locke: If it's not real, then what are you doing here, Jack? Why did you come back? - Orientation

Here's a song involving John and Jack's argument down in the hatch at the end of Orientation, to the tune of Pinocchio's I've Got No Strings.  Jack finally gives in, but real faith doesn't come until much later... 


I’ve Got No Faith

Jack: I’ve got no faith in destiny.
I only trust what I can see.
You have faith, but luckily,
There is no faith in me.
   
Desmond was clearly cracked.
Nothing’s gonna happen, John.
This hatch would stay intact
Even if we all were gone.

John: You’ve got no faith?  Then tell me, Jack,
Why did you bother coming back?
Trust the film.  This job’s for two.
I know there’s faith in you.

Sayid: He has no faith, so let him be.
This argument is boring me.
Step aside, and I will do
What Jack refuses to.

Kate: You have no faith.  I’m with you there.
But this is giving me a scare.
Just in case the tape is true,
I’d push if I were you.

Jack: John, you’re a silly sheep.
Desmond didn’t have a clue.
John: Why won’t you take the leap? 
I believe, but I need you.

Alarm: BEEP! BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Jack: (pushes button) There’s still no faith in me!

Here We Are In the Past (Years May Come, Years May Go, Jack Fishman / Andre Popp / Jean Massoulier)

"The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we wanna be on."

- Daniel, LaFleur

Here's a little ditty in which Sawyer, Juliet, Daniel and Horace do some reflecting on the 1974 events of LaFleur, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Years May Come, Years May Go.

Here We Are in the Past

Sawyer: We might be in a bind,

But I don’t really mind.

I think a haughty hippie beats flashin’ through time.

Don’t have to deal with Ben -

Or if we do, he’s ten.

It’s kinda cool to see history.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Juliet: I don’t know what to do,

‘Cause James, I’m sweet on you

But can’t erase the pain this place put me through.

The course of time’s grown smooth,

So could our luck improve,

Or will we stay and then grieve again?

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Horace: Jim, you helped us out.

I’m sorry for my doubt,

And you just bought yourself a spot.  Yeah, you’ve got clout.

I guess it isn’t true

That DHARMA’s not for you;

I never thought you’d be saving me.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track...)

I'll Fly Those Fellas Home (The Boys Come Rollin' Home, Tommy Sands)

"Here we go, Frank.  Come on.  Come on...  Amen."
- Frank, The End

Another Frank song.  I had presumed him dead ever since The Candidate, so I was thrilled to see him turn up alive after all, and then wind up one of the big heroes of the finale.  Here's Frank to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Boys Come Rollin' Home.

I’ll Fly Those Fellas Home

I always will remember well the strange September day
Norris flew 815 out of Sydney.
I gotta get my rest, but oversleeping doesn‘t pay,
‘Cause poor Seth, he didn’t do so great, now did he?

But I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

I made it to the freighter with a madman and his friend.
My chopper didn’t crash in stormy weather.
I got us off the Island and I lost the beard and then
I brought Jack and all his buddies back together.

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Now Miles has got his duct tape, and Ricky’s by his side,
And Ben is somewhere with his walkie-talkie.
I see the Island crumblin’, and it‘s lookin’ like we‘re fried,
But it‘s tiger time; I kinda feel like Rocky!

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

We're goin’ down the runway now, and a few folks showed up late.
I wonder, is it fun to see me stressing?
But in they go, with buckles on, so Sawyer, Claire and Kate
Are part of 316 and share the blessing.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll fly those fellas home!

The Boys Come Rollin' Home

This War You Had to Wage (Spirit of the Age, Michael Card)

"I wanna know why. I wanna know that Sun and Jin and Sayid didn't die for nothing."
- Kate, What They Died For


I've been trying to get into the heads of each of the major Island players as they move into the final chapter, and I've had a harder time getting a handle on Kate than most. But I think I have a pretty good understanding of where she's coming from, and I don't begrudge her the angry questions she hurls at Jacob. Here's Kate to the tune of Michael Card's Spirit of the Age.

