Christmas on the Island (Christmas in Killarney, John Redmond / James Cavanaugh / Frank Weldon)

Can the magic of Christmas touch even the island on LOST? Here's hopin', with a parody of Christmas in Killarney contrasting with my last LOST parody.

Christmas on the Island

A jolly scene. A thriving scene
As festive and fun as the fields are green.
It's Christmas on the island
That's starting to feel like home.

Though there's no snow, as we all know,
A polar bear lived there not long ago.
And Kate can ride the noble horse
Who followed her there from home.

Well, Charlie won't be tempted,
Claire won't be plagued by fear,
And Jack and John will get along
And Walt will reappear.

The Others will be kind and fill
The castaways' huts up with gifts until
Each grimy face is smilin'. No bitter winds will blow
On Christmas on the island
That's starting to feel like home.

Christmas on the Island is heartening to see.
They've had enough of torment; it's time they had some glee.

A jolly scene. A thriving scene
As festive and fun as the fields are green.
It's Christmas on the island
That's starting to feel like home.

Though there's no snow, as we all know,
A polar bear lived there not long ago.
And Kate can ride the noble horse
Who followed her there from home.

Well, Charlie won't be tempted,
Claire won't be plagued by fear,
And Jack and John will get along
And Walt will reappear.

The Others will be kind and fill
The castaways' huts up with gifts until
Each grimy face is smilin'. No bitter winds will blow
On Christmas on the island
That's starting to feel like home.

Well, Charlie won't be tempted,
Claire won't be plagued by fear,
And Jack and John will get along
And Walt will reappear.

The Others will be kind and fill
The castaways' huts up with gifts until
Each grimy face is smilin'. No bitter winds will blow
On Christmas on the island
That's starting to feel like home.

We Wish We Could Find an Isthmus (We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Traditional)

Here's another LOST / Christmas carol combination, this one to the tune of Peter Paul and Mary's version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

We Wish We Could Find an Isthmus

Since we came here, there's a lot that we miss,
So is it so strange that we're thinking like this?

We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
Since Michael and Jin's old raft was done in,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

We hate Sawyer's piggy looting,
We hate Sawyer's piggy looting,
We hate Sawyer's piggy looting
And Locke's ominous leer.
And we don't care if Jack is handsome,
We don't care if Jack is handsome,
We don't care if Jack is handsome;
We're tired of his sneer.
Since Michael and Jin's old raft was done in,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

Since we came here, there's a lot that we miss,
So is it so strange that we're thinking like this?
Turns out that we loved our cities and towns;
We hope someone noticed that we're not around.

Hurley! Eko! Bernard and Rose!
We've learned all the names but nobody knows
If we who were lost here will ever be found,
If we who were lost here will ever be found.

We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus,
We wish we could find an isthmus
So we'd not be stuck here.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Castaway Canon (Christmas Canon Rock, Johann Pachelbel)

At the moment, I'm pretty obsessed with Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and in particular Christmas Canon Rock, which is their brilliant reworking of Pachelbel's Canon in D for The Lost Christmas Eve. This song has probably crept up there to share the Favorite Christmas Song slot with O Holy Night, which is a pretty high honor considering how many Christmas songs I absolutely love. Anyway, it's been running through my head all day, so of course I wrote a little parody - about LOST, which is also a current obsession - though there are very few words in the song to begin with and I only changed about half of them. I'm posting it anyway, though, if only to gush a bit about the song until my brother brings home the CD and I can review it in its entirety. For now, if you've never heard this incredible song, please go here - http://www.trans-siberian.com/multimedia/index.shtml - and listen to it. It's the first song under The Lost Christmas Eve, and it is breathtaking.

Castaway Canon

Faithful Viewers:
This night, we pray the writers know
How to resolve our favorite show.

This night, we pray the writers know
How to resolve our favorite show.

Headies:
We are waiting.
Hope we're not forgotten.

We are waiting.
Hope we're not forgotten.

Tailies:
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.

On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.
On this isle, on this isle,
On this very scary isle.

Fried Chicken (White Christmas, Irving Berlin)

From the beginning, one of my favorite characters on LOST has been Hurley, who's ever so much more huggable than the island's former resident polar bear. I don't even mind admitting I have a bit of a crush on him. So please don't think this song from his perspective - to the tune of White Christmas - is written with any mean-spirited intent...

Fried Chicken

I hate to whine, but
My face turns green
Whenever Jin comes my way.
I'll pass on raw fish today
And always, if that's okay.
And, dude, those berries and bits of boar
Aren't the meals that I'm longing for.

I'm dreaming of some fried chicken
Just like I used to eat before
When I lost no slumber
From evil numbers
That plucked me from being poor.

I'm dreaming of some fried chicken
With mashed potatoes on the side.
May a rescue come with the tide,
And may all my dinners be deep-fried.

