Sterling Beaumon On Criminal Minds

Sterling Beaumon is an amazing young actor, and his turn as a serial killer in the episode Safe Haven is well worth watching.  Just be warned, it may give you nightmares...

The Final Season Soundtrack Review

In honor of LOST's sixth anniversary, I posted a review of the sixth season's soundtrack. Phenomenal album!

My Five Favorite Minor Flashback Characters on LOST

I know I've mentioned before how much I love Tom Brennan, Sam Austen, Essam and especially Mr. Kwon and Annie.  Here's a more detailed exploration of my five favorite minor flashback characters.

Hurley (Hugo Reyes) Bobblehead Review

Hurley, or rather Hugo, loves chicken so much that he bought the Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack franchise. Way to spread the luck around!

Weezer's Hurley: A LOST Fan's Analysis

Check out my review of the new Weezer album, Hurley!

The New Man in Charge

I was very excited when I learned about The New Man in Charge, the 12-minute-long mini-episode that was included in the season six DVD set (along with the Blu-Ray and complete sets). Any more LOST was a delicious prospect, especially when the short would focus on two of my very favorite characters.

I was disappointed when I stopped hearing that it would be 20 minutes long and started hearing 12, and when I watched it, I was disappointed that there was so little interaction between Ben and Hurley. I would have loved to see the two of them on the Island together, bumbling through the first few days of their reign and perhaps interacting with Rose and Bernard and other Island residents. A teensy part of me hoped for some kind of resolution on the Annie front as well as some indication of just what happened to Jacob when he vanished after What They Died For, but I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting any kind of major revelations, really, so whatever we got was a nice bonus. But I wish the epilogue had been about three times as long as it was...

I liked the two Dharma goons who had been holed up doing supply drops for 20 years. Pallet drop solved. And even though they worked for Dharma, they were completely clueless, and their demand for answers was like our own. Ben agreed to answer a few of their questions, but he wasn’t giving much away. He was as tight-lipped as Damon and Carlton, and just whetting our appetites for solutions to long-standing mysteries.

Nonetheless, we did find out a few things in the Hydra Station filmstrip. We learned a bit more about the Dharma experiments with polar bears. I feel like the “why” of the polar bears was pretty adequately explained in season three, let alone seasons four and five, but the filmstrip made it explicit. It also showed us that Dharma created the Hurleybird and that the Orchid was apparently responsible for the Island’s fertility problems. I still wonder why Ben was so stubborn about not letting people leave the Island to give birth. He must have known that this was Dharma’s solution to the baby problems. Was he afraid they would never come back?

Additionally, we learned that Dharma was into kidnapping Hostiles and sticking them in Room 23 in hopes of understanding them better. I wonder who was subjected to this treatment and whether finding out about this room may have been a contributing factor to enacting the Purge when they did.

The filmstrip went on a little long for me, since I knew that every minute with the movie was one less minute with Michael Emerson and eventually Jorge Garcia. It took up about half the short, and while it was somewhat illuminating, it was also rather dry. Still, I enjoyed it, especially in conjunction with the Dharma dudes’ confused responses.

The best part of the short for me was the visit to Santa Rosa, though it made me wonder about a good many things. When exactly is this taking place? Can we assume a couple of years? Because Walt seemed to be in perfectly good shape when he saw John and, later, Hurley. So how did he end up in a mental institution - especially one in L. A., when he was living in New York? Then again, he was going by the name Keith Johnson, like Michael’s Kevin Johnson, which suggests that Ben had a hand in setting the whole thing up, somehow arranging for his pseudonym and stay from a distance.

I also find it a little curious that Walt seemingly does wind up spending the rest of his life on the Island, yet he still isn’t in the church at the end. You’d think that he would’ve wound up especially close to Hurley, Rose and Bernard, and probably Ben as well. But I’m glad the epilogue suggested that Walt could help Michael to move on. I don’t know how that would happen, but it certainly seemed that Michael got a raw deal. He died the same way as Sayid, and just as self-sacrificially, and he killed far fewer people. And Ben probably did more nefarious things than the two of them put together. At least Michael had a noble reason for the terrible things he did.

My favorite line of the epilogue was Ben saying, “Everyone has friends, Walt. Even me.” Ah, Ben. How far you’ve come! I liked the granola bar gesture but would have found it more meaningful if it had been an Apollo bar, and thus a stronger callback to Ben’s Apollo bar moments with Annie and Hurley. At last he’s extending genuine friendship to someone. And I liked how Hurley’s words to Walt reflected Jacob’s to Hurley in The Incident.

I did find it a little curious that both of them were off the Island at the same time, but I suppose they could’ve had Rose and Bernard hold down the fort, and maybe that’s why they were in such a hurry. I’m also unclear on how the Dharma van got to L. A., but I’m not too bothered by that. Also, since he was right there, I kinda like the thought that Hurley went to visit his parents, though I’m not sure how he could pull that off without raising all sorts of strange questions. If he could swear them to silence, he could presumably make a habit of visiting them periodically - maybe for Christmas, for example, though I’d love to see an Island Christmas party thrown by Hurley. Maybe at some point he could even bring them to the Island for a visit.

It’s fun to imagine what Hurley and Ben’s tenure on the Island would look like. I’m curious about how Walt fits in. Are he and Ben going to share the duties of Number Two? Maybe Hurley will put Walt in charge of the Temple. Without a Smoke Monster, I guess there’s not much need for it, but it’s still a nice structure and a pleasant haven for whoever might come to the Island, at least once the carnage from Sundown is cleared away.

Anyway, it was nice to get a little bit of resolution on the Walt front, and more Ben and Hurley is always a good thing. Most of the deleted scenes from season six were rather uninspiring, but I liked the confrontation between Claire and Smokey as well as the conversation between Hurley and Sawyer on the beach in the immediate aftermath of the submarine explosion. I especially liked that Hurley mentioned Frank not making it; it always bugged me that everybody seemed to just forget about him.

Darlton have promised that LOST is definitely over now, though if they wanted to extend the series in a new format such as comic books, I would be the last to complain. Still, even if that were to eventually happen, I think it’s quite a ways down the road. This is the last new LOST material we’re going to get for a while, barring any tidbits that might appear in the encyclopedia, so I’ll accept it with gratitude.

Season Six Review

LOST's sixth season inspired a lot of passionate feelings.  After such an intensive investment in a television show, was all the anticipation worth it?  For me, the answer is a resounding yes.

I'll Never Be LOST Again Review

Have I mentioned how much I love I'll Never Be Lost Again?  Allow me to elaborate...

John Locke Bobblehead Review

When did I first discover how magnificent John Locke was? This fruit smile from the first episode might have been the tip-off...

Claire Littleton Bobblehead Review

Season six Claire is nutty as a squirrel, and she has the squirrel baby to prove it.

Annie and the Apollo Bars

It occurred to me that if I ever were to try my hand at LOST rockdom from anything beyond a posting-lyrics-online angle, I need a catchy band name.  So this is what I'm going to call myself if I ever get around to making some really decent recordings.  Long live Annie!

