Langdon Street (Bleecker Street, Paul Simon)

Season six of LOST has already given us a lot to chew on. Here's my first season six parody, and the first to deal with the sideways storyline. This one's from the perspective of Claire, to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's Bleecker Street.

Langdon Street

Hopped in a cab when I left LAX,
And I said, “Take me to Langdon Street.”
Then this lady packin’ heat
Plopped herself down in my seat.

First she hollered and then she shoved,
And I tumbled, shrieking, from the car.
She took my bag and left me stranded far
From Langdon Street.

She went to lead her life of crime.
Never, never thought we’d meet again.
But she tracked me down and then
Found Langdon Street.

I guess she felt a bit ashamed.
I could tell I had her pity.
I’m so glad she was with me
On Langdon Street.

Langdon Street.

Trust (I Will, Paul McCartney)

Here's another LOST parody inspired by What Kate Does. This time, Sayid is the speaker, to the tune of the Beatles' I Will.

Trust

They say I’ve been infected.
Who knows what’s in that pill?
If I take it, it could kill me;
If you want me to, I will.

Although you claim they cured me,
They hardly seem sincere.
But we’ve been in this together
Since the day we landed here.

In this together, so forever,
Jack, you will have my trust.
If you say swallow, I will follow.
I will do what I must.

I don’t care that they fixed me;
It’s you who is my friend.
So just lay it on the line, Jack.
Say this medicine is fine, Jack.
Or advise me to decline the pill, Jack.
Oh, you know I will.
I will.

You Were Wrong, Jack (Hit the Road, Jack, Percy Mayfield)

Sayid may trust Jack, but Sawyer sure doesn't have much faith in his decisions these days. Here's an LA X parody from Sawyer's perspective, to the tune of Ray Charles' Hit the Road, Jack.

You Were Wrong, Jack

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

Oh, Leader, oh, Leader, you led us astray.
Why’d you have to go and listen to Faraday?
Now Juliet is dead.
Don’t blame me if I’m seein’ red.

Hey, Jack!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

Kate: Oh, Sawyer, listen, Sawyer, could you give him a break?
He knows that he made a big mistake.

Sawyer: I ain’t gonna kill ’im, so don’t you fuss;
He deserves to suffer like the rest of us.
Now Juliet is dead,
So don’t blame me if I’m seein’ red.

Hey, Jack!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

JULIET!

You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before, before, before, before.
You were wrong, Jack.
We’re back where we were before.

Bye, Australia! (Sing Australia, John Denver)

My very first LOST parody was a group song, but I've only had a few let's-get-as-many-characters-involved-as-we-can-style parodies. I figured it was time for another one. Here's one that crams in 30 815 passengers, I think; most have a line, some are mentioned by others. To the tune of John Denver's Sing Australia, this imagines their thoughts en route to L. A. (in the original timeline).

Bye, Australia!

Hurley: I came to Australia to break the Numbers curse.
Jack: I came to find my father; didn’t think I would need a hearse.
Boone: Came to help my step-sister.
Arzt: Came here for a date.
John: I came for a walkabout; I was four years too late.

Rose: We were here on our honeymoon.
Bernard: I came to help her heal.
Nikki: I arrived as an actress but I found some gems to steal.
Charlie: Liam is on my black list since he won’t revive the band.
Kate: Maybe I’ll find some way to lose the Marshal when we land.

Hurley: I’m unlucky.
Kate: I am plucky.
Jack: I’m a surgeon of great renown.
Charlie: I’m a druggie.
John: I had a purpose, but Australia let me down.

Michael: Walt is my son, but I bet I’m a lousy dad.
Sawyer: Killed a guy I didn’t know; now I’m feelin’ bad.
Sun: Do I still love my husband?
Jin: Could Sun still be in love with me?
Neil: Excuse me while I dream of a frogurt factory.

Sayid: Will Nadia embrace me when we meet again at last?
Shannon: I made my brother chase me.
Eko: I have a sordid past.
Gary: I hope Bad Twin’s a winner.
Steve: I’ll go by Scott someday.
Claire: I’m scared to see this couple waiting in L. A.

Sawyer: I’m a killer.
Gary: Wrote a thriller.
Sayid: I am headed for my true love.
Claire: Funny how it all seems so tiny when we’re watching from above.

Cindy: Bye, Australia!
Paolo: Bye, Australia!
Ana Lucia: Bye, Australia!
Libby: Bye, Australia!

Seth: Folks, I hope your belts are buckled,
‘Cause this plane is goin’ down!

Sing Australia

Just Because He's John (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Richard & Robert Sherman)

As of the season five finale of LOST, Ben Linus appears to be a very broken man. While I hated Ben's ultimate actions in his last scene of The Incident, his frustration seems understandable. Here's his little rant to Jacob to the tune of the Sherman Brothers' Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Just Because He’s John

So, just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses.
Following you hasn’t really been a bed of roses.
What about me, Jacob? Can’t you see why I oppose this?
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!

I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.

I longed to be your lackey when I was a lonely lad.
My final test of loyalty was killing my own dad.
I shivered as he shuddered and the blood poured out his nose,
But, sure that you would love me more, said, “That’s the way it goes.”

But just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses.
Following you hasn’t really been a bed of roses.
What about me, Jacob? Can’t you see why I oppose this?
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!

I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.

Those lists and the instructions Richard handed down to me...
I did what I was told to and I waited patiently.
Though John was in a wheelchair, he came here, and he was fine;
My service was rewarded with a tumor on my spine.

For just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses.
Following you hasn’t really been a bed of roses.
What about me, Jacob? Can’t you see why I oppose this?
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!

I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.
I’m just a pitiful, unloved little guy.

[Spoken] Jacob: Benjamin... whatever he's told you, I want you to understand one thing. You have a choice.
Ben: What “choice”?

For more than 30 years, I went along with all your plans.
You banished me and left my daughter’s murder on my hands.
It’s clear now that you’ve never cared for me in all my life.

[Spoken] Well, here goes, then.

You couldn’t just apologize, so now you get the knife!

[Spoken] I would fight back if I were you...

Oh, just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!
Just because he’s John, you let him march in here like Moses!

In the D. I. (Under the Sea, Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)

Ben Linus comes by his grousing honestly; his father Roger did a lot of complaining back in DHARMA days. Here's a song to the tune of Alan Menken and Howard Ashman's Under the Sea set during season three's The Man Behind the Curtain. Here, Horace, the hippie-ish DHARMA Initiative honcho (and one of my favorite minor characters) tries to convince a surly Roger to stick around.

In the D. I.

I get it. You’ve got the jitters
Because of today’s attack.
You’re lonely, depressed and bitter;
You’re thinking of going back.
Remember the day I met you?
Well, you were a mess back then.
Be glad I did not forget you.
I care about you and Ben.

In the D. I., in the D. I.
Though you may scoff here,
You’re better off here.
I’ll tell you why.
Even a Work Man has his place
Helping to heal the human race.
This job’s a gift, since
You’ll make a diff’rence
In the D. I.

The natives are acting funny,
But we’ll keep them all in line.
We’re not in this thing for money,
So don’t let me hear you whine.
You left nothing back in Portland
But unpleasant memories.
I’m here if you need support, man,
But spare me the snarling, please.

In the D. I., in the D. I.
Nice, cozy housing.
Beer for carousing.
Tasty fish fries.
All the Apollos you can eat.
Luaus Hawaii couldn’t beat!
Welcoming neighbors.
Purposeful labor
In the D. I.
In the D. I.
Quality schooling.
Ben is no fool;
In fact, he’s just shy.
I knew he’d find himself a pal;
Annie’s a kind and clever gal.
Don’t separate them.
Wonders await them
In the D. I.

The air is so rare
And clear over here.
It‘s green and pristine,
A thrilling frontier.
We smile on this isle,
And life’s free from strife;
It’s calm almost all the time, man.
We say “Namaste”
And croon DHARMA tunes.
We dance and romance
On warm afternoons.
There’s peace and release
And fun in the sun.
The climate is sublime!

