Runaway Annie (Mail Order Annie, Harry Chapin)

"My wife died 8 months ago Wednesday. She left me with too many chores and a hell of a mortgage. If you help me with the first one, I'll give you a fair wage and a place to stay." - Ray, Tabula Rasa

We just rewatched Tabula Rasa, and I realized I don't have a single filksong associated with that episode.  That definitely needs amending, and when I decided to start with Kate's backstory, Harry Chapin's gently wistful song popped into my head...

Runaway Annie

My first thought was to turn my gun on you,

A winsome vagabond asleep in my pen.

But seems to me you’re on the run from somethin’, yeah, yeah.

I could use a farmhand; you could use a friend.

Runaway Annie, aren’t you tired of walkin’?

The chores are a strain since I lost my wife.

Runaway Annie, maybe fate is knockin’.

I think we'll help each other here.

We are entitled to start again in life.

You know, it is a pity you’ve evaded me

And kept your weekly wage in that tin can.

Don’t tell me you can’t wait until the mornin’, no, no.

I’ll drive you to the station like a decent, honest man.

Runaway Annie, aren’t you tired of walkin’?

I understand pain since I lost my wife.

Runaway Annie, maybe fate is knockin’.

I think that I could help you here.

You are entitled to start again in life.

I know it’s not my business what you’re runnin’ from;

You store your stash of secrets like the money in that wad.

But Annie, after three long months of labor,

Not saying a goodbye would be odd.

You know about my dirty plan; we’re not headed for the train.

My mortgage isn’t pretty; I can’t manage it alone.

And I hope you know how much I hate betrayin’ you,

But you run away, Annie, and I will lose my home.

Runaway Annie, aren’t you tired of walkin’?

The bills are insane since I lost my wife.

Runaway Annie, maybe fate is knockin’.

I think that you could help me here.

I am entitled to start again in life.

Counting to Five (Stayin' Alive, Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb)

Jack: Well, fear's sort of an odd thing. When I was in residency, my first solo procedure was a spinal surgery on a 16-year-old kid, a girl. And at the end, after 13 hours, I was closing her up and I, I accidentally ripped her dural sac. Shredded the base of the spine where all the nerves come together, membrane as thin as tissue. And so it ripped open. And the nerves just spilled out of her like angel hair pasta, spinal fluid flowing out of her and I … And the terror was just so … crazy. So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds, that's all I was going to give it. So I started to count: One, two, three, four, five. Then it was gone. I went back to work, sewed her up and she was fine.
Kate: If that had been me, I think I would have run for the door.
Jack: No, I don't think that's true. You're not running now.
- Pilot, Part 1

I was rewatching the first episode of LOST with will, and I was struck by the fact that as iconic as this scene is, I never devoted a song to it.  I decided I needed to do something about that, and this, my first LOST song in four and a half years, is the result.  Hopefully it will be the first in a new filking srreak!

Counting to Five

Jack: Well, I can tell by the way you stand and gawk

That you’re traumatized and still in shock.

Though you see my skin is torn,

You are treating my request with scorn.

Despite the drapes that you once made,

To stitch me up makes you afraid.

But don’t say “can’t;” I know you can.

I hope you’ll help a wounded man.

What can help prepare you when situations scare you?

Try counting to five.  Counting to five.

Let the panic fill you but never let it kill you.

Just try counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four, counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four.  Counting to five…

Well, now, fear is odd.  I’ll tell you why

I come across as such a fearless guy.

As a spinal surgeon, I refuse

To let small mistakes mean patients lose.

I nicked a poor girl’s dural sac;

I didn’t beat the terror back.

Once I used this trick of mine,

I sewed her up and she was fine.

What can help prepare you when situations scare you?

Try counting to five.  Counting to five.

Let the panic fill you but never let it kill you.

Just try counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four, counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four.  Counting to five…

Kate: If I had been there,

I would have bolted, just bolted for the door.

Jack: No, I don’t think so.  Your kindness moves you more.

Counting to five…

Jack: Well, I could tell by the way you stood and gawked

You were traumatized and still in shock.

Though you saw my skin was torn,

You were treating my request with scorn.

Despite the drapes that you once made,

To stitch me up made you afraid.