When I lost no slumber
From evil numbers
That plucked me from being poor...

I'm dreaming of some fried chicken
With mashed potatoes on the side.
May a rescue come with the tide,
And may all my dinners be deep-fried.

I Am John Locke (I Am a Rock, Paul Simon)

I'm getting caught up on the second season of LOST now so I can finally eventually watch current episodes... Though I'm getting so spoiled by shows on DVD it's going to be annoying wading through those commercials again! But here is a parody about John Locke, who's been one of my favorite characters on the show from the beginning, to the tune of I Am a Rock.


I Am John Locke

We're castaways,
But in truth, I can't remember
When I have known
Such a sense of purpose. I'm on hallowed ground.
I'll fight to keep the freedom I have found.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

I was called
A poor old fool - not rightly.
My own dad showed me hate.
But now I'm bravely seeking monsters in the rain.
I have become impervious to pain.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

My life's been tough.
While I had no worth before,
I'm meeting with my destiny.
When that plane hit the water, I thought that I was dead;
I have finally begun to live instead.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

I hike and cook,
And my box of knives will protect me.
I'm a hunter, not a farmer.
I just killed a boar. Soon I'll kill some more.
There's no one more equipped for this than me.
I am John Locke. I love this island!

Yes, John Locke is my name,
And this island's just my size.

The Castaways' Rhapsody (Bohemian Rhapsody, Freddie Mercury)

This morning, I mentioned to my brother Nathan that I wanted to write a song about LOST but hadn't yet settled on an appropriate song, having rejected Gilligan's Island as too obvious and subsequently used it for another parody. "Bohemian Rhapsody!" he exclaimed. And I must applaud him, because it was an inspired suggestion, and one I might not have thought of by myself. What follows is a mass of festering schizophrenia, but I hope you will find it as fun to read as I found it to write. The names in bold are to indicate the speakers; just imagine a massive music video containing every member of the principal cast and then some...

The Castaways' Rhapsody

Castaways: Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Who knew that plane ride
Would conclude in calamity?
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see...
Boone: I'd be a hero, but Jack will not let me
Because he's sure that he's in the know.
Hurley: I'm getting vertigo.
Why'd I have to win the -
Boone: Nothing I do matters...
Hurley: - dumb lottery?

Kate: Sawyer, I killed a man.
Now the one I love is dead.
I wish it was me instead.
Sun and Jin: We are both Korean and
We cannot understand a thing you say.
Michael: Walter, ooooh, didn't mean to make you cry.
You bum me out because you didn't miss me.
Walt: Vincent's gone, Vincent's gone,
And my dad keeps getting madder.

Charlie: I hate that my drugs are gone.
Jack: I know that I'm a hunk
And I think that Boone is bunk.
Claire: I am really pregnant. This baby is
Gonna finally pop out of me any day.
Sawyer: Freckles, oooooh, (Sun: I wonder if Jin knows?) caught you in a lie,
But I will keep your secret if you just kiss me.

Hurley: I know the numbers on that map are evil, man.
Danielle: I'm uncouth! I'm uncouth!
And I killed my whole gang.
Sayid: Oh, look, electric lighting!
This woman is frightening me...
Sawyer: We can't stay.
Kate: No, we should stay.
Jin: No, we can't stay.
Locke: No, we should stay.
Michael: No, we can't stay.
Walt: No, we should stay - wait, better go...

Locke: I'm just an old guy. Nobody trusts me.
Everyone Else: He's just a man whose dad stole his kidney.
Sawyer: I shot a bear but they still yell at me.
Sayid: Crazy French lady, oh, will you let me go?
Pilot: The monster! No!
Felled Boar: I ran a bit too slow.
Jin: Let me go!
Kate: The monster!
Vincent: Where did that Walt kid go?
Charlie: Let her go!
Shannon: The monster!
Polar Bear: I ought to find some snow...
Claire: Let him go!
The Others: That kid's ours, you know.
Walt: Let me go!
Perplexed (But Enthusiastic) Viewers: What a crazy show!
The Island: They should go...
Enthusiastic (But Perplexed) Viewers: No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
Michael: Oh, there must be a -
Jin: There must be a -
Michael and Jin: - way to get off if we row.
Charlie: I'm in Drive Shaft, and You All Everybody was such a hit for me!

Marshal: So you think you're a hero and have a good eye?
So nice of you to shoot me and leave me to die!
Shannon: I'm lazy
And my step-brother's crazy.
Michael, Jin and Sawyer: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Michael, Jin and Sawyer: This raft's kind of tattered.
Hope it's sea-worthy.
Castaways: Our lives have been shattered.
Fulfilled Viewers: But you make us gladder
Each week...

Everyone: Hear the ocean wind blow...

Season One Review

I saw the first season of LOST on DVD.  Pretty intense way to throw yourself into the experience.  I highly recommend it!