In the D. I., in the D. I.
Here where we stack
Geronimo Jackson
Albums sky-high.
Why would you ever want to leave?
We have utopia up our sleeves.
Hanso’s a genius!
Minimize meanness
In the D. I.
Half-hidden hatches.
Debonair patches
In the D. I.
Stop getting hammered.
Many have clamored
For a position
In our great mission.
You should be thanking
Me for your ranking
In the D. I.

The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham (Greenland Whale Fisheries, Traditional)

John Locke has always been one of my favorite characters on LOST. Boy, did he get the short end of the stick. Here's a bit of a rarity for me, a parody not written from the perspective of a particular character, though it is addressed to John, to the tune of Peter Paul and Mary's Greenland Whale Fisheries.

The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

When you flash through time and you lose your grip
And you land with a fracture of the leg
And then Christian comes and he says to turn the wheel,
No more, no more Island for you, John Locke.
No more, no more Island for you.

‘Twas in some unspecified Island time
When Frank had flown away,
Taking Jack and Kate and Hurley and the rest,
That you learned you couldn’t stay, John Locke.
You learned you couldn’t stay.

You turned the wheel and you found yourself
In Tunisia in the sand.
You were hurt, you were hurt, you were hurt but then you got
A surprising helping hand, John Locke.
Yes, Widmore’s helping hand.

So he sent you out with a pseudonym
And a list of friends you had to find.
But Sayid was sharp and Kate, she was cruel,
And poor Hurley’d lost his mind, John Locke.
Poor Hurley’d lost his mind.

Well, you called on Walt, who had grown so tall,
And he was kind to you,
But he’d lost so much, you could ask no more of him.
You bid the boy adieu, John Locke.
You bid the boy adieu.

Oh, Jack was obstinate and mean.
“John, it’s over! Go away,” he said.
But then Ben was there, and he really seemed to care
Until he choked you dead, John Locke.
Until he choked you dead.

When you flash through time and you lose your grip
And you land with a fracture of the leg
And then Christian comes and he says to turn the wheel,
No more, no more Island for you, John Locke.
No more, no more Island for you.

Greenland Whale Fisheries

The Summons (The Island, Paul Brady)

LOST made us wait a very long time to meet Jacob, the mysterious entity whose existence has been hinted at since season two. He finally turned up in the season five finale, in a manner that managed to only increase his mystique, even though he appeared in a very down-to-earth manner. There's still so much left to learn about Jacob that I was hesitant to try to write anything from his perspective, but I decided to just work with what I think I know so far. This is the way I see Jacob now; hopefully that won't be completely turned on its head by the end of the season. The tune is Paul Brady's The Island, as sung by Celtic Thunder's Keith Harkin. With a title like that, I knew I'd have to get around to it sometime...

The Summons

Katie, you’re on the run for theft and murder.
You have a Marshal closing in on you.
It seems you just can’t stay away from trouble
Although I very nicely asked you to.
And James, your life’s defined by vengeance
And you’ve become the thing you hated most.
I know there’s so much more to both of you, though.

So get a ticket, you two.
I’ve found a flight that you can come on.
It’s Oceanic 815.
And once you get here, you will be at your best.
It’s a tiring test,
But worth it.

I’m gonna bring you to the Island.
I’ve brought many here before.
But something tells me, when it’s all said and done,
You’re the ones who will prove me the victor.

Now, Jack and John, you both have father issues.
One is demanding; one is simply cruel.
And they have shaped you into stubborn people,
Each one determined not to look a fool.
Jack, you are so adept at helping,
You don’t know how to ask for help yourself.
And John, you will not accept your limitations.

Just get a ticket, you two.
‘Cause I’ve found a flight that you can come on.
It’s Oceanic 815.
And once you get here, you will be at your best.
It’s a tiring test,
But worth it.

I’m gonna bring you to the Island.
I’ve brought many here before.
But something tells me, when it’s all said and done,
You’re the ones who will prove me the victor.

Hugo, I’m aware that you’ve been feeling worthless,
And you think your luck and sanity ran out.
And I know it’s hard to have a sense of purpose
While drowning in a flood of guilt and doubt.
You need to understand the truth now, Hugo.
Your kindness blesses everyone you meet.
And soon you’ll come to see that you are special.
Special.
Special...

Hey There, Richardus (Hey There, Delilah, Tom Higgenson)

We still have a lot to learn about Ilana, the only major character to emerge from season five of LOST who wasn't at least hinted at in earlier seasons. But my initial impression of her is that she's very brash and condescending. One of "the good guys"? Probably. But if I were Richard, I might be a little annoyed with the way she just barges in and tries to takes charge. She, on the other hand, must be feeling frustrated that Richard allowed the unthinkable to happen. Here's a spiel from her to him, to the tune of the Plain White Ts' Hey There, Delilah.

Hey There, Richardus

Hey there, Richardus,
With your tongue as smooth as satin,
Won’t you prove that you‘re my ally?
Just five little words in Latin
Are my due.
If you are truly Number Two,
Then he told you.

Hey there, Richardus -
Or should I just call you Ricky?
Can you see through that eyeliner
That our situation’s sticky?
Here’s a box.
Hope you will forgive me if this shocks:
We have two Lockes.

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Jacob’s Enemy.

Hey there, Richardus,
I suppose he had his charms,
But still I thought someone who knows
As much as you would hear alarms
When “John” appeared.
You must admit, the guy is weird.
It’s as I feared.

Hey there, Richardus,
Jacob wanted me to come.
He must have known that you would drop the ball,
But hey, don’t feel too dumb. You’re getting old,
Tarnished after years of gleaming gold.
Does that sound cold?

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.

The Island’s in the balance now.
From castaways to cats and cows,
Each living thing is under this new threat.
I won’t pretend the outlook’s good,
But I don’t think that Jacob would
Have sent me here if hope had vanished yet.

Richardus, bow out gracefully
And leave the leading up to me.
I know you think you’re Jacob’s right-hand man,
But heed my plan.

Hey there, Richardus.
See, the statue marks the spot.
We’ll barge inside; you just stay here
And build your slave ship in a bottle
For a while.

Excuse my commandeering style.
We‘re the good guys too, so it‘s not guile.
Hey there, Richardus, crack a smile.
We’ll save this isle.

Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Oh, don’t know how you could be
Fooled by Jacob’s Enemy.
Jacob’s Enemy.

"Let's See Where Trust Gets Us..."

I’ve watched most of LOST’s episodes two or three times by now. But tonight’s was one that made me wish I’d done a little more rewatching in the past few months. Because boy, were there a lot of references to earlier episodes here. Incessant! I caught most of them, I think. One I didn’t catch was Aldo. He seemed a little familiar to Dad; I couldn’t say he really did, just that I thought, “Oh, goody, another snark-tastic character.” Once he announced to Kate who he was, I remembered the scene, of course; the old “Wookiee prisoner exchange.” But I can’t say the character made much of an impression then. This time he did, though. Very abrasive, but amusing at the same time. One thing that struck me was what an ordinary, contemporary kind of guy he seemed in comparison to the likes of Lennon and Dogen (who, despite Lennon‘s dry claim to the contrary, does have a subtle sense of humor; favorite line of the night: “What’s that?” “It‘s a baseball.”). But then, he was originally with Ben’s Others, so he hasn’t been a Temple-dweller all that long.

Aldo entertained me, and I thought that he might make a good verbal sparring partner for Miles down the road. But I really liked Justin, who seemed like a genuinely decent guy (and who reminded me of Hagrid with his tendency to be a little too forthright in offering information). But why did he have to be so secretive? I suppose he didn’t want Jin to know about Ajira 316 because he didn’t want him going after Sun. Was that also Aldo’s reason to keep Kate in the dark about Claire? I was wondering what all the hush-up was about when Justin mentioned that Danielle was long dead; after all, Kate knew that already. But Claire, like Sun, would provide motivation to go away from the Temple rather than returning.

In many ways, this truly was a Kate-centric episode, though Jack and Dogen’s showdown was probably the most riveting element of the episode. In the beginning, I found her behavior most alarming. In that taxi, she was mean. Of course, she was in a panic, with the cops hot on her tail, and Arzt holding up the works was hilariously frustrating. A comedy of errors. And I also half-wondered if Arzt was going to wind up splattered across the pavement. If Kate had taken control of the wheel just then, I can’t help thinking he might have.