This War You Had to Wage

My eyes are red from crying for Jin, Sayid and Sun,
And I can’t stop thinking of their little girl Ji Yeon.
So what Locke said to Sawyer... Swear to me he lied.
I cannot continue till you tell me why they died.

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

You seem so understanding, benevolent and kind.
But does it even bother you that we left them behind?
And what about my number? How come it has been crossed?
Is that your way of saying that all hope for me is lost?

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

The accidents and murders that piled up here in Hell
Ought to haunt you even if you only meant us well.
If you’re to be our mentor, our shining spectral sage,
Say sorry for the victims of this war you had to wage!

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

Because of me, my best friend died for nothing,
And ever since I’ve craved a blank page.
So how can you accept there are so many
Victims of this war you had to wage?
The victims of this war you had to wage...

Spirit of the Age

The Distress Call (Feuilles-Oh / Do Space Men Pass Dead Souls On Their Way to the Moon, Traditional / J. S. Bach / Linda Grossman)

"Si qui que ce soit puisse entendre ceci, ils sont morts. Veuillez nous aider. Je vais essayer d'aller jusqu'au Rocher Noir. Il les a tués. Il les a tués tous."
- Danielle, Pilot, Part 2

Here's my best attempt at turning the radio transmission into a song. I changed it as little as possible; I hope it still makes sense. Here's the end of the pilot episode, to the tune of Art Garfunkel's Feuilles-Oh / Do Space Men Pass Dead Souls On Their Way to the Moon?

The Distress Call

Danielle: Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Sayid: It’s been running for 16 years.
Boone: Someone else? Stranded here?
Sayid: Yes, this was a cry for help.
Sawyer: If someone saved her, then why’s it still play?
Charlie: Uh... Hey, guys, where are we?
This is no normal place.

Danielle: Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

The Island He Ruled (The Village of Brambleshire Wood, George and Will Millar)

"At some point in your life, James, probably when you were young and miserable and vulnerable. he came to you, he manipulated you, pulled your strings like you were a puppet. And as a result, choices you thought were made, were never really choices at all. He was pushing you, James. Pushing you.. to the Island."- Smokey, The Substitute

Jacob and Smokey have very different perspectives on their ongoing battle. Here's Smokey addressing Sawyer in the cliffside cave, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Village of Brambleshire Wood.

The Island He Ruled

Written here on this wall are the numbers and names
Of the people he brought to the Island he ruled.
I’ve freed us at last from his tedious games
And his endless insistence on preserving the light.

Goodbye to his silly white stone!
See the names of the chumps who have died?
He carelessly crossed out the names and the numbers
Of people he brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

You’ll notice, I think, not all of the names here
Are split and obscured with a chalk line of white.
They're potential replacements who somehow aren't dead,
Who've survived their ordeal on the Island he ruled.

There’s Shephard and Reyes and Kwon,
And Jarrah, and I think both of us recall John.
His time here is through, so I’ll cross him out too,
Just a pawn Jacob brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

Now you’re number 15. Don’t look so astonished.
Yes, you met Jacob a long time ago.
He gave you a push, James, and look where it led you.
It brought you, like the rest, to the Island he ruled.

Since he’s dead, three choices are yours:
Do nothing, and stay on these infernal shores;
Take on the position of pointless protector;
Or you join me, and we leave the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

The Village of Brambleshire Wood

Choice in an Underwater Cell (Poem on an Underground Wall, Paul Simon)

The Candidate is one of the most devastating episodes LOST has ever offered, yet amidst the shock and horror of the deaths that swiftly followed each other late in the episode, I felt uplifted by Sayid's decision to go out in a literal blaze of sacrificial glory.  Here's a reflection on that to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's A Poem on an Underground Wall.  (The song itself starts at about 2:30, but if you've never heard Art's colorful introductory anecdote, it's well worth a listen.)

Choice in an Underwater Cell

The timer is running out,
A consequence of Sawyer’s doubt.
There‘s no time now for hesitation.
Sayid knows his friends‘ salvation
Depends upon his actions.

His tragic eyes, lit at last,
Return to Jack before the blast.
He divulges Smokey’s secret:
What it is, and how to seek it
When they return to dry land.