But no more “can’t;” you proved you can.

You bravely helped a wounded man.

What can help prepare you when situations scare you?

Try counting to five.  Counting to five.

Let the panic fill you but never let it kill you.

Just try counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four, counting to five.  Counting to five.

One, two, three, four.  Counting to five…

Kate: If I had been there,

I would have bolted, just bolted for the door.

Jack: No, I don’t think so.  Your kindness moves you more.

Kate: I’m counting to five.

Kate: If I had been there,

I would have bolted, just bolted for the door.

Jack: No, I don’t think so.  Your kindness moves you more.

Kate: I’m counting to five…

Jack: Fear can’t defeat you.  Your kindness moves you more.

Please Come Home With Me (Feels Like Home, Randy Newman)

Claire: Look at me! This Island's made me crazy, I - I don't want Aaron to see me like this. I don't even know how to be a mother anymore.
Kate: Listen to me, none of us do. Not at first. But you're not alone. Let me help you. Come on, let's go.
- The End

Kate is more sympathetic to Claire than Sawyer is in season six.  Here's Kate in the finale to the tune of Feels Like Home, one of my dad's favorite songs at the moment.

Please Come Home With Me

Someone you despise tried to make you lose yourself,
Tried to make you lose yourself, but he’s gone.
Yes, Claire, you have a choice.  Just forget the past.
You can leave at last and reclaim your life.

I can tell how lonely your life has been.
To feel strong, you cling to that gun,
But it won’t bring what you’ve wanted since he first led you wrong.
I’m here so you can raise your son.

So please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
You feel like you’re much too messed up to be a mom,
But please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.

We’ve made mistakes.  Hey, you think I'm clean?
But we try, then fail, then do right.
You look a fright; you could use some Maybelline.
Still, I believe you’ve seen through the dark to the light.

Well, do you know how much this moment means to me?
You don’t need that cradle or that hutch.
Though I have been the mother you were meant to be,
Your little boy deserves your love for him so much.

So please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
You feel like you’re much too messed up to be a mom,
But please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.

I've Got No Faith (I've Got No Strings, Leigh Harline / Ned Washington)

Jack: Don't. It's not real. Look, you want to push the button, you do it yourself.
Locke: If it's not real, then what are you doing here, Jack? Why did you come back? - Orientation

Here's a song involving John and Jack's argument down in the hatch at the end of Orientation, to the tune of Pinocchio's I've Got No Strings.  Jack finally gives in, but real faith doesn't come until much later... 


I’ve Got No Faith

Jack: I’ve got no faith in destiny.
I only trust what I can see.
You have faith, but luckily,
There is no faith in me.
   
Desmond was clearly cracked.
Nothing’s gonna happen, John.
This hatch would stay intact
Even if we all were gone.

John: You’ve got no faith?  Then tell me, Jack,
Why did you bother coming back?
Trust the film.  This job’s for two.
I know there’s faith in you.

Sayid: He has no faith, so let him be.
This argument is boring me.
Step aside, and I will do
What Jack refuses to.

Kate: You have no faith.  I’m with you there.
But this is giving me a scare.
Just in case the tape is true,
I’d push if I were you.

Jack: John, you’re a silly sheep.
Desmond didn’t have a clue.
John: Why won’t you take the leap? 
I believe, but I need you.

Alarm: BEEP! BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Jack: (pushes button) There’s still no faith in me!

Joanna (Rosanna, David Paich)

"You think you're all noble and heroic for coming after me? I was fine! You're not the only one who knows what to do around here, you know that? I run a business! Who appointed you our savior, huh?"
- Boone, White Rabbit

We never got to know Joanna, the castaway who drowned less than a week after the crash of Flight 815, and neither did much of anybody else. Here Jack runs the gamut of emotions before ultimately using her tragic death as an impetus for a more united camp, to the tune of Toto's Rosanna.

Joanna

Boone: Think you’re noble, Jack?  Well, I didn’t need a savior, and someone died.
Joanna, Joanna.
She only drowned ‘cause you interfered and wasted time on me.
Joanna.
All you had to do was abandon me, but no, you couldn’t get that right.
Joanna, Joanna.
You didn’t think I could handle myself?  I beg to disagree.