Up until she walked up to the mechanic and demanded the removal of her handcuffs, she seemed much more hard-edged than the original Flight 815 Kate. At least we got to see her smile a bit in their exchange, which was both funny and dangerous and reminded me a little of Anton Chigurh and the gas station attendant in No Country For Old Men. I don’t really think that Kate had any intention of killing the guy. But if I were him, I sure wouldn’t want to make a false move. I’d be doing exactly what the crazy armed chick told me to do. On the other hand, one might argue that he relinquished the upper hand by removing her handcuffs for the promise of a couple hundred bucks. So he must not have felt completely threatened by her. Her flirtatious charms may have blinded him a bit.

It wasn’t until she looked in that bag that we saw the Kate we know and love really begin to emerge. I couldn’t help but giggle at the absurdity as she not only returned Claire’s bag but offered her a ride to the adoptive couple’s house, then went up to the porch with her, then took her to the hospital and checked her in. She goes from jabbing Claire with a pistol and kicking her out of the cab to suddenly becoming like the big sister she never had. Claire and Kate’s lives were always meant to entwine. I thought Claire was about to go into labor, early as it was, and that Kate would help deliver the baby once again. Not quite, but I’m sure that these two haven’t seen the last of each other.

We saw almost as much of Claire here as Kate. She seemed very vulnerable and insecure, not at all equipped to handle herself in the world on her own. Shocked by Kate’s aggression (though willing to overlook it in light of her later kindness). Polar opposite of the jungle girl we saw at the end of the episode. With so much Claire in the sideways storyline, it was a natural lead-in to finally finding out what happened to her on the Island. I’m a little disappointed that the ending didn’t shock me, but then - despite trying my best to avoid spoilers - I read something from Damon or Carlton months ago indicating that when Claire showed up again, she would be very different, and more like Danielle. Even if I hadn’t read that, though, I don’t think I would have expected to see the same old Claire suddenly back again. She was acting mighty strange when John saw her in 2005, and how would three years in creepy Christian’s company have affected her? And after Dogen’s announcement to Jack, I can’t say I was shocked to see Claire again in the final scene. Still. Very weird to see Claire gunning people down. And I wish she’d spared Justin. But just how dark is her “heart of darkness”? After all, she did just save Jin’s life.

Didn’t see much of the rest of the gang in the sideways storyline. Just a glimpse of Jack - and it seemed like Kate had a flash of recognition when she saw him, beyond just realizing she’d seen him on the plane (and stolen his pen, which I didn’t catch until that pop-ups on the enhanced episode informed me of that fact). But there was Ethan. Dr. Ethan Goodspeed, which should have been his name all along; the practical reason for his name change would be that in season one, his back story presumably hadn’t been written yet, and that the sole purpose of his name was to be an anagram for “Other Man” for those clever enough to catch it. In retrospect I suppose we can just say he gave them a fake last name, though I question why he would bother.

In any event, the hospital scene with him felt very similar to Maternity Leave, with congenial Ethan obviously a capable doctor and evidently bent on making Claire as comfortable as possible - but without the sinister overtones. So far, I feel like there’s reason to hope that in this sideways world, he can just be the excellent doctor he’s capable of being, without all of the dark factors conspiring to make him such a menace to the castaways. For one, he’s presumably been off the Island for decades, so I’m guessing he didn’t lose his wife and unborn baby in childbirth, the event that most likely fueled his obsession with kidnapping Claire and figuring out how to bring her pregnancy to fruition. (Similarly, I can’t help wondering if Ben lost a wife and child just before the abduction of Alex.) Anyway, it seemed for a moment like some weird stuff was happening in that hospital room, so Ethan may still be involved in shady dealings, but maybe not. Perhaps this sideways world has been kinder to him, and he, in turn, has been kinder to it.

Another parallel here was the naming of Aaron. In both cases, Claire had no idea what she was going to name him, until an apparent disaster arose and the name suddenly sprang to her mind as she cried out for his protection. On the Island, this happened in Exodus, and Charlie was the one who had to do the rescuing. Here, ironically enough, she appealed to Ethan, the very man Charlie killed to protect her. We still don’t know what’s so special about Aaron. I have a hard time seeing how we can get real understanding on that point, since he’s only a small child. But maybe we’ll get the scoop on his significance second-hand, from someone acutely tied into the mythology of the Island, since Aaron seems to be a potential key player in this great drama. Or maybe he’s just a bit of a red herring. And speaking of unusual kids, please tell me we’re not completely finished with poor Walt...

Back on the Island, I was reminded of several more episodes. The epic bear hug Hurley lavished upon Sayid was like the one he gave Sawyer in Tricia Tanaka Is Dead (still an episode I consider greatly underrated). Dogen’s bizarre tests, aside from giving me Princess Bride flashbacks, immediately made me think of Solitary, even before I watched the episode; the snippet in the promo was eerily similar to the preview for that episode, which made me wonder for a while whether LOST would be too horrific for me to handle. Danielle’s “torture chamber” turned out to be not nearly as scary as those few seconds made it look, but still... Not pleasant. And here again the torturer was tortured, but not for the purposes of interrogation. Whatever Sayid told them, he did so unwittingly, and not with words. Also, this scene washed away any doubts I had that this could have been Jacob using Sayid as a vessel. Jacob barely flinched when Ben killed him; Sayid was yowling in anguish. And he was utterly perplexed, while I’m inclined to agree with Ben that “I seriously doubt that Jacob was ever confused.”

Another major parallel, which my dad pounced on right away, was the fact that when Sawyer left, he told Kate not to follow him - just like Jack told her not to come back for him after the whole polar bear cage debacle. So, of course, Kate went after him. In both cases, she found their hearts hardened against her, and discovered how deeply they’d bonded with Juliet. Kate was still running in this episode, still resisting bending to any authority figure. I was bummed to hear her admit that she had no intention of returning to the Temple, but that’s her style. And, much to Jack’s disappointment, it was time to bounce back to Sawyer. Way to give the guy a little space to grieve. No wonder he shot her down. I can’t feel too sorry for her, though. She’s really brought nearly all of her relationship troubles upon herself.

While the brilliance of Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson is hard to beat, I have to say that Josh Holloway almost made up for their absence in this episode. I hate seeing Sawyer so miserable, and it was especially disheartening to hear him make his “every man for himself” speech toward the beginning of the episode. (I also thought of Brigadoon in that scene, as Dogen begged him to stay; I almost wondered if the Temple would disappear if he got beyond its boundaries.) His caustic reflection on Sayid’s resurrection - “He’s an Iraqi torturer who shoots kids; he definitely deserves another go-around” - makes it plain he thinks it completely unfair that Sayid got another shot at life while Juliet didn’t. His spiel to Kate toward the end, when he showed bitter regret for the loneliness that prompted him to persuade Juliet to make a go of it on the Island, was completely compelling and tragic. And the furious ring toss at the end invited yet another comparison, with despondent Desmond in Flashes Before Your Eyes. (Incidentally, where did Sawyer get the ring? Is there a jewelry shop in Dharmaville we don’t know about? Did he sneak off to see Ellie?)

I guess we can now say that the Sickness is, in fact, a real phenomenon, and not just a figment of Danielle’s crazed imagination. Sayid has it. Claire has it. Does this mean that Ben has it? I’ve been wondering whether the Man in Black might have somehow staked a claim on Ben as a child, and that‘s why Jacob has kept him at such an arm‘s length. After all, it seems likely that he impersonated Ben’s mother, which drew him into the jungle for his first meeting with Richard. But Richard is on Jacob’s side... In their initial encounter, Richard asked Ben if his mother died on the Island. I wonder if the Man in Black can only impersonate people for whom this is the case? If that’s so, how do we explain his mother’s presence? Anyway, it seems we at least have the beginnings of an explanation for this mystery that’s been around since we met Danielle, but there’s still a lot that doesn’t make sense. I love that Hurley asked Sayid if he was a zombie - largely, I suspect, as a nod to the long-fabled “zombie season” of LOST. I don’t quite think that’s the answer. But maybe it’s not so far off the mark...