He grabs the bulky bomb and bolts
While others brace for jarring jolts.
So strong, courageous, clever, swift,
He’s experienced such a shift
Since he spoke to Desmond!

And he runs on defiantly,
Declaring his liberty
From his would-be master’s tyranny
In the hope his selfless bravery
Spares his cornered friends.

As far away from them he dashes,
The hall’s engulfed in flame and ashes.
This time he will not be rising,
But deep within the sub there lies
A true hero.

All around him, crashing, screaming, crying.
The captain‘s dead, the Kwons are dying.
Frank has flown his final flight,
But still Sayid has chosen right
By casting off the darkness
To embrace redeeming light.

Leonard's Numbers (Coat of Many Colors, Dolly Parton)

"Is that why you're here, Lenny? Is it because of the numbers? Did they do something to you? Because I think they did something to me. I think they turned me into a jinx - bad news to everyone around me. And when I tell people I think I'm the cause they, they, they look at me like I'm nuts. They don't believe me. But I know, ever since I won the lottery with those numbers." - Hurley, Numbers

No matter where Hurley goes, he can't seem to get away from the curse of his numbers. He doesn't seem aware yet of the connection between those numbers and the Candidates; if he figures it out, I wonder if that will shake his allegiance to Jacob... Here's a reflection from Hurley around the time of the season one finale, to the tune of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors.

Leonard’s Numbers

Since I’ve been here, I’ve been wonderin’ once again,
What would my life be like today
If I hadn’t spent that time at Santa Rosa
And heard the numbers I’d go on to play?
Or what if I’d used those numbers some other day or week?
Or when I stepped on that deck, what if I’d had a trim physique?
I can’t seem to stop “what if”-ing, for, despite my piles of dough,
Because I echoed Leonard’s numbers, I’m wallowing in woe.

First I lost my grandpa Tito from a massive heart attack
Because I echoed Leonard’s numbers, and I wish I had him back.
My girlfriend and my buddy hooked up, and I was down,
And I just stared in helpless horror as Ma’s new house burned to the ground.

I echoed Leonard’s numbers, ’cause he drilled them into me.
I was better off when I lived in poverty.
No matter where I go now, I invite catastrophe
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers to win the lottery.

I would trade in all my riches to have some peace of mind.
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers, that’s been so hard to find!
Oh, I just can’t seem to shake them, and it’s pretty plain to see
The effects of Leonard’s numbers will always follow me.
I’ve long since memorized the sequence, and I was crushed to catch
Just a glimpse of it again on Sayid’s map and on the hatch.
Though I think Danielle believed me when I told her of the curse
That is attached to Leonard’s numbers, John’s reaction was far worse.

Yeah, I screamed for him to stop, but he ignored my panicked plea,
And soon I bet he’ll wish he’d have lent an ear to me
‘Cause no matter where I go now, I bring along catastrophe
Since I echoed Leonard’s numbers to win the lottery.
Oh, woe is me!

Eucalyptus (Calypso, John Denver)

"Eucalyptus - smart, Jack...  Thank you, very much."
 - Jack, Confidence Man

One of my favorite moments involving Sun comes when she helps Shannon by calming her breathing down with eucalyptus. It's at this moment that she really becomes a part of the group. Here's Jack thanking Sun for her efforts to the tune of John Denver's Calypso.

Eucalyptus

I’ve had a rough day. I am so sick of Sawyer,
But still I’m depressed that I let him get hurt.
It’s making me nervous, ‘cause what will it lead to?
A crisis I’m trying my best to avert.
Not to mention the fact that this sinister action
Landed us nothing... What’s in your hand?

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

Though your husband’s been chiding,
You’ve come out of hiding,
And your contribution saved Shannon today.
I hope you’ll consider remaining around.
Are you understanding a word that I say?
If you are, give a nod. We’ll make you feel welcome.
Join me in keeping the chaos at bay.

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.

So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

What Will You Tell Her? (This Night, Billy Joel / Ludwig Van Beethoven)

"This woman - when she asks you what you did to be with her again... what will you tell her?" - Desmond, The Last Recruit

Probably my favorite single scene in The Last Recruit is the encounter between Sayid and Desmond at the well. Like everyone else I've consulted, I'm convinced that Sayid let Desmond live. They were friends, after all, and Desmond can be pretty persuasive... Here's Desmond in that scene to the tune of Billy Joel's This Night.