Jack: I’m sorry, Boone, but just go away.  Joanna’s dead.
Never saw her before today.
Helping doesn’t pay.  Helping doesn’t pay.  Joanna’s dead.
Helping doesn’t pay.  Helping doesn’t pay.  Joanna’s dead.

Kate: Jack, you look exhausted.  Go and get some rest.  Nobody doubts you tried.
Jack: Joanna, Joanna.
I gotta go; what I think I see must mean I’m going mad.
Joanna.
Overcome with guilt, and I shudder at the judgment in my father’s eyes.
Joanna, Joanna.
I never thought, even with him dead, I’d have to dodge my dad.

I’m sorry, Kate.  Need to get away.  Joanna’s dead.
Never saw her before today.
Now, my dad would say, “Let it go, okay?  Joanna’s dead.”
But I can’t obey.  Need to get away.  Joanna’s dead.

Okay, I have a few things to say.  Joanna’s dead,
But Boone tried saving her today.
Put your barbs away.  Fighting’s not okay.  That angst will spread.
There’s a better way.  If we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.

If we’re here to stay, if we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.
If we’re here to stay, if we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.

The Island Where I Was Reborn (The Village That They Call the Moy, Ryan Kelly)

"Don't try to stop me, Peter. I am sure Aslan would not. I am sure it is not wrong for me to mourn for Narnia. Think of all that lies dead and frozen beyond that door."
- Lucy Pevensie, The Last Battle

"Is everything sad going to come untrue?" 
- Sam Gamgee, The Return of the King

"I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you."
- Jacob, What They Died For 

We've known for a long time that The End was coming, and I've been preparing myself by setting aside songs that I might use to work through my feelings about the finale. I have a list of them jotted down, but one grabbed me and refused to release me, forcing me to do something about it before I even watched the last episode, anticipating that I would spend the wee hours of this morning ripping it to shreds in light of everything in the finale that contradicted it. Instead I changed it just before I watched the episode, and I kept it pretty much the same after that.  Initially I imagined it being set immediately after the Island events in the finale, as I strongly suspected the Island would sink; now, it's set in the Sideways world, at which point it does seem that the Island is indeed under the sea, or certainly inaccessible to our castaways.  And despite all evidence to the contrary, I believe that Jacob and Hurley will reunite on the other side of that door.

The Village That They Call the Moy is a song written and performed by Celtic Thunder's Ryan Kelly, a musician for whom I have enormous respect and affection. I came across his demo online last year and it instantly resonated deeply. I evaded it all year, mostly because I felt a little funny filking a song that isn't actually on an album yet. But the album's coming soon, and I hope everyone reading this buys a copy, because it's sure to be brilliant. And when this song tapped me on the shoulder, it would not be stopped. So I hope Ryan will forgive me for piggybacking off of his tender hometown ode, and I thank him for giving me the perfect vehicle for expressing my sense of grateful melancholy as my favorite show comes to a close.

(Update: Ryan Kelly's first solo album, In Time - which features a more up-tempo version of The Village That They Call the Moy - is available now.  Buy it here!)

The Island Where I Was Reborn

Sawyer: Leavin’ it should have been easy.
It put me through such an ordeal.
But still, I shuddered to think, As the memories shrink,
I someday could doubt it was real.
I went there so jaded and lost and afraid
Of the darkness that’s inside of me;
I passed through the flames, and I left as just James.
I’m found, and I’m finally free.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Kate: How dreary were days I did nothing but run
From my conscience and from the police!
My own complicity in my friend’s death
Haunted me and kept me from peace.
My love life always was messy.
At last I’m sure of which romance to pursue,
But I think of the track that I traveled with Jack
Before all of our grief came untrue.

That’s when I realize I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Hugo: It’s well I remember that life-changing day
When he asked me to go catch that plane.
Then he tried to prepare me for leaving him there,
For the close to his long-standing reign.
He brought me so far from that chat in the car
But also learned something from me;
Since love never ends, we will always be friends,
And it all started under the sea.

Everyone knows that I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

All: I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.