How did the Man in Black stake a claim on Sayid? Did it have to do with the fact that he was immersed in the water shortly after Jacob’s death, and thus at a time when his adversary had the upper hand? Or was it a reflection of the darkness already in Sayid’s soul? If that’s the case, how could Claire, supposedly the epitome of innocence and purity, have been infected? It seems that Christian somehow led her to the Dark Side. Something about Dogen’s remark that this infection happened to Jack’s sister really reminded me of Star Wars, and Darth Vader’s threats regarding Leia. If Jack is our Luke, he’s really got his hands full now. He’s going to have to bring Claire back from the shadowy world where she now resides. Will his love for the sister he never knew be strong enough?

In life, I think that Christian was a pretty okay guy. Certainly not without his faults, but not evil. On the Island, I don’t know what he’s become. Is he simply a corpse who has been used as a preferred subject for imitation by the Man in Black? Is there only one Christian roaming the Island, or are there multiple versions of him? It‘s “Christian” who tells Vincent to find Jack in the moments immediately preceding the opening scene of the series. “Christian” who lures Claire away from Sawyer, Miles and even Aaron. “Christian” who tells John to move the Island, and who tells him he must die, which sets up his final move as the pawn in the Man in Black’s very long con. It’s starting to seem more and more that although he claimed at one point to speak for Jacob, he’s on the other team. If it somehow is Christian reanimated, not just an imitation, the Darth Vader comparison seems even more apt. I imagine we’ll be seeing John Terry again this season, and I’ll be very interested to finally get some answers as to how this deceased man is tied to the mysteries of the Island.

Along with the Star Wars, I’ve been getting a Narnia vibe from the season, particularly in the way that Jacob summons people to his Island. I would say he does this a lot more than Aslan does; he seems to have brought large groups in time and again, with only a few remaining from each cycle. But particularly with the Oceanic Six, the way they’ve been magically zapped through time and space, I thought of the Pevensies and other previous visitors boarding a train and suddenly finding themselves in Narnia in The Last Battle. In that last, apocalyptic adventure, only Eustace and Jill have much to do, but it seems that Jacob intends each of his chosen people to take an active role in this epic battle. It’s certainly no accident that they landed in the immediate aftermath of Jacob’s death.

Kinda nice to see Jack coming back to his senses in this episode. While I wanted him to be a Man of Faith and simply trust that Dogen knew what was best for Sayid and for everyone, it’s a good thing he maintained his skepticism (and very brave of him to test Dogen’s trustworthiness by swallowing the pill himself). It seems so strange for these Others to have gone through this elaborate ceremony to revive Sayid, only to want to turn around and kill him. (Interesting, too, that Dogen used the same line on Jack that Mr. Friendly used on Michael in Meet Kevin Johnson. A guilty conscience can be easy to manipulate.) But if Sayid is destined for such dark things, and there’s no hope now of his recovery, would it be better to nip that evil in the bud? We’re back to the same question we faced in He’s Our You, when Sayid shot pre-nefarious Ben, which is, of course, what led to him getting shot himself. Jack’s not going to go that route, especially since he doesn’t have a personal vendetta against Sayid like Sayid did against Ben. But it will be interesting to see how the power struggle plays out. He realizes that Dogen and Lennon are his allies and that to some extent he’s also at their mercy; at the same time, I don’t think they’ll want to harm someone so integral to Jacob’s plan, at least as long as he remains uninfected. I foresee a tense, complex but ultimately fulfilling relationship between Others and castaways here, at last a true communion of the long-antagonistic groups as they realize that they are, in fact, on the same side.

The next episode is entitled The Substitute. I saw Richard in the previews, which excited me; he’s finally going to give us some real info on just who the Man in Black actually is, from the looks of things. He’s one of the very few who’s in a prime position to know - though season five revealed that, as far back as his history may go, there’s still a lot that Richard is unaware of. Still, he’s one of the characters I’m most eager to see more of. And of course, anything with Ben and Fake Locke will be golden. Given the title, will we see the Man in Black try to be Jacob’s replacement? (Question: Why didn’t he assume the guise of Jacob after he burned up? Was that a stipulation in the “Rules”?) Or could it refer to Frank’s “candidacy”? Maybe it will shed some light on Christian and all that proxy business with Ajira 316. Meanwhile, who might we follow in the sideways story this time? I’m guessing John, or maybe Jack if Christian is involved. Maybe it will delve more into the idea that Ben's life on the Island was always intended for John, and that's why it never really worked out for him. As tends to be the case with Michael Emerson / Terry O’Quinn episodes, I’m guessing it will be fairly heavy on the mythology. If they want to toss in a little Desmond in Sidewaysland for good measure, I won’t complain; they’d better use him more in this season than season five. And so begins the long wait until next week...

The Gospel According to LOST Review

Pastor Chris Seay offers another interesting look at the spiritual themes of LOST from a Christian perspective.

"My Condition is Irreversible." "Nothing's Irreversible."

Well, that was quite an opener. As if LOST wasn’t confusing enough already, we now have two different sets of the same castaways to keep track of! There’s still a war to fight, but now, presumably, we also have to find some way of making the timelines merge. Except the Island is completely submerged in the world of 2004. So are we to assume that the bomb was the undoing of the Island? One wonders how many other things changed. Hurley’s luck, for one. That Mr. Cluck’s Chicken commercial from Comic-Con really was a reflection of his reality. Hurley did win the lottery, but things have gone well for him since then. For another, Boone returned from Australia without Shannon. Also missing from the plane as far as we know: Michael, Walt and Vincent, all of the Tailies except Bernard, Nikki and Paolo... But most of the folks were there.

And what a squeal when I saw Desmond sitting there next to Jack! I didn't recognize him at first; his easy manner, tan complexion and use of the word "mate" made me think they were introducing a new character from Australia. But then it hit me. The implications here are huge. What is he doing on the plane when he is supposed to be pushing the button in the hatch on the Island that is now on the bottom of the ocean? And where did he go so suddenly? I didn’t catch what book he was reading, but I’m guessing it wasn’t Our Mutual Friend. He looked quite calm and collected, not at all on the brink of deepest despair. But did something happen so that he just blinked out of existence? And how much of his history changed? I presume he didn’t go on that boat race after all, unless he did and simply sailed on through to the finish without getting marooned - in which case, he and Jack may have actually met. Is Jack simply remembering that meeting, and Desmond just happens to be more memorable than Jack, or is he tapping into something deeper? Maybe something in his subconscious is whispering that he is indeed seeing Desmond in another life. He only really seemed to have that flash of recognition with Desmond, but then the rules don’t apply to Desmond, so that could have something to do with it if he’s getting a glimpse of an alternate reality.

I also caught a bit of a vibe from Rose as though she knew that something substantial had happened when the turbulence didn’t bring them down. It reminded me of Guinan in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode in which the ship was propelled into an alternate reality and she was the only one who realized something was askew. For all her talk of being a bad flier before, Rose was a lot calmer than Jack was. Her joy at seeing Bernard seemed amplified, and her sense of serenity as the plane ride smoothed seemed to carry with it the voice of wisdom. And Bernard’s remark about how he almost died in that bathroom, and next time he’d hold it, cracked me up, especially since I imagine he many times berated himself for going to the bathroom when he did in the original timeline.

Aside from those two, I’m not sure if I got the sense from anybody else that they might have a hunch that something had changed, but I was fascinated by the many ways in which the various castaways came into contact with one another throughout the plane ride and in the airport. Jack meets Rose. Jack meets Desmond. Jack saves Charlie’s life (again). I actually thought he might die in that bathroom, just an indication that Charlie was always doomed. Will he die again in this timeline? I wonder... Kate and Sawyer forge a wordless connection on the plane, to be acted on later when she is once again a fugitive. Sawyer and Hurley converse. Arzt comes in out of nowhere to pester Hurley for his autograph; I wonder if that scene was a bit of a dig at fans who sometimes become intrusive in pursuit of a photo or signed object? At any rate, it cracked me up to see him, and even more to see Frogurt again, acting every bit as obnoxious as in the mobisode and last season‘s premiere. And John and Boone really seemed to connect, as though a master-apprentice relationship between them was destined, even though John was lying about his walkabout.