Please Come Home With Me (Feels Like Home, Randy Newman)

Claire: Look at me! This Island's made me crazy, I - I don't want Aaron to see me like this. I don't even know how to be a mother anymore.
Kate: Listen to me, none of us do. Not at first. But you're not alone. Let me help you. Come on, let's go.
- The End

Kate is more sympathetic to Claire than Sawyer is in season six.  Here's Kate in the finale to the tune of Feels Like Home, one of my dad's favorite songs at the moment.

Please Come Home With Me

Someone you despise tried to make you lose yourself,
Tried to make you lose yourself, but he’s gone.
Yes, Claire, you have a choice.  Just forget the past.
You can leave at last and reclaim your life.

I can tell how lonely your life has been.
To feel strong, you cling to that gun,
But it won’t bring what you’ve wanted since he first led you wrong.
I’m here so you can raise your son.

So please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
You feel like you’re much too messed up to be a mom,
But please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.

We’ve made mistakes.  Hey, you think I'm clean?
But we try, then fail, then do right.
You look a fright; you could use some Maybelline.
Still, I believe you’ve seen through the dark to the light.

Well, do you know how much this moment means to me?
You don’t need that cradle or that hutch.
Though I have been the mother you were meant to be,
Your little boy deserves your love for him so much.

So please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
You feel like you’re much too messed up to be a mom,
But please come home with me.  Oh, please come home with me.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.
I promised to help you get back where you belong.

Mr. Cluck's Keychain Review

You have to click through to Epinions to get a picture of this monstrosity.  Definitely not an authentic Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack keychain.

Claire's Insane (You're So Vain, Carly Simon)

"Sayid's a zombie and Claire's nuts. She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate. And I ain't gonna let that happen again."
- Sawyer, The Last Recruit

The Claire of season six is quite a bit different from the Claire the castaways came to know and love.  Here, Sawyer tries to convince Hurley that she's not worth bringing along in their great escape, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain.  (The above quote is from a conversation with Jack, but I figure his conversation with Hurley would have been similar...)

Claire’s Insane

She showed up with her rifle
And stitched up Jin in her creepy hut.
But then he flinched as she axed that Other guy. 
She got ‘im right in the gut.
Well, it’s only smart to fear her now
‘Cause she’s a gnarly nut.
Lounged here with Locke for too long, and she lost it.
Clearly, she lost it.

Yeah,
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
She’s insane, (She’s insane),
And bringin’ her along would just scare us,
Scare us, scare us...

Well, we knew her several years ago.
Back then, she was so naive.
Oh, but now we are stuck with a crazy Claire
With homicide up her sleeve.
Now, I know you’re really big on love.
You’re eager to believe
People can change, but I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
She hangs around with skeletal babies.
She’s insane.  (She’s insane!)
I wonder if that thing gave her rabies,
Rabies, rabies, rabies!

Think she can change?  Well, I’m not gonna chance it.
Not gonna chance it.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Apparently she’s also Jack’s sister.
She’s insane. (She’s insane!)
I guess it’s lucky he never kissed her,
Kissed her, kissed her!

Did you hear she went after Kate with a knife?
Sayid, he didn’t step in.
He could not be bothered with a threatened friend’s life.
I’d say the Dark Side is fixin’ to win.
Well, I know we’re runnin’ out of time,
And Hugo, we don’t need
A chick who’s unhinged or a kid-killin’ zombie,
Kid-killin’ zombie.

No,
Claire’s insane.
Yeah, those two gave their tickets up early.
She’s insane.  (Insane!)
We can’t succeed with someone so squirrelly,
Squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly!

Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane
And horribly in need of a hairbrush.
Claire’s insane...

You're So Vain

We Wonder Who His Ex Is (Deep in the Heart of Texas, June Hershey / Don Swander)

After Lighthouse revealed that Jack had a son, there was a lot of speculation as to who David's mother might be.  Here's a little ditty about that to the tune of the cowboy song Deep in the Heart of Texas.

We Wonder Who His Ex Is

Although we’re glad that Jack’s a dad,
We wonder who his ex is.
She left the kid with Jack and hid.
We wonder who his ex is.

So let’s debate.  Could it be Kate?
We wonder who his ex is.
Or Ana Lu’s an option too.
We wonder who his ex is.

Will Sarah be the mom we see?
We wonder who his ex is.
Or better yet is Juliet.
We wonder who his ex is.

We have the names of lots of dames.
We wonder who his ex is.
Why won’t the show just let us know?
We wonder who his ex is.

Who-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo?


Deep in the Heart of Texas

I've Got No Faith (I've Got No Strings, Leigh Harline / Ned Washington)

Jack: Don't. It's not real. Look, you want to push the button, you do it yourself.
Locke: If it's not real, then what are you doing here, Jack? Why did you come back? - Orientation

Here's a song involving John and Jack's argument down in the hatch at the end of Orientation, to the tune of Pinocchio's I've Got No Strings.  Jack finally gives in, but real faith doesn't come until much later... 


I’ve Got No Faith

Jack: I’ve got no faith in destiny.
I only trust what I can see.
You have faith, but luckily,
There is no faith in me.
   
Desmond was clearly cracked.
Nothing’s gonna happen, John.
This hatch would stay intact
Even if we all were gone.

John: You’ve got no faith?  Then tell me, Jack,
Why did you bother coming back?
Trust the film.  This job’s for two.
I know there’s faith in you.

Sayid: He has no faith, so let him be.
This argument is boring me.
Step aside, and I will do
What Jack refuses to.

Kate: You have no faith.  I’m with you there.
But this is giving me a scare.
Just in case the tape is true,
I’d push if I were you.

Jack: John, you’re a silly sheep.
Desmond didn’t have a clue.
John: Why won’t you take the leap? 
I believe, but I need you.

Alarm: BEEP! BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Jack: (pushes button) There’s still no faith in me!

Season Five Soundtrack Review

LOST's season five soundtrack is action-packed and intense.  Plus, it introduces Jacob!

This Daniel's Plan (Mr. Bojangles, Jerry Jeff Walker)

Daniel: Hey there. Are you Jack?
Jack: Yeah, I'm Jack. Who are you?
Daniel: I'm Daniel Faraday. I'm here to rescue you.
- Confirmed Dead

Daniel Faraday is just about as confusing to Jack as he is to Frank.  Here's Jack trying to figure Daniel out to the tune of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Mr. Bojangles.

This Daniel’s Plan

I met a man named Daniel in the pouring rain,
Perplexed and wet
With shaggy hair, a skinny tie and shaky hands.
A friend or threat?
I wondered why, I wondered why
His eyes were darting around.

He landed in the jungle, and he knew my name:
“Are you Jack?”
I heard the words but barely dared to dream
We were heading back.
Back to our lives, back to our lives.
But we couldn’t go just yet.

