The Smoke Thing (My Life, Billy Joel)

"I'm the Smoke Thing."
- Smokey, Recon

In Recon, the most recent episode of LOST, my favorite line was Smokey's blunt assertion.  Here's a song about his conversation with Sawyer, to the tune of Billy Joel's My Life.

The Smoke Thing

Smokey: You should know it was rude of you to interrupt me.
Can’t you see I was trying to calm people down?
You’re not helping by questioning me so abruptly.
Even so, I forgive ya. Quit mopin’ around.

James, this may be a shock to you, but
I’m the Smoke Thing.
I’m the one you should blame for the blood that was spilled.
Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

I‘m gonna need you to go off and do reconnaissance.
(Sawyer: What am I doin’ this for?)
Smokey: I‘m gonna need you, because you were a conman once.
(Sawyer: Sure, that sounds safe...)
Smokey: You don‘t forget
(Sawyer: Can’t forget)
Smokey: Those skills, I bet.
(Sawyer: Those skills yet.)
Smokey: You can lie your way through any mess, James.

There’s a plane on the beach over on Hydra Island.
That’s the plane we’ll be using to get outta here.
If the passengers get in the way of what I planned,
Sorry, folks, but the Smoke Thing will soon reappear.

James, this may be a shock to you, but
I’m the Smoke Thing.
I’m the one you should blame for the blood that was spilled.
Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

I‘m gonna need you to go off and do reconnaissance.
(Sawyer: What am I doin’ this for?)
Smokey: I‘m gonna need you, because you were a conman once.
(Sawyer: Why should I go?)
Smokey: You don‘t forget
(Sawyer: Can’t forget)
Smokey: Those skills, I bet.
(Sawyer: Those skills yet.)
Smokey: You can lie your way through any mess, James.

Do you think that I’m mad? Do you think that I’m joking?
Well, it’s kill or be killed. I don’t wanna be killed.

Sawyer: How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?
How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?
How can I outsmart the Smoke Thing?

Little House (The Garden Song, Dave Mallett)

Charles: Hey, you heard that? Now that's what life's all about. Laughin' and lovin' each other. And knowin' that people aren't really gone when they die. We have all the good memories to sustain us until we see 'em again.
Laura: It's hard not being afraid, Pa...
Charles: I know, sweetheart. I know.
- Little House on the Prairie, Remember Me I
 
Sawyer is just full of surprises. One of my favorites is the fact that he is a fan of Little House on the Prairie. He dropped that little tidbit back in season three; now it's finally come up again, and Sawyer's softie status is assured... Here's a reflection by him to the tune of Dave Mallett's The Garden Song. (Below is the closest recording I could find online to the version I modeled mine after.)

Little House

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.

They endure though times are tough.
They‘ve got each other. That‘s enough.
They have the kind of life I‘d love.
It‘s the life I was denied.
Hard work don‘t bother me.
I'm a man of industry.
I have craved a family
Since the day my parents died.

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.

Could it be I was wrong
Hangin’ onto hate so long?
When I thought it made me strong,
Did it keep me weak instead?
Before I work out what to do,
Guess I’d better think this through.
Maybe I should listen to
All the things Pa Ingalls said.

Little House. What a show!
Sorta sappy, sorta slow.
Secretly, I’m a softie, though,
So I won’t apologize.
Little House. What a show!
Half-Pint has it good, ya know.
I’d’ve lived through lots less woe
If my dad had been that wise.
The Garden Song

Jacob's Chosen (All God's Critters, Bill Staines)

On LOST, Jacob's nemesis claims that all he wants is to go home. But it seems there are several people standing in his way. Here's a reflection on that, to the tune of Bill Staines' All God's Critters. (Below is the closest version I could find online to the version I modeled mine after.)

Jacob’s Chosen

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Take a look at Ford, he’s a thief and a liar.
He’s a lot like me, but his deep desire to
Help his friends is a troubling clue
He’ll try to con me too.

The Kwons are a pair with a whole lotta problems.
Which of them did he want to take his job?
I am not too sure, but it’s such a chore
To get them both at once!

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

I would like to think that Jarrah is all mine.
He’s a murderer, and I like that fine,
But I wonder if I can keep him in line,
Or will he mess up my plans?

Shephard is a hero. Shephard takes the lead.
He’ll never stand by, letting someone bleed.
It galls me that I can’t proceed
Till I’ve cracked his resolve somehow.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

Reyes is the worst. He’s a sap and a saint
With a soul so pure even I can’t taint it.
He’s Jacob’s pet, so my chances are slim
Till I get rid of him.

Jacob’s chosen are a thorn in my side.
Some have left, some have died and
Some just went rogue, as I pretty much guessed.
But I’m stuck with the rest.
And boy, do they give me a headache!

“Hey, You Hear That? That’s What Life’s All About. Laughin’ and Lovin’ Each Other.”

After the sheer horror of Sundown and redemptive bliss of Dr. Linus, I wasn’t quite sure what mood to expect for Recon. Sawyer episodes tend to be a bit on the dark side, though there’s usually a nice dose of humor in there too. In terms of violence, the episode was both better and worse than I’d feared. Worse, because all of the remaining Ajira passengers died. Shame Hurley couldn’t have bought his tickets a little earlier... But that happened off-screen, and we didn’t know the victims, so it had less emotional impact than a single death from among established characters would have. And that didn’t happen - though Kate came awfully close to a nasty slash to the throat courtesy of Claire, only to be saved... by MiB, in one of several instances in this episode of him coming across as unnervingly sympathetic. More on him later. For the moment, Sawyer.

I had the following expectations about Recon: that it would be Sawyer-centric, that Team Ilana would be out of the picture and that Sawyer would be seemingly working for Smokey, while actually aiming to undercut him. All three of these assertions seem to have been true. I also suspected that he would not be a conman in Sideways World - though he certainly was putting those skills to use anyway! I got a little nervous when I saw yet another repetition of the all-too-familiar hotel room swindle, but I hoped that all would not be as it appeared. Given his role in Dharmaville, it seems quite fitting that he would be a cop, though it’s not a job I imagined for him, especially after he helped an obviously on-the-run Kate escape at the airport. I also love that he’s working with Miles, and their relationship, both personal and professional, is obviously a very close one. Also nice to hear that Pierre is alive and well and on good terms with his son.

I accidentally got two mild spoilers about this episode ahead of time. I learned that Sawyer would be canoodling with somebody and that Charlotte would be making a repeat appearance. I fervently hoped these two tidbits were not related, and I let out a cautious sigh of relief after the first Sideways scene. But no, one roll in the hay wasn’t enough for Sideways Sawyer, and I was forced to silently shout at the television, “Must you hook up with every female character on the show?!” In other words, keep your hands off. Save Charlotte for Daniel and keep an eye out for blondes lurking in coffee shops. The pairing didn’t work out, and I felt a little sorry for Sawyer when he tried to make amends, but I still wish it had imploded before clothes were shed. Also, considering she spends so much time off adventuring, she’s awfully pale. I’d think Miss Indiana Jones would have a bit more of a tan... On the plus side, we did get that Charlotte-looking-in-the-drawer moment, which reminded me forcefully of the Beast’s freak-out when Belle when poking around in the West Wing. Beauty and the Beast parallels? Always welcome.

Even better, especially since it was involved healing rather than breaking? Little House on the Prairie. One of my favorite moments in the thoroughly fantastic Tricia Tanaka Is Dead comes when Sawyer casually references “Little House” and then, with some embarrassment, explains that he used to watch the show when he was laid up as a kid. How absolutely adorable, I thought. How much more adorable for a grown-up Sawyer, without the excuse of illness and limited entertainment options, to be watching it of his own free will. And to let it inspire him to take steps in letting go of the grief that is anchoring him to his miserable past. I also love that he’s still reading Watership Down.

Sawyer’s - or I should say Jim’s - backstory is still pretty miserable. Despite the chummy photo on John’s desk, Anthony Cooper is apparently still a nefarious conman responsible for the deaths of his parents. Curiously, however, he appears to have made his move a year later in this timeline. Was that extra year enough to give little Jimmy just enough wisdom to keep him from unraveling completely when the deaths occurred? Obviously he was still in grave danger of falling into the become-what-you-hate trap, as he confessed to seeing only two choices before him. Cop or criminal? He saw both as leading him to the same destination. Revenge is still driving his life, albeit in a more productive direction. Still, even if he’s led a fairly upstanding life, there will again be dark repercussions if he simply follows his gut on this one.