What Will You Tell Her?

Brother, I think
You ought to give me a reason
If you intend on
Shooting me in cold blood.
I was your friend,
And so this murder is treason.
Will you stand by as I die
Like a dog in the mud?

Brother, if love
Is your professed motivation,
If you believe
He can restore the one you lost,
You’re a naive
Victim of manipulation.
Will you obey? First I pray
You’ll consider the cost.

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Under your gaze,
Penny and I reunited.
You saved my mind;
Now let me help preserve your soul.
Brother, you’re blind -
Or you are sadly short-sighted.
Where will you run after gunning me
Down in this hole?

What will you say
To get relief from your conscience?
Will you confess,
Hoping that she will understand?
Will you address
This risen woman with nonsense,
Knowing you’d chill her by killing
An innocent man?

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did just to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Sayid... Oh...
If you do this to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

This Night

Sayid's Message, (Bad Moon Rising, John Fogerty)

"The man that I met is leaving the Island forever. And those of you who want to go with him should leave the temple and join him. You have until sundown to decide."
 - Sayid, Sundown

Sayid is given an ominous message to deliver in Sundown. Here he speaks his piece to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising.

Sayid’s Message

I tried to murder that being.
I tried stabbing him to death.
I tried; it’s time for fleeing.
I tried; he still draws breath.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

I hear sunset ticking nearer.
I know that switching sides will pay.
I saw visions in a mirror.
I saw who Jacob took away.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Hope you understand this warning.
Hope you accept the new regime.
Join us, and by tomorrow morning,
Terror will seem a distant dream.

Oh, don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Sawyer's Candidacy (From the Word Go, Michael Garvin / Chris Waters)

Sawyer: You tricked me into being decent. That's gotta be the lamest con in the history of cons.
Hurley: Wasn't a con, dude. If you're gonna be our temporary leader, you need to do some damage control.
- Left Behind

One of my all-time favorite B-stories in LOST is in Left Behind, when Hurley essentially cons Sawyer into being nice so he can accept the leadership position that seems to be waiting for him. This was a major step in the right direction for Sawyer; too bad it was so soon followed by John's bad influence. But Sawyer did eventually become the sort of leader Hurley knew he could be, and I think Hurley's guidance helped a lot. Here's a recreation of their conversation at the end of Left Behind, to the tune of Michael Martin Murphey's From the Word Go.

Sawyer’s Candidacy

Sawyer: My mind’s been on bein’ kind
So folks will have pity on me.
But now I’m wonderin’ how
I could fall for your bid to con me.
Hurley: Dude, it’s damage control.
Plus, it’s good for your soul!

Sorry, Sawyer,
But since Jack’s gone and Sayid, Kate and John are too,
You’re our leader.
I guess it’s lousy being you.

Look at the faces out there.
Everyone’s eating boar and smilin’.
You trade vice for a chance to be nice,
And it’s a much happier Island.
Can’t you give it a try?
Sawyer: Hey, you’ve got the wrong guy!

Tell me, Hugo,
How can you think I’m in charge here? Are you insane?
Me, a leader?
This is a ludicrous campaign.

Hurley: Think this was easy for Jack?
Just until he gets back,

Sorry, Sawyer,
But since Jack’s gone and Sayid, Kate and John are too,
You’re our leader.
I guess it’s lousy being you. (3x)

From the Word Go

Jacob's Chosen (All God's Critters, Bill Staines)

On LOST, Jacob's nemesis claims that all he wants is to go home. But it seems there are several people standing in his way. Here's a reflection on that, to the tune of Bill Staines' All God's Critters. (Below is the closest version I could find online to the version I modeled mine after.)

Jacob’s Chosen

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Take a look at Ford, he’s a thief and a liar.
He’s a lot like me, but his deep desire to
Help his friends is a troubling clue
He’ll try to con me too.