I soon began to think that Daniel had us tricked.
He said so, too.
I got depressed when he confessed that he’d told a lie:
“I’m here to rescue you.”
But still he was kind, soft-spoken and kind,
And he seemed glad we were found.

Who is this Daniel?  Who is this Daniel?
What is this Daniel’s plan?

Now, I suppose what Daniel knows is far beyond
The normal scope.
I gotta thank that pilot Frank, ‘cause he tipped me off.
I’m not a dope,
So it hurts my pride, it hurts my pride
Thinkin’ that he’s too smart for me.

But Faraday’s gonna find a way to let us leave
Although he lied.
I don’t know what he’s here for, but I do believe
That he is on our side.
What’s in his head?  Don’t know what’s in his head,
But I trust his expertise.  He’s...

Different, this Daniel.  Dizzy ol’ Daniel.
What is this Daniel’s plan?

Mr. Bojangles

Here We Are In the Past (Years May Come, Years May Go, Jack Fishman / Andre Popp / Jean Massoulier)

"The record is spinning again. We're just not on the song we wanna be on."

- Daniel, LaFleur

Here's a little ditty in which Sawyer, Juliet, Daniel and Horace do some reflecting on the 1974 events of LaFleur, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Years May Come, Years May Go.

Here We Are in the Past

Sawyer: We might be in a bind,

But I don’t really mind.

I think a haughty hippie beats flashin’ through time.

Don’t have to deal with Ben -

Or if we do, he’s ten.

It’s kinda cool to see history.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Juliet: I don’t know what to do,

‘Cause James, I’m sweet on you

But can’t erase the pain this place put me through.

The course of time’s grown smooth,

So could our luck improve,

Or will we stay and then grieve again?

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track.)    

Horace: Jim, you helped us out.

I’m sorry for my doubt,

And you just bought yourself a spot.  Yeah, you’ve got clout.

I guess it isn’t true

That DHARMA’s not for you;

I never thought you’d be saving me.

Sawyer: Here we are  

(Daniel: Thirty years from when we are)

Sawyer: In the past.

(Daniel: 815 will crash.)

Sawyer: Well, what now?

(Daniel: We’ve been in the Seventies)

Sawyer: Will this last?

(Daniel: Since the final flash.)

Sawyer: If it does,

(Daniel: Now I think we’ve seen the last of)

Sawyer: Pick a pad,

(Daniel: Kate, Sayid and Jack.)

Sawyer: ‘Cause this place

(Daniel: Yes, the record’s spinning but)

Sawyer: Ain’t so bad.

(Daniel: We’re on another track...)

Matilda Turnip's Endless Belly Button

I recently read Matilda Turnip's Endless Belly Button, the new picture book written by Geronimo Jack's Beard co-host Bethany James Leigh Shady and illustrated by Joshua Peters, and I found it delightful. Check out my review, and buy the book here on Lulu. (Note: Though there is a listing on Amazon, it is not available there.)

We Ain't Done (Day Is Done, Peter Yarrow)

"You and me ain't done, Zeke." - Sawyer, The Hunting Party

There's way too much revenge floating around the Island on LOST. Here's Sawyer to the tune of Peter Yarrow's Day Is Done.


We Ain’t Done

Listen, Zeke, I know what you did.
I was right there when you snatched the kid.
I don’t speak destiny, but you bein’ here
Seems like fate, and your reckoning’s near.
Feel the fear.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

I can tell you what Hugo will say:
“Come on, dude, please put your pistol away!”
He’s naive, and he just doesn’t know
That this is the way it should go.
I’m sure of it, though.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

Spent my whole life lookin’ to kill.
Got rid of Sawyer, but the drive is there still.
I don’t know, guess it isn’t so wise,
But when I find a guy I despise,
Then I say he dies.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done. (Listen, we ain’t done.)
We ain’t done.

Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done.
Yeah, Zeke, you kidnapped Michael’s son.
Back then I told you that we ain’t done...

Day Is Done

Colleen (My Boy Willie, Traditional)

"This is for Colleen!"
- Danny, I Do

Here's a reflection from Danny Pickett about his desire for revenge after the death of his wife Colleen, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' My Boy Willie.

Colleen
Was it really just the other day
When my love Colleen met the castaway
Who coldly shot her?  It’s too unkind,
So I’m out for blood.  I’ve made up my mind.

Ben told Colleen to take the boat.
I didn’t get to cast my vote.
Even if I had, I’d’ve let her try,
‘Cause she knew her stuff.  Never thought she’d die.

What was it like for her to meet
Someone who appeared to be so sweet
But was a killer?  If I only knew
Where that woman was, I would shoot her too.

But since she is gone, and I can't say where
And it’s too tricky to track her there,
One of these clowns will have to do.
Ford is such a nuisance; that’s who I’ll pursue.

What would Colleen say if she was here?
Oh, how I wish she would appear!
But I watched as her body went floating by
In a solemn blaze, and I said goodbye.

I won’t just stand around and weep.
No, I made a pledge I intend to keep.
And if he asks what I’m thinking of,
I will let Ford know that I kill for love.

Mystery Writer (Paperback Writer, Paul McCartney)

Here's a little ditty from Gary Troup, author of Bad Twin, moments before 815 crashes into the ocean, to the tune of the Beatles' Paperback Writer.

Mystery Writer

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Well, Hanso confiscated my last book.
He didn’t want the public to take a look
‘Cause evil equations tend to foster fear.
What a mess that was!  So I’d rather be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

It’s the thrilling story of a clever man
And the time he spends with the Widmore clan.
A son is missing, so it’s up to Paul
To recover him.  Oh, it’s great to be a mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).

Sell a million copies.  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll impress the critics and Cindy too.
Flying out of Sydney, I can see her smile.
Wrote this book for her, ‘cause I’m such a sappy mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Well, I hope we make it to L.A. all right.
I was not expecting such a bumpy flight.
But at least I guess that if we crash right here,
Then my book will sell.  I will be a famous mystery writer.
Mystery writer.

Mystery writer (mystery writer, writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).
Mystery writer (mystery writer).

Donald (Wichita Lineman, Jimmy Webb)

Libby: What was the man's name who broke his leg? The day of the crash on the other side of the Island, Eko brought a man with a broken leg to me for help. What was his name?
Hurley: I don't know.
Libby: You don't know. You know why? Because it happened to me. His name was Donald, and I buried him. I buried a lot of people, Hurley. So don't tell me that that wasn't real. And don't tell me you made me up. It's insulting.
- Dave

Hurley's always been a champion of the redshirts, and it seems his soulmate Libby is as well.  Here she uses the death of Donald in the Tailies' camp to help convince Hurley that she is more than a figment of his imagination, to the tune of Jimmy Webb's Wichita Lineman. (Mine's modeled after the Keith Harkin version, which isn't readily available online; James Taylor's is slightly different but pretty close. And I might actually like his better...)

Donald

Do you recall a man named Donald?
He died two months ago.
Tried to save his life,
But his healing was too slow.

