Showing posts with label Sawyer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sawyer. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Here We Are In the Past (Years May Come, Years May Go, Jack Fishman / Andre Popp / Jean Massoulier)


"The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we wanna be on."

- Daniel, LaFleur

Here's a little ditty in which Sawyer, Juliet, Daniel and Horace do some reflecting on the 1974 events of LaFleur, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Years May Come, Years May Go.

Here We Are in the Past

Sawyer: We might be in a bind,
But I don’t really mind.
I think a haughty hippie beats flashin’ through time.
Don’t have to deal with Ben -
Or if we do, he’s ten.
It’s kinda cool to see history.

Sawyer: Here we are  
(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)
Sawyer: In the past.
(Daniel: 815 will crash.)
Sawyer: Well, what now?
(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)
Sawyer: Will this last?
(Daniel: Since the final flash.)
Sawyer: If it does,
(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)
Sawyer: Pick a pad,
(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)
Sawyer: ‘Cause this place
(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)
Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.
(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Juliet: I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause James, I’m sweet on you
But can’t erase the pain this place put me through.
The course of time’s grown smooth,
So could our luck improve,
Or will we stay and then grieve again?

Sawyer: Here we are  
(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)
Sawyer: In the past.
(Daniel: 815 will crash.)
Sawyer: Well, what now?
(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)
Sawyer: Will this last?
(Daniel: Since the final flash.)
Sawyer: If it does,
(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)
Sawyer: Pick a pad,
(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)
Sawyer: ‘Cause this place
(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)
Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.
(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Horace: Jim, you helped us out.
I’m sorry for my doubt,
And you just bought yourself a spot.  Yeah, you’ve got clout.
I guess it isn’t true
That DHARMA’s not for you;
I never thought you’d be saving me.

Sawyer: Here we are  
(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)
Sawyer: In the past.
(Daniel: 815 will crash.)
Sawyer: Well, what now?
(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)
Sawyer: Will this last?
(Daniel: Since the final flash.)
Sawyer: If it does,
(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)
Sawyer: Pick a pad,
(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)
Sawyer: ‘Cause this place
(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)
Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.
(Daniel: We’re on another track...)

Monday, June 14, 2010

We Ain't Done (Day Is Done, Peter Yarrow)


"You and me ain't done, Zeke." - Sawyer, The Hunting Party

There's way too much revenge floating around the Island on LOST. Here's Sawyer to the tune of Peter Yarrow's Day Is Done.


We Ain’t Done

Listen, Zeke, I know what you did.
I was right there when you snatched the kid.
I don’t speak destiny, but you bein’ here
Seems like fate, and your reckoning’s near.
Feel the fear.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

I can tell you what Hugo will say:
“Come on, dude, please put your pistol away!”
He’s naive, and he just doesn’t know
That this is the way it should go.
I’m sure of it, though.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

Spent my whole life lookin’ to kill.
Got rid of Sawyer, but the drive is there still.
I don’t know, guess it isn’t so wise,
But when I find a guy I despise,
Then I say he dies.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done...

Day Is Done

Colleen (My Boy Willie, Traditional)

"This is for Colleen!"
- Danny, I Do

Here's a reflection from Danny Pickett about his desire for revenge after the death of his wife Colleen, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' My Boy Willie.

Colleen
Was it really just the other day
When my love Colleen met the castaway
Who coldly shot her?  It’s too unkind,
So I’m out for blood.  I’ve made up my mind.

Ben told Colleen to take the boat.
I didn’t get to cast my vote.
Even if I had, I’d’ve let her try,
‘Cause she knew her stuff.  Never thought she’d die.

What was it like for her to meet
Someone who appeared to be so sweet
But was a killer?  If I only knew
Where that woman was, I would shoot her too.

But since she is gone, and I can't say where
And it’s too tricky to track her there,
One of these clowns will have to do.
Ford is such a nuisance; that’s who I’ll pursue.

What would Colleen say if she was here?
Oh, how I wish she would appear!
But I watched as her body went floating by
In a solemn blaze, and I said goodbye.

I won’t just stand around and weep.
No, I made a pledge I intend to keep.
And if he asks what I’m thinking of,
I will let Ford know that I kill for love.