The Village That They Call The Moy
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This War You Had to Wage (Spirit of the Age, Michael Card)

"I wanna know why. I wanna know that Sun and Jin and Sayid didn't die for nothing."
- Kate, What They Died For


I've been trying to get into the heads of each of the major Island players as they move into the final chapter, and I've had a harder time getting a handle on Kate than most. But I think I have a pretty good understanding of where she's coming from, and I don't begrudge her the angry questions she hurls at Jacob. Here's Kate to the tune of Michael Card's Spirit of the Age.

This War You Had to Wage

My eyes are red from crying for Jin, Sayid and Sun,
And I can’t stop thinking of their little girl Ji Yeon.
So what Locke said to Sawyer... Swear to me he lied.
I cannot continue till you tell me why they died.

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

You seem so understanding, benevolent and kind.
But does it even bother you that we left them behind?
And what about my number? How come it has been crossed?
Is that your way of saying that all hope for me is lost?

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

The accidents and murders that piled up here in Hell
Ought to haunt you even if you only meant us well.
If you’re to be our mentor, our shining spectral sage,
Say sorry for the victims of this war you had to wage!

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

Because of me, my best friend died for nothing,
And ever since I’ve craved a blank page.
So how can you accept there are so many
Victims of this war you had to wage?
The victims of this war you had to wage...

Spirit of the Age

Plastic Jet Plane (Biplane Evermore, Martin Cooper)

Jack: I want the truth, just this once. What is it?
Kate: It belonged to the man I loved.
Jack: The truth.
Kate: It belonged to the man I loved.
Jack: Stop lying and tell me the truth!
Kate: I'm not! It belonged to the man I killed!
- Whatever the Case May Be

From the beginning of the show, Kate has been at the center of what is probably the messiest love triangle in all of LOST, and many fans fiercely side with either Jack or Sawyer. As for me, I've found the whole thing a little too convoluted to get too attached to either romantic pairing, and there's more than a little part of me that would like to see Kate end up in Sideways World with Tom Brennan, her childhood sweetheart. Here's Island Kate recalling her tragic complicity in his death, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Biplane Evermore.

Plastic Jet Plane

Before my life got crazy,
I was a country kid.
I palled around with tiny Tom,
And this is what we did.
We made a lunchbox capsule,
Me and that dear boy,
And filled it with a cap and ball
And his favorite toy.

Plastic jet plane.
Wish-I-could-forget plane.
Upset, deep-regret,
In-his-debt plane.

Then I killed my father
Twelve years down the line.
I made it like an accident
And thought that I’d be fine.
But my own mother turned me in,
So I went on the run,
Recalling days when Tom and I
Sat playing in the sun.

Plastic jet plane.
Wish-I-could-forget plane.
Upset, deep-regret,
In-his-debt plane.

Then one day I read the news
That Mom was deathly ill.
I had to go and see her;
I somehow loved her still.
I appealed to Tom to help me,
And, for old times’ sake,
We went and found, beneath the ground,
That box I’d tried to take.

So he grabbed the little jet plane,
And we went to see my mom,
But when I spoke to her, she screamed,
And I escaped with Tom.
The bullets flew as I drove off.
My first love was hit.
Through a haze of haste and horror,
I abandoned him and split.

Plastic jet plane.
Wish-I-could-forget plane.
Upset, deep-regret,
In-his-debt plane.

I’ve gone through so much trouble
To retrieve this plastic plane.
Tom would be alive now
If I hadn’t murdered Wayne.
When we were only children,
He thought I’d be his wife.
I’d gladly go to prison
To restore my best friend’s life.

Plastic jet plane.
Wish-I-could-forget plane.
Upset, deep-regret,
In-his-debt plane.

Plastic jet plane.
Wish-I-could-forget plane.
Upset, deep-regret,
In-his-debt plane.

Biplane Evermore

September (In My Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Kate: Are you thinking of Charlie?
Jack: Feels like a hundred years ago that we came out here together. How did this happen?
- The Beginning of the End

To the tune of the Beatles' In My Life, here's a little conversation between Jack and Kate as they stand by the cockpit, reminiscing, in the final moments of The Beginning of the End.