After fixing up his fracture,
I had hope that he’d be fine.
But that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

It was a nasty situation,
And he fainted from pain.
He didn’t last a week, and so
My efforts were in vain.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

So you think I’m just a figment?
Well, I say you’re out of line.
‘Cause that isn’t your memory.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.
No, Hurley, it’s mine.

Vince (Vincent, Don McLean)

A recent Entertainment Weekly poll revealed that the most tear-jerking moment in this year's series of finales was Jack's death, and the poll editor parenthetically added that it was Vincent who put Jack over the top. I make it a rule never to filk the same song twice, but once in a blue moon I break it if the song has a strong enough pull on me and I'm not especially attached to my first attempt. I had a feeling I'd have to break my rule for Vincent, and I finally found the perfect scene to work with - a very fitting end to the series, and one that also reminds me of The Forest Again, one of my favorite chapters in the Harry Potter saga. Here's Jack to the tune of Don McLean's Vincent.

Vince

Fatal, fatal knife
Plunged into my side today.
What a price I had to pay
To see to it the Island would stay whole!
Now I’m feeling chilled.
Funny notion, this getting killed.
Won’t be long till my heartbeat’s stilled,
And slowly I will mingle with the sand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see.
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Fatal, fatal knife,
Handed down from ancient days.
Just before he braved the blaze
That brought his ashes, Jacob felt it too.
What a cruel adieu!
Mine was just a tiny reign,
But you came to ease my pain.
I’m strengthened by your warmth beneath my hand.

Do you understand
Just how much this means to me?
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
I thought, “He’s just a dog,” but Vince, I vow,
I don’t believe that now.

Jacob didn’t have you,
But I’m so glad I do.
Yes, as I slip away from life,
Not that fatal, fatal knife
But somebody who soothes me is in view.
I’m so grateful to you, Vincent.
This isn’t quite so scary when I’m facing it with you.

Fatal, fatal knife.
That’s the reason for my fall.
Barely feel the wound at all,
And certainly I’m feeling no regret.
First survivor who I met,
Now settled with Bernard and Rose,
You have a home but kindly chose
To find me here and help me to let go.

Yes, I’m sure you know
Just how much this means to me.
It’s such a gesture of humanity
From you, the final friend I’ll see!
The plane is leaving, and it’s such a thrill,
But Vince, you never will.

Seth (Beth, Peter Criss / Stan Penridge)

"Look, I'm staring at the television right now, you're broadcasting footage of the wreckage and saying that that's the pilot Seth Norris...  Well, that's not him."
- Frank, Confirmed Dead

Seth Norris is another character we never got to know very well, but Frank Lapidus did.  This song goes hand-in-hand with Careful Flyin' but deals more directly with Frank's guilt that his friend (and his wife) had to pay for his oversleeping.  Here's Frank to the tune of KISS's Beth.  (I actually prefer the GLEE version, and since it's lyrically the same as the original, I linked their cover.  Though the original is very nice too.)

Seth

Seth, I gotta call in,
‘Cause although they claim you drowned,
Some of the stuff I’m seein’
Makes me doubt what they have found.

I sit up for hours
Wonderin’ what became of you.
I picture that plane fallin’.
Oh, Seth, what did I do?
Seth, what did I do?

I’m sure your house feels empty
Since you left your wife alone.
I only blame myself,
‘Cause you never should have flown.

I sit up for hours
Wonderin’ what became of you.
I picture that plane fallin’.
Oh, Seth, what did I do?
Seth, what did I do?

Seth, I know she’s lonely,
And this footage isn’t right.
You must’ve been wearin’ your ring on that flight.
That flight...

MacCutcheon (Dublin O'Shea, Lonnie Donegan / Joe Brown)

"What you're not, is worthy of drinking my whiskey. How could you ever be worthy of my daughter?"
- Widmore, Flashes Before Your Eyes

The scene in Flashes Before Your Eyes in which Charles Widmore so thoroughly disses Desmond with some help from a 60-year-old bottle of scotch remains one of the most iconic in the series.  I'm still not entirely sure if Charles was as oblivious to Desmond's previous existence as he seemed in that scene, but here I'm going to assume that he was. Here's Charles to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Dublin O'Shea.

MacCutcheon

“Here’s a little drink, boy.  MacCutcheon’s the best.
Although you’re my guest, I have deemed you unworthy,
And if you’re too base for the scotch on my chest,
Then how could I hand you my daughter, you fool?”

He came to my office to look for a job,
But he seemed like a slob, just a slouch and a roustabout.
Still, I was willing to toss him a bob.
Then Desmond asked for my daughter.

“Here’s a little drink, boy.  MacCutcheon’s the best.
Although you’re my guest, I have deemed you unworthy,
And if you’re too base for the scotch on my chest,
Then how could I hand you my daughter, you fool?”

I spoke of a hero, the Navy man Mac,
And mentioned the plaques earned by Admiral Anderson.
Maybe I could’ve cut the poor lad some slack,
But he’d landed himself in hot water.

“Here’s a little drink, boy.  MacCutcheon’s the best.
Although you’re my guest, I have deemed you unworthy,
And if you’re too base for the scotch on my chest,
Then how could I hand you my daughter, you fool?”

He left in a flurry, full of anguish and shame,
And I hoped that his name wouldn’t come back to haunt me.
But Desmond, determined to earn my acclaim,
Turned himself to a consummate sailor.

“Here’s a little drink, boy.  MacCutcheon’s the best.
Although you’re my guest, I have deemed you unworthy,
And if you’re too base for the scotch on my chest,
Then how could I hand you my daughter, you fool?”

He got to the Island I lost long ago,
And he made the hatch blow with the turn of his key.
Then he married Penelope.  Galling, I know,
But I’ll no longer call him a failure.

“Here’s a little drink, boy.  MacCutcheon’s the best.
Although you’re my guest, I have deemed you unworthy,
And if you’re too base for the scotch on my chest,
Then how could I hand you my daughter, you fool?”

Dublin O'Shea

Joanna (Rosanna, David Paich)

"You think you're all noble and heroic for coming after me? I was fine! You're not the only one who knows what to do around here, you know that? I run a business! Who appointed you our savior, huh?"
- Boone, White Rabbit

We never got to know Joanna, the castaway who drowned less than a week after the crash of Flight 815, and neither did much of anybody else. Here Jack runs the gamut of emotions before ultimately using her tragic death as an impetus for a more united camp, to the tune of Toto's Rosanna.

Joanna

Boone: Think you’re noble, Jack?  Well, I didn’t need a savior, and someone died.
Joanna, Joanna.
She only drowned ‘cause you interfered and wasted time on me.
Joanna.
All you had to do was abandon me, but no, you couldn’t get that right.
Joanna, Joanna.
You didn’t think I could handle myself?  I beg to disagree.

Jack: I’m sorry, Boone, but just go away.  Joanna’s dead.
Never saw her before today.
Helping doesn’t pay.  Helping doesn’t pay.  Joanna’s dead.
Helping doesn’t pay.  Helping doesn’t pay.  Joanna’s dead.