Monday, June 7, 2010

I'll Fly Those Fellas Home (The Boys Come Rollin' Home, Tommy Sands)


"Here we go, Frank.  Come on.  Come on...  Amen."
- Frank, The End

Another Frank song.  I had presumed him dead ever since The Candidate, so I was thrilled to see him turn up alive after all, and then wind up one of the big heroes of the finale.  Here's Frank to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Boys Come Rollin' Home.

I’ll Fly Those Fellas Home

I always will remember well the strange September day
Norris flew 815 out of Sydney.
I gotta get my rest, but oversleeping doesn‘t pay,
‘Cause poor Seth, he didn’t do so great, now did he?

But I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

I made it to the freighter with a madman and his friend.
My chopper didn’t crash in stormy weather.
I got us off the Island and I lost the beard and then
I brought Jack and all his buddies back together.

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Now Miles has got his duct tape, and Ricky’s by his side,
And Ben is somewhere with his walkie-talkie.
I see the Island crumblin’, and it‘s lookin’ like we‘re fried,
But it‘s tiger time; I kinda feel like Rocky!

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

We're goin’ down the runway now, and a few folks showed up late.
I wonder, is it fun to see me stressing?
But in they go, with buckles on, so Sawyer, Claire and Kate
Are part of 316 and share the blessing.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll fly those fellas home!

The Boys Come Rollin' Home

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Island Where I Was Reborn (The Village That They Call the Moy, Ryan Kelly)

"Don't try to stop me, Peter. I am sure Aslan would not. I am sure it is not wrong for me to mourn for Narnia. Think of all that lies dead and frozen beyond that door."
- Lucy Pevensie, The Last Battle

"Is everything sad going to come untrue?" 
- Sam Gamgee, The Return of the King

"I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you."
- Jacob, What They Died For 

We've known for a long time that The End was coming, and I've been preparing myself by setting aside songs that I might use to work through my feelings about the finale. I have a list of them jotted down, but one grabbed me and refused to release me, forcing me to do something about it before I even watched the last episode, anticipating that I would spend the wee hours of this morning ripping it to shreds in light of everything in the finale that contradicted it. Instead I changed it just before I watched the episode, and I kept it pretty much the same after that.  Initially I imagined it being set immediately after the Island events in the finale, as I strongly suspected the Island would sink; now, it's set in the Sideways world, at which point it does seem that the Island is indeed under the sea, or certainly inaccessible to our castaways.  And despite all evidence to the contrary, I believe that Jacob and Hurley will reunite on the other side of that door.

The Village That They Call the Moy is a song written and performed by Celtic Thunder's Ryan Kelly, a musician for whom I have enormous respect and affection. I came across his demo online last year and it instantly resonated deeply. I evaded it all year, mostly because I felt a little funny filking a song that isn't actually on an album yet. But the album's coming soon, and I hope everyone reading this buys a copy, because it's sure to be brilliant. And when this song tapped me on the shoulder, it would not be stopped. So I hope Ryan will forgive me for piggybacking off of his tender hometown ode, and I thank him for giving me the perfect vehicle for expressing my sense of grateful melancholy as my favorite show comes to a close.

(Update: Ryan Kelly's first solo album, In Time - which features a more up-tempo version of The Village That They Call the Moy - is available now.  Buy it here!)

The Island Where I Was Reborn


Sawyer: Leavin’ it should have been easy.
It put me through such an ordeal.
But still, I shuddered to think, As the memories shrink,
I someday could doubt it was real.
I went there so jaded and lost and afraid
Of the darkness that’s inside of me;
I passed through the flames, and I left as just James.
I’m found, and I’m finally free.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Kate: How dreary were days I did nothing but run
From my conscience and from the police!
My own complicity in my friend’s death
Haunted me and kept me from peace.
My love life always was messy.
At last I’m sure of which romance to pursue,
But I think of the track that I traveled with Jack
Before all of our grief came untrue.

That’s when I realize I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

Hugo: It’s well I remember that life-changing day
When he asked me to go catch that plane.
Then he tried to prepare me for leaving him there,
For the close to his long-standing reign.
He brought me so far from that chat in the car
But also learned something from me;
Since love never ends, we will always be friends,
And it all started under the sea.