A very blatant mirror scene, in which Mom correctly postulated that Sawyer was about to put his fist through the glass. Ouch. So there have been mirrors of some kind in every episode, and so far we’ve seen Jack and Sawyer break theirs. Interesting. No meet-up with Juliet yet, but Sawyer has again bumped into Kate, and he definitely recognizes her. Clearly we’ll be seeing more of this storyline. But of all the folks who showed up in Sideways worlds, the one that interested me most was definitely Liam. I let out a shout when I saw him. Might we see him and Charlie both again in Claire’s Sideways story? I hope so.

Back on the Island, we get confirmation that Jin is with Sawyer, but the Sun searcher quickly fades out of focus as MiB returns to send Sawyer on a mission and try to win Kate’s trust. He reveals to Sawyer what he does not to the group at large: that he is the one who killed all the stragglers at the Temple. Best line of the episode: “I’m the Smoke Thing.” He also says, “I forgive ya,” which is a flip comment but is interesting because Smokey seems to be a force that deals out judgment on the Island. I can’t say I agree with his sense of justice, at least in most instances; he’s a cold-blooded mass murderer. And yet, when he bestowed that beatific smile upon poor whimpering Zach and pledged his protection, I almost felt I liked him. It’s so nefarious of them to let Ultimate Baddie parade around in the body of John Locke.

What’s more, he saved Kate from Claire, which complicit, catatonic Sayid wasn’t about to do. He did so sternly, violently, with a condescending “This is completely inappropriate,“ and then went and apologized to Kate for planting the seeds of hatred in Claire’s mind. His dialogue with Kate was the most fascinating part of the episode, chock full of mythological significance. It’s so strange to think of MiB having parental issues just like everybody else on the Island, but then maybe it isn’t, since he has perhaps projected his own misery upon others. Smokey has a crazy mother.

Given all the time traveling that’s been occurring, could it possibly be someone we know, and time travel be involved? His mother is most likely a stranger, but I do believe that we’ve learned something very important. Unless he just stole John’s backstory in order to equate it to Aaron’s. On a related note, I suspect that what he said about creating an enemy for Claire may lend insight into his relationship with Jacob. She needed something to hate in order to keep her going; it wasn’t enough to simply have her very own, super-creepy version of Wilson the volleyball to talk to. She needed a challenge and a goal. Jacob refers to Smokey as an “old friend”. Could he be the Kate to Smokey’s Claire? Has someone else pitted MiB against his (real or figurative) brother? In the end, Claire fell into Kate’s waiting arms, bawling out her apology. Could we possibly see such a scene with Mr. Black and Mr. White? Though something tells me he was never as sweet and innocent as Claire.

Something seemed a little off about Zoe to me from the beginning, but I figured spending a couple of days surrounded by dead bodies might do that do a person. I liked her, initially anyway, if only because she is one of the few female characters on the show we’ve ever seen wearing glasses. Let’s hear it for the four-eyes! Though once she started all those questions I got a little suspicious. Nonetheless, though Charles was fresh in my mind at the top of the house, I somehow managed to completely forget about him at this point. I was thinking that maybe this was yet another previously unseen contingent of Others. When I saw the sub again it all came rushing back...

One of the most chilling moments for me toward the very end of season five was when MiB told Richard that they would have to do something about those Ajira passengers. Guess who went ahead and did what I strongly suspect MiB was itching to do himself? What makes Sawyer so sure that these two are enemies? What if, instead of squaring off against each other, they join forces? Scary thought.

On the whole, this episode fizzled for me just a bit, but then I really didn’t expect it to measure up to last week’s. It was the first time I was really annoyed by the role someone we know played in Sideways World. At least we know Sideways Charlotte is alive and well. It does sound as though Sawyer wants to get off the Island. But is he conning Kate too? His conversation with her seemed like we were moving back into SKate territory again, and I just don’t know if I buy that. Then again, I do think he would want to help her. Meanwhile, he’s promised not to leave until he finds Sun, and I bet he’s anxious to track down Hurley and Miles too.

Anyway, it was an interesting enough episode, but it just happened to be sandwiched between two of the most epic LOST episodes ever. I’m making that judgment about Ab Aeterno right off the bat because it’s the episode I’ve been longing to see ever since The Man Behind the Curtain. It’s the episode that seems like it really ought to be about three hours long, since Richard’s life stretches about three times longer than anybody else’s. How are they possibly going to fit it all in? Here’s hoping, at least, for a Flashes Before Your Eyes episode structure. I envision Richard sitting the good guys down for story hour and the rest of us getting to listen in.

Given that this is the only actual flashback we’ve been guaranteed to have this season, this might be our best chance to see Sterling Beaumon and Madeline Carroll again, but as much ground as they’ll have to cover, I don’t know if I’m banking on a glimpse of Little Ben and Annie. I’m guessing we won’t see Richard as a child, but maybe we will. I presume we will see Mark Pellegrino again, and maybe Titus Welliver, and that’s pretty exciting. And the provocative “This place is not what you think it is?” Please, Richard. Do tell. I’m guessing we may get more answers in that single hour than we have in the rest of the season thus far. But again, there’s only an hour, so I shouldn’t expect too much. Still, I’m extremely anxious to see this episode. The title is Latin, which seems epic in and of itself, and it apparently means “Counting From Eternal,” which is kinda clunky but certainly seems to fit with Richard’s agelessness. It’ll be interesting to see how Richard interacts with the beach folks now, and how Ben interacts with Team Richard. But I hope we don’t spend a lot of time hobnobbing on the beach. It’s answer time.

Dr. Linus (Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse, George and Will Millar / Wilcil McDowell)

"Linus, you're a real killer!"
 - Arzt, Dr. Linus

LOST has a wonderful way of bringing back minor characters in surprising ways. Dr. Leslie Arzt is one guy who's had a surprisingly large role in the sixth season, considering the fact that he blew up back in season one. Here, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse, he gets to air our a few complaints as Dr. Benjamin Linus listens patiently.

Dr. Linus

In the science lab I teach in,
The equipment’s decades old.
I am desperate for some aprons,
But they cost too much, I’m told.
Mr. Reynolds has the power here.
Mr. Reynolds is a jerk.
Mr. Reynolds makes me suspect
I need a new line of work.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

Well, if I pull off this surveillance,
I require a little fee.
This could get me into trouble,
So I’d best consider carefully.
I would like a good spot, Linus,
By the shady maple tree -
But beside it and not under,
So my car will be leaf-free.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

I can’t believe what I am hearing.
What about our clever coup?
Put myself on the line for a reason.
I thought I could depend on you.
Listen, Linus, you misled me.
Now I’m right back at Square One.
It’ll be a long, long time now
Before my complaining will be done.

Look at you, Dr. Linus!
You seemed so docile until
You mentioned your plan
To bring down The Man.
Linus, you’re a killer!

Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse

Cursing His Protection (Losing My Religion, R. E. M.)

"I devoted my life, longer than you can possibly imagine, in service of a man who told me that everything was happening for a reason, that he had a plan, a plan that I was a part of, and when the time was right that he'd share it with me, and now that man's gone so...why do I want to die? Because I just found out my entire life had no purpose."
- Richard, Dr. Linus

My dad is always on the lookout for songs to suggest to me for LOSTification. His most recent offering was REM's Losing My Religion. I've always found that song quite the downer, so my reaction wasn't too enthusiastic, but then I realized that it really was fitting for Dr. Linus, an episode in which so many characters express profound doubts about the man to whom they have looked as a godlike entity. Particularly striking is Richard Alpert, who, after well over a century as Jacob's faithful follower, hits rock bottom as he believes all of his service was in vain. Here's a rant from him.

Cursing His Protection

My life is longer,
It’s longer than you
Could ever guess, Jack.
It’s all because of Jacob.
He said it was a gift.
Oh, no. He steered me wrong
For far too long.

I’m here on the Black Rock.
I’m back where I started and
Cursing his protection.
He said he had a plan,
And he said he would share it with me.
Oh, no. He steered me wrong.
He just strung me along.
I thought that I had a purpose.
I thought that he told the truth.
But now I think I want to die.