September

Jack: When I think about September,
It’s a lifetime ago, it seems.
Makes me shiver to remember
All the wreckage and frightened screams
And the carnage in this cockpit,
Where you and I learned, with growing dismay,
That a rescue wasn’t coming.
A new life began that day.

Kate: Then as soon as we discovered
That our mission had been in vain,
Our poor pilot took a beating,
And we fled in terror from the plane.
Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.

Both: Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.
He loved life but loved us more.

Katie, Be Good (Johnny B. Goode, Chuck Berry)

"You're not going to steal anymore, are you?  Be good, Katie."
- Jacob, The Incident


Here's a speculative little ditty in which I imagine Kate getting a quiet moment with Jack, during which the memory of her meeting with Jacob suddenly comes rushing back to her, leading her to contemplate its significance. Of course, that seems rather unlikely now, with major conflict brewing and Jack and Kate on different islands, but it could happen... Here's Kate to the tune of Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode.

Katie, Be Good

When I was just a kid I liked to hang with Tom
Away from supervision by my dad and mom.
One day, when I felt a bit misunderstood,
A stranger kindly told me, “Katie, be good.”
He paid for what I’d taken from the corner store
And said, “Please promise me you’re not gonna steal anymore.”

“No, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
Katie, be good.”

I haven’t thought about that day in forever, Jack,
But now that I’m with you, it’s come flooding back.
I see his face so clearly now. Do you suppose
Jacob was the one who tapped me on the nose?
And now I wonder why I did not obey
The simple instruction that he gave that day.

“No, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
Katie, be good.”

The more I think about that enigmatic man,
The more I think this must’ve always been his plan.
He knew long ago in that tiny town.
He counted on the fact that I would let him down.
Even as Jacob saved me from my plight,
He thought, “Katie be good - yeah, right!”

“No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no.
No, Katie, be good.”

Who'll Fly the Plane (Who'll Stop the Rain, John Fogerty)

"Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"
- Kate, Recon


Sawyer's been laying low and plotting throughout much of the sixth season. Kate's not so sure she's on board with his plans. Here's an elongated version of her objections to him at the end of Recon, to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Who'll Stop the Rain.

Who’ll Fly the Plane

Look, I don’t remember just how the plane went down.
Wasn’t still on board when it must’ve hit the ground.
Don’t know what’s become of Frank and Ben and Sun.
So I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

What did you discover when you went off to explore?
Did you learn what Widmore’s on Hydra Island for?
Your approach seems risky, possibly in vain.
Yes, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Not so hot on stayin’, but when we get there,
How do we win over Jin and crazy Claire?
Where are Jack and Hurley? Will we strand them here?
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

It's Me Callin' (Free Fallin', Tom Petty)

I seem to be a bit hung up on Jack lately. Here's one about his being cutoff from Aaron and Kate circa 2007, to the tune of Tom Petty's Free Fallin'.

It’s Me Callin’

He’s a good boy, loves his orca.
Loves Alice in Wonderland too.
He’s a good boy, looks like his mother
With blond hair and those eyes of blue.

If I’d stayed, I could’ve helped to raise him,
But I strayed and now I’m all alone.
I made a bad move. Kate’ll never forgive me.
Now she hangs up when I’m on the phone

Since it’s me, me callin’,
Since it’s me, me callin’.

Can I blame her? I broke our engagement,
And Aaron, he wonders where I went.
I made a bad move. I know that Kate condemns me,
And I’m sure she’d belittle my lament

Since it’s me, me callin’,
Since it’s me, me callin’.
Me callin’, since it’s me callin’,
Since it’s
Me callin’, since it’s me callin’,
Since...

I wanna fix things. Owe it to Aaron,
And to myself, to Claire and to Kate.
But she will say the Island means nothing.
She’ll ignore the tugging of fate

Since it’s me (me callin’, since it‘s me callin’),
Me callin’ (me callin’ , since it‘s me callin’),
Since it’s me (me callin’, since it‘s me callin’),
Me callin’ (me callin’, since it’s me callin’)...
(fadeout)

Blow Up the Island (Blow Up Your TV, John Prine)

Daniel: I think I can negate that energy under the Swan. I think I can destroy it. If I can, then that hatch will never be built, and your plane... your plane will land, just like it's supposed to, in Los Angeles. Kate: And just how exactly do you plan on destroying this energy?
Daniel: I'm gonna detonate a hydrogen bomb.
- The Variable

Daniel had a crazy plan for fixing the castaways' predicament. Here's a song about that, to the tune of John Denver's version of John Prine's Blow Up Your TV.

