A Panda (Amanda, Tom Scholz)

Shopkeeper: Can I help you? Is there something you're looking for? Jin: Yes... a panda.
- Ji Yeon

In Ji Yeon, Jin's Amazing Panda Adventure is fraught with frustration. Here's Jin to the tune of Boston's Amanda.

A Panda

Hey, I stopped in your store today
To take a look at your display.
You have plenty of plush,
And I’m in a rush,
So I’ll just say what I am here for.

Well, you, you don’t know how stressed I’ve been,
Don’t know what a mess I’m in.
But I’ll put on a smile
As you show me the aisle.
I’ll be okay if I can find it.

So can you help a hurried guy
Whose purpose is to buy a panda?
Once fifty thousand won are spent,
I am eager to present a panda.
I’ll have a steeper price to pay
If I don’t give away a panda.
I need it.

I’ve been running around all day.
I think my hair is turning gray.
I’m in crisis, you see.
First you sell it to me,
And right away, I go out and lose it.

Oh, there’s no time to waste with woe.
So back into your shop I’ll go,
But I think I will cry
If your panda supply
Is running low.
I really could use it.

So can you help a hurried guy
Whose purpose is to buy a panda?
Once fifty thousand won are spent,
I am eager to present a panda.
I’ll have a steeper price to pay
If I don’t give away a panda. Please, sir!

Can’t you try
To see my sorry state?
I don’t care, don’t care
How much the price is,
So go ahead and inflate.
Please, let me buy, sir!
It would save my life, I know it,
‘Cause if I blow it
Then I’m facing a fearsome fate.
Oh...

I don’t know what else to do.
If you fail me, then I think I’m through.
This bear has me feeling blue.

September (In My Life, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Kate: Are you thinking of Charlie?
Jack: Feels like a hundred years ago that we came out here together. How did this happen?
- The Beginning of the End

To the tune of the Beatles' In My Life, here's a little conversation between Jack and Kate as they stand by the cockpit, reminiscing, in the final moments of The Beginning of the End.

September

Jack: When I think about September,
It’s a lifetime ago, it seems.
Makes me shiver to remember
All the wreckage and frightened screams
And the carnage in this cockpit,
Where you and I learned, with growing dismay,
That a rescue wasn’t coming.
A new life began that day.

Kate: Then as soon as we discovered
That our mission had been in vain,
Our poor pilot took a beating,
And we fled in terror from the plane.
Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.

Both: Charlie came because of his addiction,
But later we formed a warm rapport.
How could we know he’d die for our protection?
He loved life but loved us more.
He loved life but loved us more.

Katie, Be Good (Johnny B. Goode, Chuck Berry)

"You're not going to steal anymore, are you?  Be good, Katie."
- Jacob, The Incident


Here's a speculative little ditty in which I imagine Kate getting a quiet moment with Jack, during which the memory of her meeting with Jacob suddenly comes rushing back to her, leading her to contemplate its significance. Of course, that seems rather unlikely now, with major conflict brewing and Jack and Kate on different islands, but it could happen... Here's Kate to the tune of Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode.

Katie, Be Good

When I was just a kid I liked to hang with Tom
Away from supervision by my dad and mom.
One day, when I felt a bit misunderstood,
A stranger kindly told me, “Katie, be good.”
He paid for what I’d taken from the corner store
And said, “Please promise me you’re not gonna steal anymore.”

“No, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
Katie, be good.”

I haven’t thought about that day in forever, Jack,
But now that I’m with you, it’s come flooding back.
I see his face so clearly now. Do you suppose
Jacob was the one who tapped me on the nose?
And now I wonder why I did not obey
The simple instruction that he gave that day.

“No, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
No, Katie, no, no.
Katie, be good.”

The more I think about that enigmatic man,
The more I think this must’ve always been his plan.
He knew long ago in that tiny town.
He counted on the fact that I would let him down.
Even as Jacob saved me from my plight,
He thought, “Katie be good - yeah, right!”

“No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no. No, no.
No, Katie, no.
No, Katie, be good.”

Answers (The Safety Dance, Ivan Doroschuk)

Smokey: That's not why you're here. And if you come with me, I can prove it.
Sawyer: Well, I guess I better put some pants on.
- The Substitute

In The Substitute, Sawyer has to decide whether or not to go with the man who looks like John Locke and claims he can answer some of his most burning questions. It's not too tough a choice for him to make. Here's Sawyer to the tune of Men Without Hats' The Safety Dance.

Answers

It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.
But when you give me your answers,
Since I’m not the trustin’ kind,
I’ll just pretend to accept whatever you say
As a plan’s formin’ in my mind.
It’s a chance.

I’ve been lookin’ for answers
Since the minute Blondie died.
If there’s some truth somewhere in whatever you share,
Then I’d better let you be my guide.
Hey, I’ll make use of your answers.
Let’s get outta Dharmaville.
Yeah, with a little luck, I’ll find out why I’m stuck,
And then I’ll turn on the conman skill.

There’s not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

There’s a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.

It’s a chance for some answers.
Wonder what will come to light?
I’ve had enough of boozin’.
This is what I’m choosin’.
I just hope I’m choosin’ right.

Oh, yeah. It’s a chance for some answers,
Which I’d really love to find.
If you’re gonna show what I wanna know,
Then I’ll leave this behind.

Oh, no, not a chance,
Not a chance
I will be losing control.
Not a chance,
Not a chance
You will be corrupting my soul.

Not a chance,
Not a chance
I’ll be fallin’ under your trance.
It’s a chance.
It’s a chance.
Guess I’d better put on some pants.

Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take a chance
It’s the proper stance.
Yeah, I’ll take the chance.
It’s the proper stance.

Doing Construction (Eve of Destruction, Barry McGuire)

"Construction site coordinator. Uh... I'm not sure that's a good match." - Rose, The Substitute

John Locke is a man who knows what he wants, and he is not easily swayed from his position. But in The Substitute, Rose manages to cut through his hard-headedness and convince him to apply a little practicality. Here's Rose to the tune of Barry McGuire's Eve of Destruction.

Doing Construction

I look at you. You’re in a wheelchair.
Maybe you don’t think that we’ll care.
I understand your need for righteous zeal there.
I know when I object, you’ll flash an icy steel glare.
I’m ready to hear you yell that it doesn’t feel fair.
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

You don’t need to mention your animal type.
I wouldn’t disagree that’s a load of tripe.
I will patiently wait while you sit here and gripe.
Though you don’t have much tact, I will cut you some slack.
You will never hear me mock your anguish, Mr. Locke,
But I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Oh, I know you’re mad, and you don’t want to hear it.
I don’t intend to break your spirit.
And purposelessness? You’re very right to fear it.
Still, this construction thing, if you venture near it,
Is not gonna work, so I hate to clear it.
But hey, sit-down jobs can also have merit.
I bet we’ll find something that is a clear fit.
And I’ll tell you over and over and over again, my friend,
That I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Just accept your lot. Yes, that is the answer.
It’s what I’ve had to learn since I was struck with cancer.
I know it’s your right to grumble and stew
And think of the things that you’d rather do,
But dwelling on your dreams won’t make them come true.
Don’t waste any more time. Find new goals to pursue.
Mr. Locke, it’s your life. I leave the choice up to you.
I’ll tell you over and over and over and over again, my friend,
I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.
No, no, I don’t think you are fit for doing construction.