Kate: Jack, you look exhausted.  Go and get some rest.  Nobody doubts you tried.
Jack: Joanna, Joanna.
I gotta go; what I think I see must mean I’m going mad.
Joanna.
Overcome with guilt, and I shudder at the judgment in my father’s eyes.
Joanna, Joanna.
I never thought, even with him dead, I’d have to dodge my dad.

I’m sorry, Kate.  Need to get away.  Joanna’s dead.
Never saw her before today.
Now, my dad would say, “Let it go, okay?  Joanna’s dead.”
But I can’t obey.  Need to get away.  Joanna’s dead.

Okay, I have a few things to say.  Joanna’s dead,
But Boone tried saving her today.
Put your barbs away.  Fighting’s not okay.  That angst will spread.
There’s a better way.  If we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.

If we’re here to stay, if we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.
If we’re here to stay, if we’re here to stay, let’s bond instead.

You Say That the Series Is Over (You Say That the Battle Is Over, David Mallett)

The series may be over, but a LOST balladeer's work is never done. Here I pledge to focus much of my post-LOST writing efforts on the show's minor characters. Not that I will be able to resist the more major ones when they come calling...  Here's me to the tune of John Denver's You Say That the Battle Is Over.


You Say That the Series Is Over

And you say that the series is over.
At last, all this LOST talk is done.
You’re up the wrong tree if you’re talking to me;
My musing has only begun.
And I can guarantee that I’ll get season six.
I will not be deterred by the cost.
Yes, I’m going to buy it and faithfully try
To honor the losers of LOST.

And you say that the series is over.
You think my fixation should cease.
Ah, but you would be wrong, since I know there’s a song
For a dozen more redshirts at least.
There are those who appeared in a flashback or two.
There are those who fell back in year one.
Though we didn’t know them so we didn’t weep,
Resurrecting them now would be fun.

For the series has shown that although just a few
Fought the fight and have finished the race,
It is proper to cherish the peons who perish
And hope that they too are afforded some grace.
From Scott and Joanna to Zoe and Bram,
Here’s a toast to those women and men.
LOST cast them aside and they violently died,
But they also will find life again.

And you say that the series is over.
At last, all this LOST talk is done.
You’re up the wrong tree if you’re talking to me;
My musing has only begun.
And I can guarantee that I’ll get season six.
I will not be deterred by the cost.
Yes, I’m going to buy it and faithfully try
To honor the losers of LOST.

Yes, I’m going to buy it and faithfully try
To honor the losers of LOST.

Isabella (Lorena, Joseph Phillbrick Webster)

"I think I just realized that I wanna live."
 - Richard, The End

Here's a reflection from a newly aging Richard as he takes off from the Island in The End, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Lorena. (Like most of the Irish Rovers songs I can't find online, this is from The Boys Come Rollin' Home; the version below is similar, but missing the repeated lines at the end.)

Isabella

Oh, the years crept slowly, Isabella,
Since I became an ageless man.
It was my penance, Isabella.
I earned that lengthy, lonely span.
Yet my quest for wisdom was sincere.
I let you be my guiding light.
And since I’ve seen the end is near,
I’m feeling grateful for this flight.

A hundred eighty, Isabella.
Yes, that’s what I am pushing now.
But I have waited, Isabella.
I never broke our wedding vow.
A hundred forty years away
From the night that brought me so much pain,
I love you more with every day,
And my devotion will not wane.

I wear your cross now, Isabella.
It may be another year or ten
Or half a cent’ry, Isabella,
Till at last I'm with you once again.
But I am free, and so to live
Is no longer such a drudgery.
I think I still have more to give
Even though the Island’s done with me.

Oh, the years crept slowly, Isabella,
Since I became an ageless man.
A hundred eighty, Isabella.
Yes, that’s what I am pushing now.
It was my penance, Isabella.
I earned that lengthy, lonely span.
For years, I’ve waited, Isabella.
I never broke our wedding vow.

Oh, the years crept slowly, Isabella,
Since I became an ageless man...


Lorena

Temporary (Bonnie Kellswater, Traditional)

"Alright, I'll take it. But it's only temporary, as soon as you get that light back in, I'm pulling you up, and I'm giving it right back to you, deal?"
- Hurley, The End

Here's Hurley reluctantly telling Jack that he will take the job of Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers'Bonnie Kellswater.  (The version I used has a fourth verse, so again, it doesn't quite synch up.)

Temporary

Fine, I’ll help you.  I will drink the spring water,
And I swear that I will safeguard the light.
But I’m only doin’ this till you come back, dude.
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?

When I came here, I felt so unlucky.
Thought I never would have peace of mind.
But you gave me a job.  I stopped running.
I thought, Hey, don’t be scared.  Just be kind.

So I tried my best at making people happy
From the minute you stuck me with Claire.
But disasters kept on hitting those around me.
Was I cursed or was life just unfair?

Jacob told me I was blessed, and I believed him,
Though it sure was surprising to me.
But I know that if you hadn’t seen it first, Jack...
Well, I shudder to think where I’d be.

Now, I see that this water is muddy,
While the water that you drank was clear.
It’s a sign that you’re comin’ back, buddy,
‘Cause you always were meant to rule here.

So I’ll help you.  I will drink the spring water,
And I swear that I will safeguard the light.
But I’m only doin’ this till you come back, dude.
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?
Yeah, it’s just temporary, all right?

I'll Fly Those Fellas Home (The Boys Come Rollin' Home, Tommy Sands)

"Here we go, Frank.  Come on.  Come on...  Amen."
- Frank, The End

Another Frank song.  I had presumed him dead ever since The Candidate, so I was thrilled to see him turn up alive after all, and then wind up one of the big heroes of the finale.  Here's Frank to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Boys Come Rollin' Home.

I’ll Fly Those Fellas Home

I always will remember well the strange September day
Norris flew 815 out of Sydney.
I gotta get my rest, but oversleeping doesn‘t pay,
‘Cause poor Seth, he didn’t do so great, now did he?

But I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

I made it to the freighter with a madman and his friend.
My chopper didn’t crash in stormy weather.
I got us off the Island and I lost the beard and then
I brought Jack and all his buddies back together.

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Now Miles has got his duct tape, and Ricky’s by his side,
And Ben is somewhere with his walkie-talkie.
I see the Island crumblin’, and it‘s lookin’ like we‘re fried,
But it‘s tiger time; I kinda feel like Rocky!

So I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

We're goin’ down the runway now, and a few folks showed up late.
I wonder, is it fun to see me stressing?
But in they go, with buckles on, so Sawyer, Claire and Kate
Are part of 316 and share the blessing.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll get through this.  I’ll do this.  I braved the salty foam.
With some spunk and with a prayer, I will get ‘er in the air,
And I’ll fly those fellas home.

Yeah, I’ll fly those fellas home!