Every leader
And every bad decision moved us
In the right direction,
Or so I told myself back then
As the cycle began again but
Oh, no. He steered me wrong
For far too long.

Remember this.
Remember this,
And make sure your friend does too.
Remember this.
Do not believe what he told you.  Now, 
Jack, I’m decades overdue
To leave this old life,
For he steered me wrong.
I thought that I had a purpose.
I thought that he told the truth.
But now I think I want to die.

It was all a lie.
It was all a lie.

I’m here on the Black Rock.
I’m back where I started and
Cursing his protection.
He said he had a plan,
And he said he would share it with me.
Oh, no. He steered me wrong.
He just strung me along.
I thought that I had a purpose.
I thought that he told the truth.
But now I think I want to die.

Yes, it was all a lie,
So why not die?
It was all a lie.
All a lie, all a lie.
Lie.

I'll Have You (I Got You, Babe, Sonny Bono)

"I'll have you."
- Ilana, Dr. Linus

Over the years, LOST has provided many powerfully moving moments, but few pack the punch of the emotional, cathartic scene between Ilana and Ben toward the end of Dr. Linus. Could it possibly have been any better? No. It could not. Here's a reflection on one of my favorite LOST moments ever, to the tune of Sonny and Cher's I Got You, Babe (which, incidentally, is prominently featured in Groundhog Day, about a morally bankrupt man who makes wrong decisions again and again before finally making major changes for the better).

I’ll Have You

Ben: My bitter actions caused you pain,
But please, give me a moment to explain.
I was so angry and afraid.
I know you won’t forgive the choice I made...

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: I watched my daughter Alex die.
I could have saved her; didn’t even try.
I blamed myself but blamed Jacob too.
Oh, Ilana, I felt just as lost as you.

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: I believed he didn’t care.
I believed he was unfair.
That changed when Miles heard his voice.
My grief is my fault, for I had a choice.

I told you what I need to, so
I just ask that you will let me go.
I see that Locke’s a monster. Still,
He said he’d have me. Nobody else will.

Ilana: Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Ben: You’ll have me? I’m thunderstruck.
You’ll have me, a sinful shmuck?
You’ll have me? My mind’s a blur.
You’ll have me, a murderer?
You’ll have me? What can I say?
You’ll have me? I can’t repay.
You’ll have me? How can I face
Such a magnitude of grace?

Ilana: I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.
I’ll have you, Ben.

Not As Others (Colors of the Wind, Stephen Schwartz / Alan Menken)

"This is not your island. This is our island. And the only reason you're living on it is because we let you live on it." - Tom, The Hunting Party

LOST first introduced the "Others" early in season one, via the crazed Danielle, who was herself an other to the castaways. Our first impression of them was pretty damaging; Ethan went haywire, abducting Claire, nearly murdering Charlie and setting out to pick off the rest of the beach folks one by one until he got what he wanted. Our second, when Tom and his cronies kidnapped Walt, wasn't much better. But when he turned up again in the jungle and got to give his side of the story, the Others became a little easier to sympathize with. Here's a little reflection by Tom to the tune of Stephen Schwartz and Alan Menken's Colors of the Wind.

Not as Others

You came here to me on a mission,
But in case you haven’t noticed, I have the upper hand.
So Jack, just cool your tools,
‘Cause you don’t make all the rules.
Please listen, and perhaps you’ll understand.
Understand...

You thought you were alone upon this Island,
And at the start, you only sought to leave.
But then you came to see its finer features,
And you got kinda cocky, I believe.
You figured you could bend it to your purpose,
And when Ethan showed up, what did you do?
You turned yourself into a vigilante,
And right now you wanna raise an army too.

Have you ever thought that maybe someone brought you here?
I won’t pretend I know what he intends,
But I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with us until you
Start to see us not as Others but as friends,
Start to see us not as Others but as friends.

All right, till now we haven’t seemed too friendly,
But we have reasons you could never guess,
And maybe if you’d show a little trust, Jack,
I just might be persuaded to confess.
I’m really not that big on keeping secrets.
I’m really not that big on toting guns.
It’s time that we let go of “Us and Them” now.
When it comes down to it, we’re all chosen ones.

How long will the cycle go on?
Won’t you make it stop, with some help from John?

Won’t you think about the fact that someone brought you here?
Are better times ahead? Well, that depends,
Because I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with us until you
Start to see us not as Others but as friends.

All the world is shades of gray,
So acknowledge what I say.
Start to see us not as Others but as friends!

The Island and Me (Alaska and Me, John Denver)

The last couple of seasons of LOST have not been so kind to John Locke. Nonetheless, his troubles as a result of the Island have not diminished my exultation in his joy upon finding the Island in the first place. Here's a reflection by him to the tune of John Denver's Alaska and Me.

The Island and Me

When I was a child, a strange man came to see me.
He spoke of a school where special kids stay.
And he gave me a test, but when he found me a failure,
He packed his bag and strode swiftly away.

Well, the next few years burdened me with boatloads of bullies
Who stuffed me into lockers and shoved me aside.
But when I heard a science camp awaited in Portland,
I derided the summons to salvage my pride.

Here's to the Island. Here’s to amazement.
Here’s to enjoying just jubilee.
Here's to embracing deferred destiny.
Here's to the Island and me.

I was born to a teen in the city of Tustin,
Raised as an orphan, so unmoored and alone
And aware of the void that was left by my father.
I swore that I’d find him one day when I’d grown.

But he couldn’t give me the purpose I longed for.
He tricked me and crushed me, and he splintered my spine,
And I wound up a chump getting chewed out by Randy.
How could I know glory soon would be mine?

Here's to the Island. Here’s to amazement.
Here’s to enjoying just jubilee.
Here's to embracing deferred destiny.
Here's to the Island and me.

Now, as I stand with my face to the rain,
I see my life led me straight to that plane.
Oh, I was in bondage, but now I am free.
Here’s to the Island and me.

Here's to the Island. Here’s to amazement.
Here’s to enjoying just jubilee.
Here's to embracing deferred destiny.
Here's to the Island and me.
Oh, here’s to the Island and me.

"Like a Bird on the Wire..."

So when the LOST promo for Recon started last night, what I thought I heard before I let out a shriek of delight was "Like a bridge over troubled water," albeit a version I'd never encountered before. What I was actually hearing was "Like a bird on the wire," the first line in Bird on the Wire, a Leonard Cohen song that seems as though it was written especially for LOST. Some thoughts...

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir... In other words, "You gotta make your own kind of music, sing your own special song, make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along." This is what everybody on the show has been doing to some extent all along. Each is a very distinct character; some are more comfortable with themselves than others. They have to come to embrace the best about who and what they are.

I have tried in my way to be free. All of them came to the Island burdened with emotional baggage from their past. Their ordeal is largely about facing and moving past those issues.

Like a worm on a hook, like a knight from some old fashioned book, I have saved all my ribbons for thee. The worm on a hook definitely evokes the idea of being driven by fate, a puppet in the hands of bigger forces, helpless to fight back. The knight, however, implies a marriage of fate and free will. A knight is someone who is charged with the task of battling evil. But he must make the decision to go forth as planned, and he does so for the sake of the king on one hand, a lovely maiden on the other. For folks like Richard, Ilana and Hurley, I think the king has been the main consideration. For people like Daniel, Desmond and Charlie, the damsel in distress is the more powerful motivator.

If I, if I have been unkind, I hope that you can just let it go by. If I, if I have been untrue, I hope you know it was never to you. These characters have made a lot of mistakes and sometimes been cruel, but most have at least one person who truly matters to them. For instance, Sawyer. On the Island, I think he came to truly care about Kate first, then Hurley, then eventually the others. No matter what happens this season, I'm convinced he could never be persuaded to harm either of them.

Like a baby, stillborn. Fertility issues that have plagued the Island at large and so many of the individual characters. Ethan, for instance, was so deeply scarred by the deaths of his wife and baby it drove him to homicidal mania for the sake of capturing Claire in an effort, presumably, to gain some insight that could reverse the problem, thus giving those deaths meaning and avoiding future heartache.

Like a beast with his horn, I have torn everyone who reached out for me. Most of these characters have deeply scarred others who care about them. In doing so, they prove the point of Smokey, the ultimate "beast", who remains convinced that humanity is inherently evil.