Whoever You Are (Wherever You Are, Michael Abbott / Sarah Weeks)

"I'm so glad to know you were lying because...if what you said was the truth, if Kate was raising Aaron...I'd kill her."
- Claire, Lighthouse


Claire has had an incredibly difficult time since her friends left the Island, and the loss of Aaron remains her biggest preoccupation. By the time she meets Jin, Aaron is a boy almost old enough for preschool, and Claire must be painfully aware of the fact that she doesn't know a thing about her own child. Here are some musings from her during Lighthouse, to the tune of Wherever You Are, from Pooh's Grand Adventure.

Whoever You Are

Hear me, son.
Hear me from afar.
Remember me,
Whoever you are.

Since you were snatched away,
I don’t know who you’ve become,
But I love you.
When sleeping or at play,
Hope you recollect your mum,
For I love you.

I need you to know that I love you,
And I mourn for the years that we’ve lost.
I’m singing Catch a Falling Star
And wishing Charlie’s old guitar
Played this lullaby for you,
Whoever you are.

What makes you laugh?
What makes you smile?
What do you do here on this isle?

Or was I fed a lie?
If you left this place with Kate,
I would kill her.
I’d want to find out why.
Once she set the record straight,
I would kill her.

I’d hate her for making you love her
If the story that Jin tells is true.

I’m singing Catch a Falling Star
And wishing Charlie’s old guitar,
Sweetest sound I ever knew
Except the music of your coo,
Accompanied my song for you,
Whoever you are.
Whoever you are.

Communication (The Blues Run the Game, Jackson Frank)

"In Empire, Luke found out Vader was his father, but instead of putting away his light saber and talking about it, he overreacted and got his hand cut off. I mean, they worked it out eventually, but at what cost? Another Death Star was destroyed, Boba Fett got eaten by the Sarlacc, and we got the Ewoks. It all could've been avoided if they'd just, you know, communicated."
- Hurley, Some Like It Hoth

In Some Like It Hoth, when he learns that Miles isn't taking advantage of his opportunity to bond with his estranged father, Hurley has something to say about it. Here are his words of advice to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's The Blues Run the Game.

Communication

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

We patched things up together
The best we could.
Now we’re the best of buddies.
Now we’re the best of friends.
Wish it had happened sooner.
Forgiving him felt so good.

It’s like with Luke and Vader.
Sure, the guy was shocked.
But what a world of trouble -
And those annoying Ewoks -
He’d have avoided
If the two had only talked.

Hey, I get the way you’re feeling.
I used to hate
My dad for ditching me,
For leaving my mom and me.
He hurt us both, you see,
But we communicate.

Take the gift that you’ve been offered.
Maybe it’s your fate.
You never knew your dad.
You figured he wasn’t nice.
But trust me, you’ll be glad
If you communicate.

Don’t delay like Luke and I did.
Take your second chance.
You might discover
That you love your father.
You’ll uncover
More than you did at first glance.

Though I get the way you’re feeling,
Miles, please don’t wait,
Because you never know
When any of us could go.
No time to take it slow.
Just go communicate.

Hippocratic Lament (American Tune, Paul Simon / Johann Sebastian Bach / Hans Hassler)

Jack's relationship with Christian has been one of the most complex on the show. Here, to the tune of Paul Simon's American Tune, I imagine him struggling to come to grips with his father's death, juggling bitterness, respect and affection, and discounting the validity of his Island experience in White Rabbit. (The actual song kicks in at about two-minute mark on the video.)

Hippocratic Lament

Many’s the time my father told me,
“You don’t have what it takes.”
And when I wanted him to hold me,
He wouldn't soothe my aches.
Oh, but I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up,
And I thought that I’d moved on.
Still, I’ve felt the hollowness gnawing at my heart
Since I’ve known he was gone, since I’ve known he was gone.

And he said that I had to keep my distance.
He said I could not afford to care.
He said that I needed his assistance
For dural sac repair.
But I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up,
And I hope I proved him wrong.
Still, I accept that his pushing made me strong
And wish we’d got along.
Oh, why couldn’t we learn to get along?

And I dreamed that I saw him.
I dreamed that the man who I so longed to see
Was standing in front of me,
Beckoning silently.
And I dreamed of his coffin,
Which, to my surprise, was empty as could be.
Exhaustion was tricking me.
That’s not reality.
But I dreamed that I saw him.

Now he never will know how much he taught me.
He never will know how much he meant.
He never will realize that he brought me
To this Hippocratic lament.
Oh, I have grown up. Yeah, I’ve grown up, I’ve grown up.
I’m a doctor, not a child.
Still, I will remember, in the midst of many frowns,
Those rare instances when he smiled.
I will remember the times he smiled.

My Sister (Sister Golden Hair, Gerry Beckley)

I'd like to think that Jack at least struggled a bit before he made the decision to leave Claire behind again in The Last Recruit. This is a sort of counterpoint to My Brother, to the tune of America's Sister Golden Hair.

My Sister

Jack: Well, I want to give protection to my sister, long unknown.
But she’s suffered from infection since she went off on her own.
Dogen warned me of the danger once a person has been claimed,
But I can’t forget it’s me who should be blamed.

Well, I don’t know how to save this sister poisoned by his lies.
It’s been hard for her to brave this. I can see it in her eyes.
She is one unlucky victim with a too, too tortured mind,
And it’s all because I left her far behind.

Though the years have made her brittle,
Can I prove to her I care?
Can I help reform my little
Sister, poor, misguided Claire?
Or is this a fever that there’s no cure for?
Should I just leave her?

Well, I don’t know how to save this sister poisoned by his lies.
It’s been hard for her to brave this. I can see it in her eyes.
She is one unlucky victim with a too, too tortured mind,
And it’s all because I left her far behind.

Though the years have made her brittle,
Can I prove to her I care?
Can I help reform my little
Sister, poor, misguided Claire?
Or is this a fever that there’s no cure for?
Should I just leave her?

Claire: Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.
Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.
Jack: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Claire...

Sister Golden Hair

You're a Creep (She'd Rather Be With Me, Garry Bonner / Alan Gordon)

"Well, I noticed you've been parked here a while watching the kids, and well, it is a school. Do you have a child who goes here?"
- Ben, Everybody Loves Hugo

Ben can be pretty creepy, but as Dr. Linus, he's more concerned about thwarting creeps. Here's Ben on pervert patrol in Everybody Loves Hugo, to the tune of the Turtles' She'd Rather Be With Me.