Everyone knows that I miss it.
Jacob knew that I needed that place,
So I boarded that flight, and I went toward the light,
Toward the source of all wisdom and grace.
I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.

All: I am happy and whole and at ease in my soul,
But a part of me always will mourn
That it’s under the sea, so I never will be
Back on the Island where I was reborn.


The Village That They Call The Moy
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Thursday, May 20, 2010

This War You Had to Wage (Spirit of the Age, Michael Card)


"I wanna know why. I wanna know that Sun and Jin and Sayid didn't die for nothing."
- Kate, What They Died For


I've been trying to get into the heads of each of the major Island players as they move into the final chapter, and I've had a harder time getting a handle on Kate than most. But I think I have a pretty good understanding of where she's coming from, and I don't begrudge her the angry questions she hurls at Jacob. Here's Kate to the tune of Michael Card's Spirit of the Age.

This War You Had to Wage

My eyes are red from crying for Jin, Sayid and Sun,
And I can’t stop thinking of their little girl Ji Yeon.
So what Locke said to Sawyer... Swear to me he lied.
I cannot continue till you tell me why they died.

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

You seem so understanding, benevolent and kind.
But does it even bother you that we left them behind?
And what about my number? How come it has been crossed?
Is that your way of saying that all hope for me is lost?

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

The accidents and murders that piled up here in Hell
Ought to haunt you even if you only meant us well.
If you’re to be our mentor, our shining spectral sage,
Say sorry for the victims of this war you had to wage!

So Jacob, did you care about the wailing?
What about the sorrow and the rage?
It’s time that you apologized for killing
Victims of this war you had to wage!

Because of me, my best friend died for nothing,
And ever since I’ve craved a blank page.
So how can you accept there are so many
Victims of this war you had to wage?
The victims of this war you had to wage...

Spirit of the Age

Our Noble Leader (The Gentle Healer, Michael Card)


Sawyer: And I thought that guy had a God complex before.
Kate: James.
Sawyer: Yeah, I know.
- What They Died For

After seeing such a snarly Island Sawyer for so much of season six, I was touched by his humility in What They Died For. Here's Sawyer coming to grips with Jack's role as his leader, to the tune of Michael Card's The Gentle Healer.

Our Noble Leader

Our noble leader always has to save the day.
He gives commands, and I balk and disobey.
Yeah, you can depend on my gettin' in his way.
Our noble leader always has to save the day.

Our noble leader always has to save the day,
And Juliet was the price I had to pay,
For she fell in the well, and now my world is gray.
Our noble leader always has to save the day.

Oh, I know that he’s a tender-hearted man.
When no one cared, he lent a helping hand.
Yeah, but trustin’ folks was never quite my plan.
And yet I know that he’s a tender-hearted man.

Our noble leader, he’s number twenty-three,
And now Jacob’s told him, “Jack, you’re just like me.”
I want to be sarcastic, but I see
That our noble leader is what he was meant to be.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Creepy Kid (Oh You Mucky Kid, Stan Kelly)


Little Jacob: You know the rules. You can't kill him.
Smokey: Don't tell me what I can't do!
- The Substitute

When that mysterious boy showed up in the jungle in The Substitute, it was a strange thing indeed. We now know that this was Jacob as a boy, so I presume that he is a ghost, which Smokey can see but Richard can't (though it's surprising to think that Desmond and Sawyer can). Here's a little reflection about little ghostly Jacob, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Oh You Mucky Kid.

Creepy Kid

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You look so spooky standing there
Under your shock of golden hair,
And Richard claims to be unaware,
So is Smokey going crazy?

Your arms and hands are limply spread,
Augmented now with trails of red.
So are you a vision or are you dead?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You’ve cleaned up nicely now for James.
Is this another of your games?
When you warn your rival not to kill,
He doesn’t like rules, so he’s angry.

Perhaps it is your youthful plight
That’s reminded James to bear the light.
He’ll follow “John,” but it’s a con.
You’re counting upon his trickery.

Oh, you are a creepy kid.
Smokey knows just what you did.
Are you merely his ego or id?
Are you a ghost, jungle lad?

You really have an impish face,
But it could be his saving grace.
Yes, maybe the Smoke can be erased,
And you’ll be left with your brother.