Blow Up the Island

Daniel: I caught a sub here from Ann Arbor, and you know why I came back?
That photo in the paper of your DHARMA welcome, Jack.
Well, it seems my mother fed you her old talk of destiny.
You gave her a say and you tried things her way,
But now lend your ears to me.

Blow up the Island!
(Jack: Blow up the Island?)
Daniel: It’s the variation
(Jack: Crazy variation!)
Daniel: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Jack: Can we change what happened?)
Daniel: We can strike your stranding. Yes, Jack.
(Jack: Can we strike our stranding?)
Daniel: Make it a landing. We’ll be free.

My mother is an Other. She’s the one who brought you here.
But I bet she didn’t say you’d wind up in another year.
She left that little detail out, and she clearly led you wrong.
She can show how to go back where we all belong.

Blow up the Island!
(Jack: Blow up the Island?)
Daniel: It’s the variation
(Jack: Crazy variation!)
Daniel: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Jack: Can we change what happened?)
Daniel: We can strike your stranding. Yes, Jack.
(Jack: Can we strike our stranding?)
Daniel: Make it a landing. We’ll be free.

In just a few more hours, at the site you call the Hatch,
The DHARMA folks will blunder into a hidden patch.
Since that energy is fatal, they will seal it and keep it at bay.
If the Swan and the button are gone, you’ll never crash that day.

Jack: Let’s blow up the Island!
(Kate: Blow up the Island?)
Jack: It’s the variation
(Kate: Crazy variation!)
Jack: In the equation that is the key.
We can change what happened.
(Kate: It won’t change what happened.)
Jack: We’ll strike our stranding. Yes, Kate,
(Kate: It won’t strike our stranding.)
Jack: We will make it a landing. We’ll be free.

Blow Up Your TV

Sundown! (Sundown, Gordon Lightfoot)

Last week's Sundown is a definite contender for the most depressing episode of LOST ever. It also shares its title with a smashing song by Gordon Lightfoot, so as soon as I heard what the title would be, I knew I'd have to do something with that song, no matter where the plot went. It went to a dark place indeed. Here's a reflection on the last few minutes of that episode.

Sundown!

Kate: Do I have to stick with Claire? I would say so, yes,
But it looks like we’re caught in a nasty mess.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.

Claire: I just hope she’s feeling scared. She abducted Aaron,
And now, I intend to kill Kate, I swear.
Sayid: Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.

Smokey: I’m not sure I have the measure of Austen yet.
Has she joined as an ally, or is she a threat?
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

Sayid: It’s a thrill to know that Ben is so petrified
And that I could have killed him if I’d only tried.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

Fish Biscuit (Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Jerry Bock / Sheldon Harnick)

"Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit!" - Tom, A Tale of Two Cities

When it comes to fictional food, LOST has done just about as well as Harry Potter in whetting my appetite. I'm especially taken with Apollo bars, which always seem to turn up at times when one person is showing great kindness to another, and fish biscuits, which probably aren't all that tasty but certainly must be appreciated when they're the only thing on the menu. Here's an ode to them, set in early season three, to the tune of Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick's Matchmaker, Matchmaker, from Fiddler on the Roof.

Fish Biscuit

Karl: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
You’re all I’ve had
For a long time. You’re not so bad,
Fish biscuit, fish biscuit.
Yet I would bet
That when you’re gone, I’ll be glad.

Kate: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
Shaped like a fish,
Tastes like a caged bear’s fondest wish.
Getting so hungry I’m weak in the knees
So pass me a biscuit, please.

Sawyer: Oh, Freckles tastes like strawberries,
A nice way to approach my own death.
But she had better be wary,
‘Cause I bet that I have fish biscuit breath!

Karl: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
You’re all I’ve had
For a long time. You’re not so bad.
Still, on the list of things I’d want to eat,
A fish biscuit is not a treat.