The Kwons are a pair with a whole lotta problems.
Which of them did he want to take his job?
I am not too sure, but it’s such a chore
To get them both at once!

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

I would like to think that Jarrah is all mine.
He’s a murderer, and I like that fine,
But I wonder if I can keep him in line,
Or will he mess up my plans?

Shephard is a hero. Shephard takes the lead.
He’ll never stand by, letting someone bleed.
It galls me that I can’t proceed
Till I’ve cracked his resolve somehow.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Reyes is the worst. He’s a sap and a saint
With a soul so pure even I can’t taint it.
He’s Jacob’s pet, so my chances are slim
Till I get rid of him.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Sundown! (Sundown, Gordon Lightfoot)

Last week's Sundown is a definite contender for the most depressing episode of LOST ever. It also shares its title with a smashing song by Gordon Lightfoot, so as soon as I heard what the title would be, I knew I'd have to do something with that song, no matter where the plot went. It went to a dark place indeed. Here's a reflection on the last few minutes of that episode.

Sundown!

Kate: Do I have to stick with Claire? I would say so, yes,
But it looks like we’re caught in a nasty mess.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.

Claire: I just hope she’s feeling scared. She abducted Aaron,
And now, I intend to kill Kate, I swear.
Sayid: Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.

Smokey: I’m not sure I have the measure of Austen yet.
Has she joined as an ally, or is she a threat?
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

Sayid: It’s a thrill to know that Ben is so petrified
And that I could have killed him if I’d only tried.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

The Loophole (Day-O, Traditional)

Jacob: Well, you found your loophole.
Smokey: Indeed I did.
- The Incident

It seems to be happy times for Smokey since the end of season five. Here's a triumphant little tune from him to the tune of Harry Belefonte's Day-O.

The Loophole

Jacob, Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob,
Oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Tried on John, and I like the fit.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
It was easy makin’ him submit.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Had help from Benjamin, Benjamin the lackey.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Good thing he wasn’t undone by the Iraqi.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

And Richard’s gullible as can be.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Pick your flunkies more carefully.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, oh Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

I knew that I’d find you in the statue.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
See my triumph as I catch you.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

That Richard’s gullible as can be.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Pick your flunkies more carefully.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, oh Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Had help from Benjamin, Benjamin the lackey.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Good thing he wasn’t undone by the Iraqi.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob,
Oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

John Locke (Gaston, Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)

The first LOST filksong I ever wrote involves many of the characters discussing their backstories and Island experiences. The second has John bragging about how great he is. So I thought, for my 100th LOST song, it would be fitting to do a song in which a whole bunch of characters sing about how great John was. About 20 characters (many of them long dead) get in on the action here, to the tune of Alan Menken and Howard Ashman's Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast. Cheers!

John Locke

Ben: How it confused me to see you, John Locke,
Looking so lost and depressed.
Everything was “destiny” to John Locke,
Sure to work out for the best.
I always had failed to unnerve you before;
I now wonder why I would try.
Oddly, I long to preserve you now, for
To impress me, John, you had to die.

Smokey: No one’s been, like John Locke,
Made a twin like John Locke.
Kate: No one’s pulled off an orange-peel grin like John Locke.
Desmond: Oh, his skills with a blade were just scary.
Hurley: Dude, he undid my canteen!
Sun: Though I know his head wasn’t too hairy,
‘Twas the shiniest specimen I’ve ever seen.

Smokey: No one’s used like John Locke
And abused like John Locke.
Jack: No one “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”s like John Locke.
Smokey: No one else is as primed for manipulation.
I miss that guy, that John Locke.

Ben: A man of faith,
Of firm belief.
Richard: John Locke truly sought,
And I thought he’d be a chief.

Boone: No one’s charred as John Locke,
Had it hard as John Locke.
Shannon: No one’s face is as eerily scarred as John Locke.
Sayid: Yes, he went through a number of tussles.
Christian: He got shot and he shattered his leg.
Rose: But he had such miraculous muscles.
Sawyer: Darn right!
If brawn were a brew, then he drank a whole keg.

Jin: No one knots like John Locke,
Claire: Swaddles cloths like John Locke.
Charlie: No one makes metaphors about moths like John Locke.
Claire: No one else is as crafty at crib creation.
I owe a lot to John Locke.