Oh You Mucky Kid

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Distress Call (Feuilles-Oh / Do Space Men Pass Dead Souls On Their Way to the Moon, Traditional / J. S. Bach / Linda Grossman)


"Si qui que ce soit puisse entendre ceci, ils sont morts. Veuillez nous aider. Je vais essayer d'aller jusqu'au Rocher Noir. Il les a tués. Il les a tués tous."
- Danielle, Pilot, Part 2

Here's my best attempt at turning the radio transmission into a song. I changed it as little as possible; I hope it still makes sense. Here's the end of the pilot episode, to the tune of Art Garfunkel's Feuilles-Oh / Do Space Men Pass Dead Souls On Their Way to the Moon?

The Distress Call

Danielle: Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Si qui que puisse entendre,
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Sayid: It’s been running for 16 years.
Boone: Someone else? Stranded here?
Sayid: Yes, this was a cry for help.
Sawyer: If someone saved her, then why’s it still play?
Charlie: Uh... Hey, guys, where are we?
This is no normal place.

Danielle: Veuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Ils sont morts.
Vuillez nous aider.
Il les a tués.
Je vais essayer
D'aller à Rocher Noir.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.
Aidez-nous. Ils sont morts.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Island He Ruled (The Village of Brambleshire Wood, George and Will Millar)



"At some point in your life, James, probably when you were young and miserable and vulnerable. he came to you, he manipulated you, pulled your strings like you were a puppet. And as a result, choices you thought were made, were never really choices at all. He was pushing you, James. Pushing you.. to the Island."- Smokey, The Substitute

Jacob and Smokey have very different perspectives on their ongoing battle. Here's Smokey addressing Sawyer in the cliffside cave, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Village of Brambleshire Wood.

The Island He Ruled

Written here on this wall are the numbers and names
Of the people he brought to the Island he ruled.
I’ve freed us at last from his tedious games
And his endless insistence on preserving the light.

Goodbye to his silly white stone!
See the names of the chumps who have died?
He carelessly crossed out the names and the numbers
Of people he brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

You’ll notice, I think, not all of the names here
Are split and obscured with a chalk line of white.
They're potential replacements who somehow aren't dead,
Who've survived their ordeal on the Island he ruled.

There’s Shephard and Reyes and Kwon,
And Jarrah, and I think both of us recall John.
His time here is through, so I’ll cross him out too,
Just a pawn Jacob brought to the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

Now you’re number 15. Don’t look so astonished.
Yes, you met Jacob a long time ago.
He gave you a push, James, and look where it led you.
It brought you, like the rest, to the Island he ruled.

Since he’s dead, three choices are yours:
Do nothing, and stay on these infernal shores;
Take on the position of pointless protector;
Or you join me, and we leave the Island he ruled.

Goodbye to his games and his silly white stone
And the names in this cave on the Island he ruled!

The Village of Brambleshire Wood

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Ballad of Frank Lapidus (Pecos Bill, Eliot Daniel / Johnny Lange)

I was bummed out that Frank Lapidus was booted so ingloriously from the show, without so much as a sad word from Hurley afterward. I've always regarded Frank Lapidus as having a bit of a folk hero quality about him, so I couldn't resist memorializing him to the tune of that rollicking ode to Pecos Bill introduced to me by the Disney cowboy album Pardners.  (Post-finale note: Frank survived!  Yay!  But I figure a folk hero usually has wildly different accounts of his life, so I'll let this stand...)

The Ballad of Frank Lapidus

Well, Frank Lapidus was a pilot with a passion.
With precision, he prevented accidents.
He never crumbled in a panic when he flew for Oceanic,
Thanks to stellar skills and simple common sense.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
Hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Charlotte, Dan and Miles hopped in a helicopter,
And the chopper, it was piloted by Frank,
So in that bit of the Pacific, though the weather was horrific,
They all made it out, and he’s the one to thank.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
Hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Well, he flew Jack and his buddies off the Island -
And then three years later, flew them back again.
He shrewdly showed that he could steer a massive airplane from Ajira
To the landing strip that was engineered by Ben.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
I said, hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

After hijacking a sub along with Sawyer,
Frank Lapidus heard a devastating boom.
It was a prelude to his dyin‘, but at least he went out flyin’
When the door sent him a-soarin’ ‘cross the room.

So hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.
I said, hip-hip-hooray, hooray! What a great guy-uy-uy.
Yeah, that Frank Lapidus really knew how to fly.

Pecos Bill

A Monster By the Cockpit (Hey Daddy, Bob Ruzicka)

Here's another ditty inspired by the Anne Murray album There's a Hippo in My Tub, a wonderful collection of lullabies. This is a not-so-soothing rundown of some of the strange creatures on the Island, to the tune of Hey Daddy.

A Monster By the Cockpit

Hey, Sawyer, there’s a bear out in the jungle.
Good thing you’re a trigger-happy man.
Hey, Charlie, run quick, ‘cause there’s a monster by the cockpit,
And it seems to me he’s not a Drive Shaft fan.

It’s a scary sort of Island
With a roving DHARMA shark.
Sometimes you suspect that
You’d prefer Jurassic Park.

I tell ya,
Hey, Sawyer, there’s a bear out in the jungle.
Good thing you’re a trigger-happy man.
Hey, Charlie, run quick, ‘cause there’s a monster by the cockpit,
And it seems to me he’s not a Drive Shaft fan.

Well, the bandit boars are a menace here,
And the Hurley bird is bizarre,
But if velociraptors trash the camp,
That’s going too far.

Meanwhile,
Hey, Sawyer, there’s a bear out in the jungle.
Good thing you’re a trigger-happy man.
Hey, Charlie, run quick, ‘cause there’s a monster by the cockpit,
And it seems to me he’s not a Drive Shaft fan.
And it seems to me he’s not a Drive Shaft fan.
Yeah, it seems to me he’s not a Drive Shaft fan.

Hush, Little Aaron (Hush, Little Baby, Traditional)

During the first couple of months of his life, Aaron had all sorts of people around him to try to keep him quiet and happy. Here's a little lullaby about that, to the tune of Anne Murray's version of Hush, Little Baby.

Hush, Little Aaron

Hush, little Aaron, don’t be so blue.
Charlie’s gonna play his guitar for you.
And if his guitar pops a string,
Claire is gonna hold you and softly sing.
And if her singing voice is hoarse,
Hurley’s gonna stand still and use the Force.
And if his Jedi juice is tapped,
Sawyer’s lilting reading will leave you rapt.
And if his reading glasses break,
Jack is gonna check for a stomachache.
And if he learns that you're not sickly,
John is gonna find out if you are tickly.
And if you're scared because he is scarred,
Michael’s gonna draw you a funny card.
And if that doesn’t make you smile,
You’ll still be the sweetest baby on the whole isle.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The End (American Pie, Don McLean)

Working through my feelings on the end of LOST a couple weeks ahead of time. Darlton, are you listening?

The End (A LOSTie’s Salute)


A long, long time ago,
Back when television was an idle, passionless routine,
An epic promo stopped me cold.
It seemed like cinematic gold
Created for a more convenient screen.
A fiery crash, a pressing query,
A score that sounded more than eerie.
I embraced this new show,
This fresh Robinson Crusoe,
This stunning tale of tattered lives.
Even if I’m pleased with who survives,
It’s sure to cut like John Locke’s knives
The day The End arrives.

A dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Do you know I came to love
All the folks who fell from far above
In September of ‘04?
And I soon made room inside my soul
For one crazed Scotsman in a hole
And Ben, who isn’t Henry anymore.
I’ve envisioned Richard as a sage
Since I noticed that he doesn’t age.
Fantastic Frank’s a find,
And I dig dear dizzy Dan's mind.
I sympathized with Dogen’s tragic case,
And Ilana touched me with her quiet grace.
I just don’t see how I can face
The day The End arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now for six years, it’s been on the air.
No other series can quite compare
In terms of sheer complexity.
Every episode hides a crucial clue.
Stranger in a Strange Land matters too,
Though tattoos are not exactly key.
Who’d’ve thought that run-down DHARMA van
Would fuel a hero’s rescue plan?
Who knew the code equates
To Jacob’s Candidates?
You’ve dropped crumbs along the twisted trail.
What tiny Season One detail
Will clinch who wins and who will fail
The day The End arrives?