But I swear by this song and by all that I have done wrong, I will make it all up to thee. Everyone is moving toward redemption. At this stage of the game, most are acutely aware of the journey.

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch; he said to me, "You must not ask for so much." The crutch makes me think of John Locke, who is always so desperate for answers and sometimes has made very foolish decisions in an effort to satisfy his thirst for knowledge. If John were to rise from the grave at this moment, all memories intact, I think he might be inclined to caution that curiosity killed the cat and patience is called for. That's certainly a good thing for us viewers to remember too.

And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?" This is the only line that doesn't really leap out at me. I think I'll go with Claire, though, who has lived in the dark for so long - "in the dark" about what has been happening for the past three years, and under the dark influence of Smokey, whose words she never questioned. She now stands at a doorway of sorts, exposed to the lighter influences of the likes of Kate and Sawyer, who will, I presume, help bring her back to her senses.

The last couplet encourages more faith; this one urges more reason. They balance one another perfectly, as is so often the case on the show. The Man of Science and Man of Faith need not be in conflict, and indeed, one man can be both, as I believe Daniel Faraday demonstrates. In any case... Good Call on the song choice for this promo.

“I Was Terrified That I Was About to Lose the Only Thing That Ever Mattered to Me, My Power. But the Thing That Really Mattered Was Already Gone.”

Best. Episode. Ever. Well, that may be overstating it a bit, but no, not really. Because I do love Benjamin Linus every bit as much as Desmond, Daniel, John, Charlie, Hurley and any other character I’ve ever placed at the top of my hierarchy. And after this week, surely I can stop apologizing for it.

Rarely, if ever, have I gone into an episode with such particular hopes for what would happen. Usually it doesn’t get much more specific than my hoping a certain character won’t get killed off. Oddly, this week, I hoped Ben would be killed, because I kinda figured it was kill or be killed. But nobody died in this episode, and yet Ben still found both redemption and vindication. It was more than I could have hoped for, such utter exhilaration after last week’s desolation that, while I’m still not entirely ready to give up on her yet, if Annie is never mentioned on the show again I’ll probably be okay with that. Alex is enough.

While I would have loved it if a couple of other characters could have crossed paths with Ben in Sideways World - for instance, Nathan and I thought Tom would make a smashing janitor - the ones who did show up were extremely satisfying. I figured that we’d see Ben in the high school setting again in this episode, and my second-favorite of my theories - that he had a doctorate but was teaching high school anyway - turned out to be true. It’s not entirely clear to me why he was there; it seems like some combination of not being able to teach at the college level and wanting to reach out to high school students.

I also figured we’d see John again. Though their scene together was brief, I absolutely loved it, and in this context, John was simply giving Ben a vote of confidence, not a Ring-like temptation. John saw that the current administrator was corrupt and uncaring and that Ben was different. He would shake things up, put the emphasis back on the students where it belonged. I don’t think Ben had any true aspiration to be principal before this point; John put the idea in his head. Even though they barely know each other, the deeply planted seeds of mutual respect are already blooming.

I really didn’t anticipate Arzt, but as soon as he showed up, it was a forehead-slapping moment. Of course they would be colleagues. Who else do we know who’s a high school teacher? I find it hilarious that we’ve now seen almost as much of Arzt in season six as in previous seasons combined. And how fitting that he would show up in an episode that tracked back to Nikki and Paolo! Not to mention the Black Rock. Arzt doesn’t really seem to have changed a lot in Sideways world. He’s still whiny - my goodness, that rant about the parking space! He still tries to bolster his own low self-esteem by denigrating others. He’s annoying. But he’s also basically a decent guy. It’s both fun and fulfilling to see him and Ben riffing off each other, with Ben clearly the less jaded of the pair. “I know you’ve given up,” he tells Leslie, “but I refuse to.”

I didn’t expect Roger, who was oh so frail and still rather caustic but on much better terms with his son - and alive! And receiving life-giving instead of life-taking gas from his son. What’s more, for the first time, we heard someone from Sideways World mention the Island. Ben and Roger remember it. Presumably Emily still died in childbirth. Indeed, I wouldn’t be surprised if the first ten or so years of Ben’s life played out in much the same way, and that includes both Horace and Annie. Does Ben know that Horace’s son is working at a nearby hospital? My guess is no. Does Ben still have the doll? I would say yes. But in this case, instead of Annie leaving him, he left her. The situation all got a bit too dicey for Roger and he booked the next sub back to North America. It certainly looks to me as though Ben is a bachelor living alone with his father, serving as his devoted caretaker. And even though I said I’m probably willing to dismiss Annie if it comes to that, I truly believe that she is the one true love of Ben’s life and that Sideways World will reunite them at last.

Principal Reynolds is obnoxious and dismissive. He’s the sort of principal teachers have nightmares about. And Ben is under his thumb. In this episode, Ben is Will Schuster from Glee. He has a tiny but devoted group of students who share his passion for a particular subject, and he really has to fight for the privilege of continuing to mentor them. (Though Figgins is a much better principal than Reynolds.) As the episode progressed, the Island storyline seemed to turn into one big Jacob-bashing party, and I was worried that Sideways was drawing parallels between Reynolds and Jacob. But I’m pretty sure it’s Widmore we’re supposed to be thinking of. Widmore, who seems to have been a pretty lousy leader, a bloodthirsty tyrant, and who was deposed because of an inappropriate relationship. Widmore, who has finally made it back. Who is ordering, “Proceed as planned,” despite his lackey’s objections that there are people on the beach. Sounds to me like he’s planning something pretty unpleasant.

And then, of course, there is Alex. It’s so perfect that she actually is a student of his. Why is Danielle in L. A., and apparently doing menial work instead of changing the world with her scientific discoveries? What happened this time to cause the fallout between her and Robert? Because I certainly got the sense that Ben is the closest thing that Alex has to a father. They have a curiously close relationship; considering that she shows up on his doorstep (though he sagely suggests the library as a study spot), I almost wonder if Ben has always been a part of her life - a neighbor, maybe, or perhaps they attend the same church. (I don’t know about Alex, but my money’s on Ben being a church-goer.) But her explanation to him of the problems in her life suggests that he doesn’t know Danielle, at least not nearly as well as Alex. So perhaps it’s just that she is one of those students every teacher longs for and he is just the sort of teacher who can help push her to greatness.

It was so touching to see this relationship between them, that of beloved student and revered teacher, uncomplicated by the whole Island infertility problem and typical teenage rebellion against one’s parents. Glancing over at Lostpedia, I discovered that Alex’s full name was Alexandra Rousseau. I’d always thought it was Linus. So back on the Island, not only did Ben retain the first name Danielle gave her, which struck me as a very respectful gesture, apparently he also kept her last name. Sideways Ben clearly cares about Alex deeply. But instead of clinging to her, he longs to see her spread her wings and make a less disappointing life for herself than he feels he’s had. There was a touch of Mr. Holland’s Opus in here, I thought. Ben didn’t set out to be a high school teacher. But he’s really, really good at it. He’s not just intelligent, he’s empathetic, and he doesn’t want to see anyone fall through the cracks. Ben, I nominate you for a Golden Apple Award. Look at what Ben was willing to give up for Alex’s sake, and to not even hint to her that he did so! Benjamin is a Good Guy.

Back on the Island, I didn’t really expect Ben to meet up again with Team Ilana. I figured he’d go running off somewhere all by himself and that he would remain in isolation for the majority of the episode, though I hoped for a meeting with Hurley and I feared a confrontation with Sayid. I was a little surprised he stuck with the group after Miles revealed that he had murdered Jacob. Did he really think he could lie his way out of that one? I was also rather surprised he continued to try. He ought to know when the jig is up.

Miles actually had a very important role in this episode. He’s the one who broke the fateful news to Ilana, in such a delightfully snarky manner - though I think she’d suspected it for some time - and he’s also the one who delivered the revelation that seems to have shaken Ben to the core. Jacob did care. “Right up until the second the knife went through his heart, he was hoping he was wrong about you.” Jacob, like Dumbledore with Draco, hoped that Ben would make a different decision. Miles also gave me one of the biggest laughs of the night by bringing up Nikki and Paolo’s diamonds and then proceeding to dig them up just as he’d hinted he would do. How did he know they were there? Did Sawyer confess it one time, or did Miles go through that graveyard and listen in on the dying moments of everyone buried there? If that’s the case, he’s got a lot of interesting information rattling around in his head right now. Also... Was Miles the real reason Ilana brought the ash with her? Ilana seems to have been debriefed on his special abilities. It also is starting to look like Miles won’t be joining Team Smokey after all.