You’re a Creep

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a creep.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Sometimes I get out of school,
And I see a stranger in a car,
And this time, since I’m not a fool,
I suspect that you’re a bit bizarre.

You’re a guy with his eye upon my teens,
And I've guessed just what that means.
I detest such sordid scenes.

Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.
Even if I’ve got it wrong,
Move along. Just move along.

Some nights, I have dreadful dreams,
And they frighten me away from sleep.
Well, my nightmares are true, it seems,
‘Cause it looks to me like you’re a,
Pretty sure that you’re a,
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.
Don’t think I’m wrong. Move along.
It looks to me like you’re a creep.

(fadeout)

She'd Rather Be With Me

You're Mine (I Feel Fine, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand... that you're mine!"
 - Ben, The Other Woman

Here's a little ditty about the grisly moment when Ben shows Juliet how Goodwin's stay with the Tailies ended, to the tune of the Beatles' I Feel Fine.

You’re Mine

Goodwin was no good, you know.
He did what no one should, you know.
He stole you.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

He betrayed his wife, you know,
And he messed up my life, you know.
I told you,
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

You’re the one I brought, you know.
He had what I did not, you know.
A missus.
He deserved it. Juliet. you’re mine.

I’m so mad, so here’s this grim display.
You’re so mad, but Goodwin had to pay

For romantic rendezvous, you know,
And stunning ocean views, you know,
And kisses.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.
He deserved it. Juliet, you’re mine.

Lightning Was Striking Your Tent (Lightnin' Strikes, Lou Christie / Twyla Herbert)

"Look, maybe you should move down the beach, just for tonight. That way I can fix it - make some improvements."
- Desmond, Every Man For Himself


In season three, Charlie practically had to drag a confession out of Desmond regarding his strange activities. Here, to the tune of Lou Christie's Lightnin' Strikes, I imagine Desmond trying to tip off a rather unreceptive Charlie a bit earlier as Smokey tosses out taunts in the distance.

Lightning Was Striking Your Tent

Desmond: Listen to me, Charlie. Accept it if you can.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: I’ve got bad news. I hope you take it like a man.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: Listen to me, Charlie. Don’t let it get you down.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: You should be all right just as long as I’m around.

Destiny wants you dead, so you must heed my warnings, friend.
It’s time you knew what these strange signs portend.

You'll learn a lot from this burly Scot.
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: What I saw
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: Ought to drop your jaw.
Lightning was striking your tent!
Lightning was striking your tent!

I don’t understand this any more than you.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: Believing in flashes is peculiar and new.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: I’d advise you paying close attention to me.
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: I’ll do the seeing, Charlie. What’ll it be?

You might think I’m odd. I don’t care. Brother, move your hut
Or bad things will come, and I’ve already told you what.

Soon the weather will get rough. This is not a bluff.
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: What I saw
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: Ought to drop your jaw.
Lightning was striking your tent!
Lightning was striking down your tent,
Which I’m meant to prevent like a gent!
(Smokey: Charlie, you’re doomed.
Charlie, you’re doomed.
Charlie, you’re doomed.)
Desmond: Lightning was striking your tent!
Lightning was striking your tent!

I feel awkward now, you know,
Talking crazy and playing God.
Please don’t make me go
Turn a club to a lightning rod.

If you’re not fond of pain and you value your brain,
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: What I saw
(Charlie: What?)
Desmond: Ought to drop your jaw.

Lightning was striking your tent!
Yeah, lightning was striking down your tent,
Which I’m meant to prevent like a gent!
Charlie, lightning was striking your tent,
Which I’m meant to prevent like a gent!

Should I Save His Life Again? (Early Morning Rain, Gordon Lightfoot)

"I keep saving your life, and what good has it done? It's just gonna keep happening again and again, maybe that's the point, eh? Maybe it's a test."
 - Desmond, Catch-22

I think one reason the scene between Sayid and Desmond in The Last Recruit was so powerful was that Desmond had been similarly tempted to sacrifice Charlie for the sake of a reunion with Penny. Here I imagine Desmond's own crisis of conscience to the tune of Peter Paul and Mary's Early Morning Rain.

Should I Save His Life Again?

Should I save his life again when it’s time for him to die?
If the arrow finds his throat, can I look him in the eye?
For the sake of true love, must I sacrifice my friend
And be saddled with a guilt he can’t comprehend?

Brother Campbell told the tale of Abraham giving up his son.
If I let his death unfold, who will laud what I have done?
If it’s some great cosmic test, then will God reward my zeal,
Or will I be condemned for a dirty devil’s deal?

What is right and what is wrong? (What is right and what is wrong?)
Is there any way to know? (Is there any way to know?)
Do I interfere with fate or do I let Charlie go?
If I had him make the call, would he choose suicide?
If I knew the choice was his, would my own remorse subside?

With the moment drawing near, still the cryptic questions taunt.
Is it selfish to proceed? Is this what my love would want?
If I step aside, then I’ll be sure to find Pen,
But my conscience won’t comply, so I’ll save his life again.
No, my conscience won’t comply, so I’ll save his life again.

My Brother (Till Tomorrow, Don McLean)

Smokey: You following us, Claire?
Claire: Yeah.
Smokey: Why?
Claire: 'Cause he's my brother.
- The Last Recruit

I've been looking forward to the reunion of Jack and Claire for a long time, and I found their reunion pretty disappointing, especially considering the abandonment that followed. Poor Claire is always getting left behind. Here are some musings from her just after Hurley's arrival in Smokey's camp, to the tune of Don McLean's Till Tomorrow.

My Brother

Who could this be? Is that Hurley?
Did he say there were others?
Will I be seeing my brother?
I’ve been wanting to ask him

Why was I abandoned,
And see what I’ve become?
Will he care, I wonder?
He made me feel like scum

And it was worse once I knew I’m his sister.
Yes, from that moment on,
Bitterness grew like a blister
That’s in danger of bursting.

How can I embrace him?
It’s such a slipp’ry slope.
Still, when I remember Jack,
My wounded heart has hope.

I wonder
Who could this be? Is that Hurley?
Did he say there were others?
Will I be seeing my brother?

What Will You Tell Her? (This Night, Billy Joel / Ludwig Van Beethoven)

"This woman - when she asks you what you did to be with her again... what will you tell her?" - Desmond, The Last Recruit

Probably my favorite single scene in The Last Recruit is the encounter between Sayid and Desmond at the well. Like everyone else I've consulted, I'm convinced that Sayid let Desmond live. They were friends, after all, and Desmond can be pretty persuasive... Here's Desmond in that scene to the tune of Billy Joel's This Night.

What Will You Tell Her?