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Faith and reason, loyalty and treason,
Enigmas deepening every season.
Cuselof, I tip my hat.
The polar bears, Hurley bird
And ancient monster are so absurd;
I appreciate it all the more for that.
There’s a four-toed statue on the beach.
When wet Walt spouted garbled speech
And Jacob’s cabin shook,
I had to take another look.
How do pylons form a Smokey shield
And why are Temple bathers healed?
What mysteries will be revealed
The day The End arrives?

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Now all those phrases are in my head,
Like “Are you him?” and “Dead is dead”
And “Live together, die alone.”
“Don’t mistake a coincidence for fate!”
And Jack’s cry, “We have to go back, Kate!”
By leaps and bounds, the lexicon has grown.
It’s always a hoot to spout the names
So snarkily assigned by James.
Though “Jabba’s” kinda mean,
I’m keen on “Mr. Clean”.
All the allusions make me feel obtuse.
How many more will you produce?
My library card will get some use
The day The End arrives.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I said farewell to Jin and Sun.
Sadly, Charlie’s rock star days are done -
In this dimension, anyway.
Scott and Eko had violent deaths,
And I always will remember Seth’s,
Since you deigned to turn the pilot into prey.
From fatal falls and time disease
To filicide (curse you, Eloise!),
You’ve shown a special talent
For killing off the gallant.
Michael wound up a remorseful ghost.
Sayid repented and then was toast.
I wonder who I’ll miss the most
The day The End arrives.

I guarantee a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.
Hate to bid the Island goodbye.

I’m convinced a dry eye will be hard to come by.
No more series, no more theories,
No more castaway high,
And at this point, I’d be a fool to deny
That I hate to bid the Island goodbye.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Choice in an Underwater Cell (Poem on an Underground Wall, Paul Simon)

The Candidate is one of the most devastating episodes LOST has ever offered, yet amidst the shock and horror of the deaths that swiftly followed each other late in the episode, I felt uplifted by Sayid's decision to go out in a literal blaze of sacrificial glory.  Here's a reflection on that to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's A Poem on an Underground Wall.  (The song itself starts at about 2:30, but if you've never heard Art's colorful introductory anecdote, it's well worth a listen.)

Choice in an Underwater Cell

The timer is running out,
A consequence of Sawyer’s doubt.
There‘s no time now for hesitation.
Sayid knows his friends‘ salvation
Depends upon his actions.

His tragic eyes, lit at last,
Return to Jack before the blast.
He divulges Smokey’s secret:
What it is, and how to seek it
When they return to dry land.

He grabs the bulky bomb and bolts
While others brace for jarring jolts.
So strong, courageous, clever, swift,
He’s experienced such a shift
Since he spoke to Desmond!

And he runs on defiantly,
Declaring his liberty
From his would-be master’s tyranny
In the hope his selfless bravery
Spares his cornered friends.

As far away from them he dashes,
The hall’s engulfed in flame and ashes.
This time he will not be rising,
But deep within the sub there lies
A true hero.

All around him, crashing, screaming, crying.
The captain‘s dead, the Kwons are dying.
Frank has flown his final flight,
But still Sayid has chosen right
By casting off the darkness
To embrace redeeming light.

Any Team Will Do (Any Dream Will Do, Andrew Lloyd Webber / Tim Rice)

As LOST draws to a close, I've been noticing a lot of fans identifying themselves as Team Jacob or Team Smokey, or to a lesser extent simply Team Whatever-Their-Favorite-Character-Is.  Here's a little ditty about that, to the tune of Any Dream Will Do from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  (For the record, I'm Team Jacob, or if we're talking more generally, Team Hurley.)

Any Team Will Do

Just close your eyes
And pick a winner:
A saint, a sinner,
Someone old or new.
Prepare to say
Who you’re defending
As we near the ending.
Any Team will do.

Will you promote (Will you promote)
The man in black clothes?  (Ah...)
Do you think Jack knows (Ah...)
How to see things through?
Is Sawyer tops (Is Sawyer tops)
Although he’s surly? (Ah...)
Do you honk for Hurley? (Ah...)
Any Team will do.

Well, one side’s dark
And one is light,
And we’ve been dragged
Into the fight.
So demonstrate with shirts and buttons
Whose Team you are on.