The Boys Come Rollin' Home

Like Me (Isle of Innisfree, Richard Farrelly)

"It was only supposed to be me so I can do this. But if someone has to take care of the Island, if someone has to protect it then... then it should be you. Hurley... I believe in you."
- Jack, The End

Here's a little reflection from Jack and Ben immediately preceding the brief ceremony that makes Hurley the new Island protector, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' Isle of Innisfree.

Like Me

Jack: I have been told I’m meant to be a leader,
That it’s a role that I was born to play.
But still, I feel I never was a leader
Until I took that sacred oath today.
And now I must descend to save the Island.
My eyes are clear, and that’s the fate I see.
But when it’s done, I will not leave the Island
Because the Island is my destiny.

And so before you take me down like Desmond,
Please feel no pity, hard as that may be.
But Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

Ben: I’ve spent a lifetime wanting to be special;
I’m slowly learning how to let that go.
I will admit that I was disappointed
When Jack named you. I won’t dispute it, though.

Instead, I’ll offer up this water bottle,
A tiny token of my loyalty.
So Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge; you won’t go wrong like me.

Jack: Yes, Hugo, will you promise to protect it?
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.
Please take the pledge, and then you’ll be like me.

The Isle of Innisfree

We're the Good Guys, Jin! (Let the Good Guys Win, Murray McLauglan)

"You make bad choices, bad things happen to you. But you make good choices, and then good - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! You got one! Yeah. Here, pull it in. Wow, look at that! You see? Now, that's karma. We must be the good guys, huh?"
- Bernard, Ji Yeon

Here's a song from Bernard in the fishing scene in Ji Yeon, to the tune of the Irish Rovers song Let the Good Guys Win. (The video is actually from the group who did it first, and the two versions are almost identical, lyrically speaking.)

We’re the Good Guys, Jin!

Maybe this married life is a learning curve.
Though we love our wives, they get on our last nerve.
But my Rose had cancer, and she almost died,
So to stick with Jack seemed like suicide.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

Maybe faithful love means you place a bet,
Take a chance although it doesn’t make sense yet.
Maybe each decision takes us twice as long.
But I don’t believe that we have chosen wrong.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!

When you make a choice, and the choice is bad,
The consequence surely will make you sad.
But with love as our guide, we’ll be choosing right.
Though the darkness calls, we will embrace the light.

Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
Hey, you got a fish! Better pull it in.
Karma's brought us luck. We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!
We’re the good guys, Jin!

She'll Fly Away (I'll Fly Away, Albert E. Brumley)

"Wow, Alex! Any higher, and you're gonna fly right off the Island."
 - Richard, Dead Is Dead

Here's a little song recollecting the sweet but somehow ominous swing set moment in Dead Is Dead. It's from Richard's perspective, first addressing Alex then Ben, to the tune of the Gospel song I'll Fly Away.

She’ll Fly Away

Alex, wow! What buoyancy you've shown! You’ll fly away.
What a time to treasure when you’ve grown! You’ll fly away.
You’ll fly away from this place. You’ll fly away.
Swing so high that you almost touch the sky. You’ll fly away.

Listen, we are realistic men. She’ll fly away.
One day, he may try to take her, Ben. She’ll fly away.
She’ll fly away from this place. She’ll fly away.
Push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

Yes, push her high so she’ll almost touch the sky. She’ll fly away.

Outside of Time (The Shadow of O'Casey, Tommy Sands)

"Your father and mother and all of you are - as you used to call it in the Shadowlands - dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."
- Aslan, The Last Battle

Christian: Everyone dies sometime, kiddo. Some of them before you, some... long after you.
Jack: But why are they all here now?
Christian: Well, there is no "now" here.
- The End

Here's Christian talking to Jack in the church at the end of The End, to the tune of the Irish Rovers' The Shadow of O'Casey. (It looks like iTunes is the only place online to hear this song, so you have to pay a dollar if you want to listen to this one. Or buy the album; it's fantastic!)

Outside of Time

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Please accept that you’ve reached the morning, and the nightmares won’t return.
You have walked in painful darkness, but the light will always burn.
You should know there is no “now” here. Those people all have died.
But life in here is bigger that it was on the outside.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Jack, I know this is surprising. We’re scientific men.
But we’re also wiser than we used to be back then,
And the answers to your questions all lie beyond the door.
Let’s go in together. What are we waiting for?

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

There were days you were lost and lonely, but kiddo, those are done.
The knife that monster wielded, it cut right through you, son.
But with Vincent there for comfort, you departed with a smile
And arrived to a glorious new sunrise. It was all worthwhile.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.

Bid farewell to your sorrow. If you have the faith to follow,
A brighter tomorrow is what you will find.
At the end of one story’s the pathway to glory.
We’ll evermore be outside of time.
Outside of time.

The Shadow of O'Casey

I'll Never Be LOST Again

I've seen and heard some great artistic responses to LOST over the years, but this is perhaps the most epic thing I've encountered. "This will be your new favorite song," Doc Jensen said in his column. He was right. Bravo, Injustice League, and Michael Giacchino too. Brilliant.

"I Think You Do What You Do Best. Take Care of People."

I suppose I should be quoting Jack or Christian here, but those two sentences from Ben are my favorite line in the finale, and that exchange with Hurley is my favorite scene in the finale, especially when coupled with their later exchange in Sideways world. I miss Ben's glasses and sweater-vest at the end there, but then I guess he isn't quite Dr. Linus anymore. Anyway, Hurley sharing the Apollo bar with Ben in Cabin Fever is one of my all-time favorite moments in the series, and ever since I've been hoping to see some indication of a bond between the two characters. I was a little disappointed that we basically didn't see them interact with each other up until the finale.

But The End made up for it, with Ben having probably his only purely heroic moment on the Island when he shoves Hurley out of the way and steps into the tree's path. Then later, despite his disappointment at having been passed over again, he furnishes a water bottle so that Hurley can be sworn in as Island protector. And then there's that wonderful moment when he reassures Hurley by telling him what we've all known all along - that Hurley is a man who excels at taking care of people, mostly in very simple, ordinary ways. I love that he says it, and that he means it, and clearly admires Hurley's altruism, and that Hurley then extends a hand to Ben, uplifting him by offering him the position of his assistant. And I think it is a good idea to have someone with some experience there to give him a better idea of how things might work, and his cleverness might come in handy. For instance, it's Ben who suggests that Hurley might be able to change the rules. In any case, they seem to have made a good team, based on their parting words to each other outside the church. I can't wait to see that extra footage of them together.

If that's the scene that made me smile the most, the one that made me cheer the most was Frank showing up in the water and being rescued by Miles and the newly-mortal Richard. There was such gentleness in the way they lay him in the boat, too; I just found the whole thing very sweet, and such a huge adrenaline rush to see that Frank survived after all. Though I notice that when Miles mentioned Frank to Kate, she didn't even bat an eye. Shouldn't she have said, "I thought that guy was dead?" Also - why didn't Frank suggest flying off the Island before?