Brother, I think
You ought to give me a reason
If you intend on
Shooting me in cold blood.
I was your friend,
And so this murder is treason.
Will you stand by as I die
Like a dog in the mud?

Brother, if love
Is your professed motivation,
If you believe
He can restore the one you lost,
You’re a naive
Victim of manipulation.
Will you obey? First I pray
You’ll consider the cost.

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Under your gaze,
Penny and I reunited.
You saved my mind;
Now let me help preserve your soul.
Brother, you’re blind -
Or you are sadly short-sighted.
Where will you run after gunning me
Down in this hole?

What will you say
To get relief from your conscience?
Will you confess,
Hoping that she will understand?
Will you address
This risen woman with nonsense,
Knowing you’d chill her by killing
An innocent man?

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Should she return,
And should she want to learn
What you did just to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

Sayid... Oh...
If you do this to be with her again,
Sayid, what will you tell her?

This Night

Lookin' Like Locke (Crocodile Rock, Elton John / Bernie Taupin)

"John Locke was not a believer, Jack. He was a sucker." - Smokey, The Last Recruit

Here's another song directly addressing Smokey, this time to the tune of Elton John's Crocodile Rock.

Lookin’ Like Locke

I remember when LOST was young.
Your appearances were far-flung.
First you pulverized poor Seth.
Then you slaughtered Eko, and we all held our breath.
Every season’s brought another shock.
Your latest caper is lookin’ like Locke,
Stakin’ claims when you’re allowed the chance to talk.
You’re a demon who’s schemin’, but you’re lookin’ like Locke.

You’re Locke-lookin’
With malice cookin’
In your vile, amorphous brain.
You know, identity theft’s a crime
And your villainy is plain.
Watch out for karma!
It’s gonna bite.
The Candidates will set things right.
Locke-lookin’, but you won’t win the fight.

Nyah nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!

In the Island‘s Eye, what did John Locke spy?
Somebody who wanted to make sure he’d die.
He saw beauty in a frightening scene.
You call him a sucker, and that’s awfully mean,
But it’s accurate because your plot
Led at last to you lookin’ like Locke.
You’re harassed by your murky past
But really think that lookin’ like Locke’s a blast.

You’re Locke-lookin’
With malice cookin’
In your vile, amorphous brain.
You know, identity theft’s a crime
And your villainy is plain.
Watch out for karma!
It’s gonna bite.
The Candidates will set things right.
Locke-lookin’, but you won’t win the fight.

Nyah nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!

I remember when LOST was young.
Your appearances were far-flung.
First you pulverized poor Seth.
Then you slaughtered Eko, and we all held our breath.
Every season’s brought another shock.
Your latest caper is lookin’ like Locke,
Stakin’ claims when you’re allowed the chance to talk.
You’re a demon who’s schemin’, but you’re lookin’ like Locke.

You’re Locke-lookin’
With malice cookin’
In your vile, amorphous brain.
You know, identity theft’s a crime
And your villainy is plain.
Watch out for karma!
It’s gonna bite.
The Candidates will set things right.
Locke-lookin’, but you won’t win the fight.

Nyah nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nah nah nah nyah!
Nyah nyah nah nah nah nyah...

(fadeout)

Dissin' Anakin (On the Road Again, Willie Nelson)

In The Last Recruit, my favorite line in the episode was followed by my least favorite. Hurley, ever the idealist, protested Sawyer's assessment of Sayid, saying, "You can always bring people back from the Dark Side. I mean, Anakin..." At which point Sawyer let him know in no uncertain terms that he neither knew nor cared who Anakin was. From any other character I might be able to brush this off as merely disappointing, but Sawyer has given four Star Wars-related nicknames over the seasons and even used one of Han's tricks to hoodwink Aldo in season three. I don't buy it. So what's the deal, Sawyer? Here's my little rant to the tune of Willie Nelson's On the Road Again.

Dissin’ Anakin

Dissin’ Anakin.
Sawyer, how come you’re dissin’ Anakin?
You’re cool with Chewie, ‘cause that’s what you christened Jin,
So I don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You thought Yoda kinda looked like Ben,
Nicknamed Hurley Jabba, much to his chagrin.
I don‘t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You continue to conduct yourself like Solo
With your swaggerin’
And zingers, but there’s somethin’ you should know, bro.
Han Solo

Called his kid Anakin.
Even Solo respected Anakin.
You have committed such a pop cultural sin!
I just don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

Dissin’ Anakin.
You continue to conduct yourself like Solo
With your swaggerin’
And zingers, but there’s somethin’ you should know, bro.
Han Solo

Called his kid Anakin.
Even Solo respected Anakin.
You have committed such a pop cultural sin!
I just don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.
No, I don’t know why you’re dissin’ Anakin.

"You Can Always Bring People Back From the Dark Side. I Mean, Anakin...”

The Last Recruit was a different sort of episode than we’ve been seeing for most of the season. Truly, it wasn’t centric to anyone; quite a few different characters were in the thick of things. It wasn’t quite as violent an episode as I suspected it might be; aside from that explosion at the very end, nobody got hurt as far as we know, at least not yet. But the board is set; the pieces are moving.

Of course, there is one person who might be out of the picture now, and that’s Desmond. But that’s only if we believe that Sayid shot and killed him, as he reported to Smokey. Do we believe him? I don’t. I think there’s been an ever-so-subtle change in Sayid ever since he first laid eyes on Desmond. They were friends; he was one of three men who facilitated Desmond’s long-distance reunion with Penny in the midst of his temporal troubles.

He saved Desmond’s life by connecting him with his long-lost love. And now he’s going to kill that same man for a shot at reunion with Nadia? I don’t buy it. Desmond didn’t look like a happy zombie anymore, but he still came across as very wise, and I think he was right on target with his question. We’ve seen comparable consequences in the reaction of Walt to Michael’s murder of AnaLucia and Libby. Sayid doesn’t want another life on his conscience, especially one he knows so intimately to be noble.

In Sideways World, the two didn’t connect. Instead, each had run-ins with others from the Island. Sayid was planning to skip town, but in a very smooth move, Sawyer managed to bring him down. Who knew he could be so easily caught? I didn’t really expect such an easy apprehension. Desmond, meanwhile, reconnected with Claire, and I got the distinct impression that she was weirded out by him. I was getting a definite “Why is this guy stalking me?” vibe from her, and I was a little surprised that she conceded when he begged her to go talk to his lawyer. Then again, she must have been feeling scared and alone, and she knew she could use someone in her corner.

I must say that the sibling revelation didn’t quite go the way I expected it to. I didn’t think that Claire knew, in either world, that she had a brother; I figured that Jack would be the one to break the news. But Sideways Jack didn’t even know it yet himself, and Island Jack didn’t have a chance to spill the beans. Claire was already aware of their connection.

