Since I snatched Penny up from the Beatles' catalog, I figured Desmond deserved the same treatment. Here's a LOST ditty to the tune of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, mostly inspired by the episode Catch-22.
Brother Desmond
Desmond, you're a coward and you just can't face
Marriage to your Scottish sweetheart Ruth.
Fear and not devotion brought you to this place.
It's time that you let Brother Campbell know the truth.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
Desmond, you will have to make a sacrifice
In your quest to prove you're not too scared.
You won't find the years of isolation nice,
But with this month of silence, now you're more prepared.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
In a decade or so, you will make a dashing groom.
You will cheekily smile as the priest declares you
Desmond and Penny Hume.
Happ'ly ever after won't come easy, Des.
Though you'll sometimes wish your life would end,
Put your trust in Penny when she plainly says
She loves you in her note in Our Mutual Friend.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
In a decade or so, you will make a dashing groom.
You will cheekily smile as the priest declares you
Desmond and Penny Hume.
Happ'ly ever after won't come easy, Des.
Many troubles wait around the bend.
Someday, though, she'll help you banish emptiness,
And you will sail away on Our Mutual Friend.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
You're a drunk, not a monk, Brother Desmond!
God has other plans for you.
What are you running to?
Get ready to find out.
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