But I love the Frank, Miles and Richard team. Frank and Miles know each other somewhat well but never liked each other much during their Freighter journey, and Richard barely knows either of them. Richard is the ancient Island adviser, Miles the cynical ghost whisperer who doesn't even realize he once was a Candidate, Frank the heroic pilot spared the carnage on the beach because Ilana saw the value in him. At this stage of the game they're about as clueless as the rest of us, but they're determined to make the best of a bad situation. Their best lines? Miles: "I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape." Richard: "I think I just realized that I want to live." And Frank's simple "Amen" as the plane rose into the air was quite moving.

And Rose and Bernard. I wasn't very surprised to see Hurley take over as Island protector, and I wasn't at all surprised to see that Rose and Bernard were the ones who got Desmond out of that well, though I was tipped off by having seen the scene with Smokey, Ben and Sawyer at the well ahead of time. The paw prints tipped me off, and I very much hoped I was right. I so miss Rose and Bernard, and I loved this scene with them as much as last year's, and even more because apparently, they actually sought Desmond out. Probably Vincent found him and they responded to his whining, but in any case, it seems to have been a much more proactive response than their being reluctantly found by Sawyer and the gang in The Incident.

I think it was Doc Jensen who commented on their "wrong-headed isolationism", but I'm pretty sure I don't think there's anything wrong with the path they chose, except that it meant that we got to see them a lot less than I'd like. Rose and Bernard are mature and wise, and all they need is each other for "Live Together, Die Alone" to work for them. And they're pacifists. They do help out a couple of key times, but otherwise they stay out of it, and I say more power to 'em. They make a lovely couple of Bombadils. I'm still disappointed that their music from last year's finale isn't included in the season five soundtrack; maybe this will make it into season six's...

No more Jacob. Evidently he simply disappeared almost immediately after Jack drank the water, and we never got to see him again, except as a kid on Jimmy Kimmel, and I don't quite know what that was about. Maybe it's a hint that after he died again, he was trapped on the Island again? He told Hurley that he would never see him again, but I'm sure he was wrong about that. But how soon did they see each other again? There on the Island, or on the other side of the doorway in the church? Of course, Hurley doesn't exactly choose to see these people. They decide to come to him. So maybe what Jacob was saying there was, "I won't be bugging you anymore." Except that Hurley wanted to be bugged. In any case, I think there's a lot that Jacob doesn't know. For instance, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the Sideways exists.

I wanted to see him again. And yes, I'm coming to realize that I'm about as big a Star Wars geek as Hurley (but with a proper appreciation of Ewoks), and I really wanted Jacob's brother (who allegedly was supposed to be named Samuel, but I feel weird calling him that) to be like Anakin in the end. Like Anakin, he was "special", and he had a very close kinship with this show's Obi-Wan, Jacob. Closer, even, than Anakin and Obi-Wan; I mean, the two were twins, and they were each other's constant companions for the first 13 years, and as often as possible after that. But after becoming mortal again, we got no indication of Jacob's brother feeling apologetic for all his Smokey misdeeds. No, he seemed just as ruthless as before.

And so I fear he may have used up his last chance. Unless Jacob's brother really did die, totally and utterly, back in Across the Sea, and Mother's warning of a fate worse than death was a bit of a red herring, and Smokey was just drawing on the brother's memories just as he drew on Locke's. That's possible, and probably preferable. I could live with that, even if it means admitting that Smokey himself is pure evil and he managed to seduce me a bit too. Especially when he saved the gang from Keamy. But if the soul of the brother in black has been entangled with this demonic force for 2000+ years, then it seems he had one great chance to repent for his misdeeds and he blew it. Or could there still be hope for him after his death? I don't know. I just know that I felt bad for the guy, and that Jacob is one of my very favorite characters in all of LOST and I don't see how he can ever forgive himself, in an afterlife he didn't expect, for forever condemning the one person in his life who was most important to him. And yet I feel certain that Jacob and Hurley will meet again. So... lots of questions there. Hoping one or two might get answered when the DVD comes out.

Sawyer was quite lovable here. Snarly but heroic on the Island, stalwart and confused in the Sideways, just an all-around great guy. I would have liked one last bear hug between him and Hurley; their relationship is one of my favorites on the show, and I think they could have had a more heartfelt farewell. But I guess they were in a hurry. I liked Sawyer's little chat with Jack as he tries to understand what just happened between him and Jacob, and I loved his interaction with Sun and Jin in the Sideways, and their absolute affection for him, and pleased amusement that he wound up a cop. And I was so happy to get one more Apollo moment. Those candy bars really are quite potent. It was cool to see the payoff of the "going dutch" conversation, and really moving to see Sawyer and Juliet remember each other. Again, score one for Apollo!

The only instance that confuses me a bit is that there was an Apollo ad on the side of the bus that hit Edmund Burke. Was he really that bad, that his death was such a victory? Or was the victory of gaining Juliet so great that it completely overshadowed the death of an innocent bystander? Come to think of it, that scene was a lot like Nadia's death. Edmund was holding Juliet back, while Nadia was holding Sayid back. But Nadia was definitely a good person. Ah, well... Clearly there were a few problems with the way that Jacob chose to run things.

We saw very little of Claire on the Island, but ultimately it was Kate who convinced her to board the plane, which was absolutely as it should have been, though it wasn't really until this season that I realized just how crucial the bond between these two was. Claire giving birth to Aaron was her most significant moment on the Island, but it was also Kate's. As much as I wasn't thrilled about watching yet another labor on this show, Claire's birth scene in the Sideways was really powerful. And Charlie's involvement completed the perfection.

I loved seeing Hurley first encounter Charlie, and having that huge goofy grin on his face as he saw his good friend alive again for the first time, while Charlie simply responded with surly bad humor. His tranquilizing him was hilarious, and it didn't improve Charlie's mood. He remained a sourpuss until he saw Claire, and though he didn't quite understand yet, he was mesmerized by her from that instant on. And when the memories finally did come flooding back, I think Charlie's response to his enlightenment may have touched me most of all. Powerful stuff. I do wish that we'd been able to see more of the concert, and I really was hoping for a performance of Saved, or whatever the name of that song in Fire + Water is. Frankly, I found it really hard to connect with the music they were playing; it felt choppy and incomplete, and not at all familiar. I've no doubt that most of the concert was fantastic, but I'm a little bummed that we didn't get to see it. On a side note, when Claire asked that guy where the bathroom was... Was that Paolo??

I didn't mind Sayid and Shannon. I do feel like the writers didn't do a good enough job of establishing their relationship in season one and two, or maybe did too good a job of establishing Sayid's relationship with Nadia. Because everybody wanted Sayid and Nadia and nobody wanted Sayid and Shannon. But I did find the moment moving in spite of myself, especially taking into account Boone's involvement, which signals his acceptance of the relationship, along with his willingness, once again, to take a beating for the sake of others. Of course, there was no mention of Essam, but I found that once I realized what the Sideways really was - which I figured out shortly before the finale aired, or the gist of it anyway - I didn't really need to see Essam or Tom (Brennan or Friendly) or Annie or Sam Austen or Mr. Kwon or anybody else. I can just trust that they were there somewhere and that they found their own way to the gateway.