Eko: No other man could have seemed quite so sincere
When he quietly said, “I was wrong.”
Walt: He always respected me when I was here.
All: Oh, it’s clear he’s earned this little song.

Jacob: I attest that John Locke
Was my guest, and John Locke
Never needed to doubt he was blessed as John Locke.
I agree his life merits a celebration.

All: I miss that guy, John Locke!

Please Kill the Girl (We Kill the World, Frank Farian / Giorgio & Giusela Sgarbi)

One of my favorite songs growing up was Boney M.'s We Kill the World (Don't Kill the World), an epic Save the Earth song that is both ominous and inspiring. I've been rewatching the early episodes of LOST's fourth season, and when I revisited this song tonight, I thought it might make a good vehicle for Charlotte's ordeal in Confirmed Dead and The Economist.

Mostly, I stick pretty close to the script, I think; the main change is that I imagine Daniel, who I've always thought of as a Man of Faith as well as a Man of Science, praying for her safety from a distance, and I imagine Jacob watching over Daniel and wanting to offer him some reassurance.

Please Kill the Girl (Don’t Kill the Girl)

Ben: (spoken) I see chaos, despair and chaos.
I see mercenaries on the rise.
This girl, this girl…

Coming to destroy.
She may be acting coy,
But she is in the know.
Many years ago,
I kicked her leader out
And now it’s turnabout.

John: We’ll take her hostage
And we’ll get some answers.
This girl, this girl.

Charlotte: What is wrong with you?
What did I ever do
To make you all so mean?
If I hadn’t seen
This with my own two eyes,
I’d not believe it, guys.

John: We’ll take her hostage.
We’ll get some answers.

Ben: If you don’t watch your back,
This girl’s team will attack.

Please kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we should condemn her.

Sawyer: If this is the fault
Of taller ghostly Walt,
I wonder if we are
Traveling so far
And cooking up a scheme
Because of Baldie's dream.

John: We’ll take her hostage
And we’ll get some answers.

Ben: If you don’t watch your back,
This girl’s team will attack.

Please kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: Not her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we should condemn her.

Ben: Please
(Daniel: Protect her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I love her!)
Ben: Kill the girl
(Daniel: I need her!)
Ben: She’s one of them, we ought to condemn her.
Please kill the girl!

Hurley: Don’t kill the girl.
Do her no harm.
Though we have cause for alarm,
Don’t kill the girl.
Let her take flight.
Hey, we’re the good guys, right?

Claire: Don’t kill the girl.
Though Charlie died
To warn us who was inside
That boat out there,
He’d shake his head
And say to spare her instead.

Daniel: Don’t kill the girl.
I love her so,
Though I’ve not yet let her know.
I’d trade my life
To keep her whole.
I’d trade my very soul.

Sayid: I’ll save the girl.
Miles, please come with me.
Frank: There’s a chopper spot for you if
You set her free.
Jack: Help save the girl,
‘Cause I don’t trust John.
Remember, Kate, whose team you’re on.

Jacob: Daniel, I know that this is hard.
But keep the faith and be brave.
When she returns, you’ll be her guard.
Her life is yours to save.

Hurley: Don’t kill the girl.
Do her no harm.
Though we have cause for alarm,
Don’t kill the girl.
Let her take flight.
Don’t kill the girl,
This girl.

Trust (I Will, Paul McCartney)

Here's another LOST parody inspired by What Kate Does. This time, Sayid is the speaker, to the tune of the Beatles' I Will.

Trust

They say I’ve been infected.
Who knows what’s in that pill?
If I take it, it could kill me;
If you want me to, I will.

Although you claim they cured me,
They hardly seem sincere.
But we’ve been in this together
Since the day we landed here.

In this together, so forever,
Jack, you will have my trust.
If you say swallow, I will follow.
I will do what I must.

I don’t care that they fixed me;
It’s you who is my friend.
So just lay it on the line, Jack.
Say this medicine is fine, Jack.
Or advise me to decline the pill, Jack.
Oh, you know I will.
I will.