(spoken)
Karl: Hey. Hey, how long would it take to get to your camp?
Sawyer: What, you talking to me now, Chachi?
Karl: From where they got you, how long a walk was it? A day, two days? And what are the people like from your plane?
Sawyer: Oh, they're just awesome. Last one of you boys came for a visit got tortured by our Iraqi. He tortured me, too...
[Karl escapes his cage and tries to spring Sawyer]
Sawyer: Hey, how'd you get out of there?

(sung)
Karl: Sawyer, hey Sawyer, come on! Run away with me!
I’ve waited, I’ve planned, and now I get to flee
Because you’ll take me to your friends, right? Right!
No doubt they have their vices, but hey, they sure beat Ben,
My girlfriend’s crummy dad -
Shoot, caught again!

Tom: Hey, Ford, you rascal, well, aren’t you the clever guy?
You worked out the trick! I knew that if you’d try
You’d get yourself a fish biscuit, son.
One small thing I ought to tell you.
The bears were lots of fun.
In just a couple hours,
They got it done.

Sawyer: So you sayin’ I’m a dunce?
Tom: Now, just take it easy there.
It’s apparent to me that you’re perfectly smart and tenacious -
For a bear!

Sawyer: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
Guess now I know
How hobbits feel, lembas in tow.
Since I am starvin’ these things do the trick,
But boy, am I gettin’ sick
Of biscuits, crunchy and fishy.
I won’t miss them at all when we leave,
And at the beach, I won’t wish we
Had stuck a few up our sleeves.

Kate: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
I can’t complain. Glad I’m alive.
Still, I do feel
Fish biscuits really aren’t much of a meal.
So I’m in no doubt.
We will bust out.
Can’t wait to eat any old dish
That isn’t shaped like a fish!

Langdon Street (Bleecker Street, Paul Simon)

Season six of LOST has already given us a lot to chew on. Here's my first season six parody, and the first to deal with the sideways storyline. This one's from the perspective of Claire, to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Bleecker Street.

Langdon Street

Hopped in a cab when I left LAX,
And I said, “Take me to Langdon Street.”
Then this lady packin’ heat
Plopped herself down in my seat.

First she hollered and then she shoved,
And I tumbled, shrieking, from the car.
She took my bag and left me stranded far
From Langdon Street.

She went to lead her life of crime.
Never, never thought we’d meet again.
But she tracked me down and then
Found Langdon Street.

I guess she felt a bit ashamed.
I could tell I had her pity.
I’m so glad she was with me
On Langdon Street.

Langdon Street.

You Were Wrong, Jack (Hit the Road, Jack, Percy Mayfield)

Sayid may trust Jack, but Sawyer sure doesn't have much faith in his decisions these days. Here's an LA X parody from Sawyer's perspective, to the tune of Ray Charles' Hit the Road, Jack.

You Were Wrong, Jack

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

Oh, Leader, oh, Leader, you led us astray.
Why’d you have to go and listen to Faraday?
Now Juliet is dead.
Don’t blame me if I’m seein’ red.

Hey, Jack!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

Kate: Oh, Sawyer, listen, Sawyer, could you give him a break?
He knows that he made a big mistake.

Sawyer: I ain’t gonna kill ’im, so don’t you fuss;
He deserves to suffer like the rest of us.
Now Juliet is dead,
So don’t blame me if I’m seein’ red.

Hey, Jack!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

The Summons (The Island, Paul Brady)

LOST made us wait a very long time to meet Jacob, the mysterious entity whose existence has been hinted at since season two. He finally turned up in the season five finale, in a manner that managed to only increase his mystique, even though he appeared in a very down-to-earth manner. There's still so much left to learn about Jacob that I was hesitant to try to write anything from his perspective, but I decided to just work with what I think I know so far. This is the way I see Jacob now; hopefully that won't be completely turned on its head by the end of the season. The tune is Paul Brady's The Island, as sung by Celtic Thunder's Keith Harkin. With a title like that, I knew I'd have to get around to it sometime...

The Summons

Katie, you’re on the run for theft and murder.
You have a Marshal closing in on you.
It seems you just can’t stay away from trouble
Although I very nicely asked you to.
And James, your life’s defined by vengeance
And you’ve become the thing you hated most.
I know there’s so much more to both of you, though.