It was a nice moment, but for such a long-awaited payoff, it lacked a little punch for me, especially since, after three years of crushing guilt, what does Jack immediately do but go abandon her again. That frankly shocked me. Yes, listen to Sawyer on all other counts, but you do not leave your sister behind. Not this time. Not when you know she's alive. Not when you know how deeply entwined your lives are. Not when she’s got a massive abandonment complex that you helped give her. Come on, Jack. Epic fail.

So yeah, didn’t quite live up to the Luke and Leia unveiling. But the Star Wars references were flying. And now that we know for sure that Christian was Smokey, at least some of the time, I can’t help wondering if Smokey is the Darth Vader of LOST. I’ve wondered that before, and most of the pieces seem like they could fit. The previews gave me the impression that The Candidate may be a Smokey flashback, which will no doubt shed light on some very important matters. Putting all that together with Hurley’s line about people being able to turn from the Dark Side, I can’t help but feeling like in the end, Smokey himself might turn.

At which point the three people left standing can look forward to years pondering the futility of so many people spending the last six seasons trying to kill each other... No, I don’t think it will be that bleak. If Smokey embraces the Light, that will be a victory indeed, and there will be a few people around to enjoy it. While we’re still on Star Wars, though, how ridiculous is it that Sawyer, pop culture virtuoso who has distributed no fewer than four Star Wars-inspired nicknames and who pulled off “the Wookiee Prisoner Gag”, doesn’t know who Anakin is? Yes, I find that as patently absurd as Jack’s dismissal of Claire.

Kate and Sawyer are teamed up again in both realities, and they seem like a pretty natural duo (especially with the matching jackets), even though in one reality she’s his prisoner and in another they are in definite disagreement as to the proper master plan. I found her assessment of Sawyer’s treatment of her funny and impressive, and it also seemed a throwback to Left Behind, when she herself helped Cassidy, only to have the latter figure out it wasn’t so much an act of good will as an act of self-preservation. I found her appeal to Claire by Desmond’s boat to be touching and effective, especially with that swelling Giacchino music.

Just as anticipated as the Jack-Claire reunion was the Sun-Jin reunion, and it finally happened this week. Kinda took me by surprise. I was so preoccupied with other matters that it didn’t occur to me that Sun was headed straight for Jin, and it took me a couple of seconds after I saw him to realize what was about to happen. Only I had this awful thought that what was about to happen was that one or both of them was going to run smack dab into the invisible fence and find up with a pulverized brain, as it had not yet been turned off.

So it was a great relief when they reached each other and clung to each other and Sun suddenly remembered how to speak English and Frank was touched and all was right with the world... until Zoe cocked her gun again and the touchy-feely montage moment was cut short. And now we have to worry about what Widmore intends to do with Sawyer and company. (Speaking of Sawyer, did anyone else find it strange that Smokey said something to Jack about "Sawyer" taking the raft? Hasn’t it always been “James”? Why switch names now? Or does he figure that Jack doesn’t know Sawyer’s proper name?)

Our friends on the Island are in peril, as are several in Sideways World. Sun has survived, and apparently the baby is okay too, though again, I don’t see how this baby can be Ji Yeon, so it seems like it’s going to have to be one child or another, and Sun’s going to be forced into a wrenching sort of Sophie’s Choice. And why did Sun so completely freak out when she saw John? It seemed as though Island Sun had slipped into her in the immediate aftermath of the accident.

While Ben was absent from the Island storyline, Dr. Linus was wonderfully attentive to John, and so encouraging in his assurance that he would be marrying Helen after all. I was surprised that he didn’t know John’s first name, though. John did introduce himself by his full name in The Substitute, and considering that they clicked, I’d think Ben would’ve recalled that. I’d also think that as a history professor, the name would ring a bell with him, making it easy to remember. There seem to be some rampant cognitive issues on the loose in this episode. I hope it’s indicative of glitches introduced as the timelines bleed together and not simply of sloppy writing. I guess I can give Ben a pass here, though, in any case; he's had a lot on his mind...

Of course, that ambulance ride is sending John straight into Jack’s care, and near the end of the episode we finally get to see Dr. Shephard perform the spinal surgery of a lifetime. And he recognizes John. But first, Jack and David, wearing matching suits and enjoying a sense of warm companionship, went to hear Christian’s will read, and there they met Claire and discovered a deep family secret. Why wasn’t Jack’s mom there? And will we be seeing this meeting take place after the surgery?

The most interesting part of all this for me was the introduction of Ilana as a stylish lawyer complete with a last name (Verdansky). And judging by her association with Desmond, my guess is that she’s connected with Widmore. Might that be true on the Island as well? Her cover story for Sayid did involve getting justice for Peter Avelino, supposedly in league with Widmore. Anyway, after her explosive end last week, it was nice to see her happy and whole in the Sideways World. And that was the only startling character appearance in the episode.

I liked Sawyer’s description of Frank, along with their conversation on the boat. A little less thrilled with what he had to say about Sayid and Claire. Look how far you’ve come, Sawyer; is it so hard to believe that these two can make a turnaround too? Of course, Sayid has seemed really off the deep end, and Claire remains seriously unhinged. Still, I thought that Sawyer might be more compassionate toward the confused young Aussie he once risked his life to protect. Then again, it was apparently her attack on Kate that was the deal-breaker for him, so it is affection driving his distrust. Whether or not they end up together - and I tend to think they won’t - Sawyer and Kate share a powerful bond.

Speaking of powerful bonds, one of my favorite moments in the episode was when Jack says, “Hurley - this was your idea. You all right with me talking to him alone?” And I also liked Jack standing up for John to Smokey. He points out that John was a believer, and though Smokey derisively calls him a sucker, the conviction Jack inherited from John is strong enough to compel him to jump Sawyer’s ship and head back to the Island, where he’s sure he still has work to do. (That swim, by the way? As epic as Sawyer’s in the season four finale. All that time on the Island has worked wonders for their endurance.) I liked that he apologized to Sawyer for Juliet; that’s clearly still in the back of Sawyer’s mind, and he connects Jack's faith in fate with her death. But I bet that Jack’s onto something when he says Sawyer feels it too, and he’ll come to the rescue before it’s all said and done.

Unfortunately, Jack has landed right in the arms of Smokey - who, I see, managed to find a handy use for his stick this week. It’s walkie-smashin’ time! I wonder if he had other plans for Desmond that were thwarted by the early arrival of the still-annoying Zoe, with her perpetual sneer and scratchy voice. He knew Desmond wasn’t dead; why didn’t he take care it right then and there? Or was he always planning to sic Sayid on him shortly after getting back to camp? Sayid had more personality in this episode than we’ve seen from him in a long time. Maybe he's coming around, and he and Jack can thwart Smokey together. But at the moment, they both seem rather at his mercy. I’m counting on Desmond to lend a hand.