Everything about John Locke was beautiful in this episode, from his concerned inquiry about Christian's missing body to his intense enlightenment - actually, that was probably my favorite enlightenment moment, complete with Terry O'Quinn's 1000-watt crinkly smile - and his absolute forgiveness of Ben outside the church. Everything about it was so beautiful, and so reinforced Jack's scathing Island comment to Smokey: "You're not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face, but you're nothing like him. Turns out he was right about most everything. I just wish I could've told him that while he was still alive."

Daniel didn't move on with the rest. I guess he needs a little more time to court Charlotte, and mostly he needs more time to work through his issues with his parents, especially his mother. I do love that he gets to be a musician in this ideal world, and while there's still that oddly ethereal quality about him, his mind is clear and undamaged. I'm still not quite sure how this "soul cluster" thing works. Does every single character have his or her own church, and we just saw Jack's? Or was it really a wholly communal experience for those who were in that church together, and it'll be a totally different group with Ben? And another totally different group, maybe, with Daniel? And where does that leave most of the world, who never went to the Island at all? Do they go through a similar experience anyway? Like Tom Brennan. I would've thought that seeing him might have enlightened Kate, but if not that, seeing Kate might have enlightened him. But maybe they don't get to see each other again on this side of the doorway.

I enjoyed the music in this episode as always, but I'm not sure if we quite got the Grey Havens symphonic brilliance that I was expecting. I need to watch it again, and especially the last ten minutes. Maybe it's there, but I was more focused on other things so I didn't notice it as much as I should have. I just didn't get a very strong impression of hearing a piece of music that was the ultimate representation of the series' most potent theme, entwined with several others that were especially moving. Mainly, I guess I didn't hear as much Life and Death as I wanted to.  There was some lovely music at the end there, but I think I need to hear it in isolation before I determine how well it stands up against Howard Shore.

We certainly got a dose of Lord of the Rings, though, particularly with the heart of the Island, which I correctly postulated would end up as a sort of Mount Doom. The visual echoes were unmistakable. Unlike Frodo, however, both Jack and Desmond were fully themselves at the end, and each went down in turn to do his job before being lifted back up, Desmond by Hurley and Ben, Jack by the force of the light. Desmond survived his ordeal; Jack didn't, but that was mostly because of the ceremonial knife. Where is that knife now, I wonder? When the time comes for his reign to end, must it be the knife that ushers Hurley into Sideways world, or can his end be less violent, thanks to another change in the Rules?

I thought it was kinda nice how Kate arrived at the last minute to defeat Smokey. She ended up being the closest thing to Gollum in the end-game I guess, just in terms of the element of surprise, and this unexpected person who Jacob had essentially written off being absolutely instrumental in bringing things to the proper conclusion. And while a part of me still felt like Kate never quite loved anyone in her adult life as she'd loved Tom, I think that's partly because of the guilt that clung to her, and maybe she was finally able to forgive herself for her complicity in his death and accept a new love with whom she had been through so much. Their farewell was heartbreaking, especially Jack's silence when she asked if they would see each other again, but their reunion was exhilarating.

Darlton promised us that Vincent would survive the series, and indeed he did. It was very touching to see Jack departing the Island as he arrived, with Vincent by his side, now an old friend instead of a disorienting stranger. I find it interesting that the name Vincent means "prevailing". It seems like an indication of Vincent being representative of something deeper, something having to do with Robert Short's notion of Snoopy as the "Hound of Heaven," a sort of Christ symbol along the lines of Harry's Patronus or Fawkes the Phoenix. We don't see Vincent in Sideways world, but it's not because, as Jimmy Kimmel quipped, "not all dogs do go to Heaven". It's because Vincent is representative of Jack being tethered to life, even as he dies. A new life, a better life. Or something like that.

It was so nice to finally see Jack and Christian have that chat with each other after so many apparent near misses. All that searching led Jack at last to the empty coffin and the realization that he and his father were now in the same boat, but that it was okay. When he realized he was dead, Jack sobbed, but I'm not sure that it was so much out of sadness as simply the enormity of the situation. At any rate, I loved Christian's comforting presence, and I got a definite reminder of Gandalf's "I will not say 'Do not weep,' for not all tears are an evil."

If I wanted to, I could make a big long list of things that were never properly explained, from the Dharma Food Drop to why Richard (or Charles, or Jacob) decided to execute the Purge when they did to why having babies on the Island is so darned near impossible. I would like to think that some of those answers might come out later in the encyclopedia, on the DVD or in some other form. But while I'm curious, I'm not burning to know most of those things. There were so many ways the show could have ended that would have felt dissatisfying to me, I think. I was very worried that it might all turn out to have been a dream, despite Darlton's promises to the contrary; I can't see any way that I would not have felt cheated by that ending. Additionally, I feared the conclusion could wash away six seasons of redemption and meaning in a sea of nihilism.

Neither of those possibilities came remotely true, and so while they left us a whole lot to puzzle over, I ultimately find myself almost completely satisfied with the finale. Are there certain things that could have been done better over the course of the series? Threads that could have been tightened or lengthened, and others that could have been plucked entirely? No doubt. But as it ends, I find myself simply thinking that I'm glad we got to the conclusion and I liked it, and not even feeling much of an ache that I won't have it next year. Because, after all, I will. I'll have it just as surely as I have Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Narnia and Star Wars and all those other Great Stories LOST so artfully references. And if the finale still leaves me with some confusion, all the more to contemplate in the years ahead.

With a Little Help From You, Ben (With a Little Help From My Friends, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

"I could really use someone with like, experience. For a little while. Will you help me, Ben?"
- Hurley, The End

I've had a week and a half to mull over the finale, and I think it's time I got back to posting some parodies. Here's one involving probably my favorite scene in The End, when Hurley realizes he's in charge and Ben offers his encouragement. Here's Hurley and Ben to the tune of the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends.

With a Little Help From You, Ben

Hurley: What do I do? ‘Cause I don’t have a clue,
And I wish that Jack hadn’t picked me.
Ben: No need to fear that you’ll get it all wrong.
Simply do what comes naturally.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

What did I do when I said I would stay?
Didn’t think I’d have to take the throne.
Ben: I was the leader, but I went astray.
If you’ll let me, though, then I’ll atone.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: I may be scared, but I’ll do this job right.
It’ll work out; we just need a little time.
Ben: You have the strength to stay out of a fight.
Hugo, be yourself, and we’ll be fine.
Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll try with a little help from you, Ben.
I’m not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.

Ben: You’re a man of the people.
Hurley: The people have to have love.
Ben: You will take care of people.
You’ll rule this Island with love.

Hurley: Well, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
Not gonna lie; need a little help from you, Ben.
Oh, I will try with a little help from you, Ben.
Yeah, I’ll get by with a little help from you, Ben.
With a little help from you, Ben...