Though Jacob’s dead, (Though Jacob’s dead,)
Is he the ruler? (Ah...)
Is Richard cooler (Ah...)
Than the chosen few?
Are you for Ben (Are you for Ben)
Or Aaron’s mother? (Ah...)
Is Des your brother? (Ah...)
Any Team will do.

Any Team, any Team will...
Any Team, any Team will do.
Any Team, any Team will...
Any Team, any Team will do.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Eucalyptus (Calypso, John Denver)

"Eucalyptus - smart, Jack...  Thank you, very much."
 - Jack, Confidence Man

One of my favorite moments involving Sun comes when she helps Shannon by calming her breathing down with eucalyptus. It's at this moment that she really becomes a part of the group. Here's Jack thanking Sun for her efforts to the tune of John Denver's Calypso.

Eucalyptus

I’ve had a rough day. I am so sick of Sawyer,
But still I’m depressed that I let him get hurt.
It’s making me nervous, ‘cause what will it lead to?
A crisis I’m trying my best to avert.
Not to mention the fact that this sinister action
Landed us nothing... What’s in your hand?

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

Though your husband’s been chiding,
You’ve come out of hiding,
And your contribution saved Shannon today.
I hope you’ll consider remaining around.
Are you understanding a word that I say?
If you are, give a nod. We’ll make you feel welcome.
Join me in keeping the chaos at bay.

Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.
Eucalyptus! A potent solution.
I knew it at once from the strength of the smell.
Eucalyptus! Sun, you are a marvel,
And after this, Shannon is bound to breathe well.

So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.
So I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Oh, I thank you for helping her, Sun.
Yes, I thank you, Sun.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Answers (The Safety Dance, Ivan Doroschuk)

Smokey: That's not why you're here. And if you come with me, I can prove it.
Sawyer: Well, I guess I better put some pants on.
- The Substitute

In The Substitute, Sawyer has to decide whether or not to go with the man who looks like John Locke and claims he can answer some of his most burning questions. It's not too tough a choice for him to make. Here's Sawyer to the tune of Men Without Hats' The Safety Dance.

Answers

It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.
But when you give me your answers,
Since I’m not the trustin’ kind,
I’ll just pretend to accept whatever you say
As a plan’s formin’ in my mind.
It’s a chance.

I’ve been lookin’ for answers
Since the minute Blondie died.
If there’s some truth somewhere in whatever you share,
Then I’d better let you be my guide.
Hey, I’ll make use of your answers.
Let’s get outta Dharmaville.
Yeah, with a little luck, I’ll find out why I’m stuck,
And then I’ll turn on the conman skill.

There’s not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

There’s a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.

It’s a chance for some answers.
Wonder what will come to light?
I’ve had enough of boozin’.
This is what I’m choosin’.
I just hope I’m choosin’ right.

Oh, yeah. It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.

Oh, no, not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dissin' Anakin (On the Road Again, Willie Nelson)

In The Last Recruit, my favorite line in the episode was followed by my least favorite. Hurley, ever the idealist, protested Sawyer's assessment of Sayid, saying, "You can always bring people back from the Dark Side. I mean, Anakin..." At which point Sawyer let him know in no uncertain terms that he neither knew nor cared who Anakin was. From any other character I might be able to brush this off as merely disappointing, but Sawyer has given four Star Wars-related nicknames over the seasons and even used one of Han's tricks to hoodwink Aldo in season three. I don't buy it. So what's the deal, Sawyer? Here's my little rant to the tune of Willie Nelson's On the Road Again.

Dissin’ Anakin

Dissin’ Anakin.
Sawyer, how come you’re dissin’ Anakin?
You’re cool with Chewie, ‘cause that’s what you christened Jin,
So I don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You thought Yoda kinda looked like Ben,
Nicknamed Hurley Jabba, much to his chagrin.
I don‘t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You continue to conduct yourself like Solo
With your swaggerin’
And zingers, but there’s somethin’ you should know, bro.
Han Solo

Called his kid Anakin.
Even Solo respected Anakin.
You have committed such a pop cultural sin!
I just don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You continue to conduct yourself like Solo
With your swaggerin’
And zingers, but there’s somethin’ you should know, bro.
Han Solo

Called his kid Anakin.
Even Solo respected Anakin.
You have committed such a pop cultural sin!
I just don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.
No, I don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.