So next week we have The Candidate, and based on that preview, I’m guessing it’s a Smokey flashback, which is super-exciting and portends something of Ab Aeterno proportions, but stretching even further back. If this is the case, it could turn a lot of what we think we know on its head. It will certainly give us considerably insight into one of LOST’s most cryptic characters. The Last Recruit was perhaps the least character-centric episode of the season, as there was so much happening all at once that we couldn’t spend much time with any one person. That allowed us to cover a lot of ground at once. But in two weeks, I’m ready to dig.

Where Did the Island Go? (Crying, Roy Orbison / Joe Melson)

"Where's the island? Where's the island?!"- Frank, There's No Place Like Home, Part 3

When you're planning to set down your helicopter, it's very inconvenient for the nearest land mass to suddenly disappear... Here's a season four finale LOST reflection from Frank to the tune of Roy Orbison's Crying.

Where Did the Island Go?

I got the fuel for this trip.
Left the ship for this trip.
But I feel like a fool.
Hey, Jack, this isn’t cool,
‘Cause we saw the freighter blow.
As the Island neared, it disappeared.

I should be flyin' over it, flyin' over it.
Does anyone know
Where it’s hiding? Where’d it go?
Can’t go on flyin', flyin', flyin', flyin'.
It’s hard to understand why I can’t see dry land
When I am flyin'.

No way to fly with no more fuel.
That’s a cardinal rule.
I wish we all had fins, ‘cause we’re goin’ in.
The laws of physics are cruel.
It’s a mystery, ‘cause we ought to be
Flyin' over it, flyin' over it.

That Island’s gone, so get your life vests on.
No more flyin', flyin', flyin', flyin'.
No flyin', flyin'.
Where did the Island go?

Find the Plants for Me (Take a Chance on Me, Benny Andersson / Björn Ulvaeus)

"Listen to me very carefully, John, because I'm not gonna have time to repeat this. You're gonna go into that greenhouse through that hole there. Once inside, you're gonna turn left. Go about 20 paces until you see a patch of Anthuriums on your left. They're in an alcove against the north wall. Face the wall, reach down with your left hand. You'll find a switch that activates the elevator. The elevator takes you down to the actual Orchid station." - Ben, There's No Place Like Home, Part 1

My dad is always giving me suggestions of songs to LOSTify, and today he mentioned ABBA's incredibly catchy Take a Chance on Me. That's one of those songs that just makes me grin from ear to ear when I hear it, so I knew I had to give it a shot. Here's Ben and John from the season four finale.

Find the Plants For Me

Ben: When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Hey, Ben, you know this sounds crazy?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: What about soldiers
Standing with rifles?
How do I avoid them?
Ben, you got me quakin’.
Am I mistaken?
Thought that we annoyed them.

Ben: John, you won’t get shot.
You worry about the plants.
I considered this in advance.
I’m ready.
I know that you think I’m nuts,
But show me you’ve got some guts.
Listen, don’t you scoff.
It’ll all pay off.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.
Find the plants for me.
(John: Come on, you‘ll get me killed, won‘t you?)
Ben: Find the plants for me.

John: Give me one reason to trust you.
It would be unjust to
Throw me to the lions.
Though that would be rotten,
I’ve seen you plottin’.
You’d applaud my dyin’.

Ben: John, I give my vow,
Whatever that is worth,
That you’ve been primed from birth
To lead here.
Oh, yes, Richard yammered on,
“I hardly can wait for John!”
You will catch a break
For the Island’s sake.

When you get inside, here’s a little guide
As to what you’ll see. Find the plants for me.
They are called Anthuriums. They’re against the wall.
Gonna have to hurry, John, ‘cause our window’s small.
There’ll be a switch that you’re gonna need to twitch.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man with a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around.

Listen, I’m a man who has got a master plan.
Easy as can be. Find the plants for me.
Turn the elevator on. It’ll take you down.
Nothing left to wait for, John. Don’t you goof around...

Reading as the Doc Rambles On (Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding / Steve Cropper)

There are many incredibly insightful LOST bloggers out there, but there is only one whose analysis is an integral ingredient in my afternoon the day after a new episode airs. Here's an ode to Entertainment Weekly's Doc Jensen to the tune of Otis Redding's Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.

Reading as the Doc Rambles On

Sittin’ on the Internet.
Is the latest column posted yet?
Pressin’ refresh again.
What’s the page count? Well, today it’s ten. Wow!

I’m reading as the Doc rambles on.
I’m on page nine - almost done!
Yeah, and my reading as the Doc rambles on
Takes some time.

Jeff Jensen is a genius,
Theories coming out his ears.
With his egg-headed allusions,
I’ll be compiling lists of books for years.

Now, though, I’ll just read as the Doc rambles on.
I’m on page nine - almost done!
Yeah, my reading as the Doc rambles on
Takes some time.

Psychopomp and circumstance!
Anamnesis - a true love trance!
Goin’ blind examining what’s on his mind.
Can’t make do with a passing glance, no.

Sittin’ here fused to the couch
In a sluggish sleep-impoverished slouch,
And when season six runs out,
I am gonna be a grouch.

But till then I’ll read as the Doc rambles on.
I’m on page nine - almost done!
Yeah, my reading as the Doc rambles on
Takes some time...

Can You Lead Me to the Plane? (Have You Ever Seen the Rain?, John Fogerty)

Eko: Where did you find it?
Charlie: In the jungle. I found it in the jungle.
Eko: Take me there.
- The 23rd Psalm

I've got Creedence Clearwater Revival on the brain at the moment. Here's Eko talking to Charlie in The 23rd Psalm to the tune of Have You Ever Seen the Rain?

Can You Lead Me to the Plane?

Saw your statue in the hut. Are you a religious nut?
Oh, no. It’s a different sort of shrine.
Under Mary’s gentle grin is a stash of heroin.
I know you’re a hopeless hoarder.

I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane?
I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane
Where you found what I broke today?

I was one of many thugs who survived by running drugs.
I know Yemi scorned my life of crime.
Though I was a brutish beast, I became a parish priest.
I owed that much to my brother.

I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane?
I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane
Where you found what I broke today?

Please! I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane?
I wanna know, can you lead me to the plane
Where you found what I broke today?

She Was There (I'll Be There, Berry Gordy / Bob West / Hal Davis / Willie Hutch)

"I'm talking about spectacular, consciousness-altering love. Do you know what that looks like?" - Charlie, Happily Ever After

I've always loved the Jackson 5's I'll Be There; it wasn't until now that I realized just how much stuff was going on in the background vocally. It's a much more involved song than it initially seems. Anyway, I had to turn it into a vehicle for Charlie explaining to Desmond his experience of "what love looks like" in Happily Ever After, with Desmond chiming in now and then, along with visions of Claire and Penny.

She Was There

Charlie: Have you been in love before?
I was standing at death‘s door.
Then in my head, she was there.
(Claire: I was there.)
Charlie: As I slipped into abyss,
She appeared, and all was bliss.
Just for a moment, she was there.
(Claire: I was there.)

