Donald (Wichita Lineman, Jimmy Webb)

Libby: What was the man's name who broke his leg? The day of the crash on the other side of the Island, Eko brought a man with a broken leg to me for help. What was his name?
Hurley: I don't know.
Libby: You don't know. You know why? Because it happened to me. His name was Donald, and I buried him. I buried a lot of people, Hurley. So don't tell me that that wasn't real. And don't tell me you made me up. It's insulting.
- Dave

Hurley's always been a champion of the redshirts, and it seems his soulmate Libby is as well.  Here she uses the death of Donald in the Tailies' camp to help convince Hurley that she is more than a figment of his imagination, to the tune of Jimmy Webb's Wichita Lineman. (Mine's modeled after the Keith Harkin version, which isn't readily available online; James Taylor's is slightly different but pretty close. And I might actually like his better...)

Donald

Do you recall a man named Donald?
He died two months ago.
Tried to save his life,
But his healing was too slow.

After fixing up his fracture,
I had hope that he’d be fine.
But that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

It was a nasty situation,
And he fainted from pain.
He didn’t last a week, and so
My efforts were in vain.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

I'll Walk Away (The Voice of the Child, Michael Card)

Seeing Jacob's grief-stricken act of vengeance upon his brother in Across the Sea reminded me of one of my favorite elements of the season two finale: Hurley's refusal to seek revenge for the death of Libby. He first rejects the gun Jack tries to give him at the beginning of their trek, and then when Michael is outed as the killer, he makes no attempt on his life. I thought, "If only Jacob had been that level-headed." If everyone on the show followed Hurley's example, there would be a lot less turmoil on the Island. Here's Hurley to the tune of Michael Card's The Voice of the Child.

I’ll Walk Away

We’d planned on a picnic.
It was going to be such a perfect day.
But then Libby was shot ‘cause of what I forgot,
And it’s not okay.
She didn’t deserve this.
I need you to know that she rescued me.
She was sweet and compassionate, gentle and wise,
And I found true love when I looked in her eyes,
Now lifeless and gray.
She was pure. You aimed anyway.

I hate what you’ve done, but if I had a gun,
I would stop, and I’d let the thing drop.
I am deep in dismay, but revenge doesn’t pay,
So instead, I’ll just walk away.

You murdered her, Michael.
I know you want Walt, and that‘s why she died.
But you don’t have the right to extinguish the light.
He’d be horrified.
The guilt must be setting in.
I don’t know how you can sleep at night.
I could retaliate now for your killing spree,
The moment you acted so mercilessly.
But Michael, what good would it do?
Vengeance isn’t for me.

I hate what you’ve done, but if I had a gun,
I would stop, and I’d let the thing drop.
I am deep in dismay, but revenge doesn’t pay,
So instead, I’ll just walk away.

We’d planned on a picnic.
It was going to be such a perfect day.
But then Libby was shot ‘cause of what I forgot,
And it’s not okay.
But though my heart’s breaking,
I’m stopping the cycle.
I’ll walk away.

The Voice of the Child

I'll Win This Race (Come Sail Away, Dennis DeYoung)

"Then I thank you, Elizabeth. And I shall win this race for love."
- Desmond, Live Together, Die Alone

I've always found the Styx song Come Sail Away a little freaky, but it's also enjoyably epic, especially since it calls to mind one of my favorite moments from Freaks and Geeks, Judd Apatow's most excellent and all too short-lived high school dramedy. Couldn't resist associating it with LOST too, as an illustration of the scene in the season two finale in which Libby offers Desmond her boat.

I’ll Win This Race

Desmond: I’m sailing a race
Sponsored by the man who belittled me.
He said I’d never be
Worthy of his daughter Penelope.
But there’s a wee problem.
I have no boat.
I’m broke, so my chances
Would seem remote,
But for my
Honor, I’ll try...
Is something wrong?

Libby: I have what you seek.
It used to be my husband’s, but he grew weak.
Poor David. He died.
He never got to sail on a Grecian tide.
Since we cannot be together,
It’s a burden now.
He’d want you to keep it,
And you have my vow:
In your care
Clearly is where
My boat belongs.

Desmond: You tell me I should take it.
I don’t know what to say,
But I’ll accept it as a sign
That love will find a way.

And so I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love, lass.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love. Watch me!
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.

Elizabeth, you’ve touched me.
Tell you what I’ll do.
I’ll win this race for Penny,
For David and for you.

Yes, I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love, lass.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.

(fadeout)

Casualties Are Common (Apples and Bananas, Traditional)

On LOST, characters have a nasty habit of dying off - some of them more than once. Here's a little ditty about that to the tune of Raffi's Apples and Bananas.

Casualties Are Common

Alas, on LOST, LOST, LOST, casualties are common.
Alas, on LOST, LOST, LOST, casualties are common.