There were a lot of interesting nods to past episodes on the plane ride. Jack saving Charlie was extremely reminiscent of the season one scene, right down to Charlie’s less-than-grateful reaction. I thought it was interesting that Sawyer offered friendly advice to Hurley and helped Kate escape in the airport; it was “every man for himself” in the aftermath of the crash, but he seems like a more considerate guy in this past. Jack, meanwhile, came across like a man of faith with his assertion to John that “nothing’s irreversible” - and that phrase seems like a major question hanging over this last season. How much did the bomb really undo? Will these people end up in roughly the same place anyway? Locke’s conversation with Jack reminded me of their conversation in White Rabbit, with Jack trying to come to terms with his father’s death. Locke got all metaphysical on him, in what was meant to be a comforting thought about his dad having an existence beyond his used-up body. What did happen to Christian, though? The body’s disappearance, which also happened on the Island, must be significant. I also loved how the last shot of the first part of the premiere was John leaving the plane in a wheelchair; we were left wondering up until the last minute if he still was paralyzed, and the big reveal felt like the end of Walkabout in miniature.

I think the 2004 storyline is going to be a lot of fun, especially since so many of the characters made connections with each other on the plane anyway. But how will it connect with 2007, especially since the Island is underwater, presumably negating the possibility of them all boarding Flight 316 in three years? Will we get to see Daniel in this timeline? Charlotte? Juliet? I don’t care so much about Frank and Miles since we have them back on the Island. At any rate, it will be very interesting to see how these characters interact with one another back in the real world, having only had brief contact with each other.

Back on the Island, Kate waking up in the tree reminded me of Bernard‘s arrival on the Island. Cleverly, they waited quite a while to show us Jack, so for a while it seemed that maybe some people had been zapped to 2004 while others were zapped to 2007. Sawyer’s primal ferocity was fearsome to behold. I really hate to see him regress yet again. At least, after he’d had a little while to calm down, he didn’t want to kill Jack anymore. I have a feeling that he might just have beaten him senseless at first if nobody had been there to intervene. I was surprised that Juliet was still alive after her ordeal, but I figured she wasn’t long for the world. She and Sayid were both in terrible shape. I was intrigued by Sayid’s question to Hurley regarding the state of his soul. Was that why the water in the Temple was so cloudy and why the Others said he couldn’t be saved - because he was irredeemable?

I had a hunch, or maybe just a hope, that Jacob would speak to Hurley at some point in the season. I didn’t think it would happen so soon. But when he told Hurley to take Sayid to the Temple, that got my attention. Isn’t that where Richard took Ben? What are the risks of such a procedure? And did Sayid really come back to life? My initial guess was no, that Jacob had somehow commandeered Sayid’s body, so that he and his nemesis would both be heavily involved in the conflict to follow, but in different bodies than we saw in that opening season finale scene. Which made me think Jacob planned for this all along - that Hurley’s main purpose in returning to the Island was to serve as a messenger in this perilous mission. (I didn’t expect we’d find out what was in the guitar case so soon either. And my main thought was... What excessive packaging!)

And it made me question Jacob’s benevolence just a bit, though I do think that Sayid was about to die anyway. And my first thought was that Jacob was concerned about Sayid's soul and wanted him to be somehow purified, even if he did end up dying. But what happened in the Temple was very strange, and what’s stranger still is that the Others had no idea Jacob was dead, possibly changing the purpose of the ceremony. Just following orders I guess. Perplexing. I suppose that for whatever was happening, he needed to stay submerged for that exact length of time. There was definitely a baptismal feel to that scene.

If the new Sayid actually is Sayid and not Jacob incarnate, might there be hope for him to follow a more redemptive path this season? I hope so. I mulled over the situation quite a bit, and I think I've finally decided that Sayid really did return from the dead (or, perhaps more accurately, Mostly Dead - whereas Juliet was beyond hope because she was All Dead, not to mention apparently not one of Jacob's chosen few). For some reason, Sayid is very important to Jacob's plan. I have a feeling we won't be seeing Mark Pellegrino again for a while, but that we will before the end of the season.

I loved Hurley's gentle condolence to Jacob for dying and the way he took his instructions to heart and really took charge, leading the group into the Temple while Sawyer and Jack were rendered helpless in their grief and remorse. He didn't hesitate; he knew just what needed to be done and took a leap of faith, and Jack meekly followed along. Good thing he had his wits about him once they reached the inner sanctum or they really would have been in trouble. Hurley has nudged others in certain directions before, but maybe for the first time, he truly felt like a leader in this episode.

Speaking of which, what is up with Mr. Samurai? He was incredibly intimidating as well as disdainful; I loved that Hurley was observant enough to pick up on the fact that he actually understood English. That guy seems like someone from centuries ago. Could he be like Richard? Does he seem so anachronistic because he actually has been in the Temple for hundreds of years? I love the community they have there. It looks pretty idyllic, a sort of Island Shangri-La. The hippie-ish translator interested me just as much. He seems likely to have defected from the Dharma Initiative; he reminds me a bit of both Horace and Oldham. I wonder if they have a record player in the vicinity of the Temple? I couldn’t help noticing there was no pop music in this episode, nor was there in the finale. We did see Hurley with headphones on but didn’t get to listen in on his music.

It’s nice to know that Cindy, Zack and Emma are at the Temple, living comfortably as Others. I figured as much, but it was good to have confirmation. Now that the Temple crew are barricaded against Smokey, when will the two groups meet? Jin and Sun are at least in the same time now, so hopefully a reunion is imminent. I have a feeling, though, that it won’t happen until near the end of the season. It was really a fairly violent season opener, with Jacob, Juliet and Sayid succumbing to wounds from the finale and Bram’s crew getting ripped to shreds by the Smoke Monster.

Who is, in fact, the Man in Black. Which Ben didn’t know before. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that” - classic! I don’t think he knew that there was a Man in Black at all, and he certainly didn’t realize that it wasn’t John he was following until well into the episode. The shock on his face when Richard dragged him over there and shoved him at John’s corpse... To say nothing of the limp expression of confused despair when the passion of the moment wore off and he realized the enormity of what he’d just done in the moments after Jacob’s death. The depth of treachery disturbed even unflappable Ben - not to mention the effect of unleashing the Man in Black on the world, without Jacob there to “save us all”. Jacob’s resigned explanation to Hurley of what happened seemed more wistful than bitter. He called Ben an “old friend”; would Ben have thought of himself that way? Did Jacob keep himself at an arm’s length all of Ben’s life for the very purpose of driving him to such a desperate action? Or maybe he meant the Man in Black, which makes more sense, since those two have such a profound relationship. With Ben, I'm fairly certain that Jacob knows all about him and has been watching over him all these years, but if Ben was unaware of it.

Another “old friend” was Richard, to the Man in Black. And evidently he does know about him, since he took one look in his eyes and recognized him, despite the fact that he was still walking around as John’s doppelganger. How old? The Man in Black said something about it being nice to see Richard out of chains, which seems to support my Black Rock theory. Was Richard a slave on that ship? Or does their association with each other go further back than that? Did they arrive at the Island together? I'm wondering whether Richard's ageless status will change now that Jacob is dead. Is he going to start getting really old really fast? One of the biggest mysteries introduced tonight is where “home” is for the Man in Black. Perhaps he is some sort of fallen angel; there certainly seems to be something supernatural about these two. Or an alien. Maybe his home is the Temple, but even though it's very close, he's been denied access for hundreds (thousands?) of years.

But I’m sure not inclined to like him much; he seems to have a very cruel streak, as evidenced by his mirth in reliving John’s utter confusion at being murdered by a man who just talked him out of suicide. And he did quite a number on Richard, though I presume he didn’t injure him permanently. Poor Richard; we saw quite a range of emotion from the usually serene leader, from anger to fear, though he mostly maintained his cool, and I so wanted Ben to respond positively to his gesture of plaintive friendship.