Charlie: I tell you,
She was there, and she was real. (Claire: I was there)
Charlie: What a rapturous blonde beauty! (Claire: With)
Charlie: And I swear that she knew me. (Claire: You.)
Charlie: She was there, but to my dismay, (Claire: I was there)
Charlie: I was revived, and she dimmed away. (Claire: With you.)
(Claire: Dimmed away, dimmed away, dimmed away...)
Desmond: That’s not true. That’s not true.

Charlie: Mr. Hume, contain your mocking laughter,
For I have seen such a sweet hereafter.
I’ll make you believe me. She was there.
(Claire: I was there.)
Charlie: She was there to enfold me.
(Claire: Yes, Charlie...)
Charlie: Never knew how that felt. No one told me.
Just for a moment, she was there.
(Claire: I was there.)

Charlie: I tell you,
She was there, and she was real. (Claire: I was there)
Charlie: What a rapturous blonde beauty! (Claire: With)
Charlie: And I swear that she knew me. (Claire: You.)
Charlie: She was there, but to my dismay, (Claire: I was there)
Charlie: I was revived, and she dimmed away. (Claire: With you.)
Desmond: No, that’s not true. That’s not true.
(Claire: Dimmed away, dimmed away, dimmed away...)

Charlie: I’m only mentioning this to you
In hopes your consciousness changes too.
You’ll find a purpose. She’ll be there.
(Penny: I’ll be there.)

Charlie: Then you’ll know what love looks like.
She’ll be there. She’ll be there.
Just for a moment,
(Penny: I’ll be there.)
Charlie: She’ll be there.

Desmond: Well, that’s poetry right there, brother!

Charlie: Yes, she’ll be there. She’ll be there.
I’ll make you believe me.
(Penny: I’ll be there.)
Charlie: She’ll be there.
Then you’ll know what love looks like.
(Penny: Desmond, I’m waiting for you.) Charlie: She’ll be there.
(Penny: Desmond, I’m waiting for you.) Charlie: She’ll be there.
Just for a moment,
(Penny: I’ll be there.)
Charlie: She’ll be there.
Yes, Mr. Hume!
(Penny: Desmond, I’m waiting for you.) Charlie: She’ll be there.
(Penny: Desmond, I’m waiting for you.) Charlie: She’ll be there...

(fadeout)

Who'll Fly the Plane (Who'll Stop the Rain, John Fogerty)

"Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"
- Kate, Recon


Sawyer's been laying low and plotting throughout much of the sixth season. Kate's not so sure she's on board with his plans. Here's an elongated version of her objections to him at the end of Recon, to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Who'll Stop the Rain.

Who’ll Fly the Plane

Look, I don’t remember just how the plane went down.
Wasn’t still on board when it must’ve hit the ground.
Don’t know what’s become of Frank and Ben and Sun.
So I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

What did you discover when you went off to explore?
Did you learn what Widmore’s on Hydra Island for?
Your approach seems risky, possibly in vain.
Yes, I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

Not so hot on stayin’, but when we get there,
How do we win over Jin and crazy Claire?
Where are Jack and Hurley? Will we strand them here?
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fly the plane.

A New Color (True Colors, Tom Kelly / Billy Steinberg)

As any faithful fan of the original Star Trek series knows, unless you're Scotty or Uhura, you don't really want to be wearing a red shirt if you're serving on the U. S. S. Enterprise. The tradition of killing off redshirts has persisted throughout many subsequent science fiction series, and LOST is no exception. Usually, these minor characters don't literally wear such identifying garb. But because of the association, whenever someone does wear red, it makes people nervous. It hasn't escaped fans' attention that both Hurley and Desmond are in red shirts this season. They're much too integral to the show to actually be "redshirts". But could their fashion choices be a warning of dreadful things to come? Here's some rumination from the fan perspective to the tune of Cyndi Lauper's True Colors.

A New Color

Huggable Hurley, voice of the viewer,
It’s too early to see you get skewered.
You’re a man of the people, picked to be a Candidate.
You deserve to avoid a lowly redshirt’s fate.

So you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

You’re on this Island. Desmond, you’re rattled
That you’re back again though you’ve bravely battled.
To keep from going crazy, keep your Constant inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, a new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

Why was Widmore bent on bringing you back?
To keep from going crazy, keep Penny inside your soul.
Watch out for John and don’t get tossed in a hole.

And you need a new color. Change your shirt.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color, new color will calm us down.
You need a new color before it can hurt you.
‘Cause when you wear red, the reaper’s near.
A new color, new color will calm us down.
We’re freaked out here.

I'll Win This Race (Come Sail Away, Dennis DeYoung)

"Then I thank you, Elizabeth. And I shall win this race for love."
- Desmond, Live Together, Die Alone

I've always found the Styx song Come Sail Away a little freaky, but it's also enjoyably epic, especially since it calls to mind one of my favorite moments from Freaks and Geeks, Judd Apatow's most excellent and all too short-lived high school dramedy. Couldn't resist associating it with LOST too, as an illustration of the scene in the season two finale in which Libby offers Desmond her boat.

I’ll Win This Race

Desmond: I’m sailing a race
Sponsored by the man who belittled me.
He said I’d never be
Worthy of his daughter Penelope.
But there’s a wee problem.
I have no boat.
I’m broke, so my chances
Would seem remote,
But for my
Honor, I’ll try...
Is something wrong?

Libby: I have what you seek.
It used to be my husband’s, but he grew weak.
Poor David. He died.
He never got to sail on a Grecian tide.
Since we cannot be together,
It’s a burden now.
He’d want you to keep it,
And you have my vow:
In your care
Clearly is where
My boat belongs.

Desmond: You tell me I should take it.
I don’t know what to say,
But I’ll accept it as a sign
That love will find a way.

And so I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love, lass.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love. Watch me!
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.

Elizabeth, you’ve touched me.
Tell you what I’ll do.
I’ll win this race for Penny,
For David and for you.

Yes, I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love, lass.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.
I’ll win this race, I’ll win this race,
I’ll win this race for love.

(fadeout)

My Freedom (Take It to the Limit, Don Henley / Glenn Frey / Randy Meisner)

Smokey: I want to leave. Just let me leave, Jacob. Jacob: As long as I'm alive, you're not going anywhere.
Smokey: Well then, now you know why I want to kill you. - Ab Aeterno

Smokey has one simple request for Jacob, but Jacob is not budging. Here's the two of them to the tune of the Eagles' Take It to the Limit.

My Freedom

Smokey: All alone at the end of an era.
No one left here with me except you.
I was thinking that you might have considered
What I long to do.
You know I’ve been stuck here forever.
Jacob: I don’t have to tell you why.
Smokey: Humans never will change.
Jacob: Always been worth a try.
Smokey: Well, you really must hate me.
I implore and you ignore me.
I abhor this old exchange.