They got gunned down, down, down, Shannon, Dan and Libby.
They got gunned down, down, down, Shannon, Dan and Libby.

Somebody stabbed, stabbed, stabbed Lennon and Naomi.
Somebody stabbed, stabbed, stabbed Lennon and Naomi.

The Monster smoked, smoked, smoked Seth, Montand and Eko.
The Monster smoked, smoked, smoked Seth, Montand and Eko.

They went ka-boom, boom, boom, Leslie and Ilana.
They went ka-boom, boom, boom, Leslie and Ilana.

Who’s going next, next, next? Candidates, be careful!
Who’s going next, next, next? Candidates, be careful!

Soulmates (Eternal Flame, Susanna Hoffs / Tom Kelly / Billy Steinberg)

"Hugo, do you believe that two people can be connected? Like soulmates?"
- Libby, Everybody Loves Hugo

Everybody Loves Hugo marked the long-awaited return of Libby, allowing for yet another romantic storyline to find a continuation in Sideways World. Here's a reflection on their first meeting, to the tune of the Bangles' Eternal Flame.

Soulmates

Libby: Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

Recognized you on TV, Hugo,
And something stirred when I saw you, jogged my memory.
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
I hope our kinship isn’t in my brain.

Hugo: It’s a shame. When I hear your name
And I see you smiling,
I wish that I could back your claim.
If we’d met, I would remember you...

It’s a shame. When I hear your name
And I see you smiling,
I wish that I could back your claim.
If we’d met, I would remember you...

Libby: Do you think soulmates are real?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
I hope our kinship isn’t in my brain.

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Or... only in my brain?

Do you think soulmates are real, Hugo?
Is there any good reason for the way I feel?
Do I sound insane or do you believe me?
Is our kinship only in my brain?

Flaming Arrows (Burning Bridges, Lalo Schifrin)

One of my all-time favorite movie theme songs is Burning Bridges, from Kelly's Heroes. Here's a little dying rant from LOST's Neil, aka Frogurt, whose run on the show was as brief as it was bizarre...

Flaming Arrows

Scott - or was it Steve? Heck, even I don’t really know -
Took a fatal dose of Ethan several weeks ago.
Leslie got himself blown up into a billion bits.
This Minor Player status is the pits.

All the flaming arrows that came whizzing through the trees,
All the faded glory of my frogurt fantasies,
All the trials I endured away from prying eyes.
Flaming arrows! One more redshirt dies.

Had my eye on Libby, who was pretty as could be.
Figured she’d be happy to take a chance on me.
Well, Tubby got there first, though why she liked him, I can’t say.
Stuck with him, and she got blown away.

All the flaming arrows that came whizzing through the trees,
All the faded glory of my frogurt fantasies,
All the trials I endured away from prying eyes.
Flaming arrows! One more redshirt dies.

Nikki and poor Paolo got the short end of the stick.
No one ever really cared too much what made them tick.
It’s no surprise my number’s up. I guess I always knew.
I hope that Bernie somehow makes it through.

All the flaming arrows that came whizzing through the trees,
All the faded glory of my frogurt fantasies,
All the trials I endured away from prying eyes.
Flaming arrows! One more redshirt dies.
Flaming arrows! One more redshirt dies.

I'm Lost Without...

This past Christmas, I received a shirt that reads "I'M LOST WITHOUT CHARLIE". Turns out it was prophetic, since Charlie's run on the show actually ended with the conclusion of the third season. He's one of my four absolutely favorite characters. Luckily, the other three remain, but meanwhile other folks have been getting whacked left and right. It troubles me. Hence, this little rant...

I'm Lost Without...

I'm lost without Charlie, musician and hero.
I'm lost without Shannon and Boone.
I'm lost without Eko, whose death by Old Smokey
Seemed random and happened too soon.

I'm lost without gun-toting Ana Lucia.
I'm lost without Nikki the ditz.
I'm lost without Paolo, Joanna and Leslie,
Who got himself blown into bits.

I'm lost without Libby, collateral damage
And Hurley's best shot at romance.
I'm lost without dangerous Bonnie and Greta,
Who never had much of a chance.

I'm lost without Ryan, Colleen and Naomi.
I'm lost without Donald and Scott.
I'm lost without Roger and Kelvin, the putzes
Whose passing propelled the whole plot.

I'm lost without Danny, irascible hothead.
I'm lost without friendly foe Tom.
I'm lost without Goodwin, that overgrown boy scout.
I'm lost without vile Ethan Rom.

I'm lost without Edward, the dude with the shrapnel.
I'm lost without Cooper and Klugh.
I'm lost without Pilot-Whose-Name-Wasn't-Mentioned
And maybe without Mikhail too.

O Damon and Carlton, desist with the slaughter!
Have mercy! Consider the cost
Of killing each character I've come to love, lest
At last I am lost without LOST!