But no. I imagine that at this point, he figures the only way to survive is to do whatever Pseudo-John tells him to do. For some reason, the Man in Black thinks he is worth keeping around. The tables have turned in terms of Ben’s manipulation of others. That was especially clear in his accusation of, “You used me!” and the reply that he didn’t make Ben do anything. It reminded me a lot of his conversation with Michael about killing Libby and AnaLucia. “Not my fault,” said Ben. Now he knows how it feels. I also frequently thought of Edmund in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, with the Man in Black in the role of the White Witch. Edmund repented, and Aslan returned. Is it too much to hope for a similar outcome here?

That underwater scene was almost headache-inducing; one friend I watched it with said it reminded him of the opening of Beetlejuice, and I can definitely see that. Lots of twists and turns in a truly eerie landscape. Similarly, the initial scene in the labyrinth leading into the Temple gave me a touch of vertigo. Very spooky, with a touch of Indiana Jones and also Blair Witch Project as the friends got separated and I kept fearing one of them would suddenly appear, horribly mangled. And now that it seems Smokey is firmly on the side of evil, I feel a certain sense of loss, and it makes me want to go back and rewatch other Smokey scenes and try to puzzle out the motivation for the attacks, or lack thereof. I also find it interesting that the Man in Black knows what John was thinking when he died. How? Could that be somehow connected to Miles’ abilities? After all, he can’t simply have a conversation like Hurley can; he just picks up on that person’s last thoughts. Juliet's? "It worked." The bomb, I presume. How could she know that?

I’m delighted with how many long-gone characters we’ve already seen in this episode, and I feel sure that more will follow as the 815-ers scatter and return to their families. Back on the Island, meanwhile, calamity looms. How many more revelations will follow as the war between two ancient beings heats up? When will we see Claire, Rose, Bernard and Vincent again? What exactly is the deal with the Whispers? I don’t know. But I’ll be watching...

Season Four Soundtrack Review

Desmond and the Oceanic Six make Michael Giacchino's season four soundtrack especially delightful.

Fly On (Ride On, Jimmy MacCarthy)

In the waning hours before season six of LOST begins, I thought I'd post another song parody, this one to Ride On, as sung by Ryan Kelly, whose angsty performance definitely seems to fit Sawyer's psyche. This one hearkens back to one of my favorite moments from the season four finale, when Sawyer jumps out of the too-heavy helicopter and swims back to the Island. This song has him addressing Kate, while the "he" refers to Jack.

Fly On

True, he’s done a lot of good since we got here.
Stitched some wounds and took the lead. He helped calm the fear.
I know you think that I’ll never measure up.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too.

Fly on. See you.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (2x)

When you‘ve landed in L. A. and left me far behind,
Check up on my little girl, Clementine.
Her ma will say I stayed away ‘cause I can’t commit,
But thanks to my dive, you’ll be alive, so just chew on that a bit.

Fly on. See you.
Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (4x)

Maybe this will prove to you that I can be a hero too. (2x)

Ride On

Season Three Soundtrack Review

Two discs make for double the listening pleasure with Michael Giacchino's Season Three Soundtrack, especially if you loved the last two episodes.

Gearing Up For Season Six

So, despite my immeasurable passion for LOST, I failed epically when it came to the grand Rewatch, particularly in terms of blogging along. Maybe after the series is over I'll go back and say something about those episodes. Maybe not. But the time has come to speculate about the sixth season - which I will be recapping, because I won't be able to help myself. So... What's going to happen?

My guess is that there will be some sort of reboot, but it won't result in five seasons of events being wiped clean. At the very least, I think the characters will retain some, if not all, of their memories, or maybe the lessons learns from their experiences if not necessarily the specific moments that led to such deep understanding. But I'm not sure where that leaves the current-day crew. I thought Damon and Carlton said we wouldn't be stuck in different times in season six; it certainly would make things simpler if everybody was together in roughly the same time and place. But somehow what's been happening with Ben, Fake Locke, Richard and the gang has to be factored in as well. I'm guessing the explanation for whatever scenario we get will make little sense to the non-quantum physicists among us...

There are so many mysteries left unanswered on this show, so I think answers will come with every new episode. We had a lot of revelations in season five, and I'm guessing the pace will quicken even more now. We'll get the scoop of Richard's agelessness (and, I'm thinking, find out he was a passenger on the Black Rock) and get at least a general idea of what makes the Island so special. We'll find out how far back this feud between Jacob and the Man in Black goes. We'll learn just what the Smoke Monster is. I think they'll wait till as close to the end as possible to really let us in on any of the major mythological stuff, but we'll see.

Of course, as fascinating as all of the mysteries are, it's really the characters who make the show so compelling. So... a few thoughts about what might happen with each person. First off, I wouldn't be surprised, really, to see anybody from past seasons turn up in season six, especially if there's a reboot. Otherwise, there's still plenty of room for flashbacks or phantoms. I think Boone, Charlie and Libby are particularly likely to resurface. And, from more recent times, John and Jacob, and quite possible Dan and Charlotte. Or maybe that's all wishful thinking. Among more minor characters, I'd most like to see Liam and Mr. Kwon. And, of course, Annie.

If Annie doesn't show up in season six, I'll be severely disappointed. But I'm convinced that she will, because I've been comparing her to Lily Evans since before I even knew how close the parallel was. The swing set scenes in LOST and Harry Potter seem strikingly similar, and Ben's childhood seems to have been quite as troubled as Snape's, with Annie, like Lily, the only really bright light. Both men are very clever, very derisive and very unpopular. I'd like to think that both men are also ultimately on the right side of things. I think that late in the season, maybe as late as the finale, Ben will die, but he will also find redemption.

If Juliet is really dead, that opens up the Sawyer-Kate-Jack triangle again, as if it wasn't messy enough throughout all these seasons. I think I'll venture a guess that Kate and Sawyer will get tangled up with each other again but that ultimately she will end up with Jack, and perhaps Sawyer will die trying to save one or both of them. Of course, I'd rather he survive, but we've been promised a bloodbath, so I'm trying not to be too optimistic.

However, I think Hurley is safe. I really can't see them killing him off. Which means if they do, it'll really pack a whallop. But I'm almost certain he'll survive the series. Same goes for Vincent. I think Rose and Bernard will die, but off-screen. Jin and Sun will reunite and survive, and presumably somehow get off the Island again and reunite with their daughter. And hopefully introduce her to Mr. Kwon. We'll finally find out what's so important about Aaron, and maybe he, Little Charlie and Ji Yeon will have some sort of interaction with each other.

Desmond will set foot on the Island again, though for what purpose, I couldn't say. I feel like he's been dodging death for a long time so I wouldn't be that shocked if it found him this season, though I sure hope it doesn't. Someone - Liam, Claire, Aaron or possibly Charlie himself - will end up with Charlie's ring. Claire will find out Jack is her brother; Penny will find out Daniel is her brother. There will finally be a scene with both Penny and Charles in it. We will find out the origin of Hurley's nickname.

I think we will find out that Jacob intended for Ben to stab him, since that will take his cosmic experiment to a whole different level. Instead of being stuck in a loop, there will finally be an ultimate showdown between his viewpoint and the Man in Black's, even though others are working on his behalf. I think we will see Jacob again, and I hope he will be firmly established as a Good Guy, though I can't help feeling like LOST has a trick up its sleeve. Perhaps the conflict will end not in a decisive victory for one or the other but in compromise, as duality has been such a huge element of the show thus far. I also think that the Island will remain largely hidden from the outside world when all is said and done, and that some characters will choose to remain there.

There's lots more to speculate about. But I don't want to think too much, so I'll just leave it here for now as I wait for the season six premiere to leave me slack-jawed.

2010 Calendar Review

Spend 2010 with the cast of LOST.

Stealing Walt (Steal Away, Phil Coulter)

As I count down the days until the final season of LOST begins, one way to whet my appetite is with a few more parodies. Here's a throwback to season one to the tune of Phil Coulter's Steal Away.

Stealing Walt

Others: Stealing Walt, we’re stealing Walt.
It’s really not our fault.
When bossed by Ben,
We’re mousy men,
And so we’re stealing Walt.

Tom: We’re stealing Walt, a special kid.
I hope we seem like hicks now.
It’s tough to keep my voice so gruff,
And boy, does this beard itch now.