I wanna say goodbye, friend.
Is that such a crime?
But Jacob, you begin it one more time.

Do you count all the lives you have wasted?
Will you waste all your life counting more?
In an eon, will I have to meet you
Again on the shore?
I’m only looking for my freedom.
Jacob: You’re not going anywhere.
Smokey: Don’t you gloat with that wine.
Jacob: No? ‘Cause I’m glad to share...
Smokey: Well, no matter what, I’m leaving.
If I have to kill, you know I will
Until escape is mine.

I wanna say goodbye, friend.
Is that such a crime?
But Jacob, you begin it one more time.
Jacob, you begin it
Jacob, you begin it
Jacob, you begin it one more time.

Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Please)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Let me go!)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it one more time.

Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Please)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Free me!)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it one more time.

Smokey: Jacob, you begin it
Jacob, you begin it
Jacob, you begin it one more time.

Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Please)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it
(Smokey: Free me!)
Jacob: Face it, I begin it one more time.

Smokey: Jacob, you begin it
(Jacob: No!)
Smokey: Jacob, you begin it
(Jacob: No!)
Smokey: Jacob, you begin it one more time.

(fadeout)

Take It to the Limit

Sayid's Message, (Bad Moon Rising, John Fogerty)

"The man that I met is leaving the Island forever. And those of you who want to go with him should leave the temple and join him. You have until sundown to decide."
 - Sayid, Sundown

Sayid is given an ominous message to deliver in Sundown. Here he speaks his piece to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising.

Sayid’s Message

I tried to murder that being.
I tried stabbing him to death.
I tried; it’s time for fleeing.
I tried; he still draws breath.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

I hear sunset ticking nearer.
I know that switching sides will pay.
I saw visions in a mirror.
I saw who Jacob took away.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Hope you understand this warning.
Hope you accept the new regime.
Join us, and by tomorrow morning,
Terror will seem a distant dream.

Oh, don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Don’t stick around tonight.
You’ve been ordered to take flight.
You’ll be murdered otherwise.

Hoffs-Drawlar (Hotel Caliifornia, Don Felder / Glenn Frey / Don Henley)

Funeral Director: My deepest condolences. Friend or family? Jack: Neither.
- Through the Looking Glass, Part 2

"If you do leave this place, the day may come when you want to return."
- Ben, King of the Castle


On LOST, few relationships are as complicated as the one between Jack and John. While his death brings the doctor to the brink of suicide, he can't even bring himself to identify himself as John's friend. Then again, it's hard to blame him... Here are some musings from Jack at the Hoffs-Drawlar funeral parlor in the third and fourth season finales, to the tune of the Eagles' Hotel California.

Hoffs-Drawlar

Saw your name in the paper.
I had to look twice.
I’d done too much boozing;
Maybe this was the price.
But I wasn’t mistaken.
Sometimes it stings to be right.
I made my mind up as the plane touched down.
I had to end it that night.

As I gazed at the pavement,
About to take the leap,
I felt a fierce inferno and
I heard a crunch and a scream and a beep.
Went to go play the hero
Because that’s what I do.
When I got out of the hospital,
I had to come see you.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Sorry you’re dead, but it’s hard for me to mourn ya.
All you brought my life (all you brought my life) was a lot of strife.

You put a knife through Naomi.
I always blamed you for Boone.
You blathered on about a sacrifice...
What a goon!
You set off those explosives,
Scads of C-4.
The Flame was in flames and
The sub was no more.

All the while you insisted
I misunderstood.
You swore that every single thing you’d done was
For the Island’s good.
And when you wearied of telling me not to leave,
You encouraged the tangle of deceit
I went on to weave.

I’m here, but I find it hard to mourn ya.
I will not pretend (I will not pretend) that I was your friend.
Yeah, Jeremy Bentham, it’s hard for me to mourn ya,
With your pseudonym (with your pseudonym) and your vanished vim.

The man here informed me
That nobody else came.
Pathetic. You went out a bitter old man,
All alone and lame.
You said that we were special
And shared one common fate.
I think I might accept that now,
But I’ve found my faith too late.

Who lurks in the shadows?
Am I really seeing Ben,
And can I trust he’ll get me back
To the Island once again?
He once tried to warn me
Of the lesson I would learn:
“If you leave this place, the day may come
When you want to return.”

Hotel California

815 Sentences About LOST

My comments have been posted on the blog 815 Sentences About LOST. Check 'em out here!

Casualties Are Common (Apples and Bananas, Traditional)

On LOST, characters have a nasty habit of dying off - some of them more than once. Here's a little ditty about that to the tune of Raffi's Apples and Bananas.

Casualties Are Common

Alas, on LOST, LOST, LOST, casualties are common.
Alas, on LOST, LOST, LOST, casualties are common.

They got gunned down, down, down, Shannon, Dan and Libby.
They got gunned down, down, down, Shannon, Dan and Libby.

Somebody stabbed, stabbed, stabbed Lennon and Naomi.
Somebody stabbed, stabbed, stabbed Lennon and Naomi.

The Monster smoked, smoked, smoked Seth, Montand and Eko.
The Monster smoked, smoked, smoked Seth, Montand and Eko.

They went ka-boom, boom, boom, Leslie and Ilana.
They went ka-boom, boom, boom, Leslie and Ilana.

Who’s going next, next, next? Candidates, be careful!
Who’s going next, next, next? Candidates, be careful!

Take a Walkabout (We Can Work It Out, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

"You know what you need, Mr. Locke? You need to go on a walkabout."
- Abaddon, Cabin Fever

Matthew Abaddon is one of LOST's more enigmatic characters. He works for Widmore, and in his first couple of appearances, he seemed pretty creepy. But in his interactions with John Locke, he's undeniably helpful. Certainly he nudged him in the right direction in Cabin Fever. Here's a song from Abaddon's perspective, to the tune of the Beatles' We Can Work It Out.

Take a Walkabout

Try to have some hope now.
You may think you’re sunk, but Mr. Locke, don’t give up yet.
If you sit and mope now,
Then instead of healing you will simply stay upset.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Think about a journey.
Go into the Outback and discover who you are.
Now, before you spurn me,
Let me tell you, it’s done me a world of good so far.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Look here, Mr. Locke.
You crushed your spine
But you had the strength to survive.
One day you will walk.
You need a sign?
How ‘bout the fact that you’re alive?

Try to have some hope now.
Anything is possible, and miracles are real.
If you sit and mope now,
You could miss the chance to make some good of your ordeal.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.

Look here, Mr. Locke.
You crushed your spine
But you had the strength to survive.
One day you will walk.
You need a sign?
How ‘bout the fact that you’re alive?

Try to have some hope now.
I believe not only will you walk, but you will run.
Don’t you sit and mope now.
You will see, and when we meet again, you’ll owe me one.

Take a walkabout.
Take a walkabout.