So get a ticket, you two.
I’ve found a flight that you can come on.
It’s Oceanic 815.
And once you get here, you will be at your best.
It’s a tiring test,
But worth it.

I’m gonna bring you to the Island.
I’ve brought many here before.
But something tells me, when it’s all said and done,
You’re the ones who will prove me the victor.

Now, Jack and John, you both have father issues.
One is demanding; one is simply cruel.
And they have shaped you into stubborn people,
Each one determined not to look a fool.
Jack, you are so adept at helping,
You don’t know how to ask for help yourself.
And John, you will not accept your limitations.

Just get a ticket, you two.
‘Cause I’ve found a flight that you can come on.
It’s Oceanic 815.
And once you get here, you will be at your best.
It’s a tiring test,
But worth it.

I’m gonna bring you to the Island.
I’ve brought many here before.
But something tells me, when it’s all said and done,
You’re the ones who will prove me the victor.

Hugo, I’m aware that you’ve been feeling worthless,
And you think your luck and sanity ran out.
And I know it’s hard to have a sense of purpose
While drowning in a flood of guilt and doubt.
You need to understand the truth now, Hugo.
Your kindness blesses everyone you meet.
And soon you’ll come to see that you are special.
Special.
Special...

Fly On (Ride On, Jimmy MacCarthy)

In the waning hours before season six of LOST begins, I thought I'd post another song parody, this one to Ride On, as sung by Ryan Kelly, whose angsty performance definitely seems to fit Sawyer's psyche. This one hearkens back to one of my favorite moments from the season four finale, when Sawyer jumps out of the too-heavy helicopter and swims back to the Island. This song has him addressing Kate, while the "he" refers to Jack.

Fly On

True, he’s done a lot of good since we got here.
Stitched some wounds and took the lead. He helped calm the fear.
I know you think that I’ll never measure up.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too.

Fly on. See you.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (2x)

When you‘ve landed in L. A. and left me far behind,
Check up on my little girl, Clementine.
Her ma will say I stayed away ‘cause I can’t commit,
But thanks to my dive, you’ll be alive, so just chew on that a bit.

Fly on. See you.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (4x)

Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (2x)

Ride On

We Are Home (Take Me Home, Phil Coulter)

Listening to Celtic Thunder's new album, Take Me Home, gave me all sorts of fodder for filking. Here's a reflection by the speaking members of the Oceanic Six as they return to civilization, to the tune of the title track.

We Are Home

Jack: At my dad's urgin',
I became a surgeon.
Now I can focus on perfecting my skill.

Kate: I should find a lawyer,
And thanks to Sawyer,
I have a request to fulfill.

Hurley: My mom is waiting,
And I've been debating.
I might be ready to let Dad try again.

Sun: I'll have this baby,
Then I think that maybe
I'll go and track down Ben.

All: Home.
Yes, we are home,
The place we never thought we would see.
Sun: I wish that Jin was here with me.
All: But we are home!

Sayid: Nadia, where are you?
I've come too far to
Disregard the romance that I have dreamed of for years.

All: Faced with this ending,
No use pretending
Our eyes have been free of tears.

All: Home.
Yes, we are home,
The place we never thought we would see.
Kate: I wish that Sawyer was with me.
All: But we are home!

Jack: We are home after months away.
Hurley: Now I wonder if we'll stay.

Jack: Home.
(Sun and Kate: Jin and Sawyer.)
Sayid: Yes, we are home.
(Jack and Hurley: Claire and Charlie.)
Kate: The press is making a mighty fuss
(Sayid: Who knew that only six of us would return?)
Hurley: We wish our friends
(Sun: I'm so lonely)
Hurley: Were here with us.
(Sun: And I'm yearning to be with him again.)
Jack: But we are home!

Jack: Home.
(Sun and Kate: Jin and Sawyer.)
Sayid: Yes, we are home.
(Jack and Hurley: Claire and Charlie.)
Kate: The press is making a mighty fuss
(Sayid: Who knew that only six of us would return?)
Hurley: We wish our friends
(Sun: I'm so lonely)
Hurley: Were here with us.
(Sun: And I'm yearning...)
Jack: But we are home!
All: We are home!