Others: Stealing Walt, we’re stealing Walt.
It’s really not our fault.
When bossed by Ben,
We’re mousy men,
And so we’re stealing Walt.

Tom: We’ll leave his dad in misery
And obsessed with his retrieval.
Oh, I don’t like to mess with Mike;
I’m afraid this might make him evil.

Others: Stealing Walt, we’re stealing Walt.
It’s really not our fault.
When bossed by Ben,
We’re mousy men,
And so we’re stealing Walt.

Stealing Walt, we’re stealing Walt.
It’s really not our fault.
When bossed by Ben,
We’re mousy men,
And so we’re stealing Walt.

The Island's Call (Ireland's Call, Phil Coulter)

It's getting very close now to the time when LOST will return for his sixth and final season. The excitement is palpable. Here's a song to reflect that, to the tune of Phil Coulter's Ireland's Call.

The Island's Call

Island, Island

Year by year, we've watched, enraptured.
Now, it's come to the conclusion,
And a single question haunts every mind:
Can there be a decent resolution?

Island, Island,
You've mesmerized us all.
For one more season,
We'll heed the Island's call.

What's the day, and what's the hour
ABC will keep us gazing?
We don't mind LOST airing at 3 a.m.
If the last installments are amazing.

Island, Island,
You've mesmerized us all.
For one more season,
We'll heed the Island's call.

Did whatever happened happen?
Has the timeline been rebooted?
When our buddies boarded Flight 815,
Was it chance, or were they all recruited?

Island, Island,
You've mesmerized us all.
For one more season,
We'll heed the Island's call.

Island, Island,
You've mesmerized us all.
For one more season,
We'll heed the Island's call.
We'll heed the Island's call.

Ben Linus Bobblehead Review

It's a shame Ben's not available on Amazon for me to link to; this one's a beaut, as you can see on Epinions. Actually, I would prefer something a little less bloody, but Ben always was a bit of a punching bag...

Season Five Review

LOST's fifth season is one of the most confusing, what with all the time travel and divided castaways, but it's also incredibly rewarding - especially once we finally get to meet Jacob!

"Are You Sure This Is Where You Want to Be?"

House of the Rising Sun is one of the few episode titles that names a character in its title and one of even fewer to share its name with a song. A darn good one at that, and one I couldn't resist filking for a tribute to Jin's dad. But we don't meet Jin's dad yet in this episode. No, this is all about Sun, and the LOST writers really like to misdirect us with the perspectives of these two. By the time the fourth season rolled around, I was so used to getting an inaccurate picture of what was really happening with these two that I figured out their nasty little Ji Yeon trick long before it was revealed. This episode obscures as much as it reveals. But it's the first time that Sun and Jin feel like fully formed characters. Lowering that language barrier just a bit makes such a difference in our understanding of them and their ability to integrate with the group.

Once again, this episode beings with an opening eye. For a change, there is tranquility. Sun appreciatively smells a flower while Jin tries to catch fish. Jack and Kate squabble good-naturedly while Kate wonders about Jack's tattoos, which turns out to be one of the least compelling mysteries LOST has ever explored. Charlie's petty bitterness as he accuses them of "verbally copulating" is amusing. "You guys have an inside joke; how absolutely wonderful for you both," he sneers. At this early point, he may be jealous that Kate has chosen Jack over him; he likes Claire, but their relationship hasn't had much chance yet to develop.

This is a great episode for Charlie, a lead-in to his first centric episode. Mostly, we get a lot of him and John. "The great white hunter is on the move," he quips. That hunter is going to really get in Charlie's face here, trying to help him kick the drug habit, and to his credit, it's one of John's great Island successes. Charlie never does drugs again after this point, though he is sorely tempted. I love how John prefaces his heart-to-heart with "I know who you are and I know what you're lookin' for." We think he's going to say something about the heroin, but instead he confesses to being a fan of DriveShaft, which Charlie's been rather pathetically seeking since the plane crashed. But then he does launch into the drug talk and offers Charlie his guitar back if he'll clean up his act. It's a most appropriate exchange, since it was heroin that led to the band's ruination.

Of course, his line about knowing Charlie will get the guitar back because "I have faith" is a bit of a cop-out; he knows it because he sees the guitar hanging over his head. But he does have faith that Charlie can change. At the end of this scene, John tells Charlie, "Look up," which reminds me of "Lift up your eyes and look north," which is etched on Eko's stick and taken as sacred instruction by Locke, and Desmond's comment of "You have to lift it up" to Jack, which refers both to elevating his ankle and praying. I really like the John and Charlie heart-to-hearts. But both are present for perhaps the most horrifying scene in all of LOST. I refer, of course, to the moment when Charlie, he of the "irrational fear of bees", steps on an active bee hive. The stuff of nightmares? Absolutely. Shudder. And yet another brush with death for Charlie.

Sun looks very different in her flashback, extremely elegant and high-class; Jin looks humble and handsome, and though he doesn't come off too well in the latter part of the flashback, it's heartening to see how romantic their beginnings were, to know that at least at one point, they were genuinely in love. We finally get to see what a gorgeous smile Jin has. We also see the same scene from the last episode, when Jack argues with the airline employee, from Jin's perspective. LOST likes to show the same scenes multiple times, but they're almost always worth revisiting. It's interesting that Sun wanted to elope, but Jin didn't. By the fifth season, my inclination is to think of Sun as the more adventurous one, though since Jin had shunned his father, it isn't like he had any family to attend his wedding. The conversation they have regarding Sun's father mirrors Penny and Desmond's in Flashes Before Your Eyes. I'm still a little undecided as to whose father is worse, though I am inclined to think that Widmore's affection for his own daughter is deeper. It seems both have committed atrocities, and Sun is aware enough of her father's personality to be nervous about Jin agreeing to work for him.

It seems that everyone probably would have been better off if Walt hadn't found those handcuffs in the jungle. First it led to that ugliness between Sayid and Sawyer, and now they use to cuffs to chain up Jin, who's stuck with one cuff on his arm for the next month or so. Talk about unpleasant! Then again, who knows what would he might have done to Michael if he hadn't been restrained? The moment when Jin attacks Michael reminds me of Seth Rogen plowing into Paul Rudd in 40-Year-Old Virgin. But that was actually an act of friendship, and this is anything but, so it's interesting that such a rocky start could lead to Jin and Michael being such good buddies. Would it have happened if Jin had realized how chummy Michael and Sun were getting? Though it doesn't do much good at the time, I like the fact that Hurley tries to help by pointing out, "that Chinese dude's gonna get pretty crispy out here."

We meet Adam and Eve, so named by John, in this episode, one of those little Island mysteries for which I fully expect resolution in the sixth season. Jack says they died 40 or 50 years ago, though he could be off. It seems likely to be someone we know. Rose and Bernard would make some sense, especially with the black stone and white stone, though they're not situated particularly near the caves, and who would have buried them? Jacob, maybe? It seems likely that they had a little help from someone in achieving their cozy retirement. Everyone who stumbles upon Adam and Eve also knows about Rousseau, which means they know that there have been people on this Island in the recent past as well as the not-so-recent past. The first season only drops occasional hints about other inhabitants, with only two face-to-face meetings before the last episode. But it's becoming increasingly clear that the Island holds many secrets.

Seeing the skeletons first probably increases Kate's misgivings about moving to the caves. She doesn't want to hunker down for the rest of her life. Of course, it stands to reason that if she ever got back home, she would wind up in prison for the rest of her life, so given the choice, I'd think she would choose the Island, even if it is more dangerous. But Kate seems anxious to leave, to keep running somehow, even though she's found the perfect hiding place. She can't stand to stay in one spot for too long. There's a lot of tension among Charlie, Jack and Kate here. This seems to be the episode in which Charlie relinquishes his designs on her, but he does a lot of whining first. He's especially annoyed that Jack and Kate sprint off ahead of him after he steps on the hive, leaving him to be stung "hundreds of times".

