I'm finally, finally caught up on LOST, and I'm in the mood to ramble a bit, so there will be just a bit of spoilerific speculation before I post my parody. It's also padding, because it's one of the shortest I've posted. All but two of my LOST parodies so far have been focused on the group, so I figured it was time I gave more attention to individuals. I'm starting with Henry (who I shan't call Ben because I was too invested in the pseudonym by the time I got the real name). This is partly because I think he's probably the central character of season three - the first part of it anyway - but mostly because his parody popped into my head first.
Incidentally, I made an interesting discovery recently. LOST started on September 22, 2004, my parents' 25th anniversary. I knew it at the time, obviously, but I completely forgot until the show itself reminded me recently. Moreover, season three resumes on February 7, my dad's birthday. Coincidence?
Anyway, I find Henry intriguing. My dad was so disgusted at the treatment he received when he was first introduced that it turned him off of Sayid for a while. Now, whenever he sees the guy, he says, "Boy, that Ben sure is creepy." I felt sorry for him when he was captured. I thought there was a good chance he was an Other and that while Sayid was overly rough with him owing to the deadly combination of his acquired torturing skills and a very recent searing personal loss, the interrogation made sense. But I still wanted to be on Henry's side. And those LOST folks made me like Sawyer and Jin, among others who seemed initially unsavory, so why should they begrudge me a little sympathy for this fellow?
Still, his behavior makes very little sense to me. If he knew all along what his purposes were for Jack, why in the world did he take so long to fetch him? Days count for a lot when you have a malignant tumor, so I would think the proper course of action would have been to speed on over to the wreckage on that little motorboat and say, "Hey, there! I'm Ben, and I live just across the island. Welcome aboard! We've got food and shelter and... oh, yes, advanced medical equipment. I don't suppose there's anyone here who would care to get this pesky tumor off my back?"
Of course, maybe he actually didn't know about the tumor until Jack told him, in which case his reasons for acquiring him were different, and probably more sinister: to deprive the castaways of their leader, or their doctor. Or at least to have an extra doctor in reserve for the Others. Whatever the reasons, I don't see the point of all the dastardly deeds and deceptions. If they are indeed "the good guys," as he claims, why can't they just play nice? I suppose that means they aren't the good guys. Whatever the case may be, I hope the show does some explaining soon, because these Others sure are befuddling.
In any event, here's a parody of I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am, the Herman's Hermits version. Though it captures him in a moment of blatant falsehood, here's to the notion that there might be some good in Henry - beg your pardon, Ben - after all.
Henry (Not Ben)
I'm Henry (not Ben), I am,
Henry (not Ben) I am, I am.
I crash-landed on the thick jungle floor.
My balloon and my wife are no more.
And yes, my first name is Henry (Henry).
I'm innocent and helpless as a lamb (a lamb).
I'm the victim here. I'm Henry.
Henry (not Ben) I am.
Think you're cursed?
I've had it worse!
I'm Henry (not Ben), I am,
Henry (not Ben) I am, I am.
I crash-landed on the thick jungle floor,
My balloon and my wife are no more.
And yes, my first name is Henry (Henry).
I'm innocent and helpless as a lamb (a lamb).
I'm the victim here. I'm Henry.
Henry (not Ben) I am.
I'm Henry (not Ben), I am,
Henry (not Ben) I am, I am.
I crash-landed on the thick jungle floor.
My balloon and my wife are no more.
And yes, my first name is Henry (Henry).
I'm innocent and helpless as a lamb (a lamb).
I'm the victim here. I'm Henry.
Henry (not Ben) I am.
Henry. Henry Gale!
Henry, Henry.
Henry (not Ben) I am, I am.
Henry (not Ben) I am.
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