The only thing in this episode I wasn’t crazy about was that it gave me a sinking suspicion about the direction they were taking Jacob in. But that too was gone by the conclusion. Here, we see almost everyone expressing some degree of frustration with Jacob. Ilana, that he didn’t let her know which Kwon she was supposed to be protecting. Jack, that he was watching him all those years. Ben. “I sacrificed everything for him, and he didn’t even care.” Richard... “I devoted my life, longer than you can possibly imagine, in service of a man who told me that everything was happening for a reason, that he had a plan and that when the time was right, he would share it with me.” Poor, poor Richard. I think we can safely say now that the Black Rock theory was right - that Richard arrived on that ship. For more than a century, he was the ultimate Man of Faith, and now that faith has been shattered. Jacob is dead, and he kept all sorts of secrets from him, and Richard extrapolates and decides the result of this is that his own life has been rendered meaningless.

I suppose it was silly to think that Richard’s agelessness might simply cease in the wake of Jacob’s death. After seeing him running around the jungle in a bloody panic three weeks ago, I must say he looks awfully good this week. All of his wounds seem to have healed. But his psychological wounds fester. It was so strange to hear serene Richard so shell-shocked and bitter. “Whatever he told you, don’t believe him.” So darkly funny to hear his one-word answer to Jack’s query. Richard has to go die. Like the crew of the Black Pearl, this former Black Rock passenger has been waiting for death for a long time.

We’ve seen many characters experience a crisis of faith. Hurley’s was off the Island, when he began receiving visits from the deceased and concluded he was crazy. He felt cursed, not blessed, just like Richard. But Hurley bounced back in a big way, demonstrated this week by his trying to trick Jack into wandering around the jungle to stall for time so they could avoid the Temple, as per Jacob’s wishes. (And how great was the adventure music in that scene? And the fact that Hurley and Richard finally got to interact? And that, just a few weeks after asking if Sayid was a zombie, Hurley got to ask if Richard is a cyborg?) Despite his frustrations, it appears that Jack is now a Man of Faith as well. He is taking big leaps this season, none bigger than waiting out the dynamite with Richard, who is already on the road to restored faith.

Yes, Jacob has been far less than forthcoming with his plans. But that doesn’t make him the bad guy. And I have to laugh, because you know who Jacob reminded me of in this episode at every turn? Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. Yes, I feel that most of the complaints lodged against Jacob, particularly by Richard, are attacks Darlton have experienced and anticipated with renewed force once the show started up again. Like Richard, we feel we have faithfully stuck with this show for years and our reward might be nothing but confusion and unanswered questions. We’re afraid that Darlton will let us down. But I believe in the writers, and I believe in Jacob. All will be well. As Sideways Ben said, “It was on this island that everything changed, that everything finally became clear.”

Ben began this episode running for his life, convinced that Sayid was out to kill him, and Smokey too. At this point, what does he want? Just life, I think. And a shot at redemption. He falls back in with the good guys, figuring he’s safer with them. He’s so unanchored and afraid that he remains with them even when his role in Jacob’s death is revealed. Ben does not want to be alone. He seems like such a frightened, abandoned child in this episode, just longing for someone to accept him.

Ilana is one tough cookie, and no doubt she could take Trigger-Happy Cortez in hand-to-hand combat. But she is no AnaLucia (though, lest I come down too hard on her, it occurs to me that AnaLucia did save Ben’s life). She is a much deeper character, with depth of feeling to balance out her brash physical style, with a shrouded history that could possibly go as far back as Richard’s. There’s something very special about her relationship with Jacob, and I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that she, too, had been granted an impressive span of years. Which could explain in part why it felt like Ben - who, like the boy wizard his bespectacled younger self rather resembles, has spent his life desperately longing for the mother he never knew - seemed to embrace her, at the end, as a mother figure. (I think it’s interesting that in Sideways World, Ben always wears his glasses. If I’m going to compare him to Harry, I might suggest that his glasses are symbolic of his better nature, his ability to see clearly what is truly important.) There was certainly something very maternal in her response, with all the conviction of true understanding and not, I think, a simple “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” mentality. “I’ll have you,” she said. And though he killed Jacob, I believe she meant it. She has brought him back into the fold, and at last he can begin to find the acceptance that has so eluded him.

I startled everyone in the room when Ben uncovered a copy of The Chosen back at the beach. After chuckling appreciatively over Ben’s disgusted response to the porn magazine, I couldn’t help letting out a whoop, because only the day before, after watching A Serious Man, I’d told Dad that he really ought to read that book. There’s so much synchronicity in my life right now it’s scary. But it does seem a very fitting text. Reuven (who wears glasses) has a brilliant mind for mathematics, but he longs to be a rabbi. Danny is expected to become a rabbi but longs to expand his mind in other directions. Like youthful John, the chosen one rejects the call; like Ben, the other yearns to feel chosen himself. Jacob, like Danny’s father, maintains distance from his children and keeps frustrating silence; though it seems a cruel path, he has valid reasons for doing so. Other relevant elements in the novel: a complete obsession with numbers and a baseball game precipitating a life-changing incident.

I also couldn’t help thinking of The Princess Bride during the scene in which Miles offers Ben food. He peeks down at Ben and notes that it seems to be pretty slow going; Ben responds he’s not in much of a hurry. Seemed very Cliffs of Insanity to me, with Inigo impatiently waiting for Westley to reach the top so he can get on with the duel and Westley not feeling too inclined to speed things up, as Inigo is simply waiting around to kill him. Not that I think Miles is all that impatient; I imagine he’s fine with sticking around for a while, as that gives him time to dig up the diamonds. (Also, that’s a really cool shovel Ben was using, and it reminded me very much of the one featured on American Inventor a couple years ago. Made out of a tree, I suppose?)

Ben’s “forgive me” was taken out of context; what he really said was, “I don’t expect you to forgive me, because I can never forgive myself.” But it was as good as begging for forgiveness. When Smokey turned up, dangling leadership in front of Ben much as the White Witch did to Edmund, I worried. I thought, “Oh, please, Ben, don’t go with him! And for goodness’ sake, don’t kill Ilana!” Though his fluid drop-the-shovel, leap-out-of-the-ditch-and-run maneuver made me laugh, it was so brilliantly executed. But execution was not on the menu for today. Ben pointed the gun but never intended to use it. He didn’t want to kill Ilana. All he wanted was to live. And when he realized that she was giving him a second chance, he meekly followed along, profoundly moved and grateful to be wanted at last.

Back in season two, Sun and Jin were the first on the beach to reach out to AnaLucia, aside from Jack, who had previous experience with her. They brought her some fish and a reason to hope that although she killed one of their own, there might be a future for her here. In this episode, when Ben returns to the beach, he first approaches Sun, and she accepts his offer of help. The moment when Ben lays his gun down against her hut got me all choked up both times I watched. All the brilliance of this episode distilled into one tiny, breathtakingly beautiful moment.

Meanwhile, Frank is his usual caustic self, and he repeats Smokey-John’s sarcastic season-five assertion that Ben really makes friends easily. He also muses about how different his life would’ve been if he’d flown 815, just as Roger muses about how different his life would’ve been if they’d stayed on the Island. These conversations made me briefly doubt my Sideways = Future Theory, but by the end of the episode I was on board with it again. We’ll see. Ben didn’t sacrifice his life this week, but he did sacrifice power (and to the accompaniment of such gorgeous music in both scenes). Life may come later; if it does, I‘ll be ready.

Next week’s episode is called Recon, which leads me to believe that it will be a Sawyer episode. It’s about gathering information - reconnaissance - so he can pull his biggest con yet - re-con. When the song in the preview began to play, I shrieked in delight, as for a brief moment I thought it was Bridge Over Troubled Water. After I’d shattered everyone’s eardrums, I realized it was a different song entirely. The song - not one I think I know - is a Leonard Cohen song called Bird on the Wire. I’ve now read the lyrics, and there are so many LOST resonances that I think I’ll need to devote a post just to that. But funny to hear that when it was another Cohen song, Hallelujah, that prompted my reflection on Alex that turned out to be strangely prescient. Finally, there‘s this: Bird on the Wire is all about redemption. And it’s coming for all of them. At this point, after the perfection that was this episode, I feel like there is no possible way that the last season of LOST can let me down.

"Dr. Linus, I Presume?"

When it comes to self-explanatory episode titles, Dr. Linus would seem to be a definite contender for top honors. Of course, it is entirely possible - especially after the Sundown fake-out - that the upcoming episode does not focus on Ben. But I doubt that. I’m pretty sure that this week will give us Ben, Ben and more Ben, and it will be beautiful, and it better be because I have a feeling this may be the last time we see him on the Island.

On my checklist of things that must happen in order for me to be fully satisfied with the final season, Ben’s redemption / vindication (some combination of the two, I presume) is right near the top of the list, alongside the related points of Jacob being the good guy and our finally getting the scoop on Annie. So maybe wishful thinking is driving my thoughts here. But just as Charlie’s death, sad as it was, was my favorite scene in the oppressive Through the Looking Glass, I believe that if Ben dies this week, it will be a truly moving moment. It could even surpass Charlie because Ben is a much darker character, and much more maligned. Charlie’s self-sacrifice was powerful; Ben’s might be even more so.

Of course, LOST has a long history of misleading previews, so it is entirely possible that “the man who brought death to so many” will turn out to be someone other than Ben. Though he fits the description well, it could apply to others. Sayid seems like a logical candidate. And we mustn’t forget that Someone Is Coming to the Island. That description applies equally well to Charles and Desmond (albeit unintentionally in Desmond’s case). If Charles returned, I can certainly imagine a bloody confrontation between him and Ben.

And of whom is he begging forgiveness? I’m hoping Jacob, but John would be fine too, and really anybody as long as it’s not a comment to someone he’s about to murder or has just finished murdering. And is he digging up John in the preview? Might that mean that we will get to see a resurrected John after all? Or that Jacob will use John’s likeness in some way, either aping it like MiB or simply stepping into the body? Can you imagine the beautiful chaos of there being two Johns on the Island, plus another in Sideways world? Can you imagine the accolades for Terry O’Quinn?

What might “Dr. Linus” mean? I presume it’s a reference to Sideways World, though it did look like Ben was working as a veterinarian or biologist of some kind in The Economist, so I suppose it could have something to do with that. And we don’t really know anything about his mother, do we? Is it possible that she was a doctor of some kind and that will prove somehow significant?

But I think my money’s on Sideways World. It might just be a derisive nickname hurled at him from a student who isn’t giving him any chili peppers on Ratemyteacher.com. Or it could be that he actually does have a doctorate but is teaching high school anyway, whether because he was in some way forced into a less prestigious role or because he felt called to do so. If it’s the latter, I’d relate that to some internal desire to atone for Alex’s death in his former life by helping teens like her in his current one. And, again, “Dr. Linus” might not be Ben at all. So, desperate as I am for validation on my theory that Annie is Very Important, I propose that in Sideways World, Annie is Dr. Linus, wife of Benjamin Linus, while back on the Island, we will finally get some concrete idea of what happened to her.

It seems too early in the season for us to lose a character as critical as Ben Linus. But we’ve already lost Juliet, Dogen and Lennon (and Keamy again...). And as crucial as Ben is, he’s not one of the original gang. I wonder if it’s ultimately going to come down to just the original castaways - Jack vs Sayid, Kate vs Claire, Hurley vs Sawyer... Except I don’t think Sawyer is really on Team Smokey. And it’s hard to imagine Sun and Jin ever going up against each other. At any rate, though, I can’t help wondering if on the Island, it will come full circle, with later additions like Miles, Frank, Ilana and Richard gradually dropping off. Not that I like the idea of any of those four dying... But as Dumbledore reminds us, there are much worse things than death. Especially on LOST. If we are truly seeing the end of the story in Sideways World, then we needn’t fear these characters’ deaths, only their corruption.

Sundown! (Sundown, Gordon Lightfoot)

Last week's Sundown is a definite contender for the most depressing episode of LOST ever. It also shares its title with a smashing song by Gordon Lightfoot, so as soon as I heard what the title would be, I knew I'd have to do something with that song, no matter where the plot went. It went to a dark place indeed. Here's a reflection on the last few minutes of that episode.

Sundown!

Kate: Do I have to stick with Claire? I would say so, yes,
But it looks like we’re caught in a nasty mess.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.

Claire: I just hope she’s feeling scared. She abducted Aaron,
And now, I intend to kill Kate, I swear.
Sayid: Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.

Smokey: I’m not sure I have the measure of Austen yet.
Has she joined as an ally, or is she a threat?
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

Sayid: It’s a thrill to know that Ben is so petrified
And that I could have killed him if I’d only tried.
Sometimes, my conscience objects,
But for Nadia, I would snap a thousand more necks.
Smokey: Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sundown! It’s time to depart,
And a new reign of terror is about to start.
Sometimes, despite how I’ve planned,
I can’t help fearing Jacob hasn’t shown his whole hand.

The Loophole (Day-O, Traditional)

Jacob: Well, you found your loophole.
Smokey: Indeed I did.
- The Incident

It seems to be happy times for Smokey since the end of season five. Here's a triumphant little tune from him to the tune of Harry Belefonte's Day-O.

The Loophole

Jacob, Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob,
Oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Tried on John, and I like the fit.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
It was easy makin’ him submit.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Had help from Benjamin, Benjamin the lackey.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Good thing he wasn’t undone by the Iraqi.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

And Richard’s gullible as can be.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Pick your flunkies more carefully.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, oh Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

I knew that I’d find you in the statue.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
See my triumph as I catch you.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

That Richard’s gullible as can be.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Pick your flunkies more carefully.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, oh Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Had help from Benjamin, Benjamin the lackey.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Good thing he wasn’t undone by the Iraqi.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Jacob, Jacob.
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.
Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob, oh Jacob,
Oh Jacob, oh Jacob...
Found my loophole; I’m gonna go home.

Fish Biscuit (Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Jerry Bock / Sheldon Harnick)

"Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit!" - Tom, A Tale of Two Cities

When it comes to fictional food, LOST has done just about as well as Harry Potter in whetting my appetite. I'm especially taken with Apollo bars, which always seem to turn up at times when one person is showing great kindness to another, and fish biscuits, which probably aren't all that tasty but certainly must be appreciated when they're the only thing on the menu. Here's an ode to them, set in early season three, to the tune of Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick's Matchmaker, Matchmaker, from Fiddler on the Roof.

Fish Biscuit

Karl: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
You’re all I’ve had
For a long time. You’re not so bad,
Fish biscuit, fish biscuit.
Yet I would bet
That when you’re gone, I’ll be glad.

Kate: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
Shaped like a fish,
Tastes like a caged bear’s fondest wish.
Getting so hungry I’m weak in the knees
So pass me a biscuit, please.

Sawyer: Oh, Freckles tastes like strawberries,
A nice way to approach my own death.
But she had better be wary,
‘Cause I bet that I have fish biscuit breath!

Karl: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
You’re all I’ve had
For a long time. You’re not so bad.
Still, on the list of things I’d want to eat,
A fish biscuit is not a treat.

(spoken)
Karl: Hey. Hey, how long would it take to get to your camp?
Sawyer: What, you talking to me now, Chachi?
Karl: From where they got you, how long a walk was it? A day, two days? And what are the people like from your plane?
Sawyer: Oh, they're just awesome. Last one of you boys came for a visit got tortured by our Iraqi. He tortured me, too...
[Karl escapes his cage and tries to spring Sawyer]
Sawyer: Hey, how'd you get out of there?

(sung)
Karl: Sawyer, hey Sawyer, come on! Run away with me!
I’ve waited, I’ve planned, and now I get to flee
Because you’ll take me to your friends, right? Right!
No doubt they have their vices, but hey, they sure beat Ben,
My girlfriend’s crummy dad -
Shoot, caught again!

Tom: Hey, Ford, you rascal, well, aren’t you the clever guy?
You worked out the trick! I knew that if you’d try
You’d get yourself a fish biscuit, son.
One small thing I ought to tell you.
The bears were lots of fun.
In just a couple hours,
They got it done.

Sawyer: So you sayin’ I’m a dunce?
Tom: Now, just take it easy there.
It’s apparent to me that you’re perfectly smart and tenacious -
For a bear!

Sawyer: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
Guess now I know
How hobbits feel, lembas in tow.
Since I am starvin’ these things do the trick,
But boy, am I gettin’ sick
Of biscuits, crunchy and fishy.
I won’t miss them at all when we leave,
And at the beach, I won’t wish we
Had stuck a few up our sleeves.

Kate: Fish biscuit, fish biscuit,
I can’t complain. Glad I’m alive.
Still, I do feel
Fish biscuits really aren’t much of a meal.
So I’m in no doubt.
We will bust out.
Can’t wait to eat any old dish
That isn’t shaped like a fish!

See You in Another Life (Shanghai Breezes, John Denver)

"See you in another life, yeah?"
- Desmond, Orientation

By the end of the season two finale, disoriented Scotsman Desmond had become one of my favorite characters on LOST. In the beginning of the season, he seemed totally unhinged in Island times but sage and serene in Jack's flashback. When I first saw him taking five with Jack in those bleachers, I had no idea how important and beloved he would become. Here's a reflection by Desmond just before his first departure from the Island, with just a hint of season six thrown in, to the tune of John Denver's Shanghai Breezes.

See You In Another Life

Promise me that if, by some strange miracle,
The computer starts to work again,
You’ll cast away your pride. Oh, Jack, don’t be a fool.
Don’t wait; it will be too late then.
You want to see what happens when the clock runs out?
I hope by then I’m far away.
First, a little something to reduce your doubt:
We were running buddies in L. A.

I remember you now from Los Angeles, mate,
About to take the surgeon’s knife.
My meeting you here feels a whole lot like fate,
So I’ll see you in another life.

Learn the numbers. They start with a four and an eight.
There’s fifteen and then sixteen, too.
And these numbers, the ones I so thoroughly hate,
End twenty-three, forty-two.
I’m sorry that the woman who I helped you save
Is not wed to you anymore.
Brother, let it go. The consequences will be grave
If you don’t perform this little chore.

I remember you now from Los Angeles, mate,
About to take the surgeon’s knife.
And my meeting you here feels a whole lot like fate,
So I’ll see you in another life.

In another life, I’ll see you,
No doubt in my mind.
In another life, I’m key to
Unearthing what you yearn to find.

I remember you now from Los Angeles, mate,
About to take the surgeon’s knife.
And my meeting you here feels a whole lot like fate,
So I’ll see you in another life.

I remember you now from Los Angeles, mate,
About to take the surgeon’s knife.
And my meeting you here feels a whole lot like fate,
So I’ll see you in another life.
Yes, I will see you in another life.

Shangai Breezes

Daniel Faraday Bobblehead Review

Daniel Faraday, everybody's favorite frazzled physicist. Kinda like the Blue Ranger for grown-ups. We had to lose my beloved Charlie to gain him, but at this point, I have to say that it's a trade I can live with.

Richard Alpert Bobblehead Review

Ageless Richard Alpert knows what lies in the shadow of the statue, but he's not telling. Not in English, anyway...

"Now, Why'd You Go and Do That?"

Sundown threw me for a bit of a loop. Not entirely - I pretty much figured that Smokey was headed for the Temple and that something disastrous would be going down at sundown. But given the placement of the episode in comparison to season one and the fact that the Kwons nearly always have punny titles for their centric episodes, I assumed this one would focus on Sun. But no, it was Sayid. And when I realized that this was a Sayid episode, the probability that it would be depressing increased exponentially. Can Sayid ever get a happy episode? Such horrible things are always happening to him, and he’s always dishing them out. How many people did he kill tonight, in both timelines? Too many. Dreadful. Oh, and no Gordon Lightfoot (am I surprised?) but Sayid seems summed up rather well in the lines "Sometimes, I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again."

In Sideways World, Sayid seems like a decent enough fellow. His brother has gone from delegating chicken-killing to delegating mobster-killing; he seems a bit of a putz, though certainly not deserving of what happens to him. Sayid still loves Nadia deeply, but now she’s definitely off-limits, and it’s his fault. (The yellow roses were a nice touch, foreshadowing that theirs is now a relationship of friendship rather than romance.) He says he doesn’t deserve her, and after tonight, I’m rather inclined to agree with him. She’s such a sweet spirit, and Sayid... Well, I love Sayid. But he troubles me.

I must say, though, that he makes an awesome uncle. And that I appreciate his struggles in Sideways World to overcome the brutality of his past. Which was why I really, really hoped that he wouldn't kill anybody, even if those loan sharks totally had it coming. The only thing that might save him there? It was Keamy, for cryin’ out loud. Keamy, who, as I said in my comment in response to Doc Jensen’s initial musings on the episode, “tops the list of characters I never wanted to see again. Actually, he pretty much is the list.” Yes, I want to give Ben Linus a big ol’ hug, but Keamy is the one character in the history of the show who I uncomplicatedly despise. Well, him and maybe Anthony Cooper, but after The Substitute I might be willing to take a chance on the ultimate Bad Dad.

So yes, I saw Martin Keamy in the kitchen with that hideous grin on his face and I kinda wanted Sayid to whap him with his own frying pan, eggs and all. And presumably his thugs were pretty rotten too. And Sayid’s Sideways concluded with him evidently rescuing Jin; was the watch being delivered to Keamy? Anyway, because I consider Keamy Evil Incarnate, moreso even than Smokey, I’m not yet sure if Sayid killing him and his lackeys in self-defense is conclusive proof that he himself is evil, especially since he went on to liberate Jin. So there may still be hope for him. But what a mess he’s becoming on the Island! If things are going to start looking up for Sayid, he’s got a long way to go.

I loved Nadia in this episode, along with her adorable children, and how Sayid so sweetly interacted with them. I was hoping to see Essam; can we assume he didn’t kill himself (or anyone else) in this reality? Oh, I hope so. But if we didn’t see any confirmation of that in this episode, I wonder if we will... I also wonder if Nadia and Sayid have a future together. Even the children almost seem to want it to happen. But that means rooting for poor Omer (who, on a random note, shares a name with my favorite character in American Idol spoof-fest American Dreamz) to either kick the bucket or get a heaping dose of betrayal. And that doesn’t seem quite fair. I always thought of Sayid and Nadia as having an epic love story. But maybe it was never really meant to be. And maybe Shannon is waiting in the wings. I could never really get on board with that relationship before because it felt like he was cheating on Nadia, and after he got his friend killed for her too. But they might be able to sell me on it. Oh - and Jack was in Sayid’s Sideways flash for about two seconds, passing him in the hospital...

Back on the Island... Sometimes a baseball isn’t just a baseball. So much for that line cracking me up. Now it shall always make me sad, because the baseball was the reminder of Dogen’s lowest moment, the death of his son. A death that, troublingly enough, seems to have been orchestrated by Jacob. How many catastrophes has Jacob caused in order to put his chess pieces in their proper positions? Dogen spares Sayid... why? To stick it to Jacob? Because, burdened with his guilt over unintentionally taking this life that meant so much to him, he wants to make amends by showing mercy to someone whose life is in his hands? (When Dogen banished Sayid, incidentally, I found myself hearing Scar’s voice in my head, growling, “Run away, Sayid, and never return...”)

The baseball scene was beautiful. I really am a very big Dogen fan, but they had to go and kill him. By the way, that fight between him and Sayid was epic. Like Saruman and Gandalf, or Inigo and Westley (but without the comic undertones). It was a beautifully choreographed fight. But it was the little chat toward the end that I really loved, up until Sayid went loco on him. By the way, I predicted that Dogen’s main thought in sending Sayid out there was that Smokey would kill him, and I seem to have been thinking along the right lines there. But why can’t Sayid kill Smokey? If Ben can stab Jacob to death, why is Mr. Evil so indestructible? Or does it depend on who is holding the weapon? Just as in his chat with Jack, Dogen reminded me of Tom trying to to convince Michael to atone for his previous murders with yet another murder. Doesn't really seem like all that good of an idea to me.

What’s the count now of parents who have killed their children or children who have killed their parents? Ben was indirectly responsible for his mother’s and adopted daughter’s deaths and murdered his father. Kate killed her father. Jack helped drive his father into a spiral of despair that ended in his death. John used Sawyer as a weapon to kill his father, who, if my reading of that scene in The Incident is correct, killed John. Of course, Eloise ripped my heart in two by gunning down her darling Daniel. And now Dogen. It’s all one great big Oedipal mess. I'm starting to suspect that Jacob himself has major issues with parent-child relationships. But is it as a father or a son? My guess is the latter.

I think we’ve definitely moved into Rubedo now. A lot less water imagery this time - and Sideways Sayid never looked in the mirror, did he? We got another shot of Dogen by the rain-soaked reflecting pool. Late in the game, the spring came into play as Sayid drowned Dogen. And from then on in, it was simply a bloodbath. First Dogen, then poor hapless Lennon (who seems like a more annoying version of Horace; how frustrating was it when he yanked Kate away from that hole?). Gross. (Though I wonder if their being killed in a resurrection pool might have interesting repercussions.) And then Smokey barreling through to wipe out as many folks as possible.

There were a couple of fake-outs, I thought. I couldn’t remember whether Sayid knew that John was dead, and given the lack of specificity in Dogen’s instructions, I thought he might try to kill Kate when he saw her, believing her to be Smokey. I also thought for a fleeting moment he might kill off Miles when he showed off his big ol’ ceremonial knife. We’re getting far too little of Miles this season. At least he had a couple of good lines tonight, particularly his bit about Sawyer sending Kate packing. And a hint at his unique insight - that Sayid was definitely dead. What else might Miles know that he’s not sharing, in part because nobody is bothering to ask?

No Jack and Hurley busting in to save the day. Is that because they were simply too far away at that point to get back in time, or is Hurley zennishly chillin’ by the lighthouse, calmly heeding Jacob’s advice to sit tight and not cluing Jack in on the situation? Because if Jack knew what was happening back at the Temple, I’m pretty sure he’d want to go charging back there with guns a-blazin’. I think he would want to fix things. Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to get the scoop on those two.

Next week. Episode title? Dr. Linus. Promo promises that “the man who brought death to so many will face his own demise.” Clip of Ben begging for forgiveness. My first thought: It’s a Ben-centric episode, and it’s time for him to go out in a blaze of glory. Seems a little early in the season for him to be out of the Island picture, but I would totally forgive them for killing off one of my favorite characters if they did so in such a way that all my defenses of Ben will seem a little more justified. My thought was that Ben was begging Jacob for forgiveness, and that an opportunity to die heroically would present itself and he would take it.

Problems with this theory... They like to fake us out. This week they did it with the episode title. Sundown seemed at least partly a play on Sun, but that wasn’t what it was all about. Maybe, then, the title Dr. Linus is largely meant to throw us off. Or maybe it refers to Sideways Ben. But is he the doctor, or is it his father or maybe mother? Or perhaps even his wife? Might we finally meet Annie after all this time? Oh, goodness, I hope so. If Ben is the man referred to in the deliberately ambiguous promo, then I predict we will finally get Annie’s story in the upcoming episode. And maybe more Richard, who I figured we’d see this week; I was very disappointed in his absence. Also, might we have a scene in which Hurley acts as intermediary between Ben and Jacob? I do so long to see Hurley and Ben have another scene together, to say nothing of Jacob and Ben.

Who else could the “the man” refer to? Well, Smokey, but I’m pretty sure it’s too early for him to be facing his own demise. Sayid? Maybe. Or almost any other guy on the Island at this point. Sawyer. Jack. Richard. And the “forgive me” might be directed not at Jacob but at Ben’s latest victim. Or it could also be directed at John, or Alex, or maybe Annie, or some other dead/absent person. I really hope it’s Jacob, though. I have a feeling I will love next week’s episode, and that if I don’t, I will despise it. I’m pullin’ for ya, Ben...

After the refreshing glory of The Substitute and Lighthouse, this episode was so bleakly The Shape of Things to Come. Definitely my least favorite of the season thus far, which isn’t to say that it was poorly done. Just dead depressing. I did grin at Smokey’s bemused reaction to Sayid’s stabbing: “Now, why'd you go and do that?” Claire snapping at Dogen to speak English. Miles describing Loco Claire as “hot”. Claire seeming to have slight moral qualms about her "friend's" plan. Kate slamming Lennon into submission. Claire singing Catch a Falling Star at the end - well, that was supremely creepy, but definitely made an impact. Kate tagging along with Claire even though the latter wants to kill her (though I'm not sure Kate knows that yet). And that look of pure freaked-outness on Ben’s face as he surveyed the situation and realized that Sayid had definitively joined Team Smokey. Back away slowly, Ben. Atta boy.

I still feel like my Sideways = Future hypothesis holds water - especially since Darlton evidently dropped a hint that the word to remember as a key to the end of the series is “water” - as in the Island is underwater. And as in a nod to baptismal purification, with all of these characters emerging with quite literal new lives in Sideways World, where they can pursue their better natures. Well, most of them. Alas, poor Keamy; he doesn’t seem to have a decent bone in his body, though apparently he makes a mean egg. But everything seems to be falling into place for our castaways back in the “real world”. They’ll continue to screw up but then take steps in the right direction.

Except Hurley, I think. I suspect he’ll get the last centric episode of the season - maybe even the last episode period. I think we’ll find that while some of the castaways have been getting deja-vu flashes - not Sayid, though, which I suspect is a clue that he meets his death on the Island - Hurley actually completely remembers his Island experience, because Hurley is the New Jacob, or perhaps the resolution of Jacob and Smokey. And I think we’ll find that “protecting the Island” wasn’t so much Jacob’s main objective. It was always more about the people he brought to the Island, and humanity in general. And all of the heartache and collateral damage will be rendered undone in the end - "everything sad will come untrue," to borrow from Tolkien - so we don’t have to be bitter about the terrible things that sometimes happened because of Jacob’s little nudges. And though the Island will be submerged, and we may catch Hurley shedding a tear like Lucy at the end of The Last Battle, perhaps we can say that the Island is merely sleeping, as it were. And that one day, it will rise again, and all those who once reigned as Candidates there will return, this time for good. In the meantime, they will have to learn how to get along in the everyday world. And Hurley will help them.

Or something like that. I’ve never been much of a theorizer because I don’t have anything like the smarts of a Doc Jensen or somebody like that. But the series is coming to a close, and I can’t stop myself from speculating. And my speculation is that what we’re headed for is glorious indeed.

Edgar Halliwax (Pierre Chang) Bobblehead Review

Whatever name he uses, Pierre Chang is mysterious. This time, it's Edgar Halliwax. And he's got time-traveling bunnies!

Jacob's Apology (Ben, Don Black / Walter Scharf)

When it comes to LOST, I am Team Jacob all the way. Nonetheless, I can't help feeling that Ben got the raw end of the deal. Ultimately, I'm not sure who messed his life up more, Smokey or Jacob. I certainly can't blame him for being upset with his unseen leader, and I longed for Jacob, in that final scene in The Incident, to offer an explanation for his apparent absence.

Now, I'm holding my breath in hopes that such a moment will come this season, in spite of the practical evidence to the contrary. Even if he doesn't actually speak to Ben, I imagine our getting some sense that he feels badly for the role he largely compelled Ben to play - because if Smokey's been pulling a long con, I'm pretty sure Jacob's is even longer.

If I had to venture a guess, I would say that Ben, whether or not he is consciously aware of having been forgiven, will go out in a blaze of sacrifical glory, to be then given a fresh start in Sideways World. Could be way off. But it's better to post it now, when there's at least still a chance it could happen... Here's a reflection by Jacob, to the tune of Don Black and Walter Scharf's Ben.

Jacob’s Apology

Ben, you thought I had forsaken you.
I assure you that it isn’t true.
I was with you all those years.
I witnessed many tears
When you were feeling small
And yearned to dry them all.

Ben, you felt like the forgotten son,
Wondered why John was the favored one.
You were needed for my plan,
So since this all began,
Despite the faith you’ve shown,
I’ve made you feel alone.

I’m sorry, Ben. I forgive
Your mistakes. Go and live.
I’m sorry, Ben. I forgive
Your mistakes. Go and live.

Ben, I know that you’re remorseful now
And you long to make amends somehow.
Soon, I think that you will see
A way to honor me,
And that will free you, Ben,
To begin your life again.
Begin again.
Begin again.