Of course, he doesn't do much to ingratiate himself by making that dumb joke about Kate's chest size. ("I found your shirt." "It was full of bees." "I would have thought Cs, actually." Classy, Charlie.) Kate is clearly smitten with Jack, but he seems too married to his work, whether it's performing life-saving surgery or leading a ragtag group of castaways, to properly nurture a relationship. Her attempt to flirt with him while he tries to work out the logistics of living at the caves is painfully awkward. Jack has more important things on his mind. He could be more attentive, while she could be less self-involved. These two can't ever seem to find that perfect balance, at least not for any significant length of time.

Michael and Walt's relationship is slowly improving. One thing Michael has to learn is that Walt is a sponge. He hears and remembers everything, so if Michael says something, he'd better be ready to back it up. It's sad to realize that not only did Walt's mother separate him from his father, she never even told him about Michael. She really denied him a major part of his life. But now that they're together, it's time to try belatedly building that bond; Walt asking Michael when his birthday is shows that he is ready to give it a shot.

In these early episodes, when there's so much left to learn about the survivors, every episode contains pretty big revelations. Kate is a fugitive. John was in a wheelchair. And now, Sun speaks and understands English. We find that out 31 minutes in, and though at this point, nobody but Michael knows, it completely changes how we see her in relation to the castaways, while isolating Jin even further. Jack, John, Kate and Sayid all assume leaderly roles here, the latter leading to one of my all-time favorite Sawyer nicknames: Captain Falafel. Just rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? We finally get to see musician Charlie playing his guitar, and as many of the survivors migrate toward the caves, everyone seems to be hunkering down for the long haul, trying to make this place feel like home. The Willie Nelson song on Hurley's CD that poses the question, "Are you sure this is where you want to be?" is one of my favorite uses of popular music in the series. I'd never heard this particular song before, but it's such a perfect fit for the situation. That's a question each castaway has to consider very carefully; it will make a big difference in the decisions they make from here on in.

"A Leader Can't Lead Until He Knows Where He's Going"

The final season of LOST is starting to loom, so I'm finally getting back to the grand re-watch I'd planned to have ongoing for months. White Rabbit is the first Jack-centric episode; it's also the first time we see a reference to Alice in Wonderland, though I was more reminded of Shore Leave, the episode of Star Trek in which everyone's thoughts spring to life on a strange planet. Of course, Alice in Wonderland came into play in that episode too. And while we're talking of rabbits, this is the episode when we see Sawyer reading Watership Down and he offers the helpful summary "It's about bunnies." The phrase "white rabbit" is uttered by John in conversation with Jack about 28 minutes into the episode.

This is the first time we see one of the castaways as a youngster. Jack is a valiant kid, though he's not particularly strong. The scene with him standing up to the bully reminded me of Pay It Forward, with the conflict between safety and loyalty. While Christian stays detached, Jack gets very involved. He cares about people, and though he sometimes might be better off if he didn't, it's one of the traits I'd hate to see him lose - and season five Jack does seem to be veering away from that to some extent. The opening shot of young Jack mirrors the opening shot of the series; we seem to get a lot of Jack opening his eyes on this show, and he still has a long way to go in his enlightenment process.

I feel sorry for him here, since he's so exhausted and stressed out, but he frustrates me as well. Joanna's drowning is aggravating because it seems like Jack hindered rather than helped when he jumped into those waves. Could Boone have saved Joanna? He seemed to be floundering, but maybe he could have made it, or at least he could have gotten back to shore while Jack kept going. But it was a split-second decision on Jack's part, and he was doing the best he could. I like how it's Charlie who alerts Jack to the situation by informing him, "I don't swim!" I'm guessing Jack forgot that little nugget in the next three months...

Jack regrets that he never said a word to Joanna. How many others has he not spoken to? There are 40-some fuselage survivors at this point; are we to assume he's interacted with several others whom we haven't met or that he's stuck mostly to the core group of characters? What do these nondescript people do all day anyway? If I were an Oceanic 815 survivor, methinks I would be one of these Island wallflowers. But hopefully I'd be smart enough to stay out of the water.

This episode is as much about Christian as it is about Jack. In five seasons, he's been in 17 episodes and two mobisodes, even though he was dead before he landed on the Island. Or was he? We see here that Christian was a rather harsh man and that he had a drinking problem. He's a good doctor, but his interpersonal skills need some work. And Jack is supposed to fix him, just like he does with everyone else. I love it when his mother tells him to go fetch Christian, and Jack asks where he is, and she answers, "Australia". Gee, not asking too much here, are ya?

In this episode, is Christian a hallucination that Jack is having? Is he somehow resurrected, or a ghost? Or is he Esau, either shapeshifting into Christian's form or using his body like a puppet? Some strange things happen with him in this episode. It seems like he led Jack to falling off that cliff; was he trying to get him killed? Then again, it seems like he led him to water, so was he trying to help him survive? Seeing the empty coffin on the Island creates even more questions. Is there a chance that his body was never even in the coffin to begin with? What happened to it?

We start to see a division of loyalties in this episode. Charlie and Hurley trot along after Jack like a couple of eager puppy dogs. They want him to take charge, and though Hurley notes that he doesn't look so good, he can't understand why Jack isn't telling them what they ought to be doing. Of course, Jack does rally, thanks in part to John, who both saves his life after he tumbles off the cliff and strengthens his spirit, which is a bit ironic, since John becomes a shadow leader standing in opposition to Jack. "What if everything that happened here happened for a reason?" John asks, igniting the key debate between these two characters.

Boone, who's fed up with Jack's go-it-alone hero complex, will soon join forces with John. Which doesn't work out so well, but I can't really blame him for getting tired of Jack being dismissive toward him - though at least Jack sticks up for him here, and at a strained point in their relationship too. I do think that John has a knack for helping others on an individual level. But when it comes to leading a group, Jack is just especially gifted, whether he likes it or not. John knows that as well as anyone. And that "If we can't live together, we're gonna die alone" that Jack finally lets out 39 minutes into this episode is perhaps the best single-line summary of the show that the writers have given us.

A lot of great stuff in this episode isn't centered on Jack. We see Sun looking defeated and miserable and Jin insisting they keep to themselves. We get our first indication that Sawyer might not be as rough and uncultured as he looks. Walt makes a nuisance of himself with an endless string of questions, while Claire proves herself useful by sorting through clothes. She complains at one point that she can't find a hairbrush, which leads me to the question of why there don't seem to be any cameras on this plane. I would think almost everyone would have one. Claire reveals her interest in astrology and bonds with Kate, who is there for Aaron's birth and eventually decides to raise him. It's not a relationship that's focused on that much, but Kate's friendship with Claire is in some ways her most important relationship on the Island for how it will affect her future.

Along with Walt's inquisitiveness, we have his observational skills, as he's the one who alerts everyone to Claire fainting. Sayid shows how practical he is by noting that they shouldn't have left water all in one place. John seems to demonstrate his mysterious Island mojo when he says, "I know where to look" for water - though given what we see later, it's not so much a matter of "where" as "how". John has an interesting relationship with water; I always think of him in connection to rain because of his habit of knowing when it's coming and exuberantly accepting it when it does. It seems fitting that he's the one to bring water back to the others. There's something almost sacramental about it.

Charlie hangs out with Claire, which makes her feel better about herself and more comfortable while also suddenly giving him a sense of purpose. While Claire's Island experience improves, Sun's worsens when she and Jin trade their fish for Sawyer's water. Did Sawyer do it because he was hungry but lazy? After all, we see in season three that after several months on the Island he still hasn't bothered to figure out how to provide food for himself. Or did he do it to be covertly nice? Or to throw the rest of the survivors into a tizzy? Any of those possibilities seems likely. When Sayid interrogates Sun, Kate tells him that she doesn't speak English, but Sayid says she understands, which sets us up for the big revelation in the next episode.

Win One for the Reaper is introduced in this episode, in the scene in which Jack, surrounded by wreckage, finds water and the caves. It's one of the loveliest variations on the Life and Death theme, which you might say is the musical equivalent of "live together, die alone" - summing up LOST in a few notes. No matter how often I hear it, the melody does not lose any of its emotive power. If it doesn't turn up in the last episode, I will be sorely disappointed. By then, we ought to know exactly what the deal is with Christian and whether "the eye of the Island" is a "beautiful" as John claimed. Here's hoping Darlton focuses more on "